The Heart Wants What it Wants
by FizzyPop's'n'FlipFlops.x
Summary: Brooke and Nathan aren't strong enough to fight the magnetic pull between them, but when things seem like they might settle down, Haley comes back from tour. Nathan feels obligated to stay with a pregnant Haley and things between him and Brooke seem to be over, but sometimes logic, responsibility, and fidelity fly out the window when the heart wants what it wants...
1. Prologue

**A/N: ok so this story is something that's been on my mind for a little while. I'm writing it and posting it while I write a bigger story on the side which I will post as I develop it. The other one is a big project and I'm really excited about it. I'm considering doing something bigger than fanfiction with it which is why I want to be sure in what I write, and also why I decided to write this on the side just to give you guys something.**

**This is set when Haley comes back from tour. The way she went on tour is compliant with the show but events that transpired since have changed. Also I moved it along in the time line to happen when they're in college. Any questions, feel free to ask me.**

**This is a Brathan.**

**Hope you like it, tell me what you think from the prologue.**

**The Heart Wants What it Wants**

**Prologue**

"Can you just tell us already," Lucas said looking at his watch, "I have class in fifteen minutes."

"Ok, ok, have some patience," Haley told him, "Brooke's not here yet."

Just as she finished speaking, the door to our apartment flew open, letting in a blast of cold winter air. Brooke pushed the door shut and took a minute to push her wind blown hair off her face.

"Great, she's here, now you can tell us what's going on," Lucas said.

"You're smiling, so it's not bad," Peyton observed.

"Ok I can't keep it in any longer," Haley rushed out, grinning, "I'm pregnant!"

What followed was silence, as three pairs of eyes stared back at us with wide eyes.

"Y…y..you're what?" Peyton asked.

"No…no, guys it's ok!" Haley said sensing the hesitance in the room, "This is good, we're happy."

"Well, I guess in that case, congratulations!" Peyton said as she stood up. She went over and hugged Haley.

"Whoa, hold on a minute. Haley you do realise we're in college right? How could you guys be so irresponsible?" he asked looking me straight in the eye.

Haley pulled away from Peyton and frowned.

"Ok I know the timing isn't ideal," Haley said.

"You can say that again," Luke said.

"Ok we're young, we're also married and happy," she said, her positive attitude seeming out of place with what was being thrown back at her. "We graduate in a matter of a few months. It's going to be fine."

"There's been a lot of changes lately Hales. You have only been back two months. I'm just saying maybe rushing into something –"

Haley sighed and her smile dropped. She sat down on the arm of the couch. Nobody else spoke. In all honestly Lucas was just voicing what most of them were thinking, but weren't brave enough to say.

"Look I know me leaving on tour was a mistake, but I'm back now and me and Nathan are together like we're meant to be. This is just a sign our life is falling into place."

Luke hesitated for a second thinking but soon nodded at the sincerity of her words and squeezed her hand.

"Then I'm happy for you guys," he said, then smiled softly, "I get to be Uncle Lucas."

"Thank you," she said softly with a smile as she hugged him, and wiped away her tears.

"I can't believe this is happening," Peyton said, "we're all graduating, you're both having a baby, it's like we're really growing up."

"I know," Haley said, "I love you guys."

"We love you too," Peyton said, leaning over Luke and giving her another hug.

I watched on feeling like I was watching a movie from behind a screen, feeling detached.

I was brought back to earth when Lucas spoke to me directly.

"Ok I really have to go to class," Luke said standing up, "Congrats bro."

"Thanks man," I said shaking his hand.

"I should go back to the magazine and finish up some work for tomorrow's run," Peyton said, "Anyone need a ride back to East Campus?"

"I'll go with you, I need to swap some books in the library before class," Haley said.

Haley disappeared into the bedroom and came back with her coat and book bag.

"I'll see you later baby," she said kidding me quickly, before leaving with Peyton and Luke.

The three of them slowly tricked out, and the door shut with a harsh bang. I didn't move from my position staring at the door for a good half minute, and neither Brooke, or I uttered a sound in this time.

"Congratulations," she said finally, I heard her voice from behind me.

As much as I didn't want to, I turned around slowly.

"Haley can never know what happened with us while she was on tour."

**A/N: I have a crazy period now with studying but I'm hoping this will be a good motivation to work and then write this in my breaks. Just take a second to let me know how you're feeling about this so far. I hope you like it. **


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ok here we are. It might seem a little bit confusing but this takes place three and a half years later and will be the present day time line now. I will have some flashbacks filling in the gaps later.**

THREE AND A HALF YEARS LATER

Brooke POV

My eyes fluttered open, and I closed them again, taking a moment to enjoy the last of the sun that was coming through my window. The warmth on my back made me feel like I was lying out somewhere on a beach rather than inside my small New York City apartment.

The frequent sound of car horns and the screech of tires on the ground broke the illusion, especially when it was paired with the constant noise of people which never seemed to go away even in the dead of the night. I didn't care though; nothing to could this moment.

I smiled to myself, feeling a slight tickle on my back but refused to react.

"I know you're awake," I heard mumbled into my shoulder. I didn't need to turn around to know he was smiling.

I laughed softly and twisted around, so I was no longer lying on my front. I reached out for Nathan who was lying on the pillow beside me, watching with a look of bliss on his face.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked yawning.

"About an hour," he said.

"An hour?" I said, "I'm sorry, you should have woken me."

"It's ok. I know you've had a long week," he said kissing the top of my head.

"I know but it's not as fun as it sounds. This job's been killing me, I'm starting to forget why I'm even doing it," I told him.

"You're doing it because it's what you love," he said playing with the ends of my hair, "and because you wanted to get by yourself without your parents help."

Nathan's logic made complete sense, it always did. Whenever I spoke to him, everything was suddenly put into perspective even when all I wanted was to complain for a little while, my complains seemed trivial when I was with him.

"Yeah well this definitely made up for my sucky week," I said, giving him a sleepy smile, and kissing him gently. He pulled me closer into his side and held me tightly.

I closed my eyes again, telling myself to just enjoy the moment without falling asleep. I didn't want to lose time. The bubble we were in popped when Nathan's cell phone started ringing. Even on vibrate, it still wasn't quiet enough to ignore.

"Do you have to get that?" I asked, as he reached over me to get the phone on my nightstand.

"I have to take it," he said, looking at the screen.

Suddenly I felt like the private island we were on was moving further and further away.

"Hey," he said.

I could hear a muffled voice on the other end. The words weren't clear enough for me to make out, but the familiar voice on the other end made me pull the sheet up, covering myself. I felt the familiar feeling of guilt set in which came with the feeling of nausea. Despite it being three years, that didn't go away.

"Right now?" he asked.

"Because you didn't tell me," he continued after listening. Coolness hit me as he left the bed and started pulling on his jeans, with his phone tucked in between his shoulder and head.

I guess that was the end of that.

"I'll be there soon," he said, cutting off the call.

I rolled over, bringing the sheet with me, as I used one hand to feel around on the floor beside the bed for some sort of clothing.

"Brooke—"

"You have to go," I finished for him, sitting up against the headboard, holding the sheet to my chest whilst I pulled a previously discarded t-shirt over my head.

"I'm sorry, I have to," he said leaning forward and kissing me on the cheek.

"It's fine, I get it," I said, scooting to the side of the bed to put on some printed pyjama shorts from the drawer.

"It'll get easier," Nathan said from behind me.

"Mmm," I automatically responded. I stood up to find a hoodie, and saw him watching me as he buttoned up his shirt.

"I'll speak to you later?" he asked, sensing I wasn't completely happy with his abrupt exit.

"Yeah, no it's fine," I said giving him a soft smile.

Nathan looked relieved and smiled back, kissing me on the lips gently.

"I love you," he said lingering in the doorway.

"I love you too," I responded giving in.

xxxxx

Nathan POV

"Where have you been?"

I heard Haley's voice before I even saw her. I let the front door close, and walked into the kitchen where it was coming from.

Haley was standing behind the island counter, with her diary open in front of her.

"Daddy!" Jamie screamed, reaching for me.

A smile found its way on to my face as I caught sight of him sitting on his booster chair at the breakfast bar.

I went over and lifted the three year old out from his seat, and he wrapped his little arms around my neck.

"Great, now he's not going to finish his dinner," Haley said , clearly irritated that I'd let him out of his chair.

"I'm not hungry," Jamie stated.

I looked over at his plate, and most of it was gone anyway.

"Why did it take you so long to get home?" she asked, putting her cell phone and notebook in her handbag.

"There was traffic."

"The gym is ten minutes away. I called you like forty minutes ago," she said looking at the kitchen clock.

"There was traffic," I repeated, rather than explain that I was making the drive over to our city apartment on East 78th street from Williamsburg rather than the gym.

"Fine, whatever," she said, putting her handbag on her shoulder, "I'm running late now."

"Maybe next time tell me you booked a session at the studio and you don't have to be late," I replied back.

"I'll be home late," she said ignoring my comment.

"Ok," I said.

She started walking out the kitchen, and then turned around.

"Peyton called by the way, she's having a family dinner in a few weeks. Your mom and everyone is going to be there," Haley said, "I told her we'd be there so if you could try not to get stuck in traffic on your way home that night, it would be helpful."

"Have a good session," I said, ignoring her.

"Bye Mommy," Jamie called.

"Goodnight James," she said.

I heard the front door slam and let out a deep breath.

"What do you say we get you into bed?" I asked my son.

"Four books," he said trying his luck.

"Three!" he pleaded for with a grin.

"Ok deal," I said tickling him as we went up the stairs.

Xxxx

Brooke POV

"Brooke?" I heard Owen call into the apartment a few seconds after the door opened.

"I gave you that key for emergencies." I called back.

"This is an emergency," I heard him say, "you weren't answering the phone."

I groaned, "Then leave a message like a normal person."

"Luckily unlike the normal people, I have a key," he said.

Smart ass.

I could hear Owen's footsteps coming closer until they reached my bedroom. I held my breath as I waited for what I knew was coming next. Owen sighed as he took in the sight in front of him.

"What are you doing to yourself B?" he asked, but I could tell it was rhetorical.

I felt a weight on the bed as the opposite side sank down.

"I'm fine," I assured him without lifting my head from the pillow.

"You're not fine, you're like this every time he leaves," Owen said, his tone clearly disapproving.

"Seriously Owen, I'm fine," I said, "I'm a big girl, I know what I'm doing."

"Brooke when you used to assure me it would all work out I used to believe you. I've known you two years though and I'm not so sure I like seeing you like this," he said.

I lifted my head from the pillow and saw him frowning at me.

"I don't like what this asshole is doing to you," Owen said.

"He isn't doing anything to me," I said defensively, and sitting up, "Owen look, this is just as much my fault as it is his. I knew what I was getting into. It's not like I went into this blindly."

Owen stared at me for a few seconds; I could almost hear his brain ticking. I could tell he wanted to ask me more questions but he knew like always he probably wouldn't get an answer. All he knew was I was involved with someone that couldn't be with me right now.

"Let's go out," he said finally.

"What? No, I don't want to go out," I said collapsing back down on the pillow.

"Let's go cheer you up," he said.

"I don't need cheering up," he said.

"If I leave now you're going to spend the rest of the night in bed with Netflix," he said, and we both knew he was right.

"Owen…" I groaned, whilst stretching.

"Get dressed, we're going to a bar," he said.

He left my room and I yelled loud enough for him to hear, "Go away you weren't invited."

All I heard in response was the TV turn on. I considered staying in bed, but I got out and began rummaging through my wardrobe, knowing he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

I picked out a pair of skinny jeans and a black shimmery tank top, throwing them on my bed. I headed toward the shower but stopped by my cell phone when I heard it beep.

**[I'm sorry about today. I'll make it up to you. I miss you, N]**

I couldn't help but smile seeing the message, feeling a little bit better despite hoping at the same time that this would get easier.

"Any day now would be great," Owen called from the living room.

"Two minutes," I yelled back, whilst typing my reply.

**[I miss you too]**

**A/N: Ok so I hope you liked it. I just want to point out I know Haley seemed like the uber bitch there but she's just having a bad day. I'm also not going to make her out to suddenly become the devil, I'm going to make her as realistic as possible as a development of her character as a result of the events of my alternative timeline.i hate when tics suddenly make her out to be completely evil because its a Brathan ****fic.**

**Tell me what you're thinking! It motivates me! Any theories?**


	3. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Ok I hope you like this, and hopefully it will get you into the story a little bit more.**_

_**Important: I've received a couple of reviews and messages regarding the plot of this story and I just want to make clear:**_

_**if you don't like stories where Nathan cheats on Haley or is not with Haley then why are you reading a Brathan story? It kind of makes your complaints about my story void…?**_

_**If you don't like cheating stories, just don't read it. The summary clearly says there is issues with fidelity so you can't say I didn't warn you. There's no need to send me rude messages about it.**_

_**Right so sorry about that little rant. For those of you who are enjoying it, here you go:**_

_**Chapter 2**_

_**October 2009-FLASHBACK**_

_Nathan POV_

"_Order for Brooke Davis," the small Chinese man behind the counter called out._

_Perfect. Just what I needed right now, an over opinionated Brooke Davis who was going to judge the fact I was in here on a Friday night. I could already hear her voice saying 'you look like shit' as she took in my appearance. What would have been worse was her sympathy for Haley leaving. I really did not need to hear that right now either._

_Brooke walked around the corner from the small seating area and my eyes widened. Brooke Davis was wearing track pants and a hoodie, and not the kind that said 'I-just-walked-out-of-cheerleading-with-my-matching-work-out-clothes'._

_She was wearing baggy worn pants that didn't even know she owned and an oversized plain hoodie._

_What shocked me the most was that she wasn't wearing make up._

"_You look like shit," I let slip as she made eye contact with me._

"_That's rich coming from the slob in his pyjamas," she snapped._

"_Order for Mr Nathan?" The host called. _

_I walked up to the counter and waited next to Brooke._

_The host took us both in, clearly wanting to question our choice of wardrobe but didn't say anything. _

"_Night in with Lucas?" I said, taking in the large bag waiting for her on the counter._

"_Lucas is busy," she said._

"_What's he doing?" I asked just to keep conversation flowing. I really didn't want to talk about Haley._

"_Sleeping with Peyton," she said casually._

"_What?!" I said in shock. Had I really been out it for that long? "When did you guys break up?"_

"_We didn't," she said._

"_Wow. Doesn't seem like something Lucas would do," I said._

"_Yeah well taking off for the life of rock and roll doesn't seem like something Haley would do either," she said._

"_Forty-two dollars," the guy said, and Brooke handed over a few notes._

"_I wasn't defending him," I said after a few seconds, realising it probably sounded like I was making excuses._

"_I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to….about Haley," she said._

"_It's fine," I told her._

"_See ya," she said, picking up the bag. I gave her a nod as she walked out. _

xxxxxx

Present Day

Nathan POV

"This office is amazing," she said staring over the top of my chair and through the glass wall behind me, "you can see the whole city from here."

"My view isn't so bad either," I said noisily sucking through the straw on my soda.

Brooke brushed bright red, and went to change her position. It was like she had only just noticed she was sitting on my desk with her feet on either side of me on the arms of my chair.

"Don't," I said playfully, holding her legs in place.

Brooke stayed in her position but was still flushed out of shyness. If only she knew what she did to me.

"I can't believe this is all yours," she said, "and you're assistant coach to the New York Knicks. It's a far cry from the River Court."

She whispered 'New York Knicks' like it was a secret, and something precious.

"I know, I still feel some day I'm going to wake up to find out it was a cruel dream," I said.

"That's not going to happen," she told me, tearing her eyes away from the skyline and looking at me softly.

"After everything that's happened you deserve it more than anyone," she said.

"Yeah well I have to prove that to every one when the season starts. There are tons of people out there who think I'm massively under qualified."

"And you will," she said certainly, "just be the hot shot we all know you are."

Brooke grinned and rolled her eyes.

"Thank you bringing me lunch," I said to her, "it was amazing."

"It's only a burger and soda," she said, "nothing special."

"Yeah well when all you're allowed in the house is health food shit, it's the best meal in the world," I said.

"How about I make you a proper dinner later," Brooke said, "I haven't seen you for two weeks."

"I know, I'm sorry. Things have just been crazy lately with work and home," I told her feeling bad. Work was crazy that was true, but it wouldn't hold me back from seeing her. Haley's crazy new schedule however meant I couldn't just make a quick trip all the way across town and be back for Jamie when she needed me to be.

"So dinner?" Brooke asked looking hopeful. I was about to accept on instinct, knowing I needed to see her just as much as she needed to see me. A quick lunch also wasn't going to cut it and make her forget I hadn't been around.

I hesitated, and before I spoke I saw the disappointed look on her face.

"I would love to Brooke trust me, there is nowhere else I'd rather be, but I have dinner with my family tonight," I told her.

"Oh. Right," she said.

She didn't say anything else but closed her legs and moved them off my chair, which said enough.

"Brooke I can't get out of this, I'm sorry. My Mom's been planning this for weeks."

"It's not that," she said, "It's just weird that you have like these two lives and I only– you know what, never mind."

"Brooke, don't leave like this," I said as she was throwing the rubbish from lunch in the trash.

I got up off my chair and reached out, pulling her toward me, with my hands on her arms. She looked everywhere but at me.

"You have no idea how much it's killing me that I can't just take you home to my Mom, can't touch you when we're with our friends, or even walk with you on the street because I'll get recognised. I know it sucks right now but when the time is right I promise—"

"Bro!"

"Mr Scott, your brother is here to see you," Julia my assistant said, rushing in after him.

Brooke and I sprang apart at the intrusion.

"Oh I'm sorry," Julia, she said, "I didn't realise that—"

Julia looked petrified of Lucas's forceful entrance. She was just as new as I was and was petrified of screwing up. I caught her packing her things last week after forgetting to give me a message.

"That's alright," I assured her.

"Brooke, hey, didn't think I'd run into you here," Luke said coming over, "I think I saw you more when you lived back in Tree Hill and we lived here."

"Yeah I know, everything's been crazy since I moved. Work takes up all my time," she explained, and then as if realising the contradiction added, "I'm actually here on work now."

"Nate make breaking news with his outfit choices?" Luke joked.

Brooke laughed, but I could tell it was forced and she was panicking. Lucas didn't seem to realise.

"Actually they needed someone to run over and get some information for a sport article and I just ran up here to say hi," Brooke said casually, "They're probably waiting for me, I should go."

"Well try make some time for us too ok? Peyt misses you too," he told her.

Lucas didn't even question why Brooke who worked in fashion would be sent here to do an errand for the sport department.

"I'll call her," Brooke promised him, putting her bag over her shoulder.

"Good to see you Brooke," I said as she walked out, and I internally cringed, not wanting her to leave before we finished our conversation.

Luke turned his attention on me as the door closed and sat down in one of the armchairs opposite my desk.

I tried to appear casual on the outside but on the inside I could practically hear my own heartbeat. That was ridiculously too close. I didn't need to speak to Brooke to know she was panicking. I could tell from the way Luke was acting that he didn't find anything amiss but this could have ended a very different way.

I knew she wouldn't stop freaking out until I made sure she did. Right now I just wanted to call her but I had to deal with Luke first. It wouldn't be a lie to say I was scared. I knew it wouldn't take much to scare Brooke, and I was worried the close call we'd just had would push her away. The past would tell me that.

Lucas was looking at me expectedly, making me think he had asked me something and was waiting for a response.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said I wanted to make sure you were coming tonight," he said.

"Why wouldn't we be there?" I asked.

"Err…maybe because I go to dinner at your Mom's more than you do," he said.

"We make it down when we can but with Haley's schedule and my work and Jamie's—"

"I don't need to hear the excuses man I just want to make sure you're coming."

"We'll be there Luke," I told him, "you came all the way here for that?"

"Well my Mom's coming as well, just wanted to make sure everyone was together," he said.

I looked at him disbelievingly and he laughed, getting up.

"Just be there Nate," he said heading out.

"See you tonight," I called.

The second the door closed behind him I reached for my cell phone and dialled her number.

I paced the space behind my desk, looking out of the big glass windows whilst I listened to the ringing, waiting to hear her voice.

I heard her voice and I opened my mouth to speak but quickly realised it was her voicemail.

I threw my phone down in frustrated and watched it bounce on the desk.

Xxxxx

Brooke POV

"Haley James!"

I jumped as I walked into my cubicle and nearly knocked into the potted plant behind me.

"What?" I said as I caught my breath. I was so in over my head that I was hearing things.

"I said Haley James," Millie said over the top of the partition between our two spaces.

"What about her?" I asked, realising that I hadn't misheard—it was just haunting me.

Millie passed me a print out photograph of Haley at a performance on an outdoor stage somewhere.

I waited for her to explain why she was showing me this.

"She looks hot right? I need your fashion expertise."

"Umm…sure," I replied, looking at the image of a smiling Haley. Looking at this flimsy piece of paper made me feel sick.

We were treading on thin ice here and I felt like Lucas turning up when he did today only reminded me of that. When he spoke, I felt like a little kid who was doing something wrong.

"So I can't even criticise her outfit," Millie frowned.

"What's going on?" I asked totally confused.

"I'm doing a lifestyle piece on her considering she's the new golden girl around. So far on paper she sounds too good to be true. So now I'm desperate enough to find faults in her clothes just to have something more interesting to write about—this is not what I went to Yale for."

Millie disappeared and a few seconds later walked around my side of the cubicle.

"Are you just getting back from lunch now?" she asked, sitting on the edge of the unit.

"Yeah," I said sitting at my desk and logging on to my computer.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"What's wrong with who?" I heard Owen's mumbled voice.

Great.

I swivelled the chair around, and saw Owen with half of a muffin stuffed in his mouth.

"Nothing's wrong with me, I'm fine," I insisted.

"You went to see him didn't you?" Owen asked, and swallowed his mouthful.

"Guys, seriously I'm fine," I said, "don't you both have jobs to do?"

"No. I finished up my prints," Owen said.

"And I'm on lunch," Millie said.

I sighed.

"Brooke every time you see him you either come back insanely happy or like this," Millie said, "I'm worried about you."

"There's nothing to be worried about, I promise," I said, sifting through my desk to find my glasses, "It's difficult right now but—"

"Brooke you've been saying that since I met you," she said.

Owen just looked at me revelling in the fact he now had somebody else on his side.

"What's wrong with him?" Owen asked.

"Nothing's wrong with him," I said.

"Well it's not you who can't be with him, so what's his deal?" Owen said.

"Is he married?" Millie asked.

"Girlfriend?" Owen added. They both played the game like they hadn't asked me a million times before.

"In prison?" Millie suggested, and both Owen and I turned to her.

"What?" she asked, "that would make sense."

"Is he?" Owen asked, and gasped.

"No!" I groaned, "Will you two both just forget it?"

"Fortunately for you I actually have a meeting now," Owen said, "but dinner tonight please?"

"Yeah," I said waving him away.

Xxxxx

Nathan POV

"Hales you look fine let's go," I said, unbuckling Jamie from his car seat, "we're already late"

"I just need to reapply lipstick then I'm done," she said.

"For what? You're not greeting fans, it's just our family," I told her.

I picked Jamie up and he yawned, having just woken up from his nap in the car.

"I'm done, relax," she said closing the car door.

"Let's go," I said walking up the driveway.

"Before I forget Jamie has appointments tomorrow can you take him please? I have a meeting with my publicist," Haley said.

I sighed as I pressed the doorbell.

"You don't want to come with us?" I asked. I couldn't remember the last time Haley took Jamie or came with me to one of his appointments.

"Why are you making a big deal out of it? My meeting is really important, you can just fill me in when I get home," she said.

"I just think it would be good S-U-P-P-O-R-T for J-A-M-I-E," I spelt out to keep the conversation between the adults.

The door flew open just as I finished and I was deafened by my Mom's screaming.

"Grandma!" Jamie yelled, suddenly wide awake, reaching over me to Mom. She picked him up and kissed him noisily on the cheek.

"Hi Deb," Haley said, hugging her on her free side.

"Hi Darling, come on through, everyone is already at the table," she said.

She put Jamie down on the floor and he ran through to the living room in search of his cousin no doubt.

"Nathan," she said hugging me.

"Hi Mom," I said.

"You look tired," she said.

"Nice to see you too," I replied, walking with her to the dining room.

"I'm sorry, I'm your mother it's what I do," she said.

"Finally," I heard Luke call.

We walked around the corner and I saw everyone already at the table. Jamie was happily sitting with Sawyer and Lily at the table. Haley was settling in next to Karen.

"Hi Karen," I said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Nathan, it's so lovely to see you," she said, "It must have been a year since I've seen you."

"I think it has," I said.

"Yes and we've only seen them a few times since which is why its a rare occasion to have everyone in the same room," Mom said, "but we managed it tonight."

She reached over to start pouring out wine, but Peyton who was at her side covered her glass with her hand and grinned.

"You don't want any?" Deb asked.

"Actually this is why we suggested this dinner," Peyton said.

Luke grasped her hand, both of them unable to stop smiling.

"We're pregnant!" Peyton said, "Sawyer is going to be a big sister!"

Suddenly it was clear why Luke wanted to make sure we were coming tonight.

"That's great!" Haley said getting up to congratulate them. Everyone erupted into excitement and began talking about future plans. Everyone was moving on and settling in to what they wanted their lives to be.

As thrilled as I was though, it only made me feel like I was ten steps behind.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, needing some reassurance only to see no messages.

Xxxxxx

Nathan POV

I checked my phone again, knowing the screen would be empty. The room was quiet enough that I would have heard it vibrate. I still subjected myself to the torture of checking though.

The big white numbers flashed back at me, mocking my inability to sleep. I had been lying here staring at the ceiling for two hours with too many thoughts in my head to be able to drift off.

The door opened slowly and silently, and the only reason I realised was become of the glow of the hallway light coming into the room.

"Jamie?" I called out.

"No, it's me," Haley replied, closing the door behind her.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, sitting up.

"Something has to be wrong for me to come see my husband?" she asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

"It's nearly three am," I justified.

"Yeah," she said, "I figured we could…"

Out of nowhere Haley leaned forward and kissed me hard.

I froze in surprise and she adjusted herself so she was sitting on my waist.

"Woah, wait," I said holding onto her arms and leaning away.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked.

"Haley where is this coming from?" I asked her. At first she looked at me in disbelief, but she knew what I was referring to.

"Maybe it's time for us to have another baby?" she suggested.

"Oh my god," I said lifting her off me, and getting out of the bed. I knew a pregnancy couldn't happen just by being in the same space but I wasn't taking any chances.

"We've been married for–"

"Haley this isn't exactly the right time to have a baby," I told her.

"Why not?" she asked, "Jamie isn't little anymore—"

"Not because of Jamie, it's a bad time for us. We aren't even sleeping in the same room anymore and you think it's a good time to have a baby?" I said in sceptically.

"We are sleeping in the same room!" she insisted.

"No we aren't" I scoffed, "you sleep in the guest bedroom!"

Haley groaned and retied the string on her dressing gown.

"No I don't it's just closer to my music room and sometimes when I'm working late—"

"What? You can't make the ten extra steps to our bedroom?" I finished for her.

"Oh come on," she said.

"Your clothes are in there too," I added, "You've been slowly moving out for ages."

"I'm not slowly moving out! I just have a lot of clothes!" she insisted.

I just crossed my arms.

"Where is this even coming from that you want another baby? You have the album coming out soon—" I began then realised, "this is because Peyton's pregnant isn't it?"

"What? No, don't be ridiculous," she said.

"It's not a game Haley, you don't need to match up to them."

"That has nothing to do with it," she said but I could tell from his defensive behaviour that if Peyton hadn't told us she was pregnant Haley would be fast asleep across the hall right now.

"What does then?"

"Well my music's already recorded and all the videos are done, it's a good time to get pregnant and then I'll be back to normal by the time the next album is being put together."

"Oh so in that case of course we should get pregnant, it works with your schedule," I said incredulously.

"Don't be like that," she said sighing, "don't twist my words."

"Haley you don't even have time for the one kid we do have let alone another one," I said.

"Excuse me? Who is with Jamie most of the day when you're at work?" she asked.

"Haley you're here working on your music and he's playing. I mean really be there for him."

"This is because I told you I couldn't come to his appointment isn't it?" she said.

"You haven't been to an appointment in months," I told her.

"Don't make me out to be a terrible mother Nathan," she said, "that's not fair."

"You're not a terrible Mother but you are in denial," I said.

"In denial of what?" she asked me.

"You know what," I said, "but pretending isn't going to suddenly make it go away, and having a baby isn't going to make you feel like we did it right this time and have the perfect little family."

Haley stared back at me, and her mouth dropped open in shock at my words. I felt guilty as soon as I said it, sensing I had crossed a line. It had to be said though because she was living this false version of what our lives were- A perfect family portrait with no cracks.

Haley just stood up and walked out the door, slamming it behind her.

xxxxx

_**October 2009- FLASHBACK**_

_Forty minutes later_

_I picked up some noodles out of the foil container and dropped them into my mouth, not bothering to get a plate. I opened a beer and let the top fall onto the floor to join the pile that had accumulated over the past week._

_It was warm but it was better than nothing._

_It took me a few seconds to register than the incessant pounding at the door wasn't coming out of the movie I was watching._

_I sat completely still as they could see me, hoping they would believe nobody was home and go away. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with people. _

_Whoever was at the door wasn't giving up though and I put the bottle down on the table with a bang, sighing as I went over to the door._

_Brooke stood her with a hand on her hip, with the white take out bag in her hand._

"_They gave you my sweet and sour chicken," she said._

"_You drove to the other side of campus over sweet and sour chicken?" I asked her._

"_It was the whole reason I went there in the first place. I can't eat Chinese food without it," she told me like it was perfect sense. From the look on her face though I could tell she was just waiting for me to make fun of her._

"_Why didn't you just go back to the restaurant?" I asked her._

"_They're closed now,"_

"_Well I don't have your sweet and sour chicken?" I told her._

_Her expression told me she didn't believe me._

"_There was one in the bag," I told her, "and I ordered that."_

"_Oh," she said looking slightly disappointed, "well I guess I'll go then."_

_I cursed myself for what I was about to say, but I couldn't look at her pathetic expression any longer._

"_Do you want some of mine?" I asked her._

"_Oh, no that's ok," she said._

"_Are you sure? Because there's some left and there's tons of food," I told her._

_Brooke took a few seconds to consider it._

"_Ok," she said. _

_I walked into the living room, and I heard her close the door and follow me in._

_I only noticed how messy the room actually was when I took it in as Brooke probably would. _

"_Sorry about the—" _

_Before I finished, Brooke had walked past me and sat down comfortably on the couch, completely ignoring the pile of clothes on her other side._

_She started taking out her food, and I braced myself for the conversation that was about to come. I wasn't in the mood to talk about superficial crap. I just wanted to sit here and watch the unnecessary violence on the screen coming from a movie I couldn't quite remember the name of. What was worse than conversation was if she wanted me to watch some crappy girly show._

"_Nathan?"_

"_Yes Brooke," I answered, sitting down._

"_Can you put the volume up?" she asked, putting her feet up on the small table._

"_Huh?"_

"_The volume," she gestured to the remote._

_I increased the volume and Brooke reached forward to my pack on the floor and pulled out a beer._

_**A/N: So as the story goes on you'll get the past explained. Hopefully you'll like this rather than going back in time completely and doing it chronologically. **_

_**Please take a second and tell me what you think…**_


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N Just clearing up something important. From the comments in the reviews I have to clarify this. BROOKE AND NATHAN HAVE NOT BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR 3 YEARS. I never explicitly said that. If you read on it will be revealed how they got to how they are now. So don't worry, even I agree that having an affair for three years is unacceptable!**

**Sorry it's been ages! I'm nearly done with exams and then I'll finish this! I have a 24 hour flight to Australia to do it!**

Chapter 3

_Flashback _

_Nathan POV_

_Note to self: your mind feel numb but your body isn't. Bring a jacket next time._

_I walked down the pathway and zipped up my hoodie further, as if that would protect me from the frosty air. I hadn't thought twice about whether I was dressed appropriately when I had been forced out of the house by hunger._

_Campus was silent despite only being after eleven pm, when it was normally full of buzzing college students on their way to wherever party they were planning to spend their night, but it felt peaceful to walk through the large space alone, like I could relax. _

_I saw the lights from the Pizza Palace shining brightly as I turned the corner, and sighed in appreciation, remembering how hungry I was. I reached for the door just as another hand pushed on the glass._

"_Nathan?"_

_I looked up and saw Brooke standing beside me._

"_What are you doing here?" I asked her._

"_I go to school here," she said rolling her eyes._

"_What I meant was, you didn't go home for the holidays?" _

_I pushed open the door and we both went through, taking a second to enjoy the blast of warm air. _

"_My Dad's in Europe playing golf with some associates and my Mom's in Hawaii with her assistant who I'm pretty sure I used to go to play school with, oh and I use the word assistant lightly," she said so casually that I wasn't sure how I was meant to respond to her admission that her mother was probably having an affair_

"_Umm…I'm sorry," I said._

"_I didn't tell you so you could feel sorry for me," she said stopping, "I told you because you asked why I didn't go home. I was just explaining there was nobody there."_

"_I don't feel sorry for you," I said._

"_Good," she replied, "why are you here then?"_

"_I went home," I said, "but I came back."_

_She didn't respond or react._

"_Everyone was feeling sorry for me, making excuses for Haley leaving or the worst—telling me she'll come back," I said feeling the need to speak in some way. I don't know why I told her the real reason why I left as opposed to the 'growing amount of studying I had to do' like I had already told everyone back home. I felt like she'd see through my bullshit._

"_I see why you came back," was all she said, "I would have lasted ten minutes before I told them where to stick it."_

_I laughed as we got closer, at the very Brooke Davis response._

"_Can I get a New Yorker? Medium please," Brooke said as we reached the counter._

"_A medium pepperoni," I added._

_A guy who was very clearly a freshman looked at us blankly._

"_We're closed," he said._

"_What do you mean you're closed?" I asked, "You're a 24 hour pizza place."_

"_It's Christmas eve," he pointed out slowly like we were complete idiots._

"_You can't make us our food? Nowhere else is open," Brooke said._

"_The oven's are off, I'm sorry," he said._

_Brooke crossed her arms in frustration._

_The curly haired guy sighed in annoyance._

"_The last guy ordered an extra large double cheese by accident. You can have that if you want but there's only one," he said._

"_We'll take it," my stomach answering for both of us._

_He reached over to the side and emerged with a pizza box. Brooke's eyes lit up at the sight of it._

_I put a few notes on the counter at the same time as Brooke and the guy grunted and he put them in cash register._

_The pizza was still warm as I picked it up and we headed out the building._

"_So how d'you want to do this?" I asked._

_There were picnic tables outside but they were frosted over. I lived about a ten minute walk away; I could carry my half or eat it on the way but—_

"_I have my car parked on the next street," Brooke suggested, "I also have heating."_

"_That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea," I said._

_Brooke nodded and we headed down the opposite way than I had come in silence until we reached her car. She unlocked the door, and I went around the passenger side._

_The car was still warm from before she had left it and I leant back in appreciation. _

_Brooke closed the door behind her and pulled off her jacket, throwing it into the back seat. She twisted around and reached behind my seat, rummaging around._

_She emerged a few seconds later with two cans in her hand._

"_Soda?" she asked._

"_Thanks," I said taking one from her._

_I don't know why but the fact that Brooke had a supply of soda stashed in her car made me smile. It wasn't even diet soda._

"_Let's open that box up," she said, and I remembered why we were here in the first place. _

_Brooke put the engine on and turned on the heating while I pushed the cardboard cover back._

_Brooke reached over and pulled a piece from the box and biting into it, moaning in appreciation. She pulled the greasy string that was hanging off the end to separate it from the piece in her hand and dropped it into her mouth._

_It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say I hadn't seen Brooke consume a carbohydrate in public since middle school. Seeing her savouring each mouthful of grease now just seemed surreal, just as surreal as the fact I was stranded with the last food on campus with her in a car._

"_Aren't you going to eat?" she asked after swallowing._

"_Yeah," I said, coming away from my thoughts and reaching into the box. _

_I bit into the piece and realised straight away why she was content as she was. _

"_Well look at that," she said opening her soda, "it's after midnight."_

_I looked over at the neon numbers and sure enough it was two minutes into the next day._

"_Merry Christmas Scott," she said holding out her soda._

_I knocked mine against hers gently._

"_Merry Christmas," I replied._

Xxxxxxx

Present Day – Nathan POV

"Brooke!" I heard Peyton say somewhere behind me.

I gripped the wine bottle in my hand, taking a few seconds to get a hold of myself before turning around. I hadn't spoken to her since Luke had come into my office. She hadn't replied to my messages or calls. To say I was getting antsy was an understatement. I was half expecting her not to be here tonight. I just needed to see her and I would know everything would be ok.

"Hey!" I heard her voice.

I couldn't help it any longer, and turned around.

Brooke had just walked into the house, her jacket damp from the rain. She grinned as she hugged Peyton.

"Thank god," Luke said kissing her on the cheek and taking the bag out of her hand which make a clinking sound of bottles, "Nathan's already gone through half of what's here."

Ok maybe I did need to calm down a bit, I thought, putting down my wine glass. I was just nervous wondering if she'd come or not. She'd missed a lot more for a lot less.

"I miss you, I'm not even sure you live in New York," Peyton told her.

"I'm sorry! Things have just—"

"Been crazy at work, I know," Peyton finished.

"It's taken a while to settle in," Brooke said.

"Well I'm just glad you're here now," Peyton said, "I wanted to tell you face to face…I'm pregnant!"

Brooke's mouth dropped open in surprise.

"Congratulations!" she said as she grinned, giving Peyton another hug. I knew her well enough to know there was something behind the smile. Right now it felt like I had never been around her and everyone else before—I was noticing the widening gap between us even more. She was so close yet so far away and it was frustrating.

"Brooke Davis," Haley said coming in to the room, from the bathroom.

"Haley, hi," Brooke said.

"It's been a while," she said.

I suddenly felt like an outsider watching in. Sometimes I forgot Brooke belonged on this side of my life too.

Brooke took off her jacket and put it on the back of one of the dining table chairs.

"Go get a glass and catch up to the rest of us," Haley said to her.

Brooke looked up to the kitchen and saw me standing her and walked over.

"Brooke," I said, "it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too," she replied in a friendly way. Her eyes locked onto mine and I was wondering how she managed to keep it all together.

"Do you want to finish this?" Luke asked, seeing there was still some wine left in one of the open bottles of red.

Before she could reply I had already opened a bottle of white wine and handed it to her.

"I'm good, thanks," Brooke told him.

"Come sit," Peyton said, pulling her away before I could say anything to her.

Peyton took Brooke over to the couches where everyone else was already sitting, and I picked up my glass and mentally prepared myself for a minute. I needed to get her alone just to speak to her.

I walked into the room and saw Brooke talking animatedly to Rachel, clearly happy to see her friend. Brooke really had been absent for a long time, and I couldn't help but feel I was part of the reason.

"Sit down," Haley said, patting the space next to her.

I sat down and leaned back.

"So tell us what's been going on with you, seeing anyone?" Rachel asked.

"Err no," she replied.

"That's great because I know this gorgeous—"

"You're getting married," Cooper reminder her.

"Which is why I'm passing him on to Brooke," Rachel told her fiancé rolling her eyes.

"Anyway he's totally you're type and I can set something up," Rachel said, "are you free next weekend?"

Or maybe she could keep her dating candidates to herself?

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Brooke said.

"Why not?" Rachel asked.

"Oh my god you're still seeing that guy!" Peyton suddenly said and I choked on my drink.

"Are you ok?" Peyton asked me.

"I'm fine," I assured her.

"What guy?" Luke asked.

"She was seeing this big mysterious guy," Peyton explained.

"Peyton—" Brooke said trying to stop her.

"Why is he so mysterious?" Lucas asked.

"I don't know there was some reason they couldn't be together," Peyton explained like she was reciting from some TV show or book.

What had Brooke told Peyton and why?

"It just wasn't a good time for him or something," Peyton said.

"Peyt, please," Brooke warned going red. It looked like she was blushing but knowing what was going through her head it was more out of frustration.

"What? You never had a problem talking about the guys you were dating before," Haley said casually, "it's ALL we used to hear about."

"Things change," Brooke mumbled looking uncomfortable.

"Peyton have you guys told Sawyer about the baby yet?" I interrupted.

Peyton's attention switched quickly, excited to talk about the baby. Luke began pitching in as they talked about Sawyers reaction.

Everyone was oohing and ahhing at the right moments, and although Brooke was looking at them smiling with everyone else I could see her eyes were blank. Suddenly she left the room mumbling about the bathroom.

I was about to get up too when Haley grabbed my arm.

"Can you go get me some water?" she asked.

"Yes!" I said eagerly. Haley gave me a strange look then rolled her eyes.

I walked out and around the corner. I walked up to the downstairs bathroom and saw it ajar but the light was on. I went in closing the door behind me and Brooke instantly rushed into my arms.

"Oh thank god," I said holding her tight. I felt like I could breathe again.

"Sorry, I know I haven't answered your—"

"It's ok, I have missed you so much," I told her.

"I missed you too," she mumbled into my shirt. She pulled away gently and looked up, "I just freaked out. I mean what are we doing Nathan?"

"It's going to work out Brooke," I told her.

"Is it though? How? When? I feel like we've been holding out hope for—"

"Brooke I promise you I'm working on making this work," I told her.

Brooke looked at me and then nodded. I could see some hesitancy in her eyes though. I hated the fact she was second guessing what we were doing, but what I hated even more was that I had given her reason to second guess us.

"Brooke? Come see this!" I heard Peyton yell, her voice was distant but it was getting closer.

I didn't want to leave the bathroom but I knew I couldn't let Peyton see me emerge from here.

"I love you," I told her.

Brooke gave me a weak smile.

"I love you too," she said back, and I let out a sigh of relief.

I left the bathroom and closed the door literally seconds before Peyton came around the corner.

"You ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, just waiting for the bathroom," I told her.

Brooke opened the bathroom door.

"There you are," Peyton said.

I walked into the bathroom behind Brooke and closed the door, hearing their voices filtering away slowly.

I had to work harder in finding a solution because for the first time I had seen uncertainty instead of hope in her eyes.

xxxx

_Flashback_

_Nathan POV_

_I swung my gym bag over my shoulder and left the locker room, eager to get home. I wasn't doing great, sure, but I wasn't stupid enough to screw up my basketball scholarship. It was the only thing I left the house for, other than food (when it couldn't be delivered), and beer (which they should actually start delivering)._

"_Hey," Luke said as I passed him in the hallway. He was standing by a bulletin board outside the English department office, and Peyton was leaning against the wall beside him._

"_Hi," I said, stopping._

"_Long time no see," Peyton said , "how're you doing?"_

"_I'm fine," I said._

_I hadn't seen or heard from either of them in a couple of weeks._

"_Yeah we've got good news," Luke said, pulling on Peyton's hand to bring her closer._

_She grinned and kissed Lucas._

"_Yeah I heard," I said, "that's great."_

_I don't know why but I felt guilt at congratulating them for getting together. _

"_You heard?" Lucas asked, "from who?"_

"_Brooke," I said._

"_Oh, yeah she hasn't been around either. Nice to know she's speaking to some people," she said sarcastically._

_I couldn't help but feel amused by what Peyton had just said. What did she expect? For Brooke to gladly switch places with her and stand by and watch her boyfriend and best friend together?_

"_What's funny?" Lucas asked._

"_Nothing," I said._

"_I called her a few times last week but she didn't pick up," Peyton explained._

" _I thought you were going to see her today?" Luke asked her._

"_I changed my mind. She won't even pick up my calls, so I figure turning up at her door to celebrate her birthday wouldn't work out well. She needs to get over this mood she's in," Peyton said._

"_It's her birthday?" I asked._

"_Yeah," Peyton said._

"_Want to come to dinner with us tonight?" Lucas asked me._

"_Umm, I actually have some stuff to do," I said after coming out of my thoughts._

"_You sure?" he asked._

"_Yeah," I said, "I'll see you guys."_

_Peyton gave me a nod, and I walked out the building toward my car._

_It wasn't a long drive back to the apartment. It was part of the reason we'd picked this one. It was between this apartment and another one, we couldn't pick which one we wanted. Haley, ever the smart one measured the distance from the gym and the literature department on the map from both of them and we settled it that way. _

_It was already dark by the time I got out the car, and I dropped my gym bag on the floor. For a split second the thought that I would never have been able to do that if Haley was around crossed my mind…all the more reason to leave it there._

_I took a quick shower and took a beer out the fridge, settling down in front of the TV. I flipped through the channels absentmindedly, but for some reason, for the first time, instead of feeling content to spend my evening this way I felt restless._

_An image of Brooke crossed my mind, alone at home and I wondered what she was doing. Normally she'd spend her birthday with Peyton and everyone back home and the fact I knew Peyton was going to dinner with Lucas bothered me. I felt bad for her. _

_I put the volume on the television up, and forced myself to focus on the screen. What was wrong with me? Who cares is Brooke is alone on her birthday? She wasn't a little kid. I specifically remember telling her as such back in school when she made a huge fuss about her birthday. _

_I twisted the top of the beer and took a sip. Instead of my usual appreciation though I groaned, slamming the beer on the table._

Xxxxx

Nathan POV

"That was nice," I said as we drove down the highway. We'd been sitting in silence since we left Peyton and Luke's place. The only sounds were the soft purr of the engine.

"Yeah," she said, "It just takes me back to before."

She didn't say it like she enjoyed reminiscing though.

"What was wrong with things before? We had good times," I said as I stopped at a traffic light.

"Yeah, sure, we did," she said looking out the window, "but I like where we are now. We made it and did what we wanted to do."

"Doesn't mean we can't have both," I said.

"Yeah I know but it just makes me think about where everyone is now," she said.

"What does that mean?"

"Peyton's going to have two kids, Rachel's engaged—"

"Yeah and you're married, what's your point?" I asked her.

Haley sighed softly.

"I feel like we're behind," she said.

"Behind?" I scoffed, "Haley, you're an award winning musician and I'm head coach of one of the biggest basketball teams in the country. I'd say we're anything but behind."

"Yeah I just thought it would make me feel like we'd hit the finish line but it doesn't. They all have their perfect little happy families. Don't you want to have another baby?" she asked.

"Haley we aren't behind because our son has HCM," I snapped, "and we don't need to have another baby to match up to everyone else."

She really shocked me sometimes.

"That's not what I was insinuating," she said whisper yelling back at me.

"Then what are you saying?"

"That another baby would make this better," she said.

"Another kid is not going to fix any issues we have. It's clear this just isn't working," I said.

"Wow," she said.

There was never a good time to do this, so maybe now was the time to discuss this with her. I wasn't lying when I told Brooke I would try to make this work.

"I just said what we both know," I told her gently, "maybe we should think about—"

"We aren't getting a divorce," she said sounding irritated, and dismissing my notion, "don't be ridiculous. We're 'Nathan and Haley' for gods sakes."

"Haley come on, we aren't the same people that we used to be."

"Yeah, we're better," she stated.

"We're not better versions of ourselves because we're successful," I said.

"Nathan if we split up now then everything we've been through was for nothing," she said.

"That's not a reason to stay together," I told her.

"Can you imagine what people would say?" she said.

"Again, not a reason to stay together."

"Ok great, so you're really going to do that to Jamie?" she asked.

Was she really pulling this card?

"Haley I think he'd adjust," I told her. I had used this as a reason once before and I wasn't going to do it again. It wasn't good for Jamie to have two parents who had a terrible relationship around him either.

"How do you think he'll cope when I have to explain to him why his Daddy isn't around anymore?"

"I'm still going to be around!"

"Oh really? You know courts tend to side with the mother in most instances," she said casually.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked her. Was she really threatening to keep Jamie away from me? This was just proof that Haley was not who she used to be.

"If you think I'd just sit back and let that go you're insane," I said.

"I'm not trying to be the bad guy. Nathan, I have an image to uphold—hell you even have an image to uphold now! Use your head, we can't just get divorced."

"That's always going to be an excuse for us now," I said, "just remember we aren't living our lives for the public."

"Yeah well we have our friends to think about too," she said as I turned off the engine.

I sighed and gripped the wheel.

"You said always and forever Nathan," she said, getting out the car and slamming the door.

Xxxxx

_Flashback_

_Brooke POV_

_It took me a few seconds to process that the incessant thumping I was hearing was coming from my front door. I paused the music coming out my laptop and held my breath as if whoever was on the other side of the door could see me in here. _

_It would probably one of those peppy students trying to get me to sign up to one thing or another—I knew I should have gotten an apartment off campus._

_They'd go away soon enough._

_A few seconds later though the knocking continued, but louder._

_I groaned, moving my laptop off my lap and pulled on a sweater before answering the door, ready to tell whoever was on the other side exactly where to go._

"_Nathan?" I asked surprised, not expecting to see him behind my door room door._

_He took in my mismatched outfit and raised an eyebrow._

_Seriously? That would be the pot calling the kettle bla—I stopped and in took him in properly._

_He actually looked good. Gone were the sweats and just got out of bed look. He was wearing dark jeans and a polo shirt, his hair still damp from the shower. He had shaved, and I could actually smell cologne. _

"_Are you ok?" I asked, not because I thought she shouldn't be getting back to normal, but because he was like this outside my door._

"_Get dressed," he said._

"_Why?" I asked raising an eyebrow._

"_We're going out," he said._

"_Why?" I repeated._

"_It's your birthday," he said._

_Oh. That. I was actually surprised he knew that._

"_I don't really feel like going out," I told him, "I think I'm getting too old for birthdays—you actually told me that once, I'm just taking your advice."_

"_Yeah I did and you told me you loved your birthday," he said, "this does not look like you're loving your birthday."_

"_Ok whatever, I wasn't expecting company," I said defending my exercise—now 'lying in bed' pants, and cashmere sweater._

"_When was the last time you even got dressed up?" I asked her. Last month it was guaranteed that if I went out on a Friday or Saturday night I would run into Brooke at some point in the night. _

"_Nathannnn," I groaned, leaning on the doorframe, "I just don't feel like it ok? I just want to relax and hang out and then after an appropriate amount of time I'll get over it. It's my birthday I get to decide what I do"_

"_Oh, so you're pulling the birthday card now?" he asked me. _

"_Why do you even care so much that we go out?" I asked, crossing my arms._

"_Because…" he stumbled, "because fuck them!"_

"_Excuse me?" I asked confused._

"_Because it's your birthday and the Brooke Davis I know would be out there celebrating. If we stay at home moping around, they win. So let's go out and have fun because fuck them. If Haley, Lucas and Peyton can be out there having fun what's stopping us?"_

_Nathan looked out of breath when he finished, and he looked dead serious as he stared at me._

"_Wow," I responded blown away. Nathan was right. Peyton was actually out there with Lucas, and I was in here feeling sorry for myself. Why should I let them win?_

"_So?" he asked._

_I sensed Nathan was just as frustrated as I was, and he was using my birthday as an excuse for him to get over this too. _

"_I guess I'll get dressed," I said._

_Nathan nodded._

"_Good," he said, sounding casual like he didn't really care either way._

_He passed me a white plastic bag. I took it from him and felt heat coming through the bag. I opened it slightly and saw a large take out container inside._

"_What's this?" I asked him._

"_Sweet and sour chicken. Happy birthday Davis," he said._

_I couldn't help but burst out laughing that he had remembered. _

_xxxxxxxx_

**The pace will pick up a little bit after this. Leave a quick review to tell me what you think. xx**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Right so I'm fully aware it has been an extremely long time! I have had the most insane time of my life. I moved countries and now I'm moving back. My whole life has done a 180 on me and along with everything I've been going through I lost my drive to write. Now everything has worked itself out and I'm BACK!**

Chapter 4

Brooke POV

"You're beautiful," Nathan said, and I snorted.

I turned to my side and saw him leaning on his side watching me eat the left over noodles from our Chinese take out a few hours ago with my fingers. I'd woken up from our nap suddenly starving. I hadn't noticed Nathan had woken up.

"I'm being serious," he said when he realised I thought he was making fun of me.

"I'm anything but attractive right now," I said.

"I beg to differ," he said sitting up slightly, and pulling me against his chest.

"I missed you," I told him. I thought I needed breathing space but really all that had done was result in me moping about.

"I guarantee you that I missed you more," he said.

"D'you want some?" I asked him, offering him the box. In response he opened his mouth. I picked some up with my fingers and dropped it into his mouth.

"I don't want to leave," he said after swallowing.

"Then don't," I told him.

"I have a meeting," he said groaning.

"Nobody will notice if you're not there," I joked.

"I'm sure you're right but just on the off chance they do, I should go," he said pulling away from me. The second he moved I felt the loss of body heat and shivered slightly.

"When can I see you next?" I asked him, leaning against the headboard as I watched him put his suit back on. Even though he was leaving, this time I didn't mind because it was for work, not for Haley. I could share him with the Knicks.

"You're coming to the launch right?" he asked.

"By 'see you' I didn't mean with a crowd of people when you're with your wife," I pointed out, "but in answer to your question, no I'm not."

"What? Why not? You were invited," he said, "and I knew what you meant, I just wanted to see you sooner than that."

"Why not?" I asked him, "seriously? It's Haley's album launch party."

"Everyone else is going to be there," he said.

Why would I voluntarily want to spend my evening watching Nathan and Haley together?

"So?" I asked.

Nathan sighed and sat on the edge of the bed

"Brooke they're your friends too. I feel bad that you've pulled away from them because of this," he said.

"I just feel like I 'm hiding this big thing and when I'm around them I can't be me," I said, putting the container down on the bedside table.

"I know," he said, "I know I cant suddenly make this better, but I promise you I am trying and –"

"I know," I told him, interrupting him

I did believe him; I just didn't want to get into this discussion now before he left.

"You should come," he said, "they all miss you."

" I miss them too but it's not the same, I feel terrible, there I am the other woman fraternising with them all—"

"Whoa," he said, "Brooke you are not 'the other woman', don't say that."

"But I am," I pointed out, "Us defending it right now—I'm pretty sure that's what they all say," I said.

There was no point sugar coating it. Realistically we both knew what this was.

"Brooke you're not the other woman, you're _**the**_ woman," he said holding my hand tightly, "we didn't do this to go around people's backs but things changed and –"

"I know," I said, covering his mouth.

And I did know. Nathan was right, we didn't go viciously searching to make this was it was. We had good intentions and things changed which meant we had to wait. The longer we waited the more I felt like it was turning into what we never wanted it to be.

"You taste like noodles," he said into my hand, and I moved it away and saw him smiling.

"I'm working out the technicalities. I'm speaking to a lawyer tomorrow morning," he said.

"You are?" I asked him hopefully.

He nodded.

"Why don't you come into the city while I have my meeting and then we can do something after?" he suggested.

I knew this meant, going there separately, me entertaining myself and then sneaking into his office later. The fact we had to be careful he wasn't recognised made all this sneaking around seem more wrong that it was. I wasn't in the mood for it right now.

"I have stuff to do," I said.

"Ok," he said kissing me softly.

"Think about the launch?" he said from the doorway.

"I will!" I called back.

The door shut, and I lay back down taking a deep breath. I hoped Nathan was right and this was moving toward something. I wasn't naïve to think it was going to be easy but I couldn't continue how we were now. I felt like my life revolved purely around seeing him. I was either with him, wishing I could be with him, or feeling bad about the whole situation.

I got out of bed and stretched, knowing I wouldn't do any work if I stayed there a minute longer. I started gathering up the food containers as I heard the front door open again.

I looked around the room to see if he had left anything behind, but when I heard the radio turn on, I rolled my eyes instead.

"That key was for emergencies," I yelled.

"This is an emergency," Owen yelled back.

"Were you running from a vigilante and needed a place to hide?" I asked, pulling on some shorts and a shirt.

"No!"

"Then did my neighbour smell gas from my apartment and couldn't get in touch with me so needed you to come check it out?" I asked

"No!" he yelled again.

"So? What was this grand emergency then?" I called out.

There was a moment of silence.

"I spilled spaghetti sauce on my shirt and I have a shoot in an hour," he said.

"Of course you did," I said laughing, "but that doesn't explain why you're here."

I walked into the kitchen and saw Owen standing there topless putting soap into the washing machine.

"Your apartment is closer than mine," he said like it was obvious.

"You're right, that does sound like an emergency," I said, smiling at him.

I began sorting the Chinese containers out into what was going in the trash and what was going in the fridge for leftovers. Owen helped himself to some orange juice, and then hopped up onto the counter.

"I have a shoot with Erin Kensal," he said.

"You're kidding," I said, stopping to look at him in shock, "that's amazing!"

"It's for fashion week stuff," he said casually, like he did this sort of thing everyday—well he actually did.

"I hate how you get to spend your days with supermodels and designers and I get to errands," I said.

"Why are you still doing errands?" he asked.

"Because that's my job," I pointed out.

"You could do so much better, I don't get why you let them treat you like their personal maid, it's not what you came here for," he said.

"It's not like getting into fashion is a walk in the park Owen," I said.

"Yeah but you're declining offers other people would die for."

"I'm what," I stumbled.

"Don't think I don't know about the job in LA for the design team for Urban Outfitters," he said

"It's the junior design team," I pointed out.

"Who cares if it's the person who puts the balled up sheets of paper with scrapped ideas in the trash—it's a design job! Right now you're doing the dirty work for people who are the assistants of the actual people who are doing the job you want to do!"

"Yeah ok I get your point," I told him, "and how do you even know about that."

"I saw the letter on your counter a while ago," he said shrugging.

"I feel like you're in my apartment more than me," I said.

"So why did you decline the offer then?" he asked.

"Because it's far, and I just moved here a while ago," I said.

"So? You're renting this place, what's holding you here?" he asked.

What was holding me here? Probably the thing that encouraged me to move to New York in the first place.

"Are you really that desperate to get rid of me?" I asked him.

"Are you kidding? I'd probably be down there every weekend with one excuse or another," he said, "I just want you to be doing what's best for you, and right now you aren't enjoying your job."

"Does anyone ever enjoy their job though?" I asked him just as someone knocked on the door.

"Err yeah, I get to photograph models in bathing suits and get paid," he said smirking.

"You're an ass," I said laughing, as I bumped into a vase of flowers on my way to the door, effectively spilling water over my blouse, "shit, can you get the door?"

Owen hopped off the counter and went to open it, while I peeled off my shirt, leaving me in my tank top. I took a towel off the top of the laundry basket and dried off my chest as I went over to the door. I couldn't hear any voices and wondered who it was.

What I saw when I turned the corner made me pause in my spot though.

Owen stood there with a look of surprise on his face as he stared at Nathan on the other side.

"You're Nathan Scott," Owen pointed out as though he was just rationalising to himself why there was an ex-NBA star standing in front of him.

Nathan noticed me walk in and his eyes locked onto mine.

"Hi," Nathan said.

"Nathan this is my friend Owen, and Owen, I actually went to high school with Nathan, did I forget to mention that?" I said, trying to sound casual, but I could tell I was failing. My voice was about five octaves higher than it usually was.

"No you didn't tell me you grew up with Nathan Scott," Owen said pointedly.

Owen looked over at my flushed state and his eyes widened in realisation.

"So I'll call you later?" I said before he could speak, and I knew he would, "it was great to catch up."

"I'm—" Owen began gesturing to his lack of clothing.

"You must have a shirt lying around somewhere," I said, then noticed one of his t-shirts in the pile of clean laundry. The things I did for that kid.

"Here," I said thrusting it into his arms and pushing him out the door despite his protests.

"We're going to breakfast before work tomorrow," Owen stated, and I knew there was no point arguing. There was no way he would leave now if I objected. I was already dreading the conversation to come.

"Ok, fine, bye," I said, closing the door as Nathan walked in.

"Did you forget something?" I asked him.

"What was going on in here?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Err, I don't know, I'm just referring to the topless man in your apartment," he said accusingly.

"What?" I said, almost laughing, "you have to be kidding, that's just Owen, we work together."

"You work together and yet he's wondering around shirtless," Nathan said.

"He spilled something on his shirt, and we're friends Nathan," I told him.

"I just feel uncomfortable about it that's all," he said.

"Nathan, seriously nothing happened or was going to happen. You know Owen is one of my friends," I said.

"Yes but I didn't picture him like that," Nathan said.

I raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief. I wasn't blind, I could tell Owen was an extremely good looking guy, and I'm sure that's what Nathan was referring to, but I found it ridiculous he actually said it out loud.

"So you thought I just surrounded myself with really unattractive people on the count that I can't control myself in the presence of anyone else?" I asked him crossing my arms.

Even he realised how stupid what he was suggesting was, as he heard it phrased in another way.

Nathan sighed loudly.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Yeah," I said, "where is this coming from?"

I knew Nathan well enough to know he would just react like that out of nowhere.

"I don't know, I just…" Nathan rubbed his eyes as he mentally phrased what he was saying, "I know we're in a difficult situation and…. I just hate how it means we can't do a lot of things and I saw Owen and he can do a lot I can't right now and—"

"Wow," I said, stopping him there, "Nathan I love you and I'm yours. It sucks right now I know, but we're working on it and I'm here because I want to be, just remember that."

"I'm sorry," he said again.

I stepped forward and hugged him around the waist. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. I sighed in appreciation, taking in the warmth that was Nathan.

"You're mine huh?" he said more playfully. I didn't need to pull away to see the smirk on his face. Well that didn't take long.

"Oh god, what have I started," I said smiling as I pulled away, walking into the kitchen.

I heard Nathan come up behind me and gasped as he picked me up into his arms.

"What are you doing!" I screamed, holding onto him tightly.

"I can do what I want—you're mine remember?" he said walking toward my bedroom.

"Wait, don't you have that meeting?" I asked him.

"It got cancelled. I got the call on my way out," he explained as he dropped me onto the bed roughly.

"So you're not rushing off anywhere?" I asked him, grinning as my body bounced on the bad from the impact.

"Nope. I have some time," he said, throwing his shirt on the floor.

"Oh really?" I said casually, "have any plans?"

"Actually I have quite a few," he said leaning over me, and kissing me hard.

We'd worked over our little misunderstanding already but I wasn't an idiot. I knew a big part of Nathan was trying to exert his territory right now. I knew we had a lot more to talk about but at this moment I was finding it hard to care.

Xxxxxx

_Flashback_

"_Nathan," I warned as I put a cherry tomato in my mouth. He didn't react._

_The apple core flew past my head just like I anticipated it to. I heard the dull thud as if landed in the trash can and Nathan grinned as though he had just scored the winning point of the state championships._

_I turned the page of my textbook, but out the corner of my eye I saw him tip the rest of his fries into the carton with the pizza and screw up the paper bag they were in, into a ball._

"_Nathan…" I warned again._

"_Hey guys," Luke said, setting his try down next to Nathan._

_I felt Peyton slide onto the bench next to me and drop her bag at her feet._

"_What's up?" I said, sifting through my salad to find another piece of tomato._

_It was so surreal that only two months ago Lucas was my boyfriend and now we were able to all sit here like it was no big deal. It felt like a million years ago. What happened still kills me but everyday it hurts a little less._

_Just as I was about to put the fork into my mouth, I felt the paper bag Nathan had been working on hit my cheek._

"_Nathan!"_

"_Sorry," he said, "that one was a little bit off."_

"_You think?" I said, wiping my face with a napkin, "there's grease all over me, ewww"_

"_Oh calm down, like you care about a little grease," he said rolling his eyes. I knew exactly what he was referring to with that comment. We'd ordered pizza this weekend and he'd watched on in shock as I dripped the grease from one of the discarded pieces onto the slice in my hand._

"_I do care when it's on my face!" I snapped._

_Nathan just grinned and looked like a five year old being told off but he knew his behaviour was worth it._

"_Do you guys want to go see that new Python movie thing?" Peyton asked._

"_Since when are you into horror?" I asked surprised._

"_Anything to avoid studying. I'm so ready for this semester to end," she said peeling the foil off her yogurt. _

"_Seen it," Nathan said, "You guys go though."_

"_What? You've seen it?" Peyton asked, "it came out last night."_

"_Went last night," he said._

"_I guess I'm not the worst procrastinator then," Peyton said, "Brooke? There's a screening at nine?"_

"_We can get Chinese next door first if you want," Lucas suggested._

"_I saw it last night with Nathan," I said._

"_Thanks for the invite guys," Peyton said._

"_Sorry, it was a last minute thing. We thought you'd be working late," Nathan lied._

_While it was in fact a last minute decision to go the movies, it hadn't even crossed our minds to see if Peyton and Lucas wanted to come._

"_Well do you want to see what else is on then?" she asked._

"_I can't I have to study," I said honestly._

"_Me too," Nathan said dishonestly. I knew his definition of study was wait the day before to study and then hope for the best. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at his attempt to be anti-social._

"_Ok fine, we'll go and compare notes tomorrow," Luke said._

"_Do you want to at least go shopping with me this weekend?" Peyton asked, " I could use your help with getting some stuff."_

_By 'some stuff' I knew exactly what she wanted help with. It was Lucas's birthday in a few days. I said I was feeling better, but let's not push it. I was in no way in the mood to give her advice on what to buy my ex-boyfriend._

"_Sorry, I'm going to visit my parents this weekend," I said casually._

_Nathan raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything._

"_Ok but we have to hang out soon," she said._

"_Sure," I said._

"_Well I have practice. See you kids later, " Nathan said gathering his stuff. Just before he stood up though I felt something graze my shoulder on the its way to the trash._

"_Nathan! Seriously!" I snapped, "can you not practice 'your skills' when I'm sitting opposite you!"_

"_I don't need to practice. I make it every time…when I want to," he said walking away as it sunk in that he was aiming to hit me the whole time._

xxxxxxx

Brooke POV

_**[Are you here yet?]**_

I rolled my eyes as I took in the message that just popped up on my screen. Instead of replying I chose to throw my phone into my bag again. Juggling everything in my hands whilst trying to maneuverer the three flights of stairs was not as simple as it sounded.

My phone beeped again in my bag but I didn't bother to look. I had already woken up to Owen's demands to come to his apartment and bring coffee and pastries instead of meet for breakfast.

I made it to Owen's door slightly out of breath. The door was already ajar, and I pushed it open slowly, suddenly feeling nervous like I was about to face my parents or the school principal—both of which I did many times.

"Brooke? It's about time," I heard Owen said irritably.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked insensitively. Owen stood before me in his pyjama pants a hoodie. His nose was red and his eyes were a bit swollen.

"I'm sick," he said obviously, taking the coffee out of my hands.

"I can see that," I said, "Maybe I should come back when you're better?"

"Nice try. We're talking about this now."

Owen went over to the breakfast bar and sat down, taking the lid off the top of the paper cup and blowing.

I put the paper bag of pastries on the counter and Owen reached in.

After a minute of silence, Owen put down everything in his hands and stared at me.

"Are we really not going to discuss this?" he asked.

"I'm not really sure what part you want to discuss," I said.

"Brooke! Come on, you have work soon. Get to it—start with the fact that Nathan freaking Scott was at your apartment?"

"He was there."

"Brooke that's him isn't it?" he asked me, even though he already knew.

"Ow—"

"Oh my god you're sleeping with Nathan Scott. Nathan Scott is the one you've been dating. You and Nathan Scott are—"

"Can you stop saying his full name?" I asked.

"Not all of us are on a first name basis!" he yelled.

"Ok Ok, shhhh," I said as though it was only us in the room.

He looked at me expectedly.

"Ok me and Nathan are seeing each other," I admitted. There was no point trying to hide it now.

"You just called Nathan Scott 'Nathan'," Owen said, holding his head.

"Owen, stop," I said gripping his arm.

"How did you even approach him?"

"I told you already we went to school together, so I knew him before," I said.

"Oh my god Brooke he's married to Haley James," Owen said.

Owen fumbled around with the mess on the counter and lifted up a magazine with Haley on the cover as if it would prove his point.

"I know who Haley is thank you," I said.

"And you just called Haley James 'Haley'!"

"It's not as crazy as you think ok," I said.

"Brooke you're sleeping with the husband of America's sweetheart who also happens to be one of the most successful NBA stars at his age and now coach of the team."

"I don't need you to recite what you got off their Wikipedia pages," I said, "you've made clear I'm well acquainted."

"What do you think you're doing?" Owen said seriously, "why are you doing this?"

"Look it's complicated," I said.

"How complicated can sex be? Why are you putting yourself through this?"

"It's not just sex, I love him," I said.

It felt strange to discuss me and Nathan with anyone. I'd never had this discussion with anyone but myself before.

"Oh god," Owen said, "sweetie, come on. Don't be that girl. How do you know he's not just fucking with you?"

"Because he loves me too," I said.

"He's married."

"It's difficult, but he's working on it," I said.

"Brooke I've known you two years and I'm sorry but if he wanted to be out of that marriage he would. He's taking you for a ride."

"You have no idea about any of this!" I said standing up, and getting irritated, "you know the bare minimum and you're already judging me!"

"Brooke you're dating a man who has a wife and child. What did you think I was going to say?" he said crossing his arms.

"I just thought you would be a friend and know me well enough to know it wasn't as simple as that."

"Fine tell me then," he said.

I sighed. How was I meant to begin to rationalise this.

"We've been friends in high school and then in college Haley left and we connected. She came back though and we carried on as normal. We realised though it was a mistake to pretend nothing had happened."

"This was what? Three years ago?" he said sounding judgemental.

"Owen his son is sick and Haley is Haley and he's just stuck ok? She won't let him walk away just like that."

"Is that what he told you?"

"It's the truth."

"And how long are you going to be content being a part of this?"

"It's not a long term solution I know," I said.

"Don't you want to have a boyfriend you can go out with in public? Since I haven't seen you on the news recently I'm assuming you've never done that."

"We make it work," I said, not directly admitting he was right.

"When is this all going to change?"

"He's already speaking to lawyers," I said.

"You don't sound thrilled," he said.

"Of course I'm happy but we've all known each other for years. We have the same friends. It's not going to be simple to just tell everyone we're together."

That part was probably scarier than anything else. I knew it would be easy to label what we were doing as terrible even though we saw it as right in our eyes. At the end of the day it was what it was.

"Brooke I worry about you," he said.

"I'm fine," he said.

"This is obviously hard on you," he said, "and you've been dealing with it yourself.'

Owen sighed.

"You must love him," he said.

"I do," I told him honestly. It was what made it all worth it.

"You know I don't agree with it and I'd rather you not do this, but you know I'm here for you don't you?" he said.

"You're a good friend Owen," I said giving him a soft smile. I walked around the table and gave him a hug.

"He can get me season tickets right?" Owen asked.

I snorted and elbowed him.

"I'm kidding," Owen said snorting, "…Kinda"

"I'm guessing you're not coming to work?" I said looking at my watch realising I needed to go if I was going to make it to the office in time.

"I actually need a favour," he said.

"What?"

"I need you to cover me at a job tomorrow night. I feel like shit and I cannot miss this and let the job go to William. You know how long he'd milk that he got one of the biggest jobs of the quarter?"

"You realise its not like we work at a clothing store right?" I asked him, "You're a photographer and I'm pretty much an assistant to an assistant of a fashion journalist. They're not exactly connected."

"You just have to go and take some photos, it's not as hard as it looks," he said rolling his eyes.

"Owen you're a professional photographer. The most experience I've had is selfies on my phone not magazine worthy candid shots."

"You know how overrated photography is? Put a name on it and it's given value. Just go and take photos and I'll fix them up with editing."

"No!"

"I need this job Brooke, it's got a bonus and I have rent to pay!"

"I'd say you make enough money doing what you do," I said. His apartment was already double the size of mine.

"Yeah and it costs money to keep a place like this!" he insisted, "please Brooke! I'll make you dinner!"

"How about I do it and you don't make me dinner," I said, "I'm not in the mood for food poisoning."

"Thanks Brooke, you rock!"

"Yeah yeah, just text me this job which is only going to end in embarrassment."

"I actually think you might not mind going," he said.

"Why not?"

"Loverboy will be there," he said.

I looked at him blankly.

"It's Haley James's album launch."

"I am going to kill you," I said giving him a killer glare. I was not planning to make an appearance at all tomorrow. I wasn't going to put myself through watching happy families for the night.

"You promised," he said.

"I hate you," I snapped, taking his camera from his hands.

The camera was heavier than I anticipated. Owen turned it on and I raised it to my eye to take a photo.

"Be careful it's worth more than your life," he said.

I rolled my eyes as I pressed down the shutter, "I'm not a complete idiot you know."

"Brooke you need to take the lens cap off," he said.

"Oh yeah," I said realising that's why everything was black.

Xxxxxxx

_Flashback _

"_Yes, please come in," Nathan said sarcastically, standing in the doorway. I was already well into his apartment by now._

"_I have to study here," I said, " the power is out at my place."_

"_And you couldn't go to the library because?" he asked me._

"_It closes in two hours. So by the time I get there and start and then have to leave and travel back it would be a complete waste of time," I explained putting my folders and bag on the kitchen counter._

"_Ok fine, whatever," he said sitting down on the couch and picking up the video game controller._

"_Weren't you meant to be studying?" I said reminding him of his lie earlier._

"_I am studying," he said, "it's basketball."_

_Sure enough there were animated NBA players darting around the screen as Nathan controlled them._

"_There's more to life than basketball you know," I told him, organising my stuff and making myself comfortable._

"_Really? You want to get into this debate?" he asked without taking his eyes off the screen, "it's pretty much my life. Without basketball what do I have?"_

"_Seriously?" I asked rhetorically but when he didn't answer I frowned, "trust me there's a lot more to be thankful for in life."_

"_Well let's just hope I'll never have to find out," he said and I raised my eyebrows, settling in to work._

_I read the same sentence over and over, my pen hovering over the blank sheet of paper. Every time I got a worthwhile thought in my head it flew straight out again with every pre-recorded cheer of the crowd on Nathan's game._

"_Can you play it on mute?" I asked._

"_No," he said, "it won't seem real."_

"_Really? That's the only part that doesn't make it seem real?" I said looking at the low quality effects on screen._

"_Aren't you meant to be studying?" he asked._

"_I'm trying," I said._

_I read over the page again and sighed unintentionally when Nathan cheered at the shot he made._

_Nathan sighed and turned the game off._

"_That better?" he asked._

_I looked at him sheepishly._

"_It's ok you can play if you want," I said. He was letting me camp out here I shouldn't be too demanding._

"_It's okkkk," he said walking over to the fridge, "it's about dinner time anyway. Are you hungry?"_

"_Actually I am," I said realising I hadn't eaten since our early lunch today._

"_There is…." He said scanning the fridge, "not very much."_

_I could already see where this was going._

"_We can't order out again," I said, "it's becoming a habit."_

"_Well it's either take out or cereal," he said wrinkling his nose as he smelled the milk._

"_How do you even function here?" I asked._

"_Pretty well actually," he said taking a cautious sip of the milk._

"_Oh Nathan gross, come on," I said standing up and picking up my purse and cell phone._

"_Where are we going?" he asked as he put on a hoodie, "There's that Chinese place but we might run into Peyton and Lucas."_

"_We're going grocery shopping," I said._

"_Oh, that's not fun. Is that really necessary?" he asked._

"_Yes."_

"_Why are you only complaining now?" he asked, "most the pizza loyalty cards we've completed were actually all yours."_

"_Because we were break up binge eating and it was acceptable. Now it's just going to make us obese!"_

"_Ok, fine," he said following me out the house._

_It didn't take long to walk down to the mini-mart on the corner of the street and once we were in there Nathan himself realised how much he was craving normal food, because we had to switch from a basket to a cart._

"_What about this?" he asked coming to the cashier with a few more things in his hands. I could see a box of eggs at the top which were about to fall._

"_Ok but that's enough. We're not stocking up for the winter," I said taking the eggs and putting them on the conveyor belt._

_The lady behind the counter smiled at us kindly as she bagged everything up, clearly finding our exchange entertaining._

_It took us a while to walk back because of how many bags we had but once we had food covering all the counters did we realise just how much we bought. _

"_So I'd say we're good to go for a while," Nathan said._

"_Yeah, pretty much," I laughed._

"_Spaghetti?" he asked, holding up the packet of dry pasta. _

"_Sure," I said realising how hungry I was at the thought._

_Nathan looked at me expectedly and I smirked as I realised just why he didn't have food in the house._

"_Do you know how to cook Nathan?" I asked him._

"_Of course I can make food," he said._

"_Nathan…"_

"_Ok fine, I'm not exactly a chef," he said._

"_Spaghetti it is," I said, finding the meat._

"_Awesome," he sang, walking back toward the living room._

"_Excuse me?" I called._

"_What?" he asked._

"_Really? You think you're just going to go back in there and play while I make dinner?"_

"_err…."_

"_You can start by boiling some water," I said grinning, as I passed him a pan._

_xxxx_

_A/N: Drop me a line and tell me what you're thinking! Also I know a lot of you aren't logging in when you review but you then ask me questions—try log in so I can reply to you!_


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: So this week I moved to Venice until Christmas….. totally run of my feet trying to sort everything out! Will try to get this back on track though!

Chapter 5

Brooke POV

Nathan smiled along with the four other people he was with, as the official photographer got his shot. The only difference between him and the others though was that they were looking at the camera whereas he was looking directly at me. Nathan had clearly ruined the picture, but he didn't seem to care.

His smile was infectious and I smiled back. We were in a room full of about five hundred people, a mixture of celebrities, those in the industry, and press, but it felt like it was just us here.

I lifted the camera up to my eye, twisting the lens to zoom in until I had only Nathan in the frame.

Someone got Nathan's attention and he had to turn away to speak to them. It was so strange to see Nathan in his element. Out here he was 'Nathan Scott'. People knew who he was and fawned all over him to be a part of his world.

"He is beautiful, I don't blame you."

Millie came up beside me and passed me a tall champagne flute with a strawberry wedged on the rim. She was taking everything in with awe. Like the rest of the press, she was technically meant to be limited to certain areas, but upon arrival she'd been completely shocked when I presented my original personal invitation and claimed her as my plus one, putting my press badge in my bag.

"Huh?" I said panicking slightly. I wasn't being very subtle in my gaping but I didn't think anyone would be paying attention to me what with everyone else in the room that were most attention worthy.

"Chris Keller?" she said, "he is who you're looking at right?"

I looked up and realised Chris was standing just behind Nathan talking to Haley and Mia Catalano as the three of them answered some questions for a reporter.

"Oh gross, Mills don't go there," I said wrinkling up my nose.

"As if that's likely. Brooke, I'm worshipping from afar. If you actually believe I'd be confident enough to go up to him you don't know me at all. I can't believe you don't think he's hot."

"He's an ass," I told her.

"How would you know?"

"I've known him since I was like seventeen," I said.

"First I find out today that you know Haley James, and never thought to mention it all those times I discussed her with you for work. Now you tell me you know Chris Keller too?" she said, "it's like you're living this double life I never knew anything about!"

Understatement.

"It's not that glamorous trust me," I said.

"But you never even mentioned it!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah because its not my life. She's not really my claim to fame, I just know her through school," I said shrugging.

"Well know anybody else I should know about? Can you introduce me to Ryan Seacrest?" she asked hopefully.

I laughed out loud, "That Millie, I actually wish I could do!"

"Hey," Peyton came over, joining us in out spot.

"Millie this is my friend Peyton," I said, introducing them.

"Nice to meet you," Peyton said, "It's good to finally meet some of Brooke's other friends."

"Likewise," Millie said.

"See Mills, not everyone I know is famous," I said winking.

"Yeah pretty boring over here," Peyton said.

"Here you go," Lucas said, coming over and handing Peyton a non-alcoholic drink.

"Thanks," she said taking a sip.

"Oh Millie this is—"

"Lucas Scott," she said, eyes wide open. She was gripping my arm as if her life depended on it.

"Hi," Luke said surprised.

"Your book got me through the summer after college," she said blushing.

Lucas smiled, "always nice to meet a fan."

I smiled at their interaction as they began discussing Luke's book in depth. Lucas was clearly in his element.

"So I'm glad you made it in the end," Peyton said, "I was worried you wouldn't when you said you might have to work last week."

"Well I am kind of here working," I said gesturing to the camera, "Just worked out that it was here."

"They actually sent you to do the launch photos?" she asked surprised.

"I'm actually just covering for a friend who didn't want to miss the job. They're not meant to know I'm here," I explained.

"Well I'm just glad that you are here."

"I told you I would try make it," I said.

"I know but you haven't really been around," she said.

"Yeah I know I've—"

"Working, I know but Brooke, come on," she said, "this is me."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I'm your best friend. I know you well enough to know you're dealing with something," she said.

"No I'm not, I'm fine," I said forcing myself to laugh.

"And you're a terrible liar," she said.

"Peyton don't worry about me," I said.

"I just hope you know I'm here for you," she said, "I can feel you pulling away. It's not been the same for a long time and I miss my friend. I keep trying to think if I did anything to upset you."

I sighed, and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear nervously.

"Peyton I really am sorry, you haven't done anything I promise," I told her, the guilt setting in. I didn't want her to feel as though this was her fault.

"Just…Brooke…if you need to talk you know I'm here right?" she said cautiously as though I would run away any second.

"Yeah, of course," I said.

"Ok good. Because I need you around."

I gave her a soft smile, just everyone started cheering and turning their attention to the low level stage set up in the centre.

"Do you want to get closer?" Luke said excitedly.

"Sure," Peyton said.

Millie looked about ready to combust in her star struck daze at the thought of moving forward. I didn't really have a reasonable reason to say no.

We all moved forward, Lucas at the front, and settled in at the side of the stage. At the same time Haley made her way onto the stage, walking slowly in her stilettos. Everyone began cheering as she made her appearance, and she gave a little mock bow.

A guy behind a sound system hopped on stage and passed her a microphone.

She waved up a few people to come up with her, and they all climbed up the steps, Nathan included.

He stood on stage and I felt his gaze seek me out and settle once they found me. These last few days had felt different. Haley had been away working overnight in LA and Jamie was with Deb because Nathan was working days. It all meant Nathan was able to sleep over at mine for two blissful nights. I almost saw a real life future for us, and began to imagine a life for us to be possible. Simple things like the domesticity made it real. I was looking forward to the moment Nathan turned around and told me he had spoken to the lawyers and it was all good to go.

"Hello everybody!" Hayley said, "First of all thank you so much for coming to celebrate this new album with me! It meant so much to me to make it real and the fact I get to share it with you all means the world!"

The band members were assembling behind her, taking their place for the sets to begin.

"Do you think you could get me a quick conversation with her for my article?" Millie whispered.

"Thank you to my amazing agent, Cara, who is also my very good friend! Without your encouragement there is no way I would be in the position to be standing here now."

A blonde haired lady in her mid forties blew a kiss to Haley from her spot a places away on the stage.

"Chris, you're my angel! All those late night working out two or three chords! Thank you for being a part of this with me!"

The crowd went wild at the sight of Chris.

"And lastly thank you my amazing husband Nathan. You've always been in support of my music and been a part of it, and I'm glad you're still a big part now. Even if it's sitting there listening to my demos, or taking me on beautiful trips for inspiration. You're my partner in this," she said.

The crowd did a collective 'awwww' as I took a deep breath. I don't know why I was surprised. I knew it would be difficult to come here.

"Shall we…?" she asked Nathan. He looked at her in question.

"Maybe we should," she said nodding to him, "Ok we weren't going to do this so soon but we're just so happy. Everything in our lives is falling into place right now. This album has grown out of nothing and I feel like it's pushed me into a new stage in my life. I have a new album coming out next year, and I'm proud—we're proud to tell you today that wont be our only new addition this time next year."

The crowd was silent for a second, but then erupted into cheers.

It took me a second to figure out what was going on.

"Oh my god!" Peyton screamed beside me.

"Did she just—?" Luke began.

"Haley's pregnant!" Peyton screamed loud enough for me to feel the ringing in my ears, although I wasn't sure that was the only cause of it.

I looked up on stage, still not following but in a way I think I would have rather stayed in this state of confusion as I felt the contents of my stomach rise as I saw Haley's hand on her stomach and a happy smile on her face.

"Wow, I can't believe this! They're like the perfect little fam—Brooke are you ok?"

Millie was staring at me in concern, as everything began to go blurry.

"I'm ok," I reassured her. I lifted the camera strap off my neck and pushed it into her hands.

"Brooke, wait!" she called as I began walking away.

"What happened?" I heard Peyton ask Millie as I moved away.

I walked faster, without a destination in mind. I just needed to get away from people. My breaths got shorter and no thoughts were running through my mind apart from 'get away'.

It wasn't difficult to leave the area, because everyone was trying to stay as close as possible. I walked through the roof terrace only to pause out of necessity beside a huge potted plant where I promptly threw up.

Xxxxx

_Flashback_

_Nathan POV_

_I put another big spoon of cereal in my mouth as I tried to read the subtitles on the screen before they disappeared. The delay between the live sports news and the subtitles didn't match up, but turning the volume up would mean I would wake Brooke, who was currently fast asleep on my couch._

_I finished the last of the cereal and put the bowl in the sink. The spoon made a soft clang as it made contact with the metal of the sink, at the same time that Brooke yawned loudly._

"_Morning sleeping beauty," I said._

"_What time is it?" she asked, reaching for her phone._

"_Around eleven," I told her._

"_You should have woken me," she said seeing I had just come in from basketball practice._

"_You didn't have morning classes," I said shrugging. We both knew the main reason I didn't wake her up because I knew she hadn't been sleeping well lately and she could use the rest. _

"_Thanks," she said going into the bathroom._

_I took a mug out the cabinet and poured a cup of coffee, passing it to her as she came back into the room wearing my Tree Hill High hoodie over her t-shirt._

_She took a long appreciative sip and snuggled back under the blanket on the couch._

"_My Mom called this morning," I told her._

"_Oh yeah?" she asked._

_She lifted her feet as a I came closer, and I sat down beside her. She put her feet on my lap, and I put my feet up on the coffee table._

"_She wants to know if I'm coming back this weekend because I haven't been since Christmas," I said._

"_You should go," she said._

"_I don't see you running home," I said._

"_Yeah but what am I going back to?" she asked, "An empty house?"_

_I hadn't thought of it that way._

"_But it's still home though right?" I said. _

"_Yeah I guess," she said and I could see she was thinking, "Tree Hill will always be my home but its not where I feel settled right now."_

"_Where do you feel settled?" I asked her, "At Duke?"_

"_I didn't. But I don't feel so alone here now anymore," she said, "I rushed here happy with Luke and didn't really settle in myself. After we broke up I just felt like I was floating around in limbo, not really here nor there."_

"_Yeah I know what you mean," I said._

"_Sometimes I feel like we aren't at college," she said._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Like I see all the other college students every going nuts over college life but I don't feel like we're living the promised life in the brochure."_

"_I think we've both just experienced too much in our lives to believe the glossy pictures lives in those magazines exist," I said._

"_Why do they exist for some people and not for me? I should be loving it out here, yet all I do is think about how I can't wait for it to be over, but then that only leads to panic over where the hell I'm going to go and do after that. I was in Tree Hill because my parents left me there, and now I'm here because it's where college is. After that its my real life, and have no clue where I stand."_

_Brooke's words made it clear that it was more than just her breaking up with Lucas which made her feel down. If anything it was just her final breaking point._

"_Brooke you're not alone in this you know. I worry about where I stand all the time," I said._

_She scoffed, "yeah right. Your life is more on track than anyone's. You have a family who want you with them and a career plan."_

"_Brooke everything you think I have relies on basketball. I've worked practically my whole life to make it a possibility. You're not the only one with questions. Sometimes I wasn't even sure if basketball is what I wanted to do but I stuck with it out of fear of not knowing what the hell else I could do."_

"_Nathan you can do anything you want," she said putting her hand on my arm._

"_That's nice of you to say so but really basketball is it for me and if I don't get boosted after this with the scouts then everything falls apart."_

"_You shouldn't put that pressure on yourself," she said._

"_The pressure's there whether I put it on myself or not. I'll end up letting a lot of people down, and then who will I be? I don't know who I am without the game."_

_I don't know what inspired me to say all of those things. They were things that I hadn't even thought about myself in fluid thoughts. It was more of an emotional feeling I had which I didn't think was describable, or at least I hadn't tried. Every time I saw my thoughts leading in that direction I suppressed it and forced it to the back of my mind._

"_Nathan, look at me," Brooke said._

"_Can we just pretend I didn't say all of that?" I said trying to stand up. I felt way too vulnerable and open in this room._

"_No we can't," she said pulling on my arm._

_I only said what I did in reaction to what Brooke said. We weren't thinking about the same thing but I felt like on some level we had the same feelings in the back of our minds and I didn't want her to think she was isolated. _

"_You realise you're not 'Nathan the basketball guy right?" she asked, "everyone has a thing, and basketball isn't what makes you, you."_

_I sighed, and took a sip of her coffee just to give me something to do._

"_Oh please, I am so the basketball guy. What else is there?" I said challenging her._

"_That's simple," she said shrugging, "What makes you, you is that you were willing to tell me all of that to make me feel better."_

_Brooke sat up straighter, looking me straight in the eye. Her fingers wrapped around the mug in her hands. The steam from the coffee moved up slowly, and caused her glasses to start steaming up but she didn't even react. Her focus was instead on me._

_It was strange. Almost from nowhere I felt like time had slowed down and I was suddenly more aware of everything around me, as though my senses had been heightened. The clock on the opposite side of the room was ticking softly as each second went past, and the television emitted a soft hum as it played back, still on mute. Brooke's breathing stood out the most though and I became accustomed to its pattern, and I found myself subconsciously holding my breath when I felt hers go out of sequence._

_It was almost as though we were on the edge, waiting to be pushed over but I didn't know what we were on the edge of or what was on the other side. I wasn't really sure what was going on._

_Suddenly, Brooke thrust the half mug of coffee into my hands, and I instinctively grasped it so it didn't fall._

"_I have to go," she rushed out, standing up and pulling on her converses._

_I wasn't sure what had just happened but I was certain Brooke was aware of it too. Before I could get out a logical thought she had found her keys under a pile of ignored mail and had left, the front door slamming shut behind her._

Xxxxx

Nathan POV

Flashes were going off in my face, and with each flash I could feel panic. The white spots began clearing from my vision enough for me to see Brooke was gone.

Somebody patted me on the back, but I ignored it and ran down the makeshift stairs to the elevated stairs from the stage.

The crowd was buzzing especially after that announcement but that was the last thing I cared out. My body was yelling at me to find Brooke right now. Logic told me leaving was the only option that made sense.

I made my way over to the glass doors, ignoring many of the voices that called out to me.

The valets stood at the bottom of the front exit, and straightened up as I came into sight. They started making their way over to me to see if they could help but I bypassed them and hailed a cab. It would be quicker than explaining I hadn't driven here, we'd arrived in the limo.

The drive to Brooke's place took over a half hour. I expected it to purely because I was on the other side of the city but once I was on the road I realised just how bad the traffic was. I almost considered getting out and making the trip on foot but I knew that was a stupid idea. The only thing keeping me halfway calm was the idea that I hadn't left much after Brooke, meaning she was probably sitting in this traffic too. There was nowhere to run.

I constantly called her on her cell but she didn't pick up. By my sixth attempt it didn't even ring, telling me she had turned it off. So I guess there wasn't a chance she hadn't heard anything then.

The car stopped just as I thought I was about to burst. I tapped my fingers on the plastic of the door as the driver slowed down and thrust a handful of bills into the front as I scrambled out.

I ran up the steps and pressed the buzzer. From the way my heart was racing and I was struggling to catch my breath I felt as though I had actually done the journey on foot after all.

I was listening carefully, waiting for the buzz which signalled the release of the door but it didn't come.

"Come on Brooke," I muttered under my breath as I pressed it again.

Once again the door didn't unlock. I checked my phone but I had no messages.

I needed to see Brooke. My breathe hitched as I realised I had no explanation for her. Heck I didn't even have an explanation for myself. I realised I had come out here for selfish reasons for her to calm me down.

I walked down the stairs knowing if Brooke opened it now I wouldn't have anything to tell her, and may just mess this up even more.

I held out my hand to hail a cab and after a few attempts one came to a stop. The ride back to the launch went by faster than the journey going the other way but I was sure that was because my mind was blank.

Why would Haley pull something like that? Just tell the world she was pregnant when she wasn't. What? Did she just expect me to give in and get her pregnant because she had already announced it to the world?

I walked back through the building and stopped when someone pulled on my arm.

"Where've you been?" Lucas said looking at me concerned.

"Nowhere," I told him.

"Congratulations," he said, but he was still assessing me, "You ok Nate?"

"I need to find Haley," I said, walking past him.

Mia Catalano was up on stage and most people were occupied watching Haley's little prodigy up there. The kid followed Haley around day and night trying to learn—in my opinion they weren't habits you wanted to pick up.

I could see Haley standing to the side talking to some people in suits and I made no attempt to exchange pleasantries.

"Nathan slow down, these shoes are not made for running," Haley said, as she jogged in little steps to keep up with me.

I didn't slow until I reached the foyer. My body wanted to get the hell out of here and go back to Brooke but I knew that would be useless unless I did this first.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked her, dropping her hand.

Haley did a quick look around, to make sure nobody was around but with a launch party on outside nobody would waste their time lingering in here.

"Where have you been?" she said, "everyone was looking for you. So many people wanted an interview."

"Oh my god," I said rubbing my forehead, "Are you seriously ignoring this?"

"Oh honey come on," she said.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked her, "Did you just think you could announce to everyone you were having a baby and then I would change my entire stance on this and say 'sure Haley let's go do this so nobody realises it's a lie'!"

I was infuriated and could feel my body getting warmer, the more frustrated I got.

She looked at me like I was an idiot.

"I'm not faking it! I am pregnant!" she hissed, " I thought you would actually be happy!"

"No you're not," I said, "How is that even possible? We haven't had sex."

"Nathan we had sex," she said.

"No we really didn't," I said.

I felt a breeze as a side door opened, and couple walked past us, giving us a small wave as they headed to the bathrooms.

"Fine I'll humour you. When did we have sex?" I asked her as soon as the couple went around the corner.

"Like a month ago," she said crossing her arms.

"No we didn't!"

"Will you keep your voice down!" she said, "we did have sex. You went out with Lucas and came home very drunk."

"What! That's didn't happen," I said.

"Obviously it did," she replied.

"You really expect me to believe we had sex?" I asked her, "and then I erased every single memory of it?"

I knew exactly what night Haley was talking about. It was during the time Brooke wasn't speaking to me after we nearly got caught by Luke. I was out with the boys and spent the night sulking instead. It didn't take long for me to channel my lack of phone messages into alcohol. I was drunk I knew that. I also knew I wasn't drunk enough to forget having sex.

I couldn't have been.

"Fuck."

"Well that's very nice Nathan," she said, "I'm sure your unborn child appreciates the sentiment."

"I need to get out of here," I said loosening my tie.

"No you don't, where are you even going? You need to be here."

I ignored her and headed out.

"You cannot just leave Nathan people are here to see us!" she called after me.

xxxxxxxxxx

_Brooke Flashback _

_You know in TV shows when someone spins on their heels to get the hell out of a situation and you dramatically hear their shoes squeak on the shiny floor as they manage to hightail it out of there? _

_This was my moment._

_Fortunately the second I saw Nathan sitting with Lucas and Peyton I managed to turn back before they noticed me. Unfortunately for me, I didn't anticipate a door opening, knocking me flat on the floor, drawing not only their attention to me, but I'm sure everyone else in the hall as well._

_I sat up quickly and rubbed by head, frowning as I slipped into the library._

_I put my stuff down on the floor and sunk down in a booth right in the back corner away from any shelves—guaranteed privacy._

_What was I doing? Seriously? _

_Hiding from Nathan took a lot more energy than I realised and it had only been two days. The worst part was that I didn't even know why I was hiding._

_Call it panic but there was this weird atmosphere between Nathan and me on Monday and I didn't know what it was. I felt like it was dangerous territory though whatever it was._

_I was dreading running into him—call it denial. I didn't want to analyse what happened so this was my mature method of dealing it with it._

_Despite all this even I had to admit the last two days had been lonely. I didn't realise how much time I had been spending with Nathan, to the point I had become accustomed to having him around. It's not like we did things to keep busy, but when we were doing 'nothing', we were doing 'nothing' together which made it feel like it was 'something'—oh god even my own thoughts didn't made sense now._

_I groaned and leant my head on the table, but quickly brought it back up again when it put pressure on the same spot on my forehead that got hit by the door. _

_I frowned and touched the spot tentatively. I jumped in surprise though as something hit the desk._

_A blue, square ice pack to be precise. _

_The seat next to me bounced and I turned my chair around to face him, knowing exactly what it was._

"_Oh hey Nate what's up?" I said, trying to sound casual. My attempt must have been a complete failure though became Nathan burst out laughing._

"_So are you going to stop avoiding me now?" he asked._

"_I'm not avoiding you," I said. Nathan raised an eyebrow._

"_Oh really? Because I'm sure you're going to have a bruise tomorrow for your effort," he said reaching for the ice pack and holding it against my head._

_I raised my hand to hold it, and once it was in place he dropped his hand._

"_It's only been 2 days," I said feigning indifference, "I do have my own life you know."_

"_No you don't," he said shaking his head._

"_That is so rude," I said, lowering the ice pack._

_Nathan laughed again, making the small creases appear near his eyes._

"_Oh come on," he said, "don't be a baby."_

"_Ok you're right I don't have a life. I need one. I clearly spend too much time with you," I said, slapping the ice pack back on my head with force to make my point. _

_He watched me wince and I could tell Nathan was trying hard not to laugh even though it was killing him. I had to give him that at least. _

"_Brooke, look I know something weird happened and now –"_

"_Nothing weird happened, " I lied, snorting for effect. At least he knew something happened too, it wasn't just a figment of my imagination._

"_Fine then come over later, there's a game on," he said._

"_I thought you hated watching basketball with me because I ask too many questions," I said._

"_Yeah it's about time you learnt so I figured I'd take time out of my busy schedule to explain it to you."_

"_Seriously?"_

_Nathan shrugged._

"_Bring food with you."_

_Annnnnd there it was._

_I laughed as he bumped me on the shoulder and walked out. I guess I was making a big deal out of nothing._

Xxxxxxx

**A/N: Let me know what you think!**

**And before you panic from what happened in present time, no it is not what it seems…..so don't all rush to kill me just yet!**


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: I've been travelling and it's been ages I know! Anyway I have the next one ready and will post it in like 2 days when I'm done with the end. It was originally part of this one which is why this might feel a bit boring but I had to split it because it was so long.

Chapter 6

_Nathan POV- Flashback_

"_Can you just please stop and come over?" I said balancing the phone on my shoulder so I could lift my laptop onto the kitchen counter._

"_No," she said groaning. I could almost imagine her burrowing deep into her covers as she spoke to me._

"_You're being ridiculous!" I told her, "if I went into a deep depression every time I got a bad grade I'd never see day light."_

"_I'm not in a deep depression," she said irritably, and once again I could imagine her reaction._

"_Don't roll your eyes at me," I said before putting a handful of cheese puffs in my mouth._

"_How did you—never mind, I'm not in the mood ok, I'm just going to go over this paper and –"_

"_Brooke, Jesus! It's an order! Come here now! All you're going to do by staying at home reading that over and over is end up demotivating yourself more."_

_Brooke's groans sounded muffled as she spoke into the covers, and I smiled to myself as I thought of how I was right, she was in bed._

"_Fine," she said._

"_No need to sound so enthusiastic about coming over," I said._

"_You're so annoying," she said._

"_Right back at you," I said._

_Brooke paused for a second and I could already feel the defeat._

"_I'll see you in an hour," she said before hanging up._

_I put my phone down on the counter and opened my laptop._

"_Is she coming then?" Luke asked._

"_Yeah," I said opening up a search engine, "I know she'll just wallow if she's alone."_

"_You seem like you know her well," Luke said._

"_Well yeah we are friends," I said shrugging._

"_Are you sure it's healthy?" he asked frowning._

"_Is what healthy?"_

"_Well I know it's none of my business but you do spend a lot of time together," he said, "it's not like Brooke."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Oh come on Nathan, are you really telling me you don't remember the social butterfly we grew up with? That doesn't concern you a bit? I know you're depressed over Haley but you sure you aren't just encouraging Brooke to join you?"_

_I raised an eyebrow as I took in Lucas's words._

"_First of all I'm not depressed over Haley," I said._

"_You're really going to lie to me?" Luke said._

"_I'm not depressed, I'm pissed, there's a difference," I said, " and anyway this has nothing to do with Brooke."_

"_Well it kinda does. We've seen her break up with tons of people and it's been 3 months since we broke up and she's still acting weird."_

"_Not everything's about you," I said resisting the urge to convey that in a slightly more impolite way. _

"_I'm not saying it's about me, I'm saying you're not helping Brooke get back to normal," he said._

"_How do you know this isn't what Brooke wants to do?" I asked._

"_Because I know her," he said easily._

_Lucas wasn't wrong. He and Brooke had been friends for a long time, closer than me and Brooke had been in high school, and they'd dated—all this aside though the fact that Lucas was standing her telling me he knew her well enough to know what she wanted and needed annoyed the hell out of me._

"_I think there's more to Brooke than you think there is," I said. If he didn't see that side of her that I had gotten to know then maybe he never knew her at all._

"_Ok relax, you don't need to get so defensive," Lucas said, "I'm just looking out for her."_

"_You don't need to, I'm not making her do anything she doesn't want to," I told him._

"_Ok fine," Lucas said._

"_I need to go to the grocery store," I said hinting that maybe it was time for him to leave. I didn't want him to say any of this stuff to Brooke when she got here._

"_Yeah, ok," he said, "I'll see you tomorrow ok?"_

"_Yeah," I said nodding at him as he left._

_I took a deep breath and finished listing the things I needed to buy as I thought over what Lucas had said. He was right, Brooke wasn't how she used to be but I think she had always been real; we'd just never taken the time to see it. I liked to think that we'd met in the middle somewhere and created a friendship, so the infiltration of the idea that maybe I was just keeping Brooke depressed and out of routine just so I wasn't alone didn't sit well with me. I wasn't denying that Brooke made me feel better- she did. But I though I did that for her too?_

_I shook my head and knocked all thoughts of this out my mind. I wasn't going to go down that road of over thinking again. I'd done that a few weeks ago when things got weird, but I realised quickly whether it was weird or not, it was better being around Brooke than not. It didn't take long for everything to go on as it was before and then Luke had to go mess it up. A selfish part of me hoped he didn't express these ideas to Brooke in case she agreed with him and changed her mind on hanging out. if she wanted to do that she could though right? It wasn't like she owed me anything? She was here because she wanted to be, I wasn't keeping her here, and although that made our friendship real, it also made it more fragile because she could walk away at any second, nothing was holding her here._

_My phone buzzed on the counter, shaking me out of my thought. I was thankful for the distraction, as I knew I had stopped making sense, and I glanced over to see the message from Brooke flashing on the screen._

_**[Heading over after a shower, shall I bring food?]**_

_I answered her quickly to just come over and grabbed my keys to head to the store before she got here._

Xxxxxxx

Present Day- Nathan POV

I undid the next button on my white shirt even though the two I'd let loose a few minutes ago hadn't helped me breathe any easier. In frustration I loosened my tie and continued pacing the length of the room.

I clutched my phone in my hand like my life depended on it.

The door opened slowly and Lucas looked around the corner.

"There you are," he said coming in, closing the door behind him.

"Where else would I be?" I asked him, "I do work."

"Yeah but not round the clock. Your assistant said you haven't left in two days."

I should probably explain to her what was 'need to know information' for visitors.

"I've been busy."

"Nathan what's going on?" Lucas asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked, going around to the other side of my desk, to at least give the illusion that I was working which might hint that I was too busy to talk right now.

"You've been MIA, you're not answering any calls and Haley just brushed me off when I went over yesterday."

"Do you really not have anything else to do than try find problems in my life?" I asked him.

"Are you mad Haley told everyone about the baby so early before all the health screenings had been done?" he asked, and I sighed.

"Lucas—"

"I know it must be scary after everything you've been through with Jamie, but trust me I of all people get it. I've been petrified with every single one of my kids in case of HCM."

I rubbed my eyes as I waited for him to finish. Now something completely different was on my mind.

"Lucas I just have a lot going on right now ok? Can we catch up later?"

"I know you better than you think. You're my brother. Something's up," he said.

Why did I get blessed with the brother who wanted to talk about our problems? Sometimes I wondered why he couldn't just be the type to punch me on the shoulder as his way of saying he had my back.

"Luke…"

"Ok fine," he said, definitely picking up from my tone that I wasn't in the talking mood, "Just come to me when you need to."

"Yeah," I said, as he left.

I let out the breath I'd been holding and began to think through everything all over again. I'd spent two days mulling it over with no solution.

The one thing I wanted to do right now wasn't an option. I couldn't go to Brooke without answers, I just couldn't do that. She didn't deserve that, and more importantly a selfish part of me knew if I went there with nothing to say she wouldn't think twice before ending this—that's if she hadn't already.

I hadn't heard from her and I was holding onto that as a good sign.

Just when I thought everything was coming together something like this had to come and mess it all up. I pushed over my penholder onto the floor in frustration and watched as all the pens and pencils bounced all over the floor.

It didn't make me feel any better.

Home wasn't even an option. I did not want to face Haley. I couldn't even fathom the idea that this was all really happening and she was really pregnant. I debated the likelihood of it but she didn't really have reason to make that up. It would be noticeable if she didn't have a baby coming out of her in nine months.

I'd spent the last two nights parked outside Brooke's apartment block. Call me a masochist, because being that close to her but not close enough killed me. At the same time though I knew I needed to be there to keep calm.

I checked my phone again to see if I had any messages from Brooke. I didn't. I knew a sight of a message would be relief and panic all in one but maybe it would force my hand.

I didn't have messages from Haley either. She obviously knew it wasn't smart to push me over the edge right now and for once I was thankful she knew me so well.

I had no clue what to do. I felt like I was back to square one again, only there was no sign of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Xxxxxxxxx

Brooke POV

"Do you want to go see a movie?"

"No," I said without looking up.

"That's not fair," Owen whined, "did you really think I wanted to spend my day sitting here watching you clean."

"No. Which is why I didn't invite you over. I told you no over the phone," I told him, being much more liberal in spraying the counter with surface cleaner than I needed to be.

"You're scaring me slightly," he said watching me intently.

I ignored him, and put the volume up on the stereo.

The action was pointless because I forgot the remote was on the counter beside him. He knew it too and the music suddenly turned off.

I groaned, and threw the sponge on the counter and looked at him.

"What Owen? What is it you want?" I asked him.

"I want to help you," he said.

"Yeah well that's sweet but you can't ok?"

"Has he called you?"

"No, not since that night," I said. I didn't want to talk about it but if Owen was insisting on being here until we did whatever got him out the quickest I was game for.

"Well that says a lot don't you think?" he said, "he hasn't called in a day and a half."

"I thought you wanted me to feel better?" I asked him, "I don't even think I would answer it if he did call!"

I didn't want to answer it but the fact he hadn't called at didn't make me feel calm either.

"I'm just saying if he hasn't called then he clearly has nothing to say does he?" Owen said crossing his arms, "he's been playing you Brooke and you don't deserve to sit around here cleaning as though your life depended on it."

"Well then tell me what I'm meant to do? What the hell am I doing Owen?" I yelled.

"You're going to get over it," he said.

"No I mean what am I doing with my life? I have no clue."

"Brooke what are you talking about?" he asked.

"I don't know I feel lost. I don't want to be that girl that doesn't know who she is without 'the guy' but I am. Nathan fixed me when I was lost and now I don't know how to hold myself together anymore without him," I said. Halfway through I stopped yelling and my voice got weaker.

"Brooke don't be silly," he said coming over to give me a hug.

"I'm not," I said taking comfort in the protection that was Owen.

"You moved here by yourself to pursue the career you wanted," he said, "you've got your own place and your own life and you're on the road to greatness."

I couldn't help but snort at his last comment.

"Owen I moved here because Nathan was here. I live my life filling the time until I can be with Nathan again, and I would say the job I'm in is in any way a marker for what I want to do forever," I told him.

"Brooke you need to give yourself more credit than that," he said.

"I just don't know where I stand anymore," I said pulling away. I walked into the living room and sank onto the couch. The throw on the back of it fell onto me with the force than I sat down but I didn't bother to fix it, "I've spent so long putting off real life thinking I'd figure it all out after me and Nathan were together. I just didn't think I'd be playing this game for this long."

Owen didn't answer and I realised he hadn't followed me in. I leaned around the side and saw him walking over slowly. I could practically hear him thinking from here.

"I think you need to do something for you to make you feel like you're in control again of your own life," he said pulling the blanket off me.

"Yeah? Like what?" I said lying down.

I felt something hit my stomach, and I opened my eyes to see Owen had thrown an open envelope there.

"Starting with that," he said.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Brooke POV Flashback_

_I watched Nathan carefully sieve the vibrant sauce through a strainer, watching it fall into the medium sized dish. Just seeing the deep concentration on his face I was scared to speak._

_The sauce was going through so slowly I had to blink hard to check if it was actually transferring. At this rate we would be eating this for breakfast._

"_Do you want me to—"_

"_Shhhhh!" Nathan hissed without taking his eye off his creation._

_I was scared to breathe in case I got blamed for something going wrong._

"_Ok it's done," he said eventually._

_He put the coated fried chicken into the dish and tossed it around._

"_Are you ready to be blown away?" he asked._

"_I cannot wait," I said, grabbing two plates and forks from the cupboard_

_Nathan spooned two big helpings of sweet and sour chicken onto the plates and handed me mine._

"_Go ahead," he said watching me with excitement. _

_Nathan smiled as he waited on me to tell him what I thought._

_I poked my fork through a piece and lifted it to my mouth. I froze though the second it hit my tongue._

_I lowered the fork slowly and smiled, trying not to taste what I was holding in my mouth._

"_Aren't you going to chew?" he asked looking confused._

_I couldn't bring myself to break his heart. He was acting like this was his pride and joy—well it should be after he spent five hours in the kitchen. _

"_Mmmmhmmmm," I said sinking my teeth into it slowly and chewing it the least amount I could before I swallowed it quickly._

"_Did you like it?" he asked._

"_It's great," I said, but I suspected my nodding was maybe a tad too enthusiastic. _

"_Really?" he asked, spooning three pieces up to his mouth—and that's where I saw the flaw in my plan._

"_Nathan wait!" I rushed but he already put it in his mouth. It didn't stay in there long though because he spat it out, coughing._

_I couldn't help but snort in amusement._

"_Oh my god!" he said, drinking down a glass of water._

"_I think you may have left out the 'sweet' in the 'sweet and sour'…" I said._

"_Why did you eat that?" he asked, "it tastes like lemons."_

"_I just felt like you tried so hard and I didn't want you to be disheartened," I said._

"_I'm sorry," he said siting down on the stool._

"_What? What do you possible have to feel sorry about?" I said._

"_I was trying to make you this to cheer you up," he said. He looked so disappointed like he had massively failed._

"_Well you managed to do that," I told him._

"_But it sucked," he said._

"_Watching you making that all evening did cheer me up," I said smiling, "you're pretty entertaining when you're not trying."_

_Nathan raised an eyebrow and then laughed._

"_I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not," he said._

"_Oh definitely a compliment," I said, winking._

_I picked up the fork, about to put another piece in my mouth._

"_What are you doing?!" he said, grabbing the fork before it got to its destination._

"_Just showing you my appreciation," I said._

"_You can show me your appreciation by heating this up," he said._

_Nathan reached under the counter and pulled out a plastic bag with the logo we were both very familiar with._

"_You didn't?" I asked, giggling._

"_I knew there was an off chance my attempt wouldn't work out. I didn't want you to starve or anything," he said._

"_Just an off chance? Really?" I asked him smirking._

"_You suck," he said, turning the oven on, "and you don't get any of this. You just get to watch me eat it."_

"_Nathan?" I said, and he turned around._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Pretty please with sugar on top can I have some?" I asked sweetly, laying it on a little thick._

"_Some of this?" he asked, pulling out a piece of chicken with his fingers and putting it in his mouth._

"_Mmmmmmmm," Nathan groaned loudly, "this is so good."_

_I hopped off the stool and started walking toward him._

"_Give me some," I said._

"_No way," he said._

"_Oh come on! You got it for me, and you made me wait all this time to eat!" I said reaching for it, but Nathan twisted away, and ran to the opposite side of the counter._

"_This really is good Brooke, I didn't realise how hungry I was," he said eating another piece._

_While he was talking though, I'd acted on my plan and jumped onto his back from the chair. Nathan stumbled for a second but regained his balance as I reached over him and took a piece out of the container, letting the sauce drip on my hand. He pretended to fight me off but kept his free hand on my back so I wouldn't fall._

"_You're right this was good," I said._

"_No fair Davis," he said._

"_Who said life was fair?" I said, "….now hand over the chicken and nobody gets hurt."_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nathan POV- present day

"Hi, I'm looking for Peyton Scott?" I asked the middle-aged women behind the nurse's station.

"Nate, over here," I heard Luke say, coming up from the stairwell with a coffee holster in his hand.

"Never mind," I said to the lady, and walked over to Luke.

"What's going on? Is she ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, she's fine don't worry," Lucas said, and I let out a breath of relief, "She just had a little fall but she and the baby are both fine."

"Thank god for that! Haley left me a message to tell me she'd been in some kind of accident," I said.

"Yeah I spoke to Haley on the phone earlier and told her everything is ok," he said stopping by a door, "she's in here."

I held the door open for him so he didn't need to balance the coffee, and then went in after him.

Peyton was sitting up in the hospital bed sipping some juice. My breath hitched though as I saw Brooke sitting on the bed beside her with her back to me.

It was a situation that had been at the top of all my thoughts but the 'when' of when I would see Brooke had just been taken out of my hands. My brain wasn't processing anything s I stared at her back. Part of me couldn't wait for her to turn around, the other side was scared shitless of the look I'd see on her face. I know she was mad, and I just needed to explain, but this time as the uneasy feeling I had gotten last time she wasn't speaking to me came as expected but with a looming shadow of doubt over how I was going to fix this.

"Here you go," Luke said, handing Brooke a coffee, "Milk, two sugars right?"

No. Wrong—three sugars.

"Yeah that's great, thanks," Brooke said taking it from him, always the people pleaser.

"Oh Nate, thank you for coming, but I'm fine I promise! All this fuss is because Luke is just overprotective," Peyton said rolling her eyes.

I could see the muscles in Brooke's back tense, before she turned around slowly.

"Oh hi," she said vacant look in her eyes.

I didn't respond but just stared at her.

Brooke tried to avert her eyes but they kept flickering back to me. I could feel the internal struggle as she tried to keep them away.

Normally when we were around others Brooke managed to act casual and friendly. I always envied how she did it. I was sure I was terrible at acting like nothing was going on. Right now though she was failing massively. I could see Luke's eyes looking between Brooke and I, and our lack of interaction.

"I should get back to work," Brooke said standing up.

"Oh, are you sure? I thought you had the afternoon off?" Peyton asked.

"Yeah I just have some things to do before tomorrow," Brooke told her.

"Ok, thanks for coming," Peyton said giving her a hug.

"Call me later, and get some rest," Brooke told her then turned to Luke, "Thanks for the coffee."

Brooke put her bag over her shoulder and walked past me out the room. In the speed in which she left I was surprised the breeze didn't knock me over.

"Can you go ask the nurse about bringing discharge papers?" Peyton asked Lucas.

"I'll do it, you stay," I told him instantly.

Luke began to protest but I was already out the door. I couldn't let her leave just like this.

"Brooke," I called out, but she didn't turn around. She was only a couple of metres ahead of me so there was no way she hadn't heard. Her pace picked up but I jogged forward and held her elbow. The second I touched her thought she snatched her arm out of my grasp.

"Don't," she said.

"Wait, we need to talk," I said.

"Not right now we don't," she said, "I didn't come here to speak to you, I came to check on Peyton."

"Brooke please," I said, "don't do this."

Brooke looked over her shoulder as she saw people start to pay attention to us.

I guided her over to the next hallway that was empty and she followed me, not wanting to cause a scene.

"What do you want me to say Nathan?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"I just need you to listen to me," I argued.

"Haley is pregnant Nathan, or do you not understand that? So you tell me after that what the hell do we have to talk about?" she snapped. I didn't blame her.

"It's not what you think," I said, "I don't know how this happened."

"What do you mean you don't know how this happened?" she said rolling her eyes, "you told me you weren't having sex! So you just lied about that?"

"We aren't!" I assured her.

"So then how is Haley pregnant Nathan?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said. Even as I said it I knew it was a stupid answer. I felt like a little kid standing before the principal coming out with a ridiculous explanation.

"Did you sleep with her Nathan?" Brooke asked me in a softer tone.

I didn't know how to phrase what was going on. I didn't think I did, but according to Haley it happened. I took a few too many seconds to think because Brooke sighed.

"You know what even if you did it doesn't matter," she said, " I have no right to be mad, and don't you see what's wrong with that within itself? She's your wife."

I could feel the waves of disappointment coming off her, and that was worse than anger. I wish I could tell her that I 100 per cent hadn't slept with Haley but the truth was I couldn't right now and I hated myself for getting in this situation.

"But Brooke I didn't—"

"I don't want to know," she said and started walking away.

"Brooke stop!"

"I just…I can't Nathan. We've spent too long kidding ourselves over this. This was just the thing we needed—I needed to make me think clearly."

"But it's not—"

"I love you Nathan," she shrugged, "but sometimes love isn't—"

I could feel my blood run cold as I mentally begged her not to finish the sentence.

"Hey, there you are," Luke said coming through the double doors.

"Yeah I just saw Nathan and had to ask him about the best way to get back," she said. This time she had the casual tone down perfectly.

"Ah ok, the subway isn't that far from here," Luke said, "I'd take the north exit though not this one, otherwise you'll; be stuck having to switch subway lines."

"I think that's a great idea," Brooke said, "I'll see you later."

She patted Luke on the shoulder as she walked past and through the doors.

"You ok man?" he asked.

I pushed my hands into my pockets.

"Yeah," I said going back toward Peyton's room.

If he knew I was lying he didn't dispute it.

Xxxxxxxxx

A/N: Like I said I have the other part of this ready. Let me know what you think while I sort it out!


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: As promised I said I'd post the next one …

Chapter 7

_Brooke POV Flashback_

"_You want the last piece?" Nathan asked holding the tin box toward me._

"_Nah, I feel sick enough as it is," I said._

"_I thought you liked sweet and sour chicken?" he said, licking his finger._

_I snorted._

"_Yeah I do but it doesn't mean I want to get through two boxes of it," I said._

_Nathan laughed and put the container down on the floor beside him._

"_Nobody forced you to eat that," he said taking a swig of his beer._

"_Oh I know, trust me," I said laughing, "probably not my classiest hour."_

"_Nah there's nothing wrong with doing something you love," he said._

"_True, but I think I'm done with sweet and sour chicken for a few weeks," I said, leaning back against the cold granite. Somehow we'd ended up sitting on the floor under the breakfast bar, eating straight out the containers. This all followed a very close fight for the box. He let me win before he revealed there were two more on the counter the whole time. _

_We'd ended somehow on the floor and didn't bother to move to the chairs that were only a few steps away. I liked it though, because in a way it reminded me of playing inside a tent as a kid. We were right here but we were removed from everything else in this little safe spot. Sitting here now felt like that. _

_I spun my empty bottle against the floor and it turned until it knocked into my other empty bottle with a soft clang._

"_Thank you for tonight," I said, "I mean it."_

"_For what? It was a total disaster," he said laughing. Nathan brought his knees up and rested his arms on them, "I suck."_

"_What? No you don't," I said, "You tried to make a signature Chinese dish—most chefs wouldn't be able to do that. Give yourself more credit."_

"_I just wanted to make you feel better," he said._

"_Are you kidding? I already told you that you did!" I said._

"_It went in the trash," he said raising an eyebrow._

"_Well watching you attempt to try was like watching a comedy show," I said with a wink._

"_Last time I ever try to do anything nice for you," he said._

"_Oh come on, I'm just kidding," I said laughing, and then sighed happily, "Seriously though Nathan that's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."_

"_Again—do you not remember what it tasted like?" he asked incredulously, "My insides are still tingling."_

"_But the fact you tried to make me my favourite food by scratch—the fact you even knew what food I needed when I was having a bad day—nobody has ever done something like that for me, so thank you," I said._

_Nathan smiled, "well I'm glad I could help."_

"_You did," I replied, "I don't know what it is Nathan but you always manage to make me feel like everything will be ok."_

"_That's because it will be," he said instantly, twisting around. _

"_I know but when you say it you're not just saying it. It's like you actually know for sure and you make me believe it."_

"_Brooke I don't tell you all these things because I want you to be happy or even feel better. I tell you because I have no doubt in my mind that you won't work it out. If I had to say who I think would make it, and stay up there- you'd be at the top of my list."_

"_You give me too much credit Nathan," I said. It was only then that I realised how close we were sitting. Our shoulders were touching and he was watching me intently. I almost felt like I should blink just to avert his gaze._

"_I wish you could see yourself clearly," he said, "because you're one of the good ones."_

_I laughed softly and leaned my head on the surface behind me. It was cold against my skin but it felt soothing. _

_My body felt warmer after the few beers I'd drunk and the coolness felt like I was getting more focus._

_Nathan's eyes were still on me, and when he noticed me looking he smiled._

"_You're not so bad yourself," I said shrugging._

_Nathan smiled._

"_Thanks Brooke," he said rolling his eyes._

"_Don't make fun of me!" I said, pushing his arm. Nathan was heavier than my strength though and he didn't even waver. I didn't pull my arm away though and left it there._

_The air suddenly felt like it stopped moving. The small hairs on my arm were raised despite feeling too hot. I wanted to take my sweater off but I didn't want to move. _

_Slowly, seeping through was the strange atmosphere that had been present with us once before. This time though it wasn't accompanied with panic. I wasn't sure what it was but I let it run through my body. _

_Nathan licked his lips unintentionally and I knew he was feeling the same thing I was. _

_I could feel the heat through his hoodie. We must have sat there for a few minutes, just watching each other to see how would move first._

_I wasn't an idiot. I knew what I was feeling. I could blame it on the beer but I wasn't drunk—The alcohol just made me brave enough to stay here as long as I did in this position. _

_My body wanted to move closer but my brain started to kick in. What was I doing? The last thing I wanted to do was pull another 'Brooke' and mess this up. I'd done it with all the relationships in my life. I wasn't sure what 'this' was but I knew Nathan was an important part of my life to just mess up over a feeling I may have and didn't fully understand._

_Nathans breathing was getting faster, and I could hear it, as well as feel the warm air. _

_I bit my lip, and let one leg drop so he could turn more toward me._

"_I should probably go," I said. I squeezed my eyes shut, mentally yelling at myself for even sitting her as long as I did. _

"_That's probably a good idea," he said. He slid away from me and stood up, the loss of body heat suddenly making me shiver. His haste to move away invoked a feeling of rejection within me, even though I knew it was completely irrational to feel that way. I had pulled away first, effectively doing the same thing._

"_Somehow I have this sauce everywhere," he said wiping it off his neck with the back of his hand. His tone was light as if the last few minutes hadn't taken place. He'd managed to do it again. All he had to do was act normal and all my anxiety was gone and it felt normal once more. If this was anyone else, awkwardness would linger for days._

"_I'm not surprised," I said laughing, "rules about a good clean fight don't apply when there's food and the two of us involved."_

"_You're right about that," he said. _

_I could see some splatters on my arm, and twisted it around to see more. I wouldn't be shocked if there was more on me._

_I stood up, putting the empty bottles on the counter. _

"_I'm going to go wash up," I said going to the bathroom. I could hear the clatter of bottles as Nathan moved the bottles to the trash. _

_I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath. I walked over to the mirror and stared at myself. My cheeks were tinged with pink and I looked as guilty as I felt despite not having done anything. _

_I turned on the tap, and rinsed the stickiness off, taking a minute to splash water on my face. _

_I just needed to go home and think of a legitimate way to get a hold of myself. God this was so embarrassing. I felt like a fifteen year old. Could I really have feelings for Nathan? It just felt like such an amateur word. How was this even possible?—whatever it was though it was wrong. This was Nathan Scott. _

_I groaned, and wiped my hands on the towel. I just needed some air._

_I left the bathroom and couldn't see Nathan in the kitchen anymore. I turned around and saw his shadow in his bedroom. The door was open but he hadn't bothered to put the light on. The moon was creating his image on the wall though. A second later Nathan walked into sight. He was standing there without a shirt on, his jeans low on his waist. He had a t-shirt in his hands he was about to put on when he looked up and saw me standing there._

_He froze and stood still, and once again we were locked in this unofficial staring contest. _

_We were a good half a room apart but it didn't matter. I could see his chest moving quickly, and I'm sure he could see me thinking. The tense feeling was back and I could feel it building up until I couldn't breathe. It got to a point where I felt like it couldn't go any higher and I was going to burst if I didn't move now. _

"_Fuck it," Nathan said dropping the t-shirt and coming toward me. Before I could blink I felt his arms around my waist and his lips on mine. I fell backwards, but Nathan steadied me, without ending contact once. I stumbled for a second but regained my balance as the realisation that Nathan's lips were on mine set in. Caution flew out the window and I felt the increasing tension explode around us. Nathan's kiss was hard but his lips felt light and soft on mine._

_I felt like there was a ticking time bomb attached to us and we were both desperate, trying to get the most of each other as we could. _

_Nathan lifted me up and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist, using the new leverage to kiss him from a different angle. This wasn't exactly my first time at the rodeo, but it felt like a completely new experience. I could feel the transformation within that his touch made, as though all my senses were on high alert, making me feel more alive than I had in a long time. It was as though with every touch Nathan was dragging me to the surface of the water and I'd just taken my first breath. _

_With each moment I could feel the hesitation trickle away as I tightened my legs around his waist, allowing myself to be fully vulnerable. As optimistic as it sounded it felt like this was part of a healing process. Nathan had already healed me emotionally and now I felt as though he was healing me physically too if that was even possible._

_I looked into his eyes before sucking softly on the sensitive spot underneath his ear. He took my actions as consent as he walked backwards into his bedroom. I knew we were there when the lighting changed._

_He let me down slowly, and I felt the front of my body painfully move down the front of his. It was as though we were giving each other a preview into what could happen if we let it._

"_Nathan—" I said. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say but I had to say it._

"_I know," he said._

_There was an unspoken agreement that neither of us knew what the hell we were doing but we had to do it. _

_The moonlight was the only source of light in the room but I felt like it was acting like a spotlight on us. Nathan took a deep breath, and I could feel him trying to even out his irregular breathing. His desire was so clear it may as well have been written as text on his forehead. It made me wonder how we'd managed to keep our yearning away from the surface for so long. I wasn't deluded enough to think we'd felt like this from the start—in fact it had been far from it. Maybe that's what made this so special though—we'd worked at, and created whatever it was that this was. _

_I put my hands around his neck and we slowly came together. I rested my forehead on his and closed my eyes tightly. We both needed this second to calm down and realise what was happening. _

_My thumbs made small circles on the back of his neck and I could tell they were soothing his panic. His hands were warm as they rested on my lower back under my sweater. Nathan's chest felt like it was burning of heat, and I suddenly needed to feel his skin on mine. I had to move away from Nathan to maneuverer my sweater off but once he realised what I was trying to do he helped me get it off, dropping it unceremoniously on the floor._

_I kissed him frantically but it wasn't enough. Nathan obviously felt the same because my straps of my bra were falling slack against my arms before I had even realised he had undone the clasp. I dropped my arms, letting it join the rest of the clothes, which were now just little dark blurs on ground. I felt fully exposed all of a sudden and once again Nathan was channelling my emotions because he must have felt my hesitance. He pulled away for a second and grasped both of my hands, threading his fingers through mine, giving me no choice but to uncross my arms._

_He led me over to the bed, rubbing small circles on the back of my hands, sensing I needed some reassurance. I lay back against the pillow and watched Nathan come over me. This felt so strange but right all at the same time. All it took was eye contact with Nathan for me to be reminded of everything I needed in this moment, as all feelings of lust came crashing through the barrier again._

_He tentatively kissed me gently, and the only thing I could do to subdue the rising fire in me and to convey my craving was to kiss him back._

xxxxxx

Nathan POV Present Day

"Well well, look who decided to brave it outside of Manhattan."

My hands gripped the steering wheel when I heard a voice, but I loosened my grip when I realised who it was.

"I'm just kidding," Rachael said, getting into my car.

"Hey," I said.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, "You look like a stalker."

"What?" I said with probably too much enthusiasm.

"Nathan you're sitting here in sunglasses and drinking a coffee with no move to get out of the car," he said.

"Yeah sometimes I'm just not in the mood to get recognised," I tried to justify.

"And the glossy new Range Rover you're in is going to help that?" she asked sceptically, "are you sure you're ok?"

Rachel looked up at the apartment block across from me, and I could see her trying to figure out what I was doing.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just had to get some paperwork from Brooke about an article her magazine is doing but I'm a little early so was just passing time," I said.

Rachel laughed, "It's not a business meeting Nate, it's Brooke. You can just go on up. Besides, don't you have people to do these little errands for you?

"I do but Haley had some other stuff for Brooke too, and I was in the area so it made sense."

I felt bad about bringing Haley's name into this whole situation but it made it more plausible and I knew Rachel and Haley weren't close enough to speak out of the blue to discredit my story.

"Oh. Ok then," Rachel said believing every word I said—after all she had no reason not to, "you can just go up though. I doubt Brooke would care if you're a few minutes early."

"That's very true," I said realising how stupid my choice of excuse was, "I was just waiting on a work call though so it made sense."

"Huh, well I guess I should get going anyway—some of us actually have a job and don't get to watch basketball all day," she kidded.

"Bye," I said as he leaned over to hug me.

"Tell Brooke I said hi," she said closing the car door.

I didn't relax until she was on the next street.

I let out my breath slowly, trying to steady myself. I was so close to blowing everything there. All it would have taken was for something small to seem amiss and it would have been game over. I would rather have not run into anyone I knew—I mean what were the chances. I had been here so many times before and had never seen anybody. If I had to run into anybody though I'm glad it was Rachel. I knew she wouldn't overthink anything. I also knew she was more loyal to Brooke than Haley to be suspicious.

Seeing Rachel only made me realise enough was enough. Now I'd seen Brooke at the hospital I knew where her head was at. Before when I was avoiding her it was because I told myself I didn't have my argument ready yet, and I wasn't sure what she was thinking. Now though I knew I was just avoiding seeing her because I was nervous.

I needed her so badly though it was worth it. I pulled the key out the ignition and got out the car, throwing my half full coffee cup in the trash can close by. I felt like a huge part of me was missing, like I didn't have my foundation holding me all together. I had to pull my shit together. This was it. I needed to secure her place by my side because without her none of this mattered.

I walked up the few steps to the front door of the apartment block and pressed the buzzer for her apartment hoping she'd take mercy on me and let me up. I didn't want to beg on the doorstep but if I had to then I'd take what I could get.

Her words at the hospital seemed final but I refused to believe that. She was upset—rightfully so, but I hadn't done my explanation at the hospital justice in any way and I was kicking myself for that now.

I pressed the buzzer again, biting my lip in nervousness.

Come on Brooke.

She hadn't lifted the receiver so she had no way to know it was even me she was ignoring.

I went to press the buzzer again but the door opened from the other side. A guy with headphones on walked out, and I caught the door before it locked again, letting myself in.

I ran two flights up but slowed down when a middle aged lady walked past disapprovingly. As soon as she was round the corner I sped up until I reached Brooke's door.

I was about to knock when the lighting changed from under the door.

She was home.

I steadied myself and knocked, waiting for her to open it.

"Brooke come on," I said, knocking again. The apartment was silent but I knew she was there because I had seen the glare of the light, "you know we need to talk about it."

It was completely silent. She probably thought I would just assume she wasn't in.

I sighed and leaned my head against the door.

"Ok fine. Maybe it's a good thing you won't respond because you can just listen to me and let me get this out," I said, "This isn't how I imagined doing it but here goes. Brooke I –"

The door flew open and I caught myself on the doorframe before I fell forward.

"Yes?"

I braced myself to look at up Brooke but frowned when I was met with a rounded elderly lady. She reminded me a little of someone who could easily have been one of our cafeteria ladies.

"Oh um…" I said, scanning the door number to make sure I hadn't made a mistake, despite seeing Brooke's apartment behind her.

"Is Brooke here?" I asked tentatively.

"No," she said.

Helpful.

"Do you know when she's coming back?" I asked.

"She isn't," she said.

"So later tonight?" I asked.

"No she left today," she said.

"What do you mean she left?" I asked confused, "when did she say she'd be back?"

"She isn't coming back. Turned up at my door with a bag and this months rent and took off, throwing me in the lurch. Completely selfish of her," she said with a tut.

"You mean you're the—"

"Yes landlady," she finished for me.

"But all her things are here," I pointed out stupidly, not fully understanding what was going on. Brooke's things were scattered across the room as though.

"Left them. Acting like she was doing me a favour, but trying to get all this furniture out is only going to end up being more hassle than it's worse," she said crossing her arms.

"Wait she really left as in left for good?" I asked.

"I said that already," she snapped, "What do you want, I need to go down and call someone about putting the apartment in the paper."

"What why? She's coming back," I said.

"The first thing she said when I opened my door to her was 'I'm leaving and not coming back'- Not being the operative word."

I laughed nervously. She wouldn't just leave like that. Her apartment looked as though she's just run out for milk. Everything was just as it was.

I refused to believe it. Where would she go? She wouldn't leave without telling me. She wouldn't just leave me.

I checked my phone and I had no messages.

The landlady picked up Brooke's empty purple laundry basket and began throwing in random knickknacks from around the living room. A few candles got thrown in, and a little silver statue of Buddha. She threw in a photo frame, which made an awkward crashing noise as it hit the other stuff.

"Stop! I said going into the apartment, "What are you doing?"

Seeing her just throw things around that were part of Brooke pissed me off.

"I need to clear this out before the next people move in," she said, continuing to add to the basket, "trash days tomorrow."

"You can't let anyone move in," I said standing in her way, "Brooke will come back."

"Young man I don't know what you think you're playing at or who you even are but I am most definitely advertising the apartment. I need the rent."

"But what if she comes back?" I asked. Brooke was upset and would think about this and then come back. She wouldn't just leave all her things to go in the trash.

"Oh, do you want me to keep the apartment open just on the off chance that she does?" she asked me.

I could almost sarcasm coming off her.

"Could you?" I asked even though I knew the response I would get. I didn't want her moving out Brooke's things like they didn't matter, and letting some strangers live here before I had figured out what was going on. I didn't want Brooke to come back once she'd calmed down and realise her apartment was gone.

Anyone who was here in the meantime would be intruding on this little place that had become our haven.

"I'm not really sure you have a say in this. Now I have my work cut out for me so if you would leave—"

"You just – I can't explain why but you can't rent it out," I said.

Brooke was going to come back any second now. It was the only thing that made sense.

"Unless you want it, I don't have time to continue this conversation," she asked mockingly.

I stared at her for a second, cogs assembling in my brain. I couldn't let Brooke come back to losing this place.

"I can do a bank transfer right now," I said.

Xxxxxx

_Nathan POV Flashback_

_You know those mornings where you wake up still in the haze of your blissful sleep, but then suddenly you're hit with memories from the night before, a vivid reminder that suddenly forces you awake into the day where you have to deal with it all?_

_Of all morning for this to happen, this was it. But I'd spent the past ten minutes from the moment I'd woken up trying to work out why exactly it hadn't hit. I knew from the second I'd woken up that it wasn't just a very detailed dream, because I could feel Brooke's knee pressed against my thigh before I'd even opened my eyes._

_I was waiting for the, what should be, inevitable freak out over our actions but all I felt was calm._

_I lay there in the sun, my chest warm from the heat it was emitting through the window. We'd forgotten to close the curtains last night—or rather we were too distracted to, and I was surprised the bright light hadn't woken Brooke yet. _

_She was lying beside me on her stomach with one leg hitched up slightly. She had the sheets pulled tightly around her as she cocooned herself within them, a slight pout on her face. I couldn't help but smirk at the image. _

_I watched her sleep peacefully and thought back to last night. I now understood what people meant when they said their memories were all a blur. Everything moved o fast last night, but yet was so detailed in my mind it was as if a movie reel was playing. I had no memory though of how or when we'd fallen asleep. We hadn't taken the time to do much talking before we'd passed out, there was just an unspoken understanding that we were doing what felt right. _

_This was the first time that I had slept through the entire night in a long time, and the best sleep I'd had. Something within me felt settled—something I didn't even know was unsettled in the first place. _

_I still couldn't believe that Brooke Davis was in my bed. Brooke Davis. It was Brooke Davis that I had slept with. It was weird now to think that this wasn't the first time Brooke and I had had sex. It was a completely different experience though. Back in high school we were stupid kids and it meant nothing. Even though it was the same person though this was completely different. This time it was the strangest thing—the most out of body experience I had ever had. It was like I was there watching the scene unfold slowly and not in the moment myself. Last night wasn't just sex like before it was….something else that I had known before. It was as if it had bonded us on a level I didn't even know could exist between two people, something we will never be able to share with anyone else. _

_Brooke wrinkled her nose as a strand of hair fell onto her face, but didn't bother to move it out the way, and instead left it to sit there. Every breath she took made the hair flutter slowly as she breathed in and out. I wanted to reach out and move it but didn't want to wake her._

_I had no clue what would happen when she woke up, and I wasn't sure I was ready yet to see the regret in her eyes. I didn't feel regret, I wasn't sure what I felt, but regret wasn't it. I had no way to predict what Brooke would think of last night. I wasn't sure what I wanted but if she suddenly backed out of my life, even as my friend I don't think I would be able to handle that. _

_The thinking time I'd been banking on was taken out of my hands though when she shifted slowly, letting out a deep breath. Her eyes opened slowly, and after they adjusted she looked straight into my eyes._

_I held my breath but relaxed when she smiled softly._

"_Hi," she said._

"_Hey," I replied._

_We lay there watching each other in silence and it was clear we were both thinking. She didn't look stressed though and I figured she was probably wondering what I was thinking._

"_Did you sleep ok?" I asked her._

"_I slept great actually," she said._

_I gave her a smile and she smiled back._

"_Are you ok?" she asked._

"_Yeah, of course," I said. I was right when I thought she was wondering if I had concerns. _

"_Last night was…" she began but lingered on the end._

"_Yeah it was," I said agreeing with her._

_Brooke sat up, holding the covers to her chest._

"_You alright?" I asked her._

"_Yeah, I'm just going to get some water," she said._

"_I'll get it," I told her, already reaching out and slipping on my boxers under the covers._

"_Thanks," she said._

_I left the room and felt like I was floating down the hallway. I didn't know what would happen now but it felt good that both Brooke and I didn't regret it. It could have easily happened but it didn't. _

_I knew we'd need to figure out what it meant but for now I was happy to just be happy for a while._

_I felt the chill now that I'd left my bed and I picked up a pair of track pants from a basket of clean laundry I'd left on the side of the couch and put them on before going in the kitchen._

_The bottles and containers from last night were neatly lined up on the counter, a reminder of the first part of last night. _

_I opened the fridge and took out two bottles of water. I nearly left the kitchen but on second thought grabbed a packet of chocolate brownies too. _

_The buzzer on the door rang just as I left the room and I put one of the bottles under my arm before so I could open the door, the cold water making me shiver for a second as it came into touch with my skin._

_I didn't need to keep it there for long though because it fell to the ground as I stood in shock._

"_Hi."_

"_Haley," I breathed in disbelief._

_xxxxxxxxx_

A/N: We're getting there now with the story. Now we've established up to this point, it's a big moment for both time lines.

Please let me know what you think. I haven't heard from many of you for a while. I know it's partly my fault since I hadn't updated in so long but I'm trying really hard to balance everything. I'm living in Italy for three more weeks and I'm more than ready to head home now. I want to finish this story this year so hopefully you'll give me a chance to churn it out like I used to! xx


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Seem to be on a role. I wrote this the same day I posted the last chapter and churned it out in one go. Sometimes when you're in the mood to write, you're in the mood to write.**

Chapter 8

Brooke POV Present day

Kick start my career in LA. That's what Owen had thought I needed to find myself and make me feel better. He thought it was the best place for a fresh start.

I disagreed though, and the white sand of Tree Hill beach in front of me was far from that scene.

I sat back against the bench at the edge of the pier, and wondered how far removed this place was from the place I was in as a kid.

"Hey Brooke!"

I turned around and saw Quinn jog up to me in her flip-flops. She had to be the most relaxed art gallery owner I had ever seen—not that I had come into contact with many…well not any at all, but when I imagined what someone in her job would look like I saw chic, particular and business focused. Quinn however was the epitome of carefree in her denim shorts, checked shirt and flip-flops.

I had run into her at a local coffee shop where I'd been sitting reprimanding myself for not having any plan other than to get myself here. She handed me a flyer to her photo gallery and didn't hesitate in asking me why I looked so lost.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't about to divulge my life story to a stranger, but I did tell her I hadn't exactly planned out where I was going to stay. She shrugged and told me my problem was solved and that she had an apartment above her gallery.

She cleared up the whole issue of following a stranger into their murderous plan to get me alone easily enough, by finishing with 'don't worry I'm not a psychopath, I just need a tenant, and don't worry I know that sounds exactly like what a psychopath would say but really I'm just really broke.'

I couldn't help but laugh at her speech and was following her out the coffee shop to go and see the apartment.

The studio wasn't far from where we were already and she helped me with my duffel bag while I dragged my suitcase down to the pier. She took it upon herself to play tour guide and give me lots of information about Tree Hill and explain directions. I couldn't bring it upon myself to stop her and tell her I'd grown up here.

We'd walked up to the gallery in time for her to see a customer taking a look around inside. I gestured to her to go on, and I'd stopped at the bench to just take a minute.

I had still surprised myself by ending up here. Common sense said I would go somewhere that didn't remind me of Nathan but even though I knew him when I lived here, we were never together here. The Tree Hill version of Nathan I had never associated with—well my Nathan.

Owen made sense when he said to go to LA. He was right. I had a job offer there, I had direction there. It was the fresh start I needed. When I got to the airport though I couldn't bring myself to buy a ticket to Los Angeles. I didn't know if I had it in me to go do New York all over again and be in a professional place I didn't want to be.

I know it was the loser's way out to stop myself trying just because I was scared to fail, but something told me I was taking the LA job just because it was the only other option I had. I wasn't taking it because it was a good job, I was taking it because it was a better job than the one I had in New York.

I felt like the pressure was there at the airport and somehow I had ended up the one place I used to want to get away from.

It was also the last place anyone would look.

I just needed a minute to just get myself together and figure out what I wanted to do.

"Brooke, hey sorry!" Quinn said, tying her hair up into a sloppy ponytail.

"That's ok, don't worry," I said, standing up, feeling the urge to take off my jacket feeling warm, just seeing the way she was dressed. I was definitely still 'New York' dressed and the fact it was ok to dress casually in Tree Hill was one of the few things I liked about it.

"Well shall we go see the place?" she asked.

"Yeah that would be great," I replied, picking up my bag, which she immediately took from me again so I just had the one suitcase to maneuverer.

We walked back up to the studio and she showed me around the side where there was a set of stairs going up to a front door on a small wooden balcony.

It took a few minutes for the two of us to get the suitcase up, and Quinn let us in with her key.

"It's not huge but rents cheap and it's in a great spot—"

"Quinn I love it," I interrupted, and I wasn't lying.

It was small but it was cosy and already had furniture that looked basically new. There were a few wooden beams going across the space, giving it character and leading up to the open plan kitchen.

"The bedroom is around here," she said going around the corner.

I leant the suitcase against the wall, and took my jacket off, following her into the next room.

"It's really great," I told her seeing the double bed in the corner and white painted wooden dresser.

"En suite's through there," she said letting me have a quick glance into the modern bathroom that was separated by shutters.

"Rent's negotiable," she added, "but its around $800 a month."

"I'll take it," I said.

"Are you sure? I know it's not—"

"I've been paying rent in New York, it's a godsend in comparison," I laughed.

"Really?" she said looking thankful, "you'd be doing me a huge favour! I just haven't had time to advertise this place and it's been empty for ages—"

"Quinn you basically saved me," I told her.

Quinn gave me a grin.

"Ok so do – you look beat. I am so sorry I've just been rambling on and on," she said.

"That's fine, don't worry," I said.

"How about I let you get settled and we can figure everything else later? Are you free tonight? Do you maybe want to come to a bar? It's really low key, we can just work out all the small details?"

Did I want to go to a bar? I wanted to lie in my bed and wallow but before I said no and asked if we could just work it out now, I saw the hopeful look on her face and didn't want to be rude considering what she had just done for me.

"Sure," I said.

"Great, I'll leave you the details," she said taking out her phone. I reached for it and gave her my number.

I started following her out and she gave me the key, and I closed the front door behind me.

"I'm just going to grab some coffee," I explained, behind her on the stairs.

"Oh you should go to Karen's! It's great there, and they have these amazing banana muffins," she advised.

And there it was—the reminder that I was in fact back in Tree Hill.

"I'll consider it," I told her.

"I'll see you tonight," she said, giving me a quick wave before going into the studio.

Xxxxx

_Brooke POV Flashback_

_I pulled on my hoodie and opened the door, after the soft knock, wanting to get back into bed._

_Nathan stood there on the other side, his hair still damp from a shower. It was weird to think I had only left him about two hours ago and his shower was washing off any remains of me on his skin._

"_Hi," he said._

"_Hey," I replied._

_This morning felt like years ago. I had left the room to see what was taking Nathan so long, and paused in the doorway when I noticed the front door open, not wanting to go any further with just Nathan's t-shirt on. _

_I had heard Haley's voice before I saw her. I couldn't work out what she was saying, but I knew it was her. _

_I felt my body freeze going into overdrive. I wasn't sure what I was meant to be thinking or doing but this was the last think I thought I'd see._

_Her voice was getting louder and I panicked. I did the only thing I could think of in that moment. I ran. I pulled on my jeans and grabbed my clothes and climbed out of the fire escape window. _

_I got to the bottom and didn't stop until I got to my apartment. Luckily my keys were in the pocket of my jeans and not in the living room._

_I'd changed out of Nathan's t-shirt, wearing it wasn't helping me to think clearly, and gotten into bed. I could still smell him on my skin, and for some reason the fact he'd showered made me feel vulnerable somehow, which was ridiculous because what normal person didn't shower._

_I wasn't sure what was going on. I didn't even know what happened between Nathan and me and what it meant. I thought we had time to think about it but now another factor had been thrown in the mix._

_Haley was back? There had been no sign of her since she'd left. Apart from the initial time with Nathan he hadn't even mentioned her._

_God this was messed up. _

_I don't know why I was so freaked out. It wasn't because I thought Haley would get between us—that was another story, and I didn't even know if she was staying. I think it was mainly because I had been content in the little world we had created and now it felt like there was an invasion._

"_Can I come in?" he asked._

"_Sure," I said, stepping aside and holding the door open._

_Nathan came in and looked uncomfortable as though he handle hung out in here a thousand times—hell he had even taken naps in my bed whilst I studied._

_I hadn't told Nathan I was leaving but it was clear enough from the fact I did, why. He still felt the need to tell me though._

"_Haley came today."_

"_Yeah I saw," I said._

"_I'm really sorry," he said._

_I wasn't sure if he was saying sorry for making me leave or for something else. Ok logically I knew what was coming next and he wasn't wrong to want it, which was why I couldn't bring myself to be mad. Only disappointed. _

"_It's fine," I said shrugging._

"_I know it sounds like I'm just taking her back after everything," he said, "but she's my wife and she said she made a mistake. I owe it to her to at least hear her out."_

_What did I want him to do? He made sense. We were just friends. We acted on something last night but it's not like we were a couple._

"_You do what you need to do," I said._

"_Brooke you're still my friend," he said._

"_I know," I said, but I wasn't an idiot. I knew it wouldn't be like it was before, and if he thought it he was the idiot. _

"_I'm sorry," he said._

"_Yeah me too," I replied, gripping the door frame._

Xxxxx

Brooke POV

I pulled on my high-heeled brown leather boots and rummaged in my suitcase searching for my leather jacket, which I'm sure I put at the base.

I considered dressing up a bit considering it was a bar—well with the little I had brought with me. Clearly I hadn't packed very efficiently, bringing random pieces of clothing that didn't even go together. Quinn did say it was low key though and she didn't seem like the type to say that, but then only to do the opposite like many girls I knew would.

I located the jacket, and pulled it on whilst locking up, and heading out down the pier.

I still wasn't in the mood to go but I couldn't back out now. I'd intended to pack but after grabbing coffee I brought it back to the apartment and curled into bed playing with my phone. Packing soon turned into taking a nap and I'd woken up to see the light flashing on my phone with a message from Quinn telling me where to meet her tonight.

I had seven missed called from Nathan and a bunch of texts I didn't open. I knew this would happen but didn't think he would realise so soon. I made a mental note to get a new SIM card tomorrow and change my number. I was only doing it to help myself.

I also had a text from Owen and I texted him back on my way to bar to tell him I was ok, but didn't offer up more details than that.

I didn't recognise the bar name, but I did know the street so I made it there without having to google a map. I glanced at Karan's quickly as I passed, feeling a strange sensation. It was the same sensation I felt about this street—it was a feeling like it was a brand new place yet there was a sense of deju vu. That's all it was. It was otherwise a new place to me.

I nearly walked past the bar because I wasn't paying proper attention but the noise coming from inside made me stop, and look up. The bar was new. It had definitely not been here before. It had huge glass windows panelled in, and there was a dim light inside. It was moderately full for a weekday night, and I let myself in, taking in the surroundings. The place looked newly decorated and could have easily been one of the more relaxed bars in New York. What told me it wasn't though, was the relaxed manner everyone was in. I loved it. Considering I had only been in New York just under two years it felt like forever.

"Brooke, hey!"

I heard Quinn's voice over the music and saw her sitting at a small high table right next to the bar with a blond guy, who's back I could see. She waved me over, and she pulled up a stool just as I got there.

"Glad you found it ok," she said, hopping back on her stool, "Brooke, this is my charming boyfriend Clay, Clay this is Brooke."

"Hey," he said shaking my hand, "She hasn't shut up about you all afternoon."

"Oh my god, Clay, now she's going to think I'm insane!" Quinn said, going red.

"It's ok, don't worry," I said laughing and sitting up on the stool, making sure my jacket was secure on the back.

"I just said I thought we could be good friends that's all," she justified.

There was something about her quirky ability to just say what she was thinking which I couldn't help but like.

"It's ok, I think I see friendship in our future too," I told her, avoiding the topic of how long I was even planning on staying here.

"So did you just move here? How long are you planning to stay?" Clay asked, taking the question I was avoiding right out my hands.

"Err—"

"Will you stop with the third degree!" Quinn said to Clay and then turned to me, "sorry he's been paranoid about my naivety ever since he found out I picked you up and gave you the apartment without any sort of check first."

He raised his eyebrow at her but she just rolled her eyes.

"It's ok," I told her, "I just arrived from New York and I'm not sure how long I'm planning to stay just yet."

"Wow, the big apple huh?" Quinn said.

"Do you have a job down here yet?" Clay asked. I could tell he was asking this time out of interest rather than in a way that showed he was just protective of his girlfriend.

"No," I said. It hadn't occurred to me until now but I should probably get on that. Even if I wasn't planning to stay long the money I did have in my account wouldn't last long on rent, "I need to sort all that out still."

"What do you do?" Quinn asked.

What did I do? I ran errands. What I wanted to do was another story.

"I want to work in fashion," I explained.

"No offence but you do know you left the right city and came to the wrong one right?" Quinn said.

"It just wasn't working out in New York," I said.

I didn't offer up any more information but I could tell they wanted to ask more or found it odd. I could see Clay's expression and he was definitely suspicious. Who just up and left somewhere without a plan on where to live or what they were going to do, especially somewhere where it was clear would have been a better place for the career I had just described.

I suddenly felt like the girl in that old Nicholas Sparks book Safe Haven who was hiding a barrel of secrets the town were suspicious of.

"Well," Quinn said after a moment, "I hope you find what you're looking for here. I've only been here a few years but Tree Hill is great."

"Thank you," I said smiling.

"Let's get you a drink," Quinn said, waving her hand.

"Did you want to sort out those contracts?" I asked her.

"That can wait, don't worry," she said, as a shadow cast over me.

"I'm not a waiter Quinn, if you want a drink get off your ass and come to the bar like everyone else, or call for a waitress."

"Quit being grumpy," she said over my head, "and get our new friend here a welcome to Tree Hill drink."

The barman groaned, "What will it be?"

"Just a beer please, but I can come to the bar," I said, as I saw his shadow moving around me.

"It's ok, Quinn will never let me hear the end of—Brooke?"

I looked up when he reached my side and gasped.

"Chase?" I said.

"Wow, I did not expect to see you of all people in here," he said.

It felt stupid not to think I wouldn't run into anyone I knew before but it hadn't occurred to me. I didn't mind though, Chase was always more my friend than a mutual friend with Nathan.

I hopped off my chair and gave him a quick hug.

"Wait you know my cousin?" I heard Quinn ask confused.

"Umm yeah," I said, "but he's your cousin?"

"We actually knew each other from high school," Chase said blushing a bit.

"But you went to school here, so wait…" I could see Quinn thinking.

"I grew up here," I finished for her.

"You grew up here?" she said, "Oh god I cannot believe I was acting like I was the expert around town all day! Why didn't you stop me!"

"And now it all makes a bit more sense," Clay said in a friendly tone, and I smiled as his clear loss of suspicion. Now the fact that I grew up here answered all his questions about why this would be my destination.

"Wait…this is that Brooke?" Clay asked Chase, then grinned.

"Oh my god, can you stop right now," Chase said and then trying to change the subject, "So a beer right?"

"Yes please," I said laughing at his embarrassment which I only found endearing.

Chase went off and Clay laughed.

"I think you're going to fit in here just fine," Quinn said.

"Well, welcome to Tree Hill," Clay said just in time for Chase to place a beer in front of me.

"Thanks," I said, knocking my bottle against Quinn and Clays as they held them up.

xxxxx

_Brooke POV Flashback_

_Ohhh! It all made sense now! I didn't know why I didn't think of this before! I'm in the Twilight Zone!—Well it was the only thing that made sense. _

_I felt like I had accidently stepped through a time warp sending me back a few months. Either this, or it had sent me to an alternate timeline before and I was only just returning._

"_Brooke! Are you listening?" Peyton asked._

"_Sorry what?" I asked, coming out of my own thoughts._

"_Are you up for dinner tonight?" Haley asked,_

"_Oh I can't," I said, "I have this thing with some people my parents know."_

"_Are you sure?" Haley asked, "We don't have to go to the Mexican, that Chinese place actually sounds so much better right now. I have a craving for sweet and sour chicken."_

_The two worlds were blurring and there was no space for one in the other. I purposely avoided looking in Nathan's direction—not that I had let myself give him any attention for the whole of lunch anyway, but even now more so when I knew he'd be looking for my reaction to what Haley had said. I didn't know what I couldn't handle more, looking up and seeing him watching me or looking up and seeing he wasn't. _

_Nathan had been acting completely normal for the whole week. I wasn't sure what I was meant to be thinking. It's not like I expected him to act differently around me, I wasn't stupid enough to think broadcasting what we did would help anyone but I could detect anything from him which told me that it wasn't all a dream. All that was happening now was that I genuinely was starting to think I was crazy._

"_Yeah sorry I have to go to this," I said._

"_Maybe next time," Peyton said._

"_Sure," I said._

_God it was like they'd all gone insane. Peyton had been mad at Haley for about a day and now she was acting like everything was completely normal. _

_Was I the only one who remembered that she had just up and left? Of course I didn't want a huge scene, which would end in hating on her forever but this was just unreal._

"_I don't mind going there, we could go to Rydell Street and do Thai?"_

"_Me and Nathan went for a walk last night and that's closed down," Haley said._

"_Oh you're kidding? That sucks," Luke replied._

"_I have to go," I said standing up, and putting my backpack over my shoulder. _

"_I thought you didn't have class again until three?" Peyton asked._

"_Yeah but I have to finish some work because I have that thing tonight," I lied, gathering my wrappers which were still filled with food I hadn't touched._

"_Ok call later," Peyton said giving me a small wave._

_I said by in the general direction of everyone, breathing in relief as I got far enough away, throwing my trash away, before walking toward the car park, intending to skip out on the rest of my classes._

"_Brooke, wait up!" I cringed internally as I heard Nathan's voice._

"_Hey," I said brightly, looking for my car keys in my bag to give me something to do._

"_Are you ok?" he asked._

"_Yeah I'm fine," I said, still 'looking' for my keys. I had located them a second ago but didn't make a move to fish them out because this way I didn't have to give him all my attention._

"_Listen you don't have to make excuses not to hang out with us," he said._

"_I'm not doing that," I said, pulling out my keys. I figured if I spent much longer searching it would just look suspicious—my bag wasn't that big._

"_But you said you weren't coming to dinner," he said._

"_Yeah because I have something to do with my parents and their associates," I said._

"_Your parents are in town?" he asked_

"_Yeah," I said, "they had a meeting or something."_

"_Are you ok with that?" he asked knowing how I felt about my parents._

"_They're my parents," I answered._

_He sighed at my lack of detail._

"_I know you said you're not but you haven't been around all week. You keep giving excuses," he said and at this point I looked him in the eye for the first time, "look I just don't want you to pull away from everyone, you don't have to do that."_

"_What am I meant to do then?" I said, "You know that makes me feel like shit right? Everyone is welcoming her back with open arms and it's like she's my friend Haley again and what did I do? I slept with her husband!-"_

"_Woah, Brooke, no!" he said reaching out for me, but realised what he was doing and stopped. He glanced quickly behind him to make sure nobody has seen which only frustrated me more. It made me feel like we were doing something we should feel guilty for now even when it was all over._

"_Then what?"_

"_We didn't do anything wrong. She was gone ok? And what we did happened after some time. Ok maybe we blurred some lines about the rules of being with your friends ex, and in my case my wife's friend, but really she left, it's not like she can claim innocence."_

"_I don't really think it works that way," I said._

"_Whether it does or doesn't, it doesn't matter. It's done now, and what happened," he said, "Brooke despite how it is now I want you to know I don't regret what happened. We needed each other these weeks."_

"_Everything's just different now, and it's almost like she never left, and nobody is even acknowledging that._

"_Brooke—"_

_From his tone I knew he thought my comments were coming from something other than friendship._

"_Hold on, I'm just saying this as a friend and I know she hurt you and who's to say she isn't doing it again? And she's not just taking it for granted? It's something we should all be thinking to look out for you," I said._

"_I appreciate it, I do, but she seems like she feels really bad about leaving," he said, "I know it seems like its all fixed but it's not. We're trying to work through it all."_

_What else could I say to that? Nathan was smart enough to know the risks himself and I was sure he had thought them through. He obviously still loved her._

"_Ok," I said._

"_We're still friends Brooke, nothing has changed with that. Don't disappear on me," he said._

"_I'm not," I told him._

_I realised how selfish it was for me to just take a step back just because Haley was back. Despite what happened with us, Nathan and I formed a friendship these weeks and I couldn't just desert him now. It wasn't fair. We turned to each other for comfort; I couldn't play the clingy girl he slept with now._

"_So you'll come to dinner?" he asked hopefully._

_How he thought it would be fun for me to just watch him and Haley interact said a lot._

"_My parents really are here," I told him._

"_Then can you come out with us tomorrow then?" he asked._

"_Sure," I replied, telling myself I had to suck it up._

xxxxx

**A/N: I really had a lot of fun writing about some other characters we know. It felt refreshing especially because Quinn and Clay never feature in any of my stories so it felt like something new. I also hope the tone of the story in the Tree Hill I've created is different from the rest of the story and I hope it comes across.**

**Let me know what you think about the new turn the story has taken. I know there's a lot of Brooke in this chapter but I think a nice intro into where she went was needed. **


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Ok here you go! Just to clear up some confusion I'm just going to answer a few questions I got in reviews:**

**Haley and Quinn are not sisters in this story **

**In question to whether Chase and Brooke have a past= they have the same past they had in the tv show- so dated at the end of season 4 (senior year)—remember Brooke takes his virginity after the whole clean teens fiasco? Everything up to season 4 is compliant.**

**Someone asked if Haley deliberately got pregnant to keep Nathan because she could see there were issues between them. I wasn't sure if you meant in the past or the present since she is pregnant in both but in the past she didn't, it was an accident and in the present you'll have to wait and see!**

**Chapter 9**

_**Nathan POV- Flashback**_

"_Can you just tell us already," Lucas said looking at his watch, "I have class in fifteen minutes."_

"_Ok, ok, have some patience," Haley told him, "Brooke's not here yet."_

_Just as she finished speaking, the door to our apartment flew open, letting in a blast of cold winter air. Brooke pushed the door shut and took a minute to push her wind blown hair off her face. _

"_Great, she's here, now you can tell us what's going on," Lucas said._

"_You're smiling, so it's not bad," Peyton observed._

"_Ok I can't keep it in any longer," Haley rushed out, grinning, "I'm pregnant!"_

_What followed was silence, as three pairs of eyes stared back at us with wide eyes._

"_Y…y..you're what?" Peyton asked._

"_No…no, guys it's ok!" Haley said sensing the hesitance in the room, "This is good, we're happy."_

"_Well, I guess in that case, congratulations!" Peyton said as she stood up. She went over and hugged Haley._

"_Whoa, hold on a minute. Haley you do realise we're in college right? How could you guys be so irresponsible?" he asked looking me straight in the eye._

_Haley pulled away from Peyton and frowned._

"_Ok I know the timing isn't ideal," Haley said._

"_You can say that again," Luke said._

"_Ok we're young, we're also married and happy," she said, her positive attitude seeming out of place with what was being thrown back at her. "We graduate in a matter of a few months. It's going to be fine."_

"_There's been a lot of changes lately Hales. You haven't been back long. I'm just saying maybe rushing into something –"_

_Haley sighed and her smile dropped. She sat down on the arm of the couch. Nobody else spoke. In all honestly Lucas was just voicing what most of them were thinking, but weren't brave enough to say. _

"_Look I know me leaving on tour was a mistake, but I'm back now and me and Nathan are together like we're meant to be. This is just a sign our life is falling into place."_

_Luke hesitated for a second thinking but soon nodded at the sincerity of her words and squeezed her hand._

"_Then I'm happy for you guys," he said, then smiled softly, "I get to be Uncle Lucas."_

"_Thank you," she said softly with a smile as she hugged him, and wiped away her tears. _

"_I can't believe this is happening," Peyton said, "we're all graduating, you're both having a baby, it's like we're really growing up."_

"_I know," Haley said, "I love you guys."_

"_We love you too," Peyton said, leaning over Luke and giving her another hug._

_I watched on feeling like I was watching a movie from behind a screen, feeling detached._

_I was brought back to earth when Lucas spoke to me directly._

"_Ok I really have to go to class," Luke said standing up, "Congrats bro."_

"_Thanks man," I said shaking his hand._

"_I should go back to the magazine and finish up some work for tomorrow's run," Peyton said, "Anyone need a ride back to East Campus?"_

"_I'll go with you, I need to swap some books in the library before class," Haley said._

_Haley disappeared into the bedroom and came back with her coat and book bag._

"_I'll see you later baby," she said kidding me quickly, before leaving with Peyton and Luke._

_The three of them slowly tricked out, and the door shut with a harsh bang. I didn't move from my position staring at the door for a good half minute, and neither Brooke, nor I uttered a sound in this time._

"_Congratulations," she said finally, I heard her voice from behind me._

_As much as I didn't want to, I turned around slowly._

"_Haley can never know what happened with us while she was on tour."_

"_Yeah because that was the first thing that I was going to come out with," Brooke said. _

"_I didn't mean it like that," I said, seeing that she took what I said the wrong way._

_I sank down onto the sofa and Brooke stared at me whilst I rubbed my eyes. I had been up the entire night wondering whether how the hell I was going to handle this._

_Maybe honesty was the best policy. Even if I tried to pretend I had control over everything she'd see right through that._

"_I have no clue what the hell is going on," I told her._

_Brooke didn't reply. I could tell she was thinking too, which told me she was making incorrect calculations._

"_She's four months pregnant Brooke," I told her. It didn't really matter when Haley got pregnant—either way she was still having a baby, but I knew it mattered to Brooke in a way and wanted her to know._

"_She's what?" Brooke asked me to repeat._

"_She realised she was pregnant once she got to New York," I told her, "she said she freaked out and came back because she didn't know what to do."_

"_Wow," Brooke said._

"_She came out with it yesterday and I have no clue what to think," I said. I know Brooke wasn't technically engaging me in conversation but it didn't matter, as long as I had her listening right now I felt slightly better. I know it was unfair to even be discussing my problems with her but she was my friend and as far as I was concerned the only one I would ever breach the topic with._

"_So she came back because she was pregnant?" Brooke asked._

"_Well…yeah I guess," I said. I hadn't actually thought of it like that, "she said once she realised she was in denial for a while before she went to the doctors, got a reality check and realised she couldn't do it alone."_

"_She's going to have a baby," Brooke said._

"_The thought scares the shit out of me. I don't even know how to take care of myself, how am I going to take care of an impressionable kid?"_

"_I think you just need to take one day at a time," she said._

"_I can't help but think terrible things like I feel like I'm being forced into the life I actually wanted. I had actually asked for this for my future once upon a time ago. Now though I'm not sure it's what I'd ask for anymore." I slipped out._

"_Nathan I don't know what you want me to say to that," she said. I knew there was lots she wanted to say but due to the current circumstances either knew she couldn't or shouldn't. _

"_Forget what I want you to say," I said, "what do you want to say."_

"_If there wasn't a baby on the line I'd say do what you want to do not what you think you should," she said firmly, "but there is a baby on the way and maybe this is all just panic over that. A few months ago Haley was your world and that doesn't just go away over night."_

"_What if it does?" I asked her, looking her in the eye, speaking without words. She knew what the implications behind my words were. _

"_You can't say things like that to me," she said getting up, and zipping her jacket up._

"_I'm sorry," I said, standing up._

"_Nathan you're looking for an out," she said shrugging, "as much as I wish you weren't using me as that out, I'm worried you are and I don't think either of us can risk that. Don't use me like that."_

_I wanted Brooke to save me and she saw that too._

_Hearing Brooke made me feel shittier than I already did. I didn't intentionally mean to try and get her to act and give me a reason to walk away but she was right and that is what I was doing. I just hadn't realised it. It was already unfair that suddenly without warning the friendship we created whilst Haley was gone was pulled out from under our feet, but making her part of this wasn't fair._

"_Brooke, I'm sorry," I told her._

"_You're 'Nathan and Haley' and I'm not going to be idiot that tries to get in the way of that," she said._

_If it were possible I felt my heard physically freeze in that moment. I could see the confusion in Brooke's eyes and I hated how I was causing her to feel this way._

"_Brooke…"_

_I wish I could convey everything I felt to her. I needed her to know that everything we shared was real and this didn't dilute any of that._

"_Like you said; Haley can never know what happened between us," she said._

xxxxx

**Present day Nathan POV**

I forked some carrots into Jamie's mouth whilst he was preoccupied with the iPad, and then put the plate away, leaving him to it, deeming the amount he'd eaten as enough.

"What about this one?" Haley asked, holding up a gold dress to herself in the big mirror against the kitchen wall.

I walked around the counter and sat down at the breakfast bar, opposite Jamie.

I took out my phone, and just like when I had checked a few minutes ago, I had no messages.

After my hold on messages a few days ago, I'd resorted to bombarding her with messages just to make sure she was ok, but she wasn't giving in. All I wanted was some form of contact. Even if she just texted me two simple words—'I'm ok', I would have been satisfied.

It was like I went about my day with my phone in my hand just in case she messaged. This was hitting me a hundred times harder than I ever thought it would, but I couldn't even concentrate over the simplest things.

"Are you even listening?" Haley asked.

"Yes Haley, that one looks fine, same as the last two. Does it really matter this much?" I asked her.

She looked at me like I was the most deranged person on the planet.

"Yes of course it matters. This is going to be the last appearance I make before I am more obviously pregnant and I need to look hot as a reminder that I can look hot before I get fat."

"Nobody is going to think you're fat, they're going to think you're pregnant," I pointed out.

She just rolled her eyes at me and threw the dress on the couch on top of the others.

"You just don't get why all this is important," she said in annoyance.

"You wanted to be pregnant. You're pregnant. You told everyone you're pregnant. Now you're trying to make people think you're not pregnant. How does that make any sense," I said, not taking my eyes off my phone.

I could feel her glaring at me without seeing it.

"Have you worked out what suit you're wearing yet?" she asked.

"For what?" I asked, not remembering what event or other I was meant to attend with her.

The doorbell rang though saving me from enduring her wrath, which I really wasn't in the mood for.

Haley sighed and walked over to the intercom, automatically opening the door from in here after looking on the security camera.

"It's Peyton," she said, just as the door banged shut.

"Hey," Peyton said, coming in, Sawyer running past her.

Jamie, dropped the iPad at the sight of his cousin and hopped off the chair, both of them disappearing into his playroom before we could even realise their absence.

"Hey Peyt," I said, giving her a nod.

"Gold or black?" Haley asked her, holding up two dresses.

"Err…..black?" Peyton said cautiously.

"Well I'm glad some people are helpful," Haley said giving me a pointed look before asking Peyton, "can I get you anything?"

"I'll help myself," Peyton said, walking around the counter and filling a mug with coffee, "I actually came over to ask if you guys had heard from Brooke lately?"

I gripped my phone, and felt my body temperature rise as Peyton spoke.

The room was silent for a moment.

"Brooke? No? I know you said she was at the launch but she wasn't at the after party and I haven't heard from her," Haley said.

"She wasn't answering my messages so I called her and it says her phone is disconnected," Peyton said.

Her phone was disconnected. She had her phone shut off. All my messages weren't reaching her.

"Maybe she didn't pay her bill," Haley said in a suggestive judgemental tone, and I resisted hard the urge to defend Brooke. Brooke may not have her career as settled as the rest of us did but she was by no means struggling to pay her bills.

"Well I did consider that," Peyton said, and I couldn't believe she even doubted her best friend too, "so I called her work and they said she no longer worked there."

"She what?" Haley asked confused, "Did you—"

"Yeah I went to her apartment and she didn't open the door. My knocking did wake up her neighbour though who told me Brooke moved."

"Are you sure?" Haley said, "maybe she's just being Brooke."

"I just can't believe she would just disappear and not tell any of us. I know things aren't how they used to be with her and maybe I need to accept that but just leaving and changing her phone number like that—I can't help but think something's wrong."

Haley laughed, "Nothing's wrong. Peyton you worry too much. She just got bored of her job and took off for a bit. She'll turn up in a few days. Do you want to come up and help me pick some shoes to go with this?"

xxxxxxxx

_Brooke POV Flashback_

"_Oh my god, I am so excited," Haley gushed, throwing the last odds and ends haphazardly in the box. The apartment was basically empty now with only a few things left._

"_I can't believe you're moving to New York!" Peyton said._

"_I can't either! I didn't think I'd go back there!" Haley gushed._

"_So they just called out of the blue?" Luke asked._

"_Yeah, they said they need me to help produce a single for one of the artists I met when I was out there. They liked my work and wanted me! Can you believe that?" Haley asked._

"_Wow that's insane! How long will that last for though? You seem like you're moving permanently," Peyton asked._

"_Well yeah once I'm there hopefully it will lead to more work and it might even let me finish off where I left off," Haley explained._

"_Are you sure you're not putting too much strain on yourself? You're going to have a baby," I said._

"_Nah," she replied, "I have like four and a half months left of this and then once the baby's born everything will go back to normal."_

_Haley seemed like she had everything worked out. _

"_Where are these books going?" Luke asked, taping up the box._

"_They're going to my parent's place, so back with you guys," Haley told him._

"_I'll go put them in the car," Luke said taking them out._

"_I can't say it hasn't been good having you back again," Peyton said, "But if you have to go again, I'm glad this time you're going the right way."_

_Peyton gave Haley a warm smile and stood up to hug her goodbye._

"_You're coming up when the baby is born right?" Haley asked her._

"_Of course! You couldn't keep us away!" Peyton said._

_The two of them linked arms and began walking toward the door._

"_Brooke? You coming?" Haley asked._

"_Yeah," I said staring to follow them out._

"_Oh, the cab is here already," Haley said, seeing the car that was parked outside waiting to drive them to the airport, "Brooke, can you go tell Nathan?"_

"_Sure," I replied but she had already gone down the steps to direct Luke with what bags were going with them and what was going to be shipped._

_I turned back slowly and went into the apartment, to try carry out Haley's instructions. It was strange to walk through now empty apartment when so many times I had spent time in the same place when it was scattered with things I was familiar with. In a weird way I felt more at home here than in my dorm room and now suddenly it was gone. _

_I headed past the kitchen to where Nathan had disappeared to a while ago. He'd been quiet all morning whilst we'd been here helping to pack up their lives—a distraction I'd actually found quite welcoming because if I had to be here at least it gave me something to do._

_He'd been quiet generally since Haley had been back but he'd been especially in his own world since they'd decided to move a few days ago. I hadn't been alone with him since the big announcement and wasn't sure if I wanted to be before I had to say goodbye. _

_I knew this was something I had to get over. Seeing Nathan on a daily basis was only making it harder, but now it was taken out of my hands entirely because he'd just be gone. Really, it might actually be helpful to get some space—maybe I just liked hurting myself though because the idea of Nathan leaving seemed like the worse option._

_I wasn't sure how to rationalise what I was feeling and it took me a while to make myself see that maybe a clean break may hurt now but it was something I needed. I tried to keep myself away from ending up where I was in a position where I was alone with Nathan until he had to go—until now._

"_Nathan? The cab's here," I said, looking into his doorway and seeing Nathan standing on the back trellis, leaning over the railing. _

"_Huh? Oh, ok thanks," he said, standing up straight._

_Ok, I couldn't help it. I saw him standing there and couldn't live with myself if I walked away without asking._

"_Are you ok?" I asked him._

"_Yeah, I'm fine," he said._

"_Are you ready to go?"_

"_I don't know," he said._

"_Nathan moving to New York is a big step. You don't have to just be ok with it just like that—it's only been three days. Have you spoken to Haley?" I said, walking out where he was._

"_This is what's right though right? It's the second chance but the way it should be. This time I go with her," he said._

"_You sound like you believe that," I said, "if it's not that then…?"_

"_The scouts called on Wednesday," he said._

"_What?" I said, surprised, "What did they say?"_

"_They said they want to meet me to talk negotiation," he said._

"_Oh my god," I replied in shock._

"_They're waiting for me in New York," he said._

"_This is incredible!" I said, "I am so proud of you!"_

_I couldn't help but act and before I knew what I was doing I was in his arms._

"_They want me Brooke," he said into my hair._

"_I knew they would!" I said._

_We both pulled away slowly._

"_It was always a distant thing for me," he said._

"_Well it's not a distant dream anymore," I said with a smile, "it's here, you've made it."_

"_Let's not get ahead of ourselves," he said walking back into the apartment with me following him._

"_Nathan you're going to be great," I said._

"_We don't know that," he said._

"_Well we don't know you won't be either," I rationalised, "wait is that why you're hesitant about going to New York?"_

"_I didn't say that," he said._

"_You didn't have to," I told him, "you realise if you hold back in fear of failing that's failing within itself."_

"_Brooke," he warned, turning around._

"_What?"_

"_You're acting like if it doesn't work out it's no big deal," he said._

"_Nathan, I can see where this is going and you're not giving into that belief you seem to have that this is all you are," I told Nathan. I wasn't going to let him give up over this ridiculous notion._

"_Ok stop!" I said, pulling on his arm so he'd stop aimlessly wondering about._

"_I don't need to hear—" he protested._

"_I'll play your game," I said crossing my arms._

"_Huh?"_

"_Fine you've worked your whole life basically to get this point and if you don't achieve it then you're basically failing," I said._

"_Did you think that was going to make me feel better?" he asked._

"_But it's true. And you know what? It's everything that you've put in so far that's going to make sure you succeed. If you don't want to be anyone else, you don't have to be. Be Nathan Scott and who you know that means to be, because if you do that you've already won," I said._

_Nathan smiled softly and looked down at me._

"_You really think I'll be ok out there?" he asked._

_I snorted._

"_Well now you're just fishing for compliments," I said laughing._

_Nathan picked up his jacket and pulled it on._

"_Brooke?"_

"_Yeah?" I asked, picking up my handbag._

"_Thanks," he said._

_I nodded._

"_Knowing that you actually believe in me makes me think I actually can do this," he said._

"_It's because you can," I replied simply._

_Nathan looked at me and gave me a soft smile, and I could almost see the tension weakening in his eyes._

"_Nathan! There you are!" Haley said coming through the door, "can you please go help Lucas load up? We're going to miss our flight."_

"_I'm going," Nathan said, leaving the apartment with Haley following. _

"_Brooke can you close up on your way?" she called._

_I turned around and took a look at the empty apartment and I felt nothing. I realised one thing as I closed the door on the place I held close. That apartment only ever meant anything to me when it had Nathan in it. _

_Without him it was just an empty apartment._

xxxxxx

Brooke POV- Present day

"Dixon, stop," I moaned, as I felt myself falling out of my deep sleep. He didn't take any notice and continued to slowly lick at the back of my shoulder.

"Dixon, I'm really tired," I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut as though it would keep the morning light away.

After pretending to be asleep for a few minutes I realised he wasn't going to let me sleep.

"Ok fine," I said, giving in. I rolled over and sat up yawning, before twisting around to look him in the eye.

He gave me his guilty grin, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Come on," I said scratching behind his ears. Dixon barked gleefully and ran off toward the door. He managed to entertain himself by spinning around in circles as I brushed my teeth, managing to leave me in one peace as though he knew I was getting up for him.

I pulled on some jeans and a pink blouse and headed down the stairs into the studio.

"Dixieeeeeee!" Quinn squealed as she saw us come through the door. Dixon affectionately rubbed against her leg for second before sprinting past her into the back where he knew the back door would be open.

"Do you know how it feels to know my own dog likes you more than me," she said rolling her eyes.

I laughed, and followed her into her office, "maybe it would help if you didn't call him a girls name?"

"You sound just like Clay," she said.

"Maybe Clay's right?"

"It's not my fault I thought he was a girl when I bought her!"

"Why did you think he was a girl?" I asked.

Quinn hesitated before answering, "because I thought he was pretty…"

I couldn't help but burst out laughing at her response.

"Oh whatever, he still loves me. Maybe he's just following you around like a lost little puppy—excuse the pun, because he thinks you need a friend and you're lonely?"

"Oh really?" I asked her raising an eyebrow.

"Well you have been holed up in that apartment for a few days," Quinn said kicking off her flip flops and tucking her feet in under her.

"I've just been unpacking," I justified.

"you brought one bag and a small duffel," Quinn pointed out.

"I fit a lot more into those bags than you think," I said.

"Oh please I know wallowing when I see it," she said, "look I know I pretty much forced myself on you as your friend, and I'm not sorry for that—"

I laughed as she carried on.

"If you ever need to talk though, I'm here," she said.

"Thanks Quinn," I said smiling.

As much as I couldn't offload to her about the depth of my situation I did appreciate her offer. Even though I barely even knew her there was something about Quinn that told me I could trust her. She presented herself exactly how she was and there wasn't anything hidden behind her smile. It had been a long time since I had met somebody like her.

"How about you come to the bar tonight?" she asked hopefully.

I'd done exactly what I said I wouldn't and lay in bed with my own company—Dixon aside—and felt sorry for myself and all that had achieved was making me feel worse. I was just reminded why I was alone in said bed to begin with. If I stuck to this pattern it wasn't going to solve anything. I may as well have stayed in New York.

"Please?" she asked, and she suddenly threw me look that pretty much resembled Dixon when he wanted something.

"Ok," I agreed.

"Awesomeeee," she sang, adjusting herself to sit on the chair properly, "Ok I have to do some work, gotta pay the bills."

"Speaking of, I should probably get one of those myself," I said, "I think I'm going to go for a walk and see if I can find out anything about a job."

Even if I didn't find anything some air would do me good.

"Good luck!"

"Thanks," I said, knowing I would need it just to get the courage to do something toward setting up a semi life for as long as I was here for. Seeing my stay as temporary was probably one of the things stopping me from letting go.

I stood up to leave and almost tripped when I realised that Dixon was sitting in my way, looking up at me.

"Ok fine, you can come!" I said rubbing his back.

I started walking toward the door and I could see Dixon dutifully following behind me.

"Knew I should have gotten a gold fish," I heard Quinn say to herself behind me.

xxxxx

**A/N: Take two seconds and tell me what you think! **


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: I know it's been ages! I know! This one is extra long though for you! I have been trying to write this in bits for AGES and finally managed to get through it today! I'm back in the UK now and have stopped my crazy pattern of jet setting so things should settle down and get back to normal and with that comes time to write!**

Chapter 10

_Brooke POV- Flashback_

"_Brooke are you even listening to me?" Mom asked, stopping mid sentence. I sighed and switch the phone to the other ear because I was getting a cramp. _

"_Yes Mom I am," I replied like I already had three times this conversation._

"_Well it doesn't seem like you are," she said._

"_Just because I'm not agreeing with you doesn't mean I'm not listening," I said._

"_Brooke there's no reason you shouldn't just come here," she said._

"_What am I going to do there?" I asked her._

"_Well it's not like you have a plan to do anything else have you?" she pointed out. I hated when she was even a tiny bit right._

"_I told you I'm figuring it out," I said._

"_Well either way we're selling the house in Tree Hill," she said._

_Well now it made sense. My indecisiveness was just getting in the way of their plans._

"_I'm not even sure if Tree Hill is where I'm staying," I told her._

"_You just said you were driving down this weekend!" she said._

"_Yes but only until I figure out what I'm doing," I said._

_Mom sighed dramatically and I could almost picture her sipping on a martini lying on some sort of couch._

"_Well god knows how long that's going to take. The house is already on the market!"_

_Oh my god, sometimes I wondered how it was possible that she was my mother._

"_Mom look, I have to finish packing. I'll call you tonight," I said._

"_I have to go to a business drinks so I wont be available but you can leave a message with my assistant to tell me what you've decided," she said, and I heard the clink of a glass as it was put down on the table, telling me my vision was right._

"_Sure, I'll call your assistant," I said, trying extremely hard not to roll my eyes. I don't even know why I was still surprised._

_I hung up the phone and threw it onto my bed and watched it bounce off and land on the rug. I couldn't be bothered to pick it up so I just left it there._

_I picked up a spare set of bed sheets and threw them into a box but couldn't bring myself to do anymore tonight. I was basically done anyway. It was insane how three years of my life could just be compacted into three boxes and one suitcase._

_I pulled off my jeans and got into bed, allowing myself to take a second to feel the comfort before I had to think about everything I'd been thinking about all day._

_The most frustrating thing about my irritation with Mom was that in a strange way her option of going back to her and Dad was the only semblance of a plan I had right now which automatically made it the most sensible thing to do. I'd been applying to work in fashion all month and had received too many general rejection letters than I wanted to think about. _

_I had no clue what I was meant to do now. I didn't even have a home base anymore. The Tree Hill house was gone, and Mom and dad just hopped around between hotels for 'business'. _

_The fact I was even entertaining the idea of joining them made me feel sick. I hated it when I was a kid and I would hate it even more now when I knew I wasn't held there because I was too young to make my own choices._

_God what was I doing? I used to have direction, dreams…anything? I'd spent the gap between finals and graduation floating around in my own thoughts. I was between two things and had no clue how to move forward. It was like I was missing my sanity or normality._

_Maybe it was just the graduation blues everyone talked about but I felt like it was much more. _

_I had yet to feel…anything. I was just blank. Going through the motions. The only think I did actually feel was anger that I was unable to pull myself out of this funk._

_My heart began racing as I thought about what the hell I was doing. I was trapped and I needed someone to pull me out. I knew who I wanted as the rescuer but that wasn't an option anymore—maybe it never was. I had to force myself to accept that. Nathan Scott was never mine. _

_I sat up suddenly and squeezed my eyes shut. This was getting out of hand. It had been a two and a half months since Nathan had left and I was wrong—the distance wasn't helpful. As sick as it sounds I knew now that even the pain of watching him and Haley together would be better than not having him around at all._

_I hadn't heard from him once in that time he'd been away. He probably didn't even care._

_I was like a drug addict, waiting for any small piece of information Luke or Peyton would let slip, and then feel worse for hearing it for days. It was like one step forward ten steps back, only the more time went on the less 'steps forward' were a thing. It was meant to work the other way around._

_Maybe I was being typical Brooke. My nanny's use to say this when I was a child—I'd always want the toys I couldn't have, and I pouted until I got them—once I had them though I lost interest. Maybe that's what Nathan was…the sparkly toy that was out of reach._

_I knew even as I thought it that that was the most ridiculous argument I had tried to force myself into believing. One of many._

_I threw one of my pink cushions across the room and wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve. _

_How the hell had I become this weak person? Brooke Davis was not vulnerable._

_I threw the covers off and got out of bed, searching for my discarded jeans. That was it. I refused to think about this any longer until I got a sign. Yes I was asking fates for direction but it's not like I had anything else. Logic clearly wasn't working so external forces as my new object of my pleading it was._

_I found my jeans, but ended up throwing them over a box, searching for my sweats instead, not caring about who I saw._

_I needed to eat. That's what normal people did._

_I nearly tripped whilst trying to get my leg in but caught my balance just before I toppled over, nearly stepping on my phone._

_I groaned in irritation and left it on the floor not seeing who would try and call me between going to the union to get food and bringing it back._

_I stuck my credit card in my pocket and put on my shoes and walked downstairs._

_The halls were filled with students packing and talking animatedly. Most people had their bedroom doors open and were in and out of each others rooms with music blasting out of them. I walked past as quickly as I could, not in the mood to make small talk._

_I sighed in contentment as the cold air hit my face. It was cold but I had been locked inside all day and the fresh air was nice. I opened my eyes and I registered that it was raining. I should have brought my jacket but the union was only one minute away and I would rather risk it than go back._

_I pulled my hair over one shoulder and began walking quickly toward the union, feeling the icy water soak into my clothes and hair._

_I suddenly stopped though when I got a strange cramp in my chest. Something told me to stop. I didn't know why. I looked up to the silent street and saw nothing. I dropped my hand from my chest and was about to start walking again when I looked left._

_My breath hitched in my throat and I had to blink hard to make sure I wasn't seeing what I wanted to see amongst the droplets of water._

"_I…I tried to call you," Nathan stumbled._

_He stood there completely soaked, walking up the street. He had his phone out and didn't care that it was getting completely covered in water._

"_My—I—My phones upstairs, I didn't think I needed it. I was just going to the union," I said, as if that was an important point right now._

_Nathan looked as shocked as I felt despite him being the one to come here._

"_What are you doing here?" I asked him._

_Our eyes were locked onto each other, both trying to so say so much but the only sounds for a few seconds were the echoes of rain drops hitting cars._

"_I made a detour on the way home," he said._

"_You made a detour from travelling a few subway stops to down the country?" I asked him._

"_I had to see you," he rationalised._

"_Why?" _

"_I don't know, I just…I didn't feel right without seeing you," he said._

"_I don't understand," I said._

"_I'm sorry I shouldn't have come," he said taking a few steps back._

_I reached out to stop him and gripped onto his soaked hoodie. I could feel the water coming out of it as my grip tightened and it travelled down my arm and into the sleeve of my long sleeved shirt._

"_Nathan why did you come?" I asked him._

_Nathan reached out and moved the wet strands of hair out my face that I had ignored._

_His fingers were warm against my face, and I could feel my hand on his sleeve tremble._

_Nathan sighed and looked pained as though he was conflicted. He didn't move his hand out of my hair though where it had stopped, and I didn't move either, waiting for him to speak._

"_Fuck it," he said, sending me into a flashback of when I had heard him say those words before he had kissed me for the first time. I didn't have long to linger though because I got a live re-enactment as his lips crushed onto mine. _

_The heat difference between our lips was amplified from being out here for a while but it only reminded me that this was real, as his somehow scorching lips touched my icy ones. Nathan's hands were at my waist and I grasped behind his neck, and pulled myself up. Nathan's hands went to support me and wrapped his arms around me to make sure I didn't fall as my legs wrapped around his waist._

_I could feel Nathan moving but I didn't bother to open my eyes, only feeling my back hit the brick wall behind me._

_I bit Nathan's lip gently and changed the pace of the kiss to be almost painfully slow. _

_I suddenly felt like I was filled with fire and energy and felt more alive than I had in a long time, as though I'd just been recharged. Thoughts were buzzing around in my head all at once making up for lost time, but I filed them away to think about later. Right now I just wanted to enjoy this._

_I don't know what happened—what made this change but as I connected with Nathan I knew it had something to do with him and I couldn't deny that despite all the bullshit theories I tried to feed myself to deter my mind from believing it._

_Nathan used the wall as leverage so he could move his hands to behind my knees to maneuverer me down so my ass was resting against the small cement ledge at his waist level. He slipped his hands under my soaking wet sweatshirt as my body somehow tensed and slackened against him as I felt the searing pattern his fingers were making against my skin. I tightened my legs around his waist just to keep him close, not bearing for him to disappear into thin air._

_The only way I could describe how this felt was to liken it to when you've been away on vacation, and the feeling you get when you step back into your house—this is exactly what that was. It was coming home._

_Don't worry I wasn't an idiot. I didn't suddenly believe I was the star of a romance novel whose life was about to fall into place before we ran into the sunset. I wasn't naïve enough to think whatever this was, made sense—far from it in fact. I could feel we both knew that though, and we were two lost souls that needed this right now—to get hold of a temporarily band aid which would quench our thirst before the next drought and I was selfish enough to let that happen._

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Brooke Present day POV

"Well by the look on your face I don't think I need to ask how the job search went," Quinn said.

"Here, drink this. You look like you need it," Chase said putting a glass of an unidentified amber liquid on the bar.

"You know how many even potential plan B's I managed to find?" I asked pulling off my jacket.

"Is that rhetorical?" Quinn asked.

"Zero! I didn't even find a plan Z!"

"Did you give your resume to anyone?" Quinn asked.

"Well…no?" I stumbled. Now that I was with other people I realised how my logic maybe wasn't the best.

"You are kidding right?" Quinn asked.

"I just didn't know what I wanted to do. I looked and everything was either a complete other direction or a step back. My job was terrible in New York but working in a clothing store makes me feel like I've achieved nothing since high school," I rambled, "maybe I haven't, I don't know!"

Quinn and Chase were both watching me as if to see if I was finished with my little speech.

"I'm done," I said sitting down at the bar stool and taking a sip, pulling a face as it went down.

"Brooke you're searching for a high end job in the fashion industry in a little sea side town. Do you not realise the problem with that," Quinn said, "It's like you're setting yourself up failure. You're sabotaging yourself!"

"I...I don't know what I'm doing," I admitted taking another sip. As the fire burned down my throat a second time I pushed the glass away wrinkling my nose.

"Why don't you work here?" Chase suggested as he wiped the counter, lifting up both Quinn and my glasses as he did so.

"And how is that going to help?" Quinn asked.

"I'm not saying change your lifelong plan to spend your days here serving people drinks! I'm just saying we're looking for someone and at least you can make some money to you know…pay for things, and you can work out what you want to do and how at the same time," Chase said.

Both Quinn and I sat there in silence thinking about how what he said actually did make sense. The small amount of money I had saved wasn't going to last much longer.

Chase rolled his eyes.

"I do have some good ideas sometimes you know," he said.

"Are you sure? Do you need to clear it up with the manager first?" I asked him.

Working at the bar wasn't fashion but it would keep me afloat whilst I figured this out—and I was going to figure this out, it's what I was here for.

"Brooke it's my bar," he said.

"Really?" I asked him surprised. He didn't act like he owned the place. It did make sense though as a waitress walked past me and I really took in the name of the bar on her shirt as it read 'Chasers' in curvy writing.

"I know, it's a shocker right?" Quinn said to me.

"You girls don't give me enough credit," Chase said, "I'm starting to see how maybe it's not that much of a great idea for you to be friends."

"Tough luck, you're stuck with us. Me and you are related and Brooke's your new employee," Quinn said to Chase shrugging.

"Want to start tomorrow?" Chase asked me, ignoring Quinn.

"Sure," I said, "I do have one stipulation though."

"What?" he asked.

"I'm not wearing that," I said, nodding my head toward one of the waitresses who was wearing denim hot pants and a t-shirt that was at least three sizes too small.

"The terms are negotiable," Chase said.

"It's a deal breaker," I said, crossing my arms and trying not to laugh.

"Hey, aren't I the one doing you the favour and giving you a job?" He pointed out.

"So do they sell the shirts in a store or…?"

Chase laughed, rummaging behind the bar and emerging with a black t-shirt he threw toward me and I promptly caught. I opened it out and I frowned seeing it opened out.

"Enjoy," he said smirking.

"I think I just felt my dignity crawl away from my body," I said, and Quinn laughed.

My phone buzzed on the counter, the vibration making a louder nose than necessary because of the contact. I saw 'Owen' flashing on the screen and I hopped off the stool, gesturing to the others I'd be back in a second, leaving the shirt on the chair.

As soon as I started walking away I could see Quinn hit Chase on the arm before he jumped in surprise before they looked like they were in deep conversation about something.

"Hey," I said walking through the last part of the bar before I managed to manoeuvre between two guys who clearly thought I was invisible.

"Well you sound like you're having fun. Where are you? A bar?" Owen said.

"Something like that," I said.

"See I knew LA would be good for you," he said.

I felt like the worst person lying to Owen when he was one of the people who wanted the best for me and was trying to help. Telling him where I really was wouldn't be too much of an issue but part of me wanted to keep it to myself. There was something about nobody from my 'real' life knowing where I was making me feel like I was in a protective bubble.

"Uh huh," I said. Avoiding the question wasn't the same as lying right?

"Listen I don't want to put a dampener on your night but Nathan called me today."

"He what?!" I whispered into the phone, as if it was a secret situation.

"Yeah he called the office. He has some nerve calling—"

"What did he say?" I asked.

"What do you think? He asked where you were. I told him he was the last person on earth I'd ever tell but he spouted some bull about needing to straighten this out and fix it, not that I know how he could do that," Owen said with annoyance.

"How did he sound?" I said after swallowing hard.

"What do you mean?" Owen asked.

"Did he sound like he's doing ok?" I asked. It was like I'd been in the middle of a dessert and now I had a tiny glimpse of the well of information.

"You are joking right?" Owen said after a second.

"I—"

"You realise you moved across the country to get away from him and put together your life after he has been messing you about for years, and you're asking how he sounded? What difference does it make?"

"Owen, I'm not trying to feel this way on purpose," I said.

"I know but you're not helping yourself," he said.

I felt guilty as though I had betrayed Owen somehow. Here he was trying to help and I wasn't really doing my part.

"Look I just told you that he called so you know where you stand," he said.

"No I'm glad you did tell me," I said.

"Ok. Listen I have to go. I'll text you later ok?"

"Thanks Owen," I said before hanging up the phone.

Nathan was always at the forefront of my mind but hearing a tiny bit of information even though it didn't really tell me anything quenched my thirst and made me thirstier at the same time.

I sat down on the ledge and took a deep breath. I wish this was one of those moments—those moments where you instantly know what the right choice is. _**Sometimes you just know, you know?**_ Right now though I felt confused and the fog wasn't clearing up. I knew I needed space, I wasn't wrong about that. A small part of me though saw this as a temporary vacation and the why is what was worrying me. It was as if I saw this as a small blip in our story and It'd work itself out. I wish I had a fast forward just to see which way it turned out but right now without knowing I couldn't commit either way.

"You ok?"

I heard Quinn's concerned voice, as she peaked her head around the corner.

"Of course," I said following her back in.

_Xxxxxxx_

_Brooke POV - Flashback_

_**Sometimes you just know, you know?**_

_I snuggled down deeper under the warm fleece blanket I had thrown over me and tried not to grimace as the still warm popcorn hit my cheek instead of land in my open mouth._

"_I think you're missing the point of this game," I said wiping my buttery cheek with my sleeve. _

"_It's not my fault you're not catching it," he said, sifting through the bowl and putting a handful of popcorn in his mouth._

"_And you're meant to be the big basketball star who can shoot a basket," I said._

"_Yeah well I'm not being paid for that just yet so I should probably get all the practice I can," he said throwing a few kernels in my direction before I could stop him._

"_Stop!" I said, closing my eyes._

"_Lucky for you it's empty," Nathan said, putting the empty bowl on the floor and landing down on the pillow beside me, making the bed bounce._

"_Yeah you pretty much inhaled that," I said._

"_I missed it," he said._

"_You missed stale vending machine popcorn which I just put in the microwave?" I asked in disbelief._

"_All the popcorn in New York's too fresh," he joked._

"_You're an idiot," I laughed._

"_You should see New York Brooke," he said, playing with the loose thread coming off the end of his t-shirt that I'd managed to 'find' in one of my boxes. Neither of us said anything when I handed him his familiar t-shirt that he'd left over the few moths we were in and out of each others apartments. He'd asked me for it at some point, noticing it was missing but I'd told him I didn't have it. I found it lying around but by the time I did Haley was already back and it seemed like an extremely uncomfortable trip to make to return it._

"_Is it what you thought it would be?" I asked him._

"_The lights! Nobody can prepare you for the lights. It's almost blinding. And they never turn off! It's like everyone out there's scared to take a moment to breathe that they just need to be awake and moving all the time and then there's the people…" he continued._

_I sat up slightly and twisted around, leaning on elbow so I could see him. He was so caught up in telling me about New York. He'd been telling me about everything he'd seen and done, as though he'd bottled it all up until he could tell somebody._

"_You'd fit in well there," he said._

"_Oh really?" I said._

"_Nobody cares," he said._

"_Nobody cares?" I asked._

"_New York's the place where everyone's important but nobody gives a shit. Nobody cares about something you said three months ago, or what you want to do tomorrow. It's just about everyone doing their shit and getting on with life," he said._

_I laughed, "sounds like a utopia to me."_

"_It might just be," he said, laughing. I could feel the vibration leave his chest and travel through the mattress over to me._

"_Have you ever thought about coming down there?" he asked me._

"_To New York?" I asked, "Well yeah. It used to be my dream."_

"_And it's not still?" he asked._

"_I ….I don't know. New York is where fashion is," I said._

"_Then come to New York," he said._

"_I can't without a plan," I said._

"_A plan?"_

"_Yeah. I can't just come out there with a pipe dream hoping I'll end up in magazines. Life doesn't work like that," I said._

_Nathan watched me for a second._

"_Ok stop," I said._

"_Stop what?" he asked._

"_Analysing me," I answered him._

"_I'm not analysing you, I'm just saying it's good to be realistic," he said._

_I didn't follow, "Yeah that's what I'm being—realistic."_

"_No there's a difference between realistic and what you're being," he told me._

"_What am I being?" I asked rolling my eyes even though I was sure I didn't want to hear the answer._

"_Pessimistic," he said._

"_Ok let's not be dramatic," I said._

"_Sometimes you have to make your dream come true," he said._

"_This coming from the guy who I had to literally force out the door to catch his flight," I reminded him._

"_Yeah and I'm thankful for that," he said, "I'm trying to push you out the door here, work with me."_

"_You had a meeting to make your career! I'd be going there with no clue!" _

"_So you'll find a clue," he said like it was the easiest thing in the world._

"_You have no idea how fashion works do you?"_

"_Somebody has to the do it right? Why not you?" he said._

"_I…" I started but was speechless._

"_And you think that one person could be me?"_

"_Give me one reason why not. I dare you," he said._

_Once again I was rendered without words._

"_And Brooke Davis is speechless, my work here is done!" he said._

_I stuck my tongue out at him, and opened the soda on the nightstand next to me we'd gotten out the vending machines with all the other snacks we'd already demolished. _

_We'd gotten to the room soaking wet, grasping most the contents of the lower level vending machine around nine and somehow it was already 12. We hadn't kissed or touched since we'd been outside, instead we'd been happy sitting here snacking and catching each other up on what had been going on lately. In my department I had nothing eventful to tell but I didn't mind because I got to listen to Nathan's stories of everything he's seen and done in such a small amount of time. After a while I zoned out from exactly what he was saying and was content just watching the enthusiasm as he spoke. It was inspiring._

"_So when do they tell you about the basketball then?" I asked._

"_There's no timeline on it. I guess I just carry on with the training camp and if I get the call I get the call," he said, "I'm not holding my breath though, there's guys there who have been there for years and they're amazing."_

"_You're one step closer at least," I pointed out. It was better than reassuring him he'd get it when we didn't know that for sure._

"_That's true," he said._

_Nathan yawned softly, and I tried not to find it infectious and yawn too._

_I hadn't asked if he was staying or going back to New York or what was happening but I didn't want to. I was happy in this zone of the unknown right now. On the cloud above everyone else where breathing didn't feel suffocating._

"_I'm glad you're here," I said, but I hesitated after it came out. I wasn't sure if mentioning the elephant in the room would burst the bubble._

"_I'm glad I'm here too," he said moving his hand closer to mind on the bed so our pinky fingers were touching._

"_Your hands are freezing," he said picking my hand up rubbing it between his hands._

"_I hadn't noticed," I said truthfully._

_I could have been siting here completely frozen from outside and I wouldn't have cared._

_Nathan's phone buzzed in the background as it vibrated._

"_Do you want to get that?" I asked. I figured the longer it rang and we both stayed in silence waiting for it to stop the more awkward it would be. It didn't matter though; the phone ringing was just a reminder the outside world was there like we were slowly coming back to earth._

"_Nah its ok," he said just as it stopped._

_A second after it stopped it started up again._

"_You can get it," I told him._

_He twisted around and located his phone and looked at the screen._

"_It's ok, it's just Haley. I told her I had a work thing," he said in explanation._

_And there it was. The lie was the full on reminder that dragged me down when I remembered what we were doing._

"_Nathan you can get it," I said sitting up._

_The phone rang a third time and he looked at me apologetically before answering it._

_I climbed off the bed and tried to find my dry hoodie through the case. I suddenly felt the cold._

"_Hi," he said. I could hear dull conversation on the other side, "yes I know I was doing something."_

_Haley continued to say something._

"_What?" he said suddenly sounding alarmed, "This morning! Why are you only telling me now? Did you not think I was on a need to know list?"_

_Nathan frowned as he took in what she was saying._

"_yeah ok ok. I'll be there soon."_

_He dropped the phone on the bed and got up._

_I looked at him in question._

"_Haley's having the baby," he said going pale._

_xxxxxx_

_Brooke POV- flashback- two days later._

"_Hey there," I said, unable to stop myself from smiling softly at the look on Nathan's face._

"_Hey," he said smiling back. He had his hand on the window ledge leaning to look into the baby nursery, but as he saw me he stood up._

_I'd actually been standing here for a few minutes just watching him. I couldn't help myself. He'd been completely enthralled with the view in from of him and looked content standing in the awkward position he was in. I couldn't help but observe him._

"_You came," he said._

"_Of course I did," I said walking toward him, "Luke's talking to the doctor and Peyton's in with Haley."_

_Luke had come rushing into my room with Peyton a few paces behind him excitedly coming to tell me the news that Haley was in labour. He was a day late and of course I already knew but I did the expected surprised face for them. We'd ended up booking trips out that morning._

_I walked and stood next to him and looked through the big window at all the small containers. _

"_So which one is he?" I asked._

"_The one on the far right," he said._

_I looked over at the baby lying there peacefully. He was the only one who looks content midst nap, with his little blue hat on. _

"_Wow," I said._

"_I know," he said._

_Looking into this baby's eyes now it really hit home that this was Nathan's baby. Nathan had a kid._

"_He kinda looks like you," I said, "he's got your nose."_

_Nathan was staring intently at the baby deep in thought._

"_Ahh Mr Scott!" _

_I turned around and saw a small burly lady with a big smile come out from the nurse's station._

"_Is everything ok?" he asked._

"_Of course! Are you ready to hold the baby?" she asked him._

"_Umm…"_

"_Wait you haven't held the baby?" I asked._

"_Well I mean you guys are here now so you want a turn?" he asked, but he wasn't meeting my eyes._

"_I'll check on him and bring him out," the nurse said in a sing-song voice, going into the nursery to check on the babies._

"_Ok what's going on?" I asked._

"_Nothing," he said._

"_Really? That's what you're leading with?" I asked._

_Nathan sighed and rubbed his eyes._

"_How am I going to do this Brooke?" he asked._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_He's tiny," he said._

"_Babies generally are," I inserted._

"_But he's really tiny," he said like it explained everything._

"_Nathan you'll get used to it. You can't know everything over night," I said._

"_It's not even that. He's helpless. He's depending on me," Nathan said._

"_Yeah," I said, "and you're going to give it to him. You're his Dad."_

"_Yeah well Dan's my Dad, doesn't mean much though does it," Nathan said._

_I put my hand on Nathan's arm to get his attention._

"_Nathan you are nothing like Dan, and you're crazy if you even think you have anything in common. If anything if one good thing's come out having Dan for a father, you're going to make up for it with your son tenfold just to make sure you're better than he was."_

"_But what if I mess this up?" he asked me. He was looking at me like I held all the answers._

"_You're not going to be perfect but you're going to love this kid to hell and back and nothing else will matter," I told him._

"_Here you go," the nurse said, her voice sounding extremely loud after the quiet tone we were talking in._

_The nurse held out the baby and I pushed Nathan forward gently._

_He looked over to me and I nodded at him encouragingly._

_The nurse placed the baby in his arms. Nathan automatically adjusted his hands so the baby was more comfortable and the love poured out his eyes the second he looked down._

_My eyes filled with tears as I took in the special moment. _

_The baby lay there contently, peace in his eyes. Really he had nothing to be worried about. He had his whole life ahead of him, nothing had been written yet. He had no past, or history clouding over him and it was rare to witness something as pure as this. _

_This baby needed the best shot he could get._

_He couldn't start out being part of a messed up situation that had nothing to do with him. That wasn't fair._

_I felt a calmness wash over me and I came to my conclusion._

_Nathan broke eye contact with the baby and looked at me at the right moment. I looked between him and the baby pointedly and Nathan didn't need me to explain. _

_He knew. _

_We both did_.

We have to do this for him. At least try. He deserves 100% and both parents and if we took that away—if I was a reason why he didn't get that I'd never be able to live with myself.

I was sad but not like before. This time I knew we were doing this for a good reason—a good cause. We were broken and fixed ourselves, then we broke again, and last night we needed each other to recharge. The baby was born at a good moment though to remind us what path we should be on.

I leant down and kissed the baby gently on his forehead, his skin feeling smooth under my lips, then kissed Nathan on the cheek.

I nodded softly at him, and he nodded back and I backed away slowly disappearing down the hallway.

_**Sometimes when you know, you know.**_

**A/N: Let me know what you think. Do you think they made the right choice at the end? And how did you feel about their scene in the rain? Any present day clues or ideas?**

.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_Brooke POV FLASHBACK_

"_So did you maybe want to grab some coffee?" Jared asked me as I walked through the door he was holding open for me._

"_I'm sorry what?" I asked, realising he was asking me a question and must have finished telling me about his new job._

"_I was just asking if you wanted to go and grab some coffee. I know a great place nearby," he said._

"_Oh," I said hesitating, "you know I actually have an early start tomorrow morning. I have this job interview—"_

"_That's ok!" he said, "no need to explain! Another time maybe."_

"_Maybe," I said feeling like a total bitch. He had this hopeful look on his face and I had no idea why. I wasn't exactly the most exciting dinner date. I'd listened when I had to and responded at the expected points but I'd spent most the night bored out of my mind and wondering what Kardashian related news I was missing at home. If I left now I might be able to make the rerun._

"_I had a great time tonight Brooke," he said going in for an awkward hug._

"_Thanks for dinner," I told him._

_He gave me a kind smile and I waved before turning around and heading out the street._

_I put my handbag on my shoulder and took my phone out my pocked dialling._

"_Victoria Davis's line," a deep voice said._

"_Hello?" I asked confused, and checking the time._

"_Can I help you?" he asked._

"_Yes, who is this?"_

"_Miss Davis's secretary," he replied as though it was obvious._

_Well that was new. She now had someone to answer her phone as well as already having an assistant._

"_Great. Can you put me through please," I said._

"_Who's speaking?"_

"_It's Brooke," I said._

"_Brooke who?" he asked snootily._

"_Brooke DAVIS," I said, emphasising my last name and when he didn't react added, "her daughter."_

"_Please hold."_

_A few seconds later I heard a shuffle as the phone was passed along. I rolled my eyes at the fact he was even answering her cell phone as though they were in an office block._

"_Brooke?"_

"_Well he's new," I said._

"_Marcus is new to the team," she said, "you can meet him tomorrow when you come and meet us."_

"_It's after eight, you still need someone to answer the phone?"_

"_It's more stressful than you realise," she told me._

"_Great well I'll see you for dinner then?" I asked._

"_Dinner?" she asked._

_Why she even pretended to have no idea what I was talking about was beyond me. There was no way someone really was that clueless. She'd been on at me to come to San Francisco to join her and my Dad and had finally managed to convince me when she told me she got me a job interview._

_I explicitly told them I didn't want them to pull any strings but she reassured me she only gave them my resume. _

_I'd land in San Francisco after lunch and had my interview in the afternoon, plenty of time to go over my notes._

"_Yes Mother, after my interview," I reminded her. With the amount of staff she had to keep her life in check she was surprisingly off the ball._

"_Ahh yes! Daddy already made a reservation," she said._

"_Ok great," I said._

"_So bring something suitable to wear," she said, and once again I rolled my eyes, giving me a headache. No wonder what my head would feel like once I was in her presence._

"_Yes Mother," I said._

_She told me to have a good flight and hung up the phone. I threw my phone in my bag and rummaged around trying to find my house keys. I let myself into the big house and unceremoniously kicked off my heels, not caring where they landed. A small part of me got some soft of satisfaction out of the mess I was creating in my parent's house. If my mother was here she would have passed out by now._

_I flicked on some lights, more than I needed to just to feel like I wasn't completely alone in here and to give the house some warmth. It was like a perfect showroom in here with no sign that anyone actually lived here. Those sights were hidden away in the bedrooms._

_I'd come back to Tree Hill a few weeks ago but had barely left the house. I'd been preparing for my interview and sorting all the stuff I'd brought back with me from college into storage along with everything else in my room. My Mom asked me to sort out all my 'belongings' in case they managed to sell the house quickly once I left and it would be easier for them to get everything shipped if it was already packed up._

_I felt a twang of sadness at the thought that this house wouldn't be mine any more but I was thankful I got to spend a few days here enjoying it by myself. As much of a 'house' that it was rather than a 'home', it was still the only home I'd had growing up and the only constant in my life. _

_I'd taken my time going through everything in my room and had made a quick run down to grab some food when I'd run into Jared at the market. He'd recognised me from school and said he'd been a few grades above me. He asked me out and I said yes, not being able to say no. I also thought it might be good for me—maybe it was but right now I was wishing I'd spent the night in my pyjamas watching TV._

_I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water with me, taking it up the back staircase because it was closer. Again I got another feeling of satisfaction as I remembered all the times my Mother caught me here and told me it was inappropriate for me to use those stairs because it was for the staff. As a kid I couldn't care less and spent hours running up and down the stairs with the staff I saw more as my family. Even now at age twenty two, and though she couldn't see me I took my time going upstairs._

_I went into my room and turned the TV on as I passed, letting it run._

_The news ran in the background and I unzipped my dress, searching for something more comfortable._

_**And that sums up the end of the season until next year. You must be sad about that Jeff, one less thing for the wife to complain about!**_

_I put on my sweats and put my dress back on the hanger, yawning to myself. It was pathetic. It wasn't even nine and I was tired._

_**Well actually now with the start of basketball season she'll have to get used to me hogging the remote for a while longer**_

_My phone buzzed behind me and I saw a message from Peyton asking me to call her. I should probably stop being a terrible friend and do that. I noticed my battery was low and wouldn't last the whole call but in typical fashion couldn't remember where I'd left my phone charger._

_**Talking of basketball I'm so excited. I've heard all the rumours about who they're calling Boy Wonder! **_

_**I heard about this! He's straight out of college, not even spent a two months training with the team and they're putting him out there! He must really be something!**_

_**Well yeah he played at that charity game with the team for the first time and by the first quarter he was trending online with his new nickname**_

_**Well there you go, I don't know what you're doing this Friday night folks but I wouldn't miss this game. Something tells me seeing Boy Wonder aka Nathan Scott in action in his first official game is something you don't want to miss! Catch the team promo now and see the names you know and the ones you don't but soon will!**_

_I hit my head hard on my bed frame, that I was under trying to see if I'd left the wire down here, and looked sharply to the TV's flashing images. _

_A video was playing of different basketball players with rock music in the background and quick shots of game play. _

_And there it was._

_Nathan's face flashed onto the screen with his name in a bold font underneath followed by a quick clip of him dunking a basket._

_It was gone in quicker than a few seconds and moved on to the next player but it was gold. I couldn't help but laugh. Not a small life, but the biggest, loudest, belly laugh and I couldn't stop. I grabbed the remote and rewound live TV and watched it again and again and again and again, each time my laugh of happiness getting louder and the smile on my face one step further from leaving. _

_It happened. Everything was falling into place._

Xxxxxxx

Present day- Brooke POV

"I can't decide if this is depressing or nostalgic," I said walking down the empty hallway beside Quinn.

"Who says it can't be both," Quinn said laughing, "It's ok, nobody liked high school. It was all about trying to be accepted by the cool kids and not being made fun of for one day. Are you with me?"

"Sure," I told her, not bothering to point out that my high school experience was just a little bit different to the one she'd described.

I actually loved high school. I feel like it was a completely different Brooke back then but I know I loved it at the time. I was in my element. I thought I had my shit together and I was about to go rule the world.

Last night I'd gone to bed feeling good about myself. Owen giving me a job felt like I was working things out. it didn't take long after I woke up this morning to realise the plan had a flaw. What was I going to do all day…the bar didn't open until tonight.

Quinn saw me floating around and asked if I wanted to come on a job with her. It's not like I had anything better to do.

"Here we are," Quinn said stopping beside the double doors to the gym.

"This is where your job is?" I asked her.

"Ok I admit it. I might do a few pictures for the Ravens cheerleaders just to make some extra cash. As far as you're concerned I'm the cool gallery owner."

"Your secrets safe with me," I said as she opened the door.

"Oh. My. God."

A short girl with a pixie cut froze in front of us with her mouth hanging wide open. She was wearing the Raven's cheerleading uniform with a hoodie over it.

"Umm you ok there?" Quinn asked.

"Y…Y..You're you," she said staring at me.

"I'm sorry?"

"I can't believe this is happening!" she squealed, "Amber get over here right now!"

A blonde wondered over from the bench chewing her gum noisily.

"What?" she asked.

"Do you not see who I'm seeing? It's Brooke Davis!"

My eyes widened just as the girls did.

"Holy crap you're right," she said.

"You know who I am?" I asked them wondering what was going on.

"Of course we do! We have your picture hanging on our changing room wall! You're like our inspiration!"

"Oh wow," I said uncomfortably.

"You have her photo. On your wall?" Quinn asked slowly in disbelief.

"Oh course we do! I mean your work was epic. We still do your opening cheer, it's like tradition!"

"Oh my god we could do it now for you! Of course we have to do it! Do you want to see?" the blonde asked eagerly.

"Umm sure," I replied.

"You could do it with us!" The shorter girl said, her eyes going wide as the idea hit her.

"No!" I said quickly, "really, no. I'll just watch."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said half convinced she was going to drag me out there.

"Ok, you go sit at the front," she told me and ran off to get everyone else out the changing room.

"What was that about?" Quinn asked me.

"I guess I had a bigger impact on them than I realised," I said, "I'm not sure if that's just pathetic because I'm pretty sure it's my biggest achievement to date."

"What did you do?"

"I was head cheerleader," I told her.

Quinn stared at me and blinked.

"Ok I take back my high school sob story. You're not worthy enough to hear it," she said.

"Oh come onnnn," I said sitting on the bench while she rested her bag on it and took out her camera.

She suddenly got a look of shock on her face.

"What?" I asked.

"I just realised something. Chase dated the head cheerleader," she said, "maybe I should have more respect for that dweeb."

"You should tell him about your newfound respect for him tonight. He'll love that," I said.

The doors opened and squeaks of sneakers hitting the floor came into the silent room as the Ravens basketball team came into practice.

"wow, that's a memory and a half," I said.

"Brings back memories?" Quinn asked.

"I practically lived out here on this court," I said. Even though the boys were different they could easily have been Nathan or Luke out there, "It's weird how time passes and things change but some things will never change."

"I think high school is something you can always count on being the same," she said.

I looked up and saw the girls come back onto the court and I gasped as I took in the modifications to the uniforms. The skirt was the same but the top was all sparkly and was strapless. The pom poms had glitter on the handles too.

"Or some things change," I said.

"So you're gonna get these shots right? We need some good ones to show our new uniform," One of the girls asked Quinn.

"Yep, just go through it as normal and I'll get what I can," Quinn told her.

I could see the girls watching me with excitement.

I couldn't decide if I was more flattered or scared because it was creepy.

The girls got into position and one of them started moving toward the bench and then looked back to her position.

"Could you…?" she asked, gesturing to the speakers next to me.

"Oh sure," I said, "ready?"

They nodded and I hit play.

Familiar music boomed out of the speakers and my mind automatically began counting them in.

They started moving in unison to the music and I smiled in amusement as I saw exactly how spot on they'd got it down to the quirky little parts I'd put in that I didn't think anyone else would pick up on if they were just keeping track of the moves.

Quinn was moving around, taking different shots of them from different angles.

The girls moved into their final position for the three separate groups performing three different lifts and I held my breath for the landing.

What happened instead though was that my eyes widened in shock. The music ended. You could hear a few wolf whistles coming from the boys as their attention was on the girls.

Yeah. Whoever designed strapless cheerleading tops clearly didn't think this through.

"We might have to get rid of those last few shots," I heard Quinn say before I heard one of the girls scream.

Xxxxx

_Flashback_

_I stared at the few notecards I had in my hand and mumbled a few lines to myself trying to make sure they were committed to memory. I know trying to answer generic interview questions and prepare answers might have been a waste of time but it was better than nothing. _

_I had a final glance and then put the cards in my handbag, taking a deep breath._

_I was right in time too because a shadow fell over me and I looked up to see a tanned blonde guy standing in front of me. he looked like he should be on the beach, not here in a suit talking to me._

"_Brooke?" he asked._

"_Yes, hi," I said standing up slightly clumsily and shaking his hand, "Adam?"_

"_Yeah, it's good to meet you," he said, sitting opposite me._

"_You too," I said smiling._

"_So how are you liking San Francisco?" he asked._

"_I love it," I said, "Definitely somewhere I'd like I work."_

"_That's good," he said, "so you're sticking around?"_

"_If the job works out," I replied._

"_So what kind of thing are you into?" he asked._

"_What am I into?" I repeated, trying to think of an answer, "I have a lot of interests I guess but practical design I think is my strong suit. Putting pen to paper and making it appear in actual application is where I want to be. My degree surrounds the business aspect of that of course but as well as the marketing and project development I think having a part in the process is the key to making sure you're on track throughout."_

"_Oh," he said, "that's great."_

_I gave him a smile, hoping I'd somewhat mentioned something worthwhile in my rambling._

"_So do like travelling?" he asked, "I travel a lot for work."_

"_Oh yes I love travelling. Wouldn't be a problem. I also think it's a great way to get maximum experience by being able to get hands on research on trends rather than using second hand information."_

_Adam looked a little bit confused by nodded anyway. I could feel my palms getting sweaty at how badly I wanted this job._

"_So I have to fly out of town tonight for meetings but I'm back in three days. If you want to catch dinner or something when I'm back?" he asked._

_Was that a second part of the interview?_

"_Dinner?" I asked._

"_Yeah," he laughed softly, "that is generally what people do when they're aiming to date."_

"_Eh?" I blurted out, not following._

"_Or maybe you want to go see a show or something instead?" he asked._

"_Right. Because this a date," I said, as more of a statement of confirmation._

_The pieces were starting to fit together now and I felt like the biggest idiot for not picking up on it before._

"_Yeah," he said, "so you'll call my assistant and let her know what you want to do?" _

"_I actually have to go," I said standing up._

_I rushed out of there, knowing I was being rude but I didn't have it in me to wait another second. I power walked out the coffee shop and down the street like I knew San Francisco like the back of my hand._

_It didn't take long to get to the hotel at the speed I was going and I was almost surprised my heels hadn't worn down._

_The elevator was moving up the floors and it felt like it was taking forever just to mock me. I tapped my foot on the floor in frustration. The doors finally dinged and opened into the penthouse._

"_You actually can't—" a guy with a headset said trying to stop me going through._

"_Are you freaking kidding me?" I said dropping my bag on the floor. A maid instantly came and picked it up, placing it on the couch._

"_Brooke, you're early," Mom said._

"_I cannot believe you!" _

"_What is it now?" she asked sounding like she was exasperated._

"_My meeting with Adam today? That was a date?" I asked her crossing my arms._

_Out of the corner of my eye I saw my dad come in from the elevator with his briefcase._

"_Brooke, you're here," he said, but I didn't take my eyes off my mother._

"_Tell me," I said._

"_Ok yes it was a date," she admitted, "I met him at a gala and he'd be perfect husband material. I don't understand why you're upset."_

"_You told me it was a job interview!"_

"_Well I knew you wouldn't come otherwise!" she defended herself._

"_That's not a valid argument," I yelled._

"_If you think about it, it was kind of a job interview…you were meeting to see if you're compatible."_

"_Oh my god…" I muttered mostly to myself then yelled, "being a wife is not a job!"_

"_Ok girls lets tone it down a notch," Dad said sighing, and pouring himself a scotch._

"_You can't do things like this," I told Mom._

"_Look Brooke, she's just looking out for you," he said._

"_Thank you!" she said._

_I couldn't believe this. For days I had been getting excited and planning my interview and thinking of a prospect of a job that could be the start of what I wanted. I was suddenly at square one again only I was there the whole time I just didn't know it._

"_I want to work and have my life I don't want to just sit in the background whilst someone else does great things!"_

"_Oh don't be dramatic Brooke," Mom said._

"_I'm not being dramatic! It makes sense!"_

"_You have to be realistic though too," Mom said._

"_I am being realistic. I want to work in fashion. That's the end of that," I told her._

"_This is really something you want?" she asked me._

"_Yes it is," I said, seeing that she was coming around._

"_Ok fine then," she said, "Ted call Sarah tomorrow about calling Donna or Christian about getting Brooke a job."_

"_Wow, no wait, that's not what I want," I said interrupting their conversation._

"_So no you don't want to work in fashion?" Mom said, "Brooke you can't be so whimsical about this, you need to make a decision."_

"_No I do want to work in fashion but because I'm good and I get this job because of my own merit not because you called and pulled a few strings and got me to the top."_

"_Oh for gods sakes Brooke. It's one thing trying to act all noble but in reality you don't get anywhere in life if you don't take the opportunities you have. Let us do this. In no time you'll be playing in a big office with those drawings of yours," Dad said._

_I shook my head in disbelief._

"_Brooke how realistic do you think it is that you're really going to get a job the way you want it?" Mom asked._

"_What do you mean? The jobs exist," I said._

"_Yes but do you understand how many people are out there competing for these spots?" she asked._

"_Obviously I do."_

"_You just have to know your odds. Some of these people are really talented," she said._

_I bit my lip, stopping myself from speaking. Sometimes it wasn't even worth it._

_I picked up my bag and started walking toward the elevator and down to my room._

Xxxxxxx

Present day

Nathan POV

The curser blinked on the blank page in front of me, and my eyes focused on the movement. It seemed like it was blinking slower but I knew my mind had just been looking at it for too long.

I had absolutely no clue. No absolutely fucking clue.

I knew what I wanted to convey but how do you put a feeling into words effectively.

"Whatcha doing Daddy?" Jamie asked, slowly licking his ice cream as though he was savouring every taste.

"I'm just trying to write something but I don't know how," I said.

"You should do what you always tell me. Take a deep breath and try again, and if that doesn't work eat some candy," he offered.

"Thanks buddy," I said smiling. Somehow I think I might need something stronger than candy.

I'd been trying to write this email to Brooke for the past two days but hadn't gotten very far at all. I knew what I wanted to convey to her but I didn't know how to put emotion into words. I didn't know how I could possibly phrase how much she meant to me and how much I needed her to get in contact.

I didn't even know if she was checking her email, but since she'd cut off her phone it was the only shot I had. I was going stir crazy here and not doing anything was making it worse.

I closed the laptop lid and put it next to me, taking out my phone. I went on her whattsapp message page and read the 'last read' at the top. The date was from before she left. I stared at it for a few minutes and felt even further from her. I waited, watching it as if it would change any moment to 'online' but it didn't.

"Daddy?"

"Mmmm?" I said, looking over to Jamie who was sitting on the coffee table swinging his legs, looking at me curiously.

"The doorbell is ringing," he said.

"Oh," I said, putting my laptop on the couch and going over to the intercom wondering how I'd managed not to hear the beeping. I could see Luke on the other side and let him in, leaving the door on latch before going back to the living room.

A few minutes later Luke came in, two coffee's in hand.

"I come baring gifts," he said passing me a hot cup and I took it gratefully. He passed Jamie a fruit smoothie that he took with a grin on his face and disappeared into his play room.

"How did you know I was here?" I asked him. I was meant to be at work today but decided to work from home instead.

"I called your office and spoke to your secretary," he said, sitting in the armchair opposite me.

"So how come you didn't come to dinner last night?" he asked me, "It was good to see Hales but we miss you too."

"I had some work to do and plus Jamie wasn't feeling too well," I told him.

"Oh really? Is he doing ok?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah he's fine. He never even sees it as a big deal when he isn't doing well," I said.

"That's probably a good thing," Luke said.

"Tell me about it," I said.

"Is everything else ok?" he asked me.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"You're just…I don't know, just not yourself," he said.

"Luke seriously, put your energy into your next book and stop psycho-analysing your family," he said.

"Talking of friends, you haven't heard from Br—"

Luke was interrupted by his phone and I was glad. I wasn't sure how casual I'd be able to act if he brought up Brooke.

He took it out his jacket pocket and read his message.

"Why am I getting a google alert about you saying…hold on let me open this—"

"You have me on google alerts? That's adorable," I told him.

Luke didn't laugh though.

"What the hell…." he said, "this says you're having an affair."

In movies people say they felt their blood run cold. What a ridiculous description right? How can anyone feel their blood run cold? Right then I felt my blood do the exact opposite. It was scorching hot and I was two seconds away from hyperventilating.

"What…" I stumbled, "Luke it's not what—"

Lucas was reading the article and suddenly burst out laughing.

I took the phone out his hand I desperation to get straight what had happened. The first thought was panic for Brooke not for me.

I gripped the phone and saw the image on the link Luke had clicked on.

Rachel.

The picture, although slightly blurry was of me and Rachel that day she'd seen me lingering around Brooke's place. There were two photos joined together as one: One of just her in the car sitting next to me as we were parked and the other as she hugged me goodbye before she left.

"Rachel's going to get a huge kick of out that," he joked, "she'll probably frame it."

Lucas looked over to me but I was in my own world.

I could see him thinking about my initial reaction. I saw it happen like it was in slow motion but I didn't stop him.

"Fuck," he said as realisation hit his face.

xxxxxxxxxx

_Flashback Nathan POV_

"_You're ok," I whispered, kissing his cheek softly, "I'm here."_

_Jamie wasn't crying anymore, we'd gotten him to calm down but I could tell from his expression he still wasn't comfortable. His little fact was bright red and all squished up as he napped._

_He'd spent the last two days crying. Not the usual little cute baby whimper but full blown screaming. We'd been up trying to get him to stop. I wish there was some easier way to communicate with babies and just ask 'what's wrong' but unfortunately it was a little harder than that._

"_Ok I'll be back in a bit," Haley said, slipping on some heels._

_I looked at her and sighed._

"_What?" she asked, "Seriously what? I'll be back in three hours max. Surely you can babysit for that long."_

"_We just got him to calm down," I said._

"_Yeah which is great. All the more reason for me to go. He's fine now," she said._

"_But he's not well, maybe you should stay here," I suggested._

"_Babies cry Nathan, it's what they do!" she said, "I'm with him all day while you're off playing basketball so I'm well aware of what babies do."_

"_Ok don't yell, he'll wake up again," I whispered._

"_I'm sorry ok, I don't mean to get upset," she said gently, sitting on the arm of the couch, "I'm just out here trying to work too and I can't keep missing things because of Jamie. I came out here for a reason."_

"_Yeah. It's ok go," I said._

"_Are you mad?" she asked._

"_No it's fine go," I told her._

_I saw where she was coming from and I wasn't going to argue about it wasn't worth it. I just couldn't leave him knowing in the pit on my stomach the way he was acting isn't normal. I guess she did spend all day with him so she did know what he was like._

"_I'll see you later," she said, "My cell's on."_

_She walked out the apartment, closing the door gently behind her. _

_I leaned back in the chair getting comfortable. Jamie was asleep and I knew I should put him in his crib but I couldn't bring myself to. I wanted to keep him close for a while._

_It was so strange how my life had transformed in this small amount of time. I went from being me to being a Dad. It was like I was dreaming. It's crazy how quick someone you never knew can become the main part of your life._

_I put Jamie down on the couch beside me and arranged pillows either side of him, choosing to leave him here for a while._

_I looked at the coffee table and saw the containers of half eaten Chinese food from earlier. One of the rules of the training camp was healthy eating. We all worked with a trainer and nutritionist to make sure we were on top form al the time to be able to play to the best of our ability but I couldn't help but indulge tonight. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them._

_I picked up the container of sweet and sour chicken and couldn't help but smile. There's no way I could ever eat this in my future and not think of Brooke. There was so many memories tied to this dish that they all hit me as an influx every time._

_My hands were itching to pick up my phone to call her but I didn't know if that was what I should do. I wasn't sure what the rules were. I hadn't heard from here in the last month since Jamie was born but I knew that was part of us parting ways at the hospital. We both know it was the right thing. We owed it to our futures and I knew I definitely owed it to Jamie. The fact Brooke thought she owed it to Jamie too made me have ten times more respect for her, if that was even possible._

_Calling her might not help her but I missed her. There were so many things I wanted to tell her throughout the day but held back. I wanted to share everything with her._

_I put the container down again and picked up my phone, going onto her Whattsapp message page. _

_Last online 21.34_

_Two minutes ago. _

_The phone was probably still in her hand._

_Just then the words disappeared and changed to 'online'._

_She was just on the other end of this phone. All I had to do was dial or message. I suddenly felt closer to her even though I was technically no closer than I was five minutes ago._

_Would she get mad if I did? I didn't know what she wanted. Maybe space was what she was after? Or were we still friends. I had a quick image of us losing out friendship but pushed it away as quickly as it came, not liking that vision._

_Lucas had to come to New York for work next week so Peyton was coming along too so they could see the baby. They didn't say anything about Brooke joining them but I wished she was._

_My finger hovered over the call button and my finger hit the screen before I realised what I'd done. The dial tone started and I held the phone to my ear, my eyes closed, nervous to hear her voice if she even picked up. I thought about hanging up but then she'd know I called and chickened out which was worse._

_My heart was beating as I waited. Seconds before I was about to hang up before I knew it would go to voicemail I heard the call connect._

_Oh god what was I doing. She was going to tell me I was breaking the rules and that we weren't friends anymore._

"_Hey Boy wonder," she said._

_And I smiled in relief. I could hear the grin in her voice and I suddenly felt the worry wash away._

"_So you heard huh?"_

"_I saw the news last night," she said. I feel like I could still hear her smile, "this is amazing! I thought you said this wouldn't happen so soon!"_

"_It wasn't meant to! The bosses were in a meeting for six hours Brooke over whether it was a stupid move or not to put me on the team."_

"_Well those were six hours well spent!" she said, "I can't wait to watch your game."_

"_Thanks for the pressure," I said._

"_Nathan I've seen you play millions of times before!" she said._

"_Yeah I know but knowing you're watching makes me want to play better and not mess up," I told her._

"_Good," she said, "that's how it should be."_

"_Brooke…is it ok …that I, you know? Called you?" I asked her._

"_Are you kidding? Your call couldn't have come at a better time. I had a shit day," she said._

"_Tell me about it," I told her, pulling a blanket over me, as though I was about to hear a soothing bedtime story._

"_Well I officially can't stand my parents," she said._

"_Well that's not new," I said._

"_Well this time I hate them more because they might be right but I don't need to hear it from them," she said._

"_What happened? Are they back in Tree Hill?" I asked._

"_I'm actually in San Francisco with them," she explained_

"_You went to San Francisco?" I asked, sitting up slightly._

_I know she didn't have to tell me where she was at all times but it felt weird to know she was in a different part of the country—a different time zone—and I had no idea where she was._

"_Yeah they got me a job interview," she said._

"_That's great," I told her. _

"_They lied to me Nathan it wasn't a job interview," she told me._

"_What? Then what was it?" I asked her, not following._

"_A date. That's what it was. They decided is should just settle down and get on with the inevitable that will happen when I don't get a job," she ranted, "I actually went on this date Nathan like an idiot. I didn't realise until much later that it wasn't what I thought it was."_

_I thought of Brooke on a date and frowned. Despite the fact she didn't want to be there I still didn't think whoever the guy was, was good enough for her._

"_What then?" I asked._

"_What do you mean what then? I realised and went back and my parents just thought I was being dramatic," she said._

"_It's ok. You'll get a kick ass job and show them," I told her._

_She laughed softly, "I miss you."_

"_I miss you too," I told her._

"_It's like I suddenly lost a huge part of my life," she said._

"_I know. I wish you were here."_

"_I wish I could be," she said, and I knew she was telling the truth, "I did think about it you know?"_

"_You did?" I asked her._

"_Right before Jamie was born, when you were telling me about it," she said._

"_What changed your mind?" I asked her._

"_We did," she said, "It's hard enough as it is, and being in the same place would be ten times harder."_

"_I don't want to lose you completely" I told her._

"_That will never happen," she told me, "I just need to get my shit together first before I can throw myself into that head on."_

_I rubbed my eye._

"_Yeah I know you're right," I told her, "I do miss you though."_

"_I'm right here," she told me._

_I could sit here right now and wish Haley hadn't come back or she hadn't been pregnant, but I loved Jamie so much I couldn't wish that. I hated the fates right now for what they'd thrown at me. its like they gave me a taster of what could have been with Brooke and then cruelly took it away._

"_How is the gorgeous boy?" she asked._

"_He's amazing Brooke," I said, "You'd love him."_

"_I already do," she said._

_I looked over at Jamie and did a double take when I realised something wasn't right._

"_Fuck."_

"_What?" she asked._

"_Brooke..i…I don't…"_

"_Nathan what's happening?" she asked._

"_I don't know what to do…he's…Jamie's…" I panicked._

"_Nathan listen to me. I need you to take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong," she said forcibly. _

"_He looks blue," I told her seeing the tinge of colour on his cheeks._

"_Is he awake?" she asked._

"_He looks like he's sleeping," I told her._

"_Ok listen carefully Nathan, I need you to loosen any blankets around him and call 911."_

"_I…"_

_I felt like the walls were closing in on me as I started to feel like something bad was about to happen. I knew in the pit of my stomach something wasn't right._

"_Nathan, no! You can do this!" she yelled into the phone._

"_Don't leave me," I told her, forcing myself to focus on her voice._

"_I'll stay on the line, use the house phone," she told me, "I'm right here."_

_I reached for the other phone, knowing she would be._

xxxxx

**A/N: Ok so in case you found any shocking mistakes, I didn't proof read it I admit so forgive me! I hope you enjoyed it! **

**I wrote this so fast after I was inspired by the 2 reviews I got so please keep them coming, I love hearing from you guys!**

**xx**


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: Right so it was valid this time, my excuse… so I haven't been well and have been in and out hospital dealing with drama with one of my eyes…ridiculous but it's all over now (well getting there!) so hopefully it will be more fluid with chapters. I'm also super eager to finish this story because I have big ideas for the next one so I'm hoping to churn chapters out.**

**Enjoy**

Chapter 12

**Present day Tree Hill**

**Brooke POV**

"It's not that big of a deal," I insisted, walking into the empty bar.

"Really? You're going to act modest now?" Quinn replied.

"What's going on?" Chase asked, coming around the corner with a crate in his arms.

"Oh my god, you have no idea! You should have seen her in action!" Quinn replied.

"What happened?"

"There was this emergency at the school and Brooke just swooped in like a superhero and saved the day," Quinn said animatedly.

I couldn't help but laugh at her interpretation of events.

"Really?" I asked.

"Ok, well it was more like a wardrobe malfunction, but it was still an emergency in the cheerleader world," Quinn said, blowing her bangs out her eyes, "and then Brooke just said like a total rock star, 'someone go to Home Ec and get me a needle and thread'."

Chase laughed and I hopped up on the bar.

"Quinn like I told you a million times before, it wasn't as dramatic as you're making it out to be..." I told her, hopping back off the counter when Chase motioned for me to get off.

"Brooke, you used an extra skirt and within a half hour everyone had straps. You saved the day," she reminded me as though I had forgotten.

"It was just a little sewing," I said.

"Err, you thought something in your mind and then just made it appear before you. That's not 'just sewing' my friend, that's talent," she said.

"Don't you have a job to go to?" I asked her.

"Ok fine," Quinn groaned, "but you could totally do that for a living, just saying."

"Well that is kind of the plan," I told her.

"But why wait?" she asked.

"Because I can't get a job," I recapped for her then turned to Chase, "is she always like this?"

"You caught her on a good day," he told me.

Quinn just rolled her eyes at him.

"You don't need anyone else, it's the twenty-first century," Quinn said, "sell it yourself."

"Like clothes over bros?" Chase said.

"Clothes over what now?" Quinn said.

I groaned, going behind the counter, and trying to busy myself with something but Chase kept the place well too organised. He was unintentionally feeding Quinn's amazement.

"Isn't that what it was?" he asked me.

"Yes," I said and gave in, "it was just this website I made in high school where I sold my clothes."

"Ok you're blowing my mind, I need to sit down," she said.

"Please don't, just leave," Chase said but he was ignored.

"Firstly Clothes over Bros…" she said, letting it sink in, "I get it and it's genus! And secondly, I can't believe you aren't already doing this. You've done it before."

"Quinn I was a kid, I was playing around! This is my life and career we're talking about now," I told her, "you saw me cut strips and make a few simple stitches. Everyone and their grandma can do that."

"Why are you putting yourself down? I saw the magic happen," she said.

She just saw the look on my face.

It wasn't that I was against it, it was just going to be a huge waste of time. I needed a job—a job that paid actual money that I could live off. For something like a website to be successful it needed marketing and PR and it's name to be all over the place and that wasn't something I'd have.

"Ok just promise me you'll think about it," she said.

"Ok yes I promise to think about it," I told her.

"Great! Ok I got to go to work kids, but I'll pop in tonight if I finish up in time!" she said walking out.

"Aren't you glad you found us?" Chase asked.

I looked over at him and snorted in laughter.

"Come on, I'm not paying you to stand around and look cute," he said throwing a towel in my direction.

xxx

_**Flashback Nathan POV- New York**_

"_And I think that's about it," she said, zipping up her paper wallets._

"_Ok," I said, taking a deep breath._

"_Unless you have any questions?" the nurse asked, looking between Haley and myself._

_I looked over to Haley who didn't make a move to ask anything._

"_You can always call me any time," she said, handing me a business card with her direct line on it._

"_Thank you," I said standing up slowly as she did._

_She put her jacket on, Haley shook her hand and mumbled a 'thank you', and I walked her over to the door._

"_You can't adjust to this over night you know?" she said, pausing in the doorway, giving me a kind smile._

"_I know," I told her, "it's just a scary thing."_

"_I know, but you'll learn and that's the important part. I wont say it will get easier, you'll always worry but you will learn to let it fade into the background," she said._

"_Thank you," I said, "I don't know where we would be without your support," I told her honestly. From her last three home visits, I immediately felt calmer when she was in the house, almost as though nothing could go wrong with Jamie if she, a qualified professional was here as opposed to left alone with two people who were barely old enough to take care of themselves._

"_You're going to be fine Nathan, you're one of the good ones," she told me, stepping out the door._

_I gave her a smile and nodded as she left. I waved as she drove off and then went back inside, closing the door gently so I didn't wake Jamie._

"_Yeah I saw your missed call," I heard Haley speaking on the phone as I went back into the living room._

_I walked over to the small fridge in the kitchen that was connection and took out a bottle of water._

"_I was just caught up in a meeting but that's over now, you know how they always run over," she said, "I'll call you from the road."_

_Haley cut off the phone and stood up, picking up her handbag and a pair of boots._

"_You ok?" I asked her._

"_Yeah I'm just going in to work for a bit," she said, "I need some air."_

"_Did they just call you?" I asked._

"_No, that was Peyton," she said._

_I frowned, as she stumbled around trying to zip up her shoes. _

"_So then why did you tell her you were just in a meeting?" I asked her, not understanding her logic._

"_Because technically it was," she said._

"_Yeah but you made out like it was a business meeting," I said._

"_What's the big deal? It was just easier than explaining the whole deal," she said, dismissing it._

"_Haley she's our friend, what's the point in lying to her about it?" I asked her._

"_I just don't see the point of bringing it up to everyone that our son is sick every moment of the day," she said._

"_Who else do you even bring it up to?" I asked her, "and of all people telling Peyton actually makes sense because her own boyfriend has the same heart defect."_

"_What is your obsession with all of this? If I don't want to tell people, so what? If I don't want to talk about my feelings, so what?"_

"_Yeah but it will help you," I said._

"_I'm fine," she said._

"_Clearly," I said sarcastically, "you just avoid it like the plague."_

"_Nathan talking about it isn't going to make it go away is it?" she said in a matter of fact way._

_I didn't know how to reply to that and she took the opportunity to shrug at me and get her jacket._

_I felt like it was even too much energy to come up a response._

"_I'll be home before dinner, ok?" she said._

"_Yeah," I replied._

_She paused for a second watching me._

_She gave me a nod, and left._

_I sighed in relief as she left, and I felt the tension in my body. I picked up my water off the counter and took it over to my room, deciding to pack my gym bag now so it was easier in the morning. I checked in on Jamie on my way but he was sleeping soundly as though he had nothing to worry about—well he didn't, that was my job._

_I picked my bag off the floor and starting emptying it when I heard my phone ring in the distance. I tried to find it amongst the pile of clothes, before the noise woke Jamie, but realised I'd left it in the living room._

_At the sight of the caller ID, I couldn't help but smile as I answered the call._

"_Hey," I said, stepping out in the small balcony._

"_Hi," Brooke replied and I could hear her crunching on something._

"_Chips really? It's not even lunchtime," I told her._

"_It's never too early for chips," she said, "just don't tell my Mom."_

"_Your secret's safe with me," I told her._

_It was so good just to be able to have a normal conversation like this with someone. Every time she called I felt like a wave of relaxation would hit. We'd decided to be friends and just give in. Trying to completely stay away from each other had drained us both and we realised we had no reason not to be friends. It had been a few weeks and so far it'd been going well._

"_How did the meeting go?" Brooke asked._

"_Same as last time," I said._

"_Oh really?" she said._

"_Jamie has HCM. I guess that's the end of that," I said, "I don't really see the point of these meetings."_

"_Nathan come on, it's good you have them there," she told me._

"_It just makes me so mad that we have all this technology and knowledge yet nobody seems to have any answers for how to solve it," I vented._

"_I know, it sucks," she said, "but just be thankful that you managed to get him to the hospital in time and he's ok now."_

"_Yeah I know," I said, thinking of a few weeks ago when the fear of this ending very badly was a very real outcome, "he just didn't ask for this."_

"_He's strong Nathan, he's a Scott," she said._

"_I just can't help thinking about how he has to live with this his whole life," I said._

"_He's going to take his medicine and get around it. It will just be part of his life. Luke manages it and leads a normal life," Brooke said, "its worse for you than it is for Jamie in a way."_

"_I just can't believe he's barely been on this earth and his life is already complicated. I just want to save him but I can't."_

"_Nathan, you're still his superhero and you are saving him by being there for him. That's more than many kids have," she said, "you know what though, you have to work with this. You can't let it mull around in your mind and bring you down because at the end of the day you have to own it. Show it who's boss."_

"_Why do you make everything sound so easy?" I asked her._

"_Because it is," she laughed, and I believed her, "seriously though Nathan it's not fair Jamie's sick. He didn't deserve that. You're handing it so well, you should be proud of yourself."_

_Her voice was soothing to listen to and it was like I actually felt better just because she told me to._

"_You know what I wish we could do right now?" I said, leaning against the railing._

"_What?"_

"_Go to Morris's."_

"_Oh my god yessss!" she laughed, "You're making me hungry."_

"_That pizza—it was disgusting," I pointed out._

"_Yeah but at 3am it was the best fucking thing ever," Brooke said._

"_If anyone saw us go inside in the day time they'd seriously judge us," I said._

"_It's the day time now," she reminded me._

"_I could wait till nightfall when it was acceptable," I said, "and then we'd go eat it in the car so nobody would see us inside."_

"_Once again—and we've been through this before- you realise you live in New York…where there is actually good pizza not crappy campus pizza that probably was made in a place where health code violations are a thing."_

"_Yeah but sometimes you just need really shit pizza," I tried to explain._

_Brooke was silent._

"_That was the stupidest …." She began and I waited for the end, "most smartest thing I've ever heard."_

_I laughed at her words._

"_But yet you agree."_

"_Ok Nathan, I challenge you," she said._

"_You challenge me? to do what?"_

"_To go out in New York and find your shit pizza," she said._

"_Are you serious?" I asked her._

"_Totally, why not?" she said, "Actually, it will get your mind off things. Go try what New York's offering."_

"_You want me to go try all the pizza in New York? You do realise how much pizza that is right?"_

"_Ok, ok," she said, "Obviously I wasn't being literal, but go Nathan. You need to find your place there."_

"_I am finding my place here, I just miss the stuff at home," I said._

"_But that's just it, that is your home now," she said._

_As the words soaked in I felt slightly faint._

"_You can have two homes," I told her._

"_Nathan you're out there doing your dream job, you've got somewhere to live, you have a wife and a beautiful baby boy. It's your home now, go make it that. Count the things you have going for you rather than the things you don't."_

_I knew it must have been difficult for her to tell me that and the fact she had to say it, showed she thought I needed to hear it._

"_Brooke—"_

"_What?" she said._

"_Thanks," I said._

"_Sure," she said._

"_How is it being back with your parents?" I asked her._

_She just groaned in response._

"_I'm binge eating in my room waiting for them to leave so I don't have to speak to them," she said, "I've been doing applications all day. I just need to get a proper job so I can make some money and move out."_

"_And asking your parents is not an option?" I asked even though I knew the answer._

"_Oh no they'll happily give me money," Brooke said, "just as long as I do what they want and I refuse to give in."_

"_You're going to work it out," I said._

"_I know I will," she said confidently, "Ok I got to head out."_

"_Wait…what do you mean you need to get a 'proper' job…?" I asked, the words coming back to me._

"_What?"_

"_Oh my god, you have a job don't you, that's where you're going now?" I said._

"_No I don't," she said._

"_You're doing that lying high pitched voice again," I pointed out._

"_Ok yes I might have gotten a job," she said, "but it's temporary."_

"_You realise that's a good thing," I told her._

"_I didn't want you to make fun of me," she answered._

"_Why would I make fun of you? Where are you working?" I asked her like I was getting a good piece of gossip, "I promise I won't laugh."_

"_Ok look it's just the outfit that makes this worse," she tried to explain._

"_Oh my god there's an outfit involved. I need pictures."_

"_You're an ass," she said._

"_So go on," I prompted, smiling at the thought of her pouting._

"_I'm waitressing…in a pirate costume," she finished._

"_You're kidding?" I asked laughing._

"_You said you wouldn't laugh!" she protested._

"_Ok come on, we both knew I would," I told her._

"_I'm mainly doing it to piss off my Mom. She hates it," Brooke said, "And it gets me out the house…well hotel."_

"_Why didn't you tell me about it before?" I asked her. I didn't take her reasoning that I would make fun of her in the costume. She knew I'd make fun of her then we'd get over it, it definitely wouldn't be that big of a factor in her keeping it to herself._

"_I don't know, I couldn't," she stumbled._

"_Why not?" I pressed. I wouldn't have except I heard some hesitation in her voice like there was more there. I knew her too well to just let it go._

"_Nathan what was I meant to say? Everyone's getting on with their career and they're all flying by the way, you're working for one of the most prestigious basketball teams in the country, Haley's involved with a record company, Lucas is about to release what is going to be a bestseller and Peyton is interning doing artwork for album covers. What was I meant to say? Oh by the way guys I'm on the way to go clean ice cream off the chairs after a spoilt brat has his birthday party?"_

"_Are you kidding?" I asked her, "That's why you didn't say anything?"_

"_I don't need you to give me the pity party, I know it's not long term and I'm going to get a real job but you can see why I wouldn't drop it into conversation. You don't all exactly have just 'good jobs', you're acting as the 'exceptions' from school and we only just graduated."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_You know, 'the exception'? Those people who make it doing something huge and someone somewhere will be like 'oh I went to high school with them'…somehow you're all already those people or on the way there._

"_Ok, ok, stop. We're your friends, and we are the last people who are going to judge you—me especially and I can't believe you'd think I would! Like you actually hurt my feelings."_

"_Ok you know I didn't mean it like that," she said, "come on Nathan…"_

"_Brooke I wouldn't be surprised if you're the exception to us soon," I told her completely truthfully, "you literally just graduated. Don't worry about running when you haven't even walked yet. So take your own advice and own it."_

"_I hate when you turn things around," she said._

"_You know I'm right," I said._

"_I have to go to workkkk," she groaned, "birthday parties await!"_

"_Brooke wait!" I said quickly before she hung up._

"_Thanks for trying to pull me out of this funk by the way," she said._

"_Right back at you," I said._

"_What were you going to say?" she asked._

"_Oh…just…Brooke I have something really important to ask you," I said._

"_What?" she asked gently._

"_Do you get to wear an eye patch?" I asked._

"_You. Suck."_

"_Go to work," I laughed._

"_Yeah yeah, send me pictures of Jamie," she said._

"_Send me pictures of Pirate Brooke," I replied._

"_I'm hanging up nowwwwww," she sang before the line cut off._

_I laughed, putting my phone in my pocket feeling energised somehow. I didn't speak to her everyday but I spoke to her often enough. She was a good friend to have on your team and it was nice to be reminded of that._

_I did doubt if we could go back to the way things were before anything romantic ever happened between us but somehow it happened quite easily and it was natural._

_I walked back into the apartment just as I heard Jamie wake up from the monitor we had set up in the living room. I walked into his room and picked him up slowly from his crib and he instantly quietened as he settled in my arms._

"_It's ok I got you," I whispered._

_Jamie opened his little eyes slowly and looked up at me as if he actually recognised who I was._

"_What do you want to do today? Mommy wont be back until later," I told him as though I half expected him to answer._

_Jamie did gurgle though as though that was his version of baby talk like we were having a conversation._

"_How about we go taste test some pizza?" I asked him and I could have sworn he smiled._

xxxxxxxx

Present day New York

Nathan POV

"It was hilarious you have to try and find it online, it was the episode on Friday," Peyton said laughing, and taking a sip of her lemonade.

"It sounds like it," Haley said, "I was working late so I missed it but I saw the preview and it looks like it was worth watching, I'll try catch up before next week."

"I don't know how I feel about this season though. Luke thinks it's predictable now and doesn't have the charm of the first one but I like it," Peyton said.

"I heard there's going to be a movie," Haley said, playing with her food with her fork trying to appear casual.

"No way," Peyton said, "I didn't hear anything about that."

"Well you can't tell anyone because it's not public yet but I may or may not be in the middle of negotiations to get in on the soundtrack right now," Haley sang.

"No fucking way!" Peyton said, "That is incredible!"

"Just another job," Haley shrugged, "We can all go down for the launch party if you want, make a weekend of it? I think it's in LA"

"Do you really think I'm going to say no to that?" Peyton replied.

"We can go up early if you want, take like a vacation. Karen can come and watch the kids?" Haley suggested.

"Yeah let's liaise on dates, but it sounds perfect," Peyton said and then suddenly stopped, putting her glass down noisily on the counter, "Ok that's enough. What is with you?"

When nobody spoke Peyton yelled, "Lucas!"

He jumped as though he'd only just heard her, and she looked sharply at me.

"I feel like I've been hanging out with only Haley all night, what's going on?" Peyton asked.

"What you mean?" I asked.

"Yeah you've both been brooding all night," Haley said.

"You're acting weird," Peyton said, "what's going on?"

"Nothing," I said quickly.

"You really expect us to believe 'nothing?'" Peyton asked, "You have both been completely silent, just doing that weird creepy staring thing like you're trying to have a silent conversation."

"Yeah when you guys talk so much it's hard for us to get a word in," Luke told her, getting up, "I'm gonna go get another drink."

"You realise we're here having dinner you can just order it," Haley told him but he went anyway.

He walked in the direction of the bar and Haley and Peyton exchanged glances.

"Me too," I said, ignoring the fact my beer bottle was still half full.

I saw Haley roll her eyes and heard the two of them go on with their conversation as I left the table.

Lucas was standing, at the edge of the busy bar, not really trying to get the barman's attention. I said hello to a few people on the way who I knew from some way or another but stopped by him.

"Luke," I prompted.

"What do you want me to say Nathan? Seriously you think we can just act like everything's normal?" he snapped.

"Well it's not like you gave me a second to explain before you left," I told him.

"I don't think there really is an explanation that would make it better," he said.

"I—"

"I cannot believe how I'm in the middle of this and hate that you've put me there! I shouldn't have to lie to my best friend but you're my brother and I can't fuck you over either," he ranted.

"Luke I'm not trying to put you in this position," I told him, trying to keep my voice down.

"Well how did you think I'd take it?" he asked, turning around to face me, "I can't believe you'd ruin for marriage for what? Some young groupie that threw herself at you? You just couldn't control yourself, is that your excuse? Did the fame just get to you? Poor Haley!"

"Wow, ok Lucas you have no idea about my marriage ok, for Haley to be 'poor Haley' she'd actually have to be a part of it," I told him.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked, glaring at me.

"And she's not some random girl I slept with ok," I said, but as justified as it was to me I knew those words would sound ridiculous to him.

Lucas laughed harshly, "so what? You actually have feelings for her is that it?"

The iciness was dripping from his words.

I was starting to regret letting him realise what was going on. Although I felt panic when I realise he knew I didn't feel anywhere near as worried as I should have done. Part of me actually wanted—no, needed someone to know.

"A—"

"Wait, so you slept with her more than once! How long has this been going on?!"

"Lucas I'm not just fucking around ok," I said.

"I can't tell if you're joking or just fucking insane," he said.

"Me and Haley are not what you think we are," I said, "we haven't been for a long time."

"Nathan she's pregnant."

"It's complicated."

"I don't know what to say to you," he said.

"I can't force you to understand but I just hope you know me well enough to know I'm not just going to do this for no reason. I'm trying to figure it all out and do it the right way."

Lucas looked at me and sighed.

"So what does that mean? Until you do you're just continuing on living this lie?"

"Well… we aren't even technically together at the moment anyway. I just want to fix this," I said.

'You know I've always trusted your judgement," Lucas said, "especially after high school you really had your shit together."

"Does that mean…"

"I don't want you to think I condone or agree with what you've done, but no I'm not going to tell Haley. But you better not be lying when you say you're not with her."

"You have no idea how much you mean to me man," I said, "thank you."

"Wait, Nate, by fix this… you mean… you and Haley…"

"That's not what I wanted to fix, and I don't think that can be fixed," I told him honestly.

"But you're Nathan and Haley," Luke said.

"We haven't been 'Nathan and Haley' for a long time," I told him.

"Shit," Luke said and rubbed his eyes, "I didn't see this coming."

"I'm sorry," I told him. I wasn't sure I owed him an explanation but I felt like I'd let him down as well.

"What are you going to do?" he asked me.

"I'm trying to work it out with Haley," I told him.

"And the girl?" he asked.

"We're on hold," I told him. A small voice in my head laughed ad told me weren't on hold we were over, but I refused to believe it. The fact she wasn't here and wasn't speaking to me should have been a signifier enough, but call me an optimist.

"Just answer me one thing. If this girl wasn't in the picture would you still want to end things with Haley?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said without hesitation, "we aren't the same people we were in high school."

"And it's not something you can fix?" he asked.

"No," I told him.

"Make sure you figure this out soon," he said.

I nodded, telling him I would.

"Are you brewing that beer yourselves?" Peyton asked, from right beside us.

We both jumped at the intrusion. I didn't think she'd heard anything though because she surely would have said something if she had.

"Two beers," Luke said, as the barman came over that second, then nodded toward me, "they're on him."

Ok I'll give him that one.

Luke took both beers off the counter and went back to the table, me trailing behind them.

"Hello my sexy boyfriend," I heard Rachel say, giving me a noisy kiss on the cheek.

Haley and Peyton laughed, and Luke gave me a look that clearly said he didn't appreciate the joke.

"I'm really sorry about that," I told her, as she sat down.

"Hey guys," Coop said, zipping off his jacket and sitting on the other end.

"Are you kidding?" Rachel said, "I was on every single gossip magazine in the country! I'm loving it! When can we hang out again?"

"Yeah she actually took a copy of a magazine to brunch with my parents to show my Mom, that's how proud she was," Cooper told us.

"Oh please don't tell me she wasn't pleased to have a soon to be daughter in law who's practically a celebrity," she said.

"For supposedly having an affair with her grandson?" Cooper said, reminding her that his Mom was my grandmother.

"Which is why I knew she wouldn't take it seriously," Rachel said like it was obvious, "anyone who'd actually think I'd get in the way of Naley over there are cray cray"

Lucas once again just stared at me.

"How was the concert?" I asked them to change the subject. They'd gone out tonight which is why they couldn't make dinner but said they'd drop by later for drinks.

"Amazing," Rachel said, "I'm sad Brooke missed it."

"Thanks babe," Cooper said.

"Of course I'm glad I got to go with you but it was initially her ticket and we did plan to go together," Rachel said.

"Look I did my best to pretend to like that pop shit ok," Cooper said then to us, "seriously guys there was pre-teens everywhere. Total nightmare."

"And I appreciate the effort," Rachel said, leaning over and kissing him.

"Next time go with Brooke though," Cooper told her.

"Had anyone heard from Brooke?" Rachel asked.

"No, I was going to ask you that," Peyton said.

"Guys I don't know why you're all freaking out," Haley said, " she's a grown adult."

"But she's just dropped off the radar," Rachel said.

"Ok but seriously, it's not she's really around though is it? What makes this different? We see her what? Every month if we are lucky?" Haley said.

"But her phone line's off, she left her apartment—I just feel like that says this isn't the same thing." Lucas said.

"I think it's rude," Haley said, "I don't think we should waste our time playing her game and trying to find her. She'll come back when she's not being melodramatic. I love Brooke but she needs to join the real world the rest of us are in."

There was an uncomfortable silence across the table.

"Can I get you guys more drinks?" the waitress asked.

"Yes!" Haley said, "We can celebrate my new soundtrack deal, did I tell you about that?"

xxxxx

_**Flashback **_

_**Nathan POV**_

_**New York**_

_When we won the state championships in senior year I felt like euphoria was running through me, and I was on top of the world._

_I found out today that there was such a thing as being even higher. If they could somehow bottle this feeling and sell it, it'd be classed as a class A drug in no time._

_I'd watched baskets go through nets more times than I would ever be able to recall but this time it was different. The first time it happened it took me a second to realise everyone was cheering for me. By the time the last basket went through at the end of the game, acting as a deciding factor in our win, the shot of luck I'd been hit with was exploding all around me as chants of 'boy wonder!' bounced off the walls and hit my ears._

_I could still hear it from outside when I was in the locker room. Team mates who were hesitant about me being put on the team so soon at the start of my contract playfully pushed me around and cheers filled the room as the realisation that we'd won sunk in._

_We'd just been sent out to speak to the press and somehow as a million microphones had been shoved into my face I'd managed to push my nerves away and come across as confidence, the recent win urging me on._

_I think it didn't hit me until now that I might have actually achieved what I'd been trying to get to my whole life._

"_Hey," Haley said, meeting me in the doorway._

"_Hi," I said smiling at her._

"_Congratulations," she said hugging me._

"_Thanks," I told her, "I can't believe that just happened."_

_My car was brought over to us, and we got in, settling in as we drove off._

"_Is Jamie ok at your Mom's?"_

"_Yeah," she replied, getting her phone out her handbag._

"_Then do you maybe want to go out or something?" I asked her. I just didn't want this night to end. _

_Haley was doing something on her phone and not concentrating._

"_Haley," I prompted._

"_What?" _

"_Do you want to go out? We can grab a drink or get some food or something," I said._

_I took a look at my side when she didn't reply instantly and she screwed up her nose, "not really can we just go home? I have a lot to do tomorrow."_

"_Not even for a little bit?" I asked her, eager to just even take a tiny bit of time to reflect on tonight and let it sink in what a momentous night it was._

"_Nathan come on, I just sat through a few hours of basketball," I said._

"_Seriously? That was my first real game," I said._

"_Yeah I know and you were great," she said, "but it's still a basketball game and I've seen a lot of them."_

"_Ok," I said, not sure what else I was meant to say._

_We drove in silence for a few minutes. We stopped at a traffic light and I played at the leather of the steering wheel. Haley was doing something on her phone._

_I took mine out my pocket and saw the glow of a message._

'_You only managed 30 points the whole game? I feel like I wasted my night watching that…B'_

_A second message bubble appeared under it._

'_Sweet dreams Boy Wonder'_

_I read her messages again, and I couldn't help but smile._

"_Nathan, drive its green," Haley pressed._

"_Huh, oh right."_

xxxxx

**A/N: What do you think? I know it might seem slow but I promise it's all heading somewhere! **


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

**A/N: In answer to a guest review about how the flashbacks are taking over and I should do more present day stuff, the flashbacks kinda are the story and really important so you understand present day. Don't worry though there is probably one chapter after the next one with flashbacks and then we should catch up soon! And then it will just be focused on present day! **

_**Nathan POV- Flashback**_

"_Nathan over here!" I heard, as another camera was shoved in my general direction. God knows what they thought would make me stop and give them attention over everyone else pretty much doing the same thing. _

_I got it, it was part of the job, but ….I don't know it was Sunday? _

"_Haley, give us a smile!" he said, looking over me, giving up when he realised I wasn't going to react._

_I pulled my cap down further and then put it where it was on Jamie's back. He was mumbled away to himself as if this way an everyday thing—well to him it was._

_I pressed the buzzer and it instantly buzzed open, clearly taking me seriously when I said to be on standby._

_The door clinked shut behind us and the silence sounded ten times louder._

"_Wow," I said, taking a second to adjust Jamie in my arms._

"_I know right," Haley said, "that was fun."_

"_Yeah," I said._

"_Oh god, don't be ungrateful, they make you successful," Haley said._

"_I know, and I also know it's their job," I told her._

"_Then what is it?" she asked._

"_Hales it took us ten minutes to get from the car to the building when it should take about one," I pointed out._

"_Oh come on, " she said, "I was just doing my job. It's nice to finally be recognised for what I'm doing."_

_Haley had recently released her first song in collaboration with some other person who I hadn't heard of but was apparently someone upcoming. She already got attention from being linked to me but now she had her own gaggle of photographers waiting wherever we went._

"_I know, I'm glad it's working out," I told her, "I'm just saying that it doesn't have to be the focus of every single place we go. Sometimes it's nice to just take a minute to breathe and be a normal family."_

"_Newsflash we aren't normal," she said, walking into the elevator and pressing the right floor._

"_Can we maybe try just have like a chilled out day today? You know like old times with everyone," I asked her._

"_What exactly is it that you think I'm going to do?" she asked me, crossing her arms._

"_Nothing I just mean it will be nice to just hang out with everyone for the first time in ages, and also this is Luke's big move to try get his book picked up. Let's just try make it about him," I said as the doors opened._

"_He's my best friend, I know why he's here," she snapped, walking toward the door at the end of the hall, double checking the number on the piece of paper she'd scribbled it on._

_I knocked on the door and was met by Peyton's voice yelling, 'it's open!'_

_I pushed the door and it opened just as Peyton came around the corner smiling and jumping into Haley's arms._

"_This is so great!" she said, unable to stop smiling._

"_It's good to see you Peyt," I said honestly, hugging her, seeing them around New York, settling here made it feel more like home. _

"_You've unpacked already!" I said, looking around at the pristine apartment._

"_Well we have been here a week," Peyton pointed out, " and you know how Luke is, everything has to have it's place."_

"_Where is Luke? I'll go say hi," Haley said, going down the corridor._

"_In the office, second door on the left!" Peyton called after her._

"_I'm really glad you guys decided to move down here," I told her._

"_Me too. I thinking before thinking of coming down here felt like a huge step, and it still is don't get me wrong but seeing you guys here when we visited all settled in made it feel like we could do it too," she said._

"_It's going to be awesome to have you both in the same city" I said._

"_I know, it's been weird not having you and Hales with us in Tree Hill," she said, "the gang's back together again…well sort of. We just have to get Brooke on board."_

_I heard a soft clatter somewhere in the distance almost by cue, followed by a string of curse words that blended into each other to make one long one. I automatically smiled the kind of smile that I wouldn't have been able to supress even if I had to. I'd been looking forward to this brunch for the past two weeks._

_I just wanted to be able to hang out with Brooke. She was the best friend I had ever had, so it wasn't a surprise I missed being able to just chill out and have a good time with her. Sometimes when I would be doing the handsomest things here in New York I could hear her sarcastic commentary in the background. I was looking forward to being able to get annoyed in real life. She was here for a few days en route to a job interview. We only a day, and I didn't know how much of that I'd actually get to see her but I wasn't about to complain about it when the alternative was not seeing her at all._

"_Well look who decided to grace us with their presence. What, you don't own a watch?"_

_Brooke bounced into the room and the room suddenly felt like it was fed more energy. She was wondering around in a black smart dress which she'd obviously flown in wearing, but had traded her heels, which I now saw discarded on the floor for pink fluffy socks which contrasted the rest of her outfit. _

"_Wasn't my fault," I said, shrugging casually. I wanted to point out that this was the last plan that I would be voluntarily late for, but I didn't. _

_Brooke smiled and reached out, coming toward me._

_I opened my arm out toward her, but she stopped and frowned exaggeratedly._

"_I was talking to Jamie," she said._

"_I guess I better get used to that," I said._

_Brooke took Jamie from me and held him in her arms as he gurgled happily to her. How could I possibly be jealous of a baby right now._

"_You are beautiful," she said kissing him on his cheek._

"_Lemme at him," Peyton said._

"_We're gonna play later," Brooke told Jamie winking at him, as if he understood before letting Peyton hold him._

"_Come here," Brooke said to me as soon as Peyton securely had Jamie._

_She held onto me tightly, and I took a second to just enjoy having her close. It wasn't until I had been away from her for so long that I really realised when I saw her again how recognisable that 'Brooke smell' was. I was walking through central park last week when I got a whiff of the same perfume, as someone walked past me. I frantically turned around, actually surprised at the fact Brooke wasn't standing behind me—as if they didn't sell her perfume to a million other women._ _Being able to be this close to her now though just told me that nothing really could replicate or make up for the real thing. In a weird way it took me back to ages ago when Haley had just come back. Everything had gone back to the way 'it was meant to be' but every so often I'd get a reminder of something in the apartment smelling like Brooke, like a cushion, or hoodie she'd borrowed. I remember it being torture and comfort at the same time. I still couldn't decide which one was more the case._

_Peyton was busy with Jamie so I hugged Brooke for a few extra seconds but I knew I had to pull away before it seemed strange._

"_It's good to see you B," I said._

"_Back atcha," she said smiling._

_I looked right at her, and I don't know what I expected to see. Part of me expected to see her exactly how she was in college—sweats, glasses and hair up included, but obviously that wasn't the case. She may have calmed down a bit since high school but who were we kidding- she was still Brooke, and was clearly in her element in New York, dressing for her surroundings. _

_Clothing aside though, something was different; I just couldn't put my finger on it. It hit me suddenly that time had actually passed since we were in college. I knew that sounded like the most self absorbed thing I could ever say but it really didn't make real sense to me until now. I know a lot had changed for Haley and me, but when I thought of everyone else, I always imagined them in the exact same place I'd left them. Peyton and Luke were now here though making a life for themselves, and Brooke had been carrying on with her life too. _

_Brooke was happy and on the surface nothing seemed amiss, but I felt like there was something off, like her spark was dull. In a way her overcompensation for confidence just drew more attention to it. _

"_I'm going to go show Luke how adorable he is, and get them to stop being so anti-social," Peyton said, going to find Lucas and Haley, leaving us alone._

"_Come with me," Brooke said, pulling on my arm._

"_Where are we going?" I asked her._

"_Nathan every room is like three metres away tops, even you can be that patient," she said._

_We walked around the corner where her suitcase was leaning against the wall. She'd clearly just come straight from the airport without going to the hotel first._

"_Ok close your eyes," she said._

_I was about to ask why but she interrupted._

"_Can you just do it, they're gonna think we're freaks if they come here first," she said, and I closed my eyes just from the intrigue._

_I heard a rustling, and then, "Ok, surprise! Open!"_

_I opened my eyes and saw a cardboard box in her hands with a familiar logo on top._

"_No fucking way," I said, grabbing it out her arms, "they let you fly with this?"_

"_The guy at security was clearly judging but pretty much yeah!" she said._

_I flipped open the box and reached for a slice of the cold pizza._

"_Oh my god stop!" she yelled, "what are you doing?"_

"_What do you think I'm doing?" I asked her, thinking my intent was obvious._

"_It's been in my bag since last night, don't eat that it's gross," she said._

"_You brought it for me!" I reminded her._

"_Yeah, as a gesture, I didn't actually think you were going to eat it," she said._

_I rolled my eyes and bit into the slice._

"_That is disgusting," she said._

"_You brought me pizza from Morris's and didn't think I was going to eat it," I told her with my mouthful._

"_It's two dollar pizza that's been in the box travelling around the country for a day and a half. So no I didn't think you were going to eat it," she said._

"_You underestimate me," I told her, "this is amazing by the way."_

_I mean it was cold, old pizza, and it wasn't very good pizza to start with even when it was fresh, but I wasn't lying, it was amazing._

"_Guys?" I heard Luke call and Brooke turned toward the direction we came from._

"_Brooke?" _

"_Yeah?" she said, stopping._

"_Seriously, this means a lot," I told her._

"_It's just pizza," she laughed._

"_You know what I mean," I said, and I knew I didn't need to elaborate._

"_I got your back," she said winking. _

"_Nate?" Luke called again._

_I carried the box with me and we went into main area._

"_Haley, hey!" Brooke said, going over to speak to Haley. Sometimes it was weird to think they knew each other, which was a ridiculous thing to even think._

"_Eww is that Morris's?" Peyton said, seeing the box._

"_Yeah, Brooke is awesome," I said._

"_Did she actually bring that with her?" she said shocked._

"_Yep," I said, finishing the slice, and closing the box. I put it on the counter, fully intending to take it with me._

_Brooke sat down next to Peyton on the couch and Jamie twisted around in Peyt's arms and looked curiously toward Brooke._

"_You wanna say hi?" she asked Jamie, and picked him up gently, placing him on her lap, facing her._

"_I'm just going to go check on the food," Peyton said, jumping up and going past me into the kitchen._

"_How's everything going with Jamie? He seems like he's doing well," Brooke said, the topic she was talking about clear._

"_He's fine," Haley replied._

"_That's great," Brooke replied._

"_You know it's going to be fine, in a way it's easier for Jamie than it was with me. He'll grow up used to it being a part of his life, he doesn't have to adjust," Luke said._

"_Lucas is right," Brooke said._

"_He's actually coped so well," I said sitting down in the arm chair._

_Luke brought a few beers over from the fridge and passed one to me, offered one to Haley who rejected one, and opened one for Brooke._

"_Of course he is, he's one of us. He's got this," Brooke said, tickling him on the stomach, and he babbled in delight._

"_When's your interview again?" Peyton asked coming back into the room._

"_Half three," Brooke told her, "but I need to go check in at the hotel and drop my bag there first."_

"_Are you sure you don't want to just stay here?" Peyton asked her._

"_Yeah you guys only have the on room and plus the company gives you a complimentary hotel room anyway," she said._

"_What are you doing after the interview?" I asked her, "do you want a tour?"_

"_Of New York? No. But I do want to see what you do around here," she said, "My things near the stadium right?"_

"_Yeah, we can see that," I said._

"_You came to New York and you want to see where Nathan plays basketball?" Peyton asked._

"_Yeah I want to see your lives," she said shrugging, "you guys in?"_

"_Yeah I'm game," Lucas said._

"_To see a basketball stadium…" Peyton said overly brightly, "I'm kidding of course I'm coming, I haven't seen you in months."_

_Brooke laughed, and twisted around, "Haley?"_

"_No thanks," she said, "but I did have some stuff to do. I might go see Chris about work stuff, so Jamie…..?"_

"_We can take him, no?" Brooke asked._

_As if I needed permission from Haley to watch Jamie._

"_Sure," she said._

"_So then it sounds like a plan?" Brooke said smiling._

_Xxxxx_

Present Day

Brooke POV

"Brooke can you please be careful?" Chase said again.

"Calm down, I'm fine," I told him, balancing on one foot on the stool as I leaned over to hang the string of retro light bulbs.

"I swear you're just trying to freak me out on purpose," he said, and I laughed, knowing he was partly right. It was just too entertaining to watch Chase freak out like a mother would, watching their child do something remotely dangerous.

"I'm not going to hurt myself," I told him.

"Oh I'm not worried about that. I just don't want a liability suit on my hands," he said.

I gasped twisting around to look at him.

"I'm just kidding," he said.

I turned around, making the stool wobble slightly, and I stumbled, letting out a little scream before I stabilised myself by holding onto the wall. My toes still felt tingly like I'd just saved myself from a huge disaster.

"Oh my god," Quinn blurted out, getting Chase's attention, if my outburst already didn't, and he looked over once more.

"Ok that's it, get down, and go get the ladder," he said.

"It's done anyway," I insisted, hanging the last bulb, and grasping the table so I could jump down.

"It looks good," Quinn said.

"Wait for it," I told them, going over to the power outlet and flipping the switch on. Each glass bulb lit up with a dull yellow light adding to the atmosphere in the room.

"Verdict?" Quinn asked Chase, who had been hesitant when I first bought them.

"Ok fine it looks good," he admitted.

"Give it an hour. It will look better when it's darker," I said, walking over to the bar.

"Are you checking the time again?" I asked Quinn, who immediately put down her phone.

"No!" she said.

"He'll be here, stop whining about it," Chase told her.

"I haven't been whining!" she insisted, " I just miss him!"

"He's only been gone four days," Chase pointed out.

"Oh please, you wouldn't understand," she said.

"Is Clay coming straight here?" I asked her.

"He said he would," Quinn said, "his flight landed ages ago so I have no clue where he is."

Clay had been away for work the past few days, and it meant Quinn was around a lot more than she usually was—I got the feeling she didn't like to be alone. I'd actually had a lot of fun the last few days, we'd had good old-fashioned girly sleepovers and movie nights—as if we were teenagers again, or hanging out at the bar if I had to work—as if we didn't already do that.

The past few days I'd also found myself waking up and not immediately taking a few seconds to remember where I was. I felt more like this was home, or like I was settling in, and it was a nice feeling to have. I was actually having a good few days.

"Can I get a beer bucket?" Leanne, one of the waitresses asked, coming up to the bar

Chase reached under to grab a silver bucket and began filling it with ice.

The bar was still fairly quiet because it was only eight, but there was a group of guys who seemed to be on vacation at the back. Sometimes I forgot how much of a weekend vacation spot the pier made Tree Hill.

Leanne walked away, rearranging the bottles in the bucket to make sure they didn't fall out.

"Could her shirt get even tighter?" Quinn asked Chase in a judgemental tone.

"What? How is that my fault?" he asked.

"Your place, your uniform?" Quinn pointed out.

"She chose the size not me," he told her.

"Yeah but didn't stop her," Quinn said.

"I don't really understand women's sizes," he pleaded in an innocent voice.

"Oh you're ridiculous," Quinn said, "Why doesn't Brooke have to wear one?"

"Because Brooke didn't want to," I spoke up.

"What happened to 'uniform or nothing'?" Quinn asked, imitating Chase, "I remember that time Julie came in with a cardigan over her t-shirt and you told her to take it off. Brooke's wearing all her own clothes."

"Brooke's behind bar most the time anyway," he said.

"Sure," Quinn said squinting at him.

Chase flicked some ice water at her and she flinched.

"Lover boy's back go annoy him instead," he said, nodding behind her.

Quinn spun around so quick I thought she would fall off the stool.

"Babyyyy!" she squealed, jumping off and running across the bar. Clay dropped the bag he was holding in order to catch her. As he caught her, one of her sandals flew off and landed on the ground but she didn't even react or care.

The two of them began mumbling to each other and kissing in between words.

Chase rolled his eyes and began emptying clean glasses from the dishwasher.

I went around the bar to help him. Sometimes I forgot that he was my boss and it probably wasn't ok to chill when it wasn't busy whilst he dealt with dishes.

"Oh please, you love it," I said.

"What?" he asked confused.

"Quinn and Clay, you pretend it grosses you out but you love how she's happy," I pointed out.

Chase raised his eyebrow at me.

"Quinn's type was 'asshole' from when we were kids until she met Clay so am I happy he's a good guy and she's happy, yes, do they have to display it in front of me twenty-four seven, no," he said.

"Oh whatever," I said, laughing.

I looked up and saw Clay and Quinn walking over to the bar.

"Hey!" I said, leaning over the bar to give him a hug. Clay was bright red from the embarrassment of their display. I couldn't help but smile. Quinn was definitely more of a free spirit than Clay and she definitely brought him out of his comfort zone. The first time I met him without Quinn there it took me a while to figure out that he was just more reserved rather than the fact he didn't like me.

"Hi guys," Clay said, sitting opposite me.

"How was your trip?" I asked him, putting a beer in front of him.

Quinn put her arm around his neck and leant into him.

"It flew past, I fell asleep when we took off and woke up just before we landed," he said, taking the lime out of Quinn's glass and pushing it into the neck of his bottle.

"So busy trip then?" Chase asked.

"Barely had time to breathe. It's a different world to here. Considering I lived in LA I thought I'd be used to fast paced life but New York is a whole different ball park," he said, "Brooke I had no idea how you did it."

"I'm with you on that," I said. It was weird to think Clay had gone back to the city I'd been trying not to think about. I couldn't imagine him in New York, it had become a fictional place in my head that only existed in a static bubble.

"There's no concept of a work day. If you want to get what you want you have to be innovative," he said.

"Innovative?" Quinn asked.

"Umm yeah so you have no idea what happened," Clay said, "I could tell the meeting with the managers and panel didn't go well. I mean they humoured me and watched the tapes but I knew I wasn't going to get a call back about any of my boys."

"I thought you said it went well?" Quinn asked.

"Wait for it, so I was about to head home but then I decided to go right to the heart of the Knicks," he said, and I looked up, "I found Nathan Scott's assistant and got a copy of his schedule."

"You did what!" Quinn gasped, "How did you get that?"

I was still fixated on who he was talking about.

"Oh relax, I just convinced her that it was really important and I needed to find him. I mean she practically had a coronary once she gave it to me, but I reassured her it was fine."

"Then what did you do?" Quinn asked.

"Well, I pretty much stalked him for two days and insisted he speak to me until i think he got sick of me and just agreed to take the tapes," Clay explained, taking a swig of the beer.

"He took the tapes?"

"Well I thought he'd just throw them out but an hour before I had to fly out his assistant called me and scheduled in a meeting for in a few weeks! How insane is that? I have a meeting with THE Nathan Scott! Boy wonder wants to meet with me?"

Clay looked elated like he'd just been given a pot of gold.

"I remember when THE Nathan Scott was just Nathan Scott," Chase said, and Clay looked confused, so Chase added, "you know we went to high school together?"

"You what?!" Clay asked in shock, and Quinn gasped.

"Yeah, Brooke was really close to them," he said, "are you still in touch?"

"Them?" Quinn asked me, "Holy shit, you have got to be kidding me!? You know THE Nathan Scott and THE Haley James?"

How was this happening right now? it's like I was watching the scene from the outside, having an outer body experience. The universe must be playing some sort of joke on me.

"Brooke!" Quinn yelled when I didn't reply, getting the attention of a group of girls at a table close by.

"Yeah I knew them," I said.

"Do you still know them?" she asked.

"Kinda…" I said, turning to a guy waiting at the bar and taking his order.

"Wait, this is great, so I kinda have an in? Like I can mention—"

"NO!" I shouted, interrupting him.

The last thing I needed was for Clay to casually give away where I was.

"Sorry I didn't mean for it to come out like that," I said to the three blank faces staring at me with confusion, "I just… I would rather you not, I mean we aren't that close anymore, and Clay if he wants to meet with you then I'm sure it's a good thing anyway."

"Oh my god you know were friends with Haley, do you have photos? Were you actually close or more like 'acquaintance, pass you in the hallway and say hi kinda friends'?" Quinn rushed out, looking happy, "I love her music, have you heard her new one? Skyline paradise? I've been singing it all week!"

Quinn began to sing out a few lines of a chorus of a song I'd been trying to avoid, but no matter what state I was in, it was impossible to block out the sounds of the radio in stores, or cafés. All I needed was to hear a few seconds and her distinct voice would hit home.

I could not believe my two bubbles were merging into one giant bubble that I felt was about to pop.

I reached for a glass out the dishwasher and filled it with cold water from the tap, hoping it would help me get a grip.

"I get why you're not friends anymore though," Chase said.

"You do?" I mumbled, about to take another sip.

"Yeah, I mean people change. People change anyway but fame makes people completely different people. Basketball was already going to his head in senior year I'm not surprised he turned out like he did."

"What do you mean?" Quinn asked, stopping her song, and returning back to our world.

"He's just like the other sports players who think the world owes them something and they're exempt from the rules that the rest of us have to follow," Chase said going around the corner into the back, and emerging with a magazine in hand.

"What's that?" Clay asked.

"Someone left this in here yesterday. Look, I saw how it came out he was having an affair and cheating on Haley, who is pregnant by the way. Like what a dick move," Chase said.

I didn't have any water in my mouth but I choked anyway on air as soon as I heard Chase. Everything that we'd been scared of for such a long time just happened. It wasn't a secret anymore. When I thought about people knowing about our relationship, in all the scenarios that I imagined it I thought and worried about everyone we knew finding out. It only hit me now how bad the other side of it would be—any two other people this was happening to would only have themselves and their families to worry about but we had the whole world.

I had no idea how long this had been out to the public whilst I had been blissfully unaware. Nathan was probably having to deal with all of this alone. I suddenly wanted to speak to him to make sure he was ok. If I hadn't changed my cell phone number I wonder if I would be flooded with calls right now from everyone we knew.

"Honey, are you ok?" Quinn asked, "have some water?"

I reached out for the cup and took and slow sip trying to calm myself down.

Ok Chase didn't come in here and point me out so clearly the article he read didn't name me as the one he was seeing.

It was only a matter of time though. Working where I did, I knew reporters when they had a lead like this wouldn't let it go until they had squeezed it dry. If they knew Nathan was having an affair I would bet my life they'd find out with who in a matter of hours.

I suddenly felt guilt at the fact that Nathan couldn't get a hold of me if he needed me. Just because we were in a weird place didn't mean I didn't still love him. I didn't want him to be going through all of this alone.

"Brooke?" Quinn promoted.

"I'm ok," I managed to say, "can I see that?"

Chase passed me the magazine, and I stared at the article. I scanned the cover, seeing a photograph of Nathan until my eyes rested on the bold letters promising photographs inside.

I flipped through the magazine wondering what they could possibly have that showed that Nathan was having an affair without implicating me. I found the right page and froze when I saw two images; both of Nathan inside his car. Relief filled my body though as I saw him sitting beside someone familiar in the shots.

"Rachel," I mumbled.

I don't know why I felt so relieved. Really I should still be just as worried. Just because they thought Nathan was seeing Rachel right now didn't mean everything was ok.

"What?" Chase said, taking the magazine out my hands, "oh my god you're right that's Rachel Gatina!"

"Ok I'm lost," Clay said.

"Guys just a reminder, not everyone went to high school with you, so we're finding it hard to follow," Quinn pointed out.

"So Nathan's having an affair with Rachel?" Chase gasped, "I didn't even know they were friends—I mean I know she went after him in school but I thought that was just a whole Rachel phase like when she was into Luke I didn't think—"

"Who's Luke?" Quinn said at the time as I spoke.

"Nathan's not with Rachel," I said.

"How do you know?" he asked me.

Quinn groaned loudly, "I don't even know why I bother."

"It's ok," Clay told her, pulling her closer and doing a good job in entertaining her instead.

"Because they're just friends, the media just got it wrong," I said.

I picked up the magazine again to have a closer look. It was easy to see how this could be seen in a suspicious way. The two of them were in the car together, and there was a shot of them hugging.

I stared at the photo, and I was ashamed to admit I was slightly jealous of Rachel. Not because I thought anything was going on between them but because she was there with Nathan and I wasn't.

I had nobody to blame though but myself; I left. What was I even doing? What was I trying to achieve? I knew there was logic when I came out here but right now it just felt like I was aimlessly running. I knew things couldn't go on with the way they were for Nathan and myself but I felt like I'd just abandoned him to deal with it all himself and I couldn't help but feel like I was being selfish. If I had to leave, fine, but ignoring him all this time—what was that for, other than to stop myself from being convinced to come back?

I suddenly shook my head. What was wrong with me. I tried to remind myself that Haley was pregnant! Pregnant! How could I even believe that I knew the truth about what me and Nathan had? How could I even be contemplating that I'd made the right choice.

If Haley was pregnant, we clearly weren't on the same page. The reminder that Haley was having a baby made me suddenly feel ill.

The article carried on over the page, and I turned it to see if there was more. There was another photograph at the top, which was a zoomed out version similar to the ones we'd seen already. This time though, I could see enough of the street to know exactly where Nathan was because it was somewhere I went every day.

Nathan was outside my apartment.

"Chase I'm feeling a bit sick, do you mind if I leave early and go home?" I asked him, knowing already there was no way I could go back to acting like everything was ok tonight.

"Are you ok?" Chase asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine, just something I ate I guess," I lied, feeling slightly guilty.

When was I not feeling guilty these days?

"Do you want me to come back with you?" Quinn asked.

"No, I'll be ok," I told her, "you enjoy your night back with Clay!"

I went into the back and picked up my jacket slipping it on, and putting my bag over my shoulder.

The three of them stared at me in silence as I walked away. I'm sure they found the whole situation and the way I'd acted extremely odd but none of them brought it up.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," I said walking out, in the complete opposite of a mood that I'd been in when I arrived.

xxxxxx

_Flashback Nathan POV_

"_Hey," I said, walking into the living room to see Haley had come in whilst I was putting Jamie to bed._

"_Hi," she said, unzipping her boots as she sat on the couch._

"_How was your day?" I asked her._

"_Yeah it was good, didn't realise it would get so late," she said._

"_That's ok, we only got back a few hours ago," I told her, "Jamie fell asleep on the way back he's exhausted himself having fun."_

"_Are you sure it wasn't too much for him?" Haley asked._

"_No, he was fine. He didn't want to leave," I said, going over to make some tea, "Do you want some?"_

"_Sure," Haley said, sitting opposite me on one of the stools on the other side of the counter._

"_You should have come today," I said, filling water in the kettle, "we had a good day. It was nice to spend time with everyone again, and Jamie loved being around everyone he was like centre of attention you should have seen how he was loving being carried around the whole day."_

"_What did you do?" she asked._

"_We just went to see the court, and then went to the park and then grabbed pizza on the way back. I tried to call you to see if you wanted to come and get dinner with us but you didn't answer," I told her._

_A part of me was glad Haley didn't come because even though it was a horrible thing to say I felt like I wouldn't have completely relaxed if she was around; on the other hand though I wish she had come just to make it better for us and more like the path we were meant to be on. I hoped being around the others would make us feel like 'us' again, as we fell into who we used to be when we were around them and how things used to be before it changed for us. We were in a situation that neither of us planned for and I was trying to make the best out of it._

"_Yeah I know," she said, reaching over the counter and pulling two mugs off the rack and setting them down, "I saw the calls but I was busy."_

"_You know you should ignore calls just because you're in the studio, I mean how will you know if something happens like an emergency and I need to get a hold of you?" I asked her._

"_Seriously? You're telling me you keep your phone on you while you're playing basketball?" she asked me._

"_That's completely different!" I pointed out, "I'm out there playing an active sport and you're sitting in a room discussing things to do with music—and I do check my phone, you see the calls and ignore them, not even a text to see if everything' ok."_

"_I thought you said at Jamie's last check up that he was doing fine?" she asked._

"_Yeah I did, but that doesn't mean nothing could ever happen," I said._

"_Ok, it's not like I left him with a stranger, he was with you so I knew it would be fine if I wasn't on high alert," she said._

"_Ok fine, but we should figure out a plan for in case something ever happens," I said._

"_Fantastic," she said sarcastically._

"_I'm not saying I want it to happen Haley, I'm just trying to be responsible," I retaliated._

"_Yeah ok I get it, I didn't say we shouldn't," she snapped._

"_Maybe we can ask them about protocol of bringing him in tomorrow at the appointment, and if we just take him to normal Accident and Emergency, or straight to like a Cardiac department that know his case?"_

_Haley sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. _

"_Yeah I forgot to tell you, that appointment tomorrow I can't make it," she said._

"_What? Why not?" I said putting the box of tea bags down so I could focus on her._

"_I just have this session with some people from the LA office and they cant make it any other time so I cant reschedule and I have to be there, the whole team does," she justified._

"_Haley we booked all these appointments in one go months ago," I said._

"_Yeah I know that Nathan, I was there, I just told you though that this came up and I have to be there," she said._

"_You didn't come to the last one either," I said._

"_Yeah and you said everything was ok," she said._

"_Yeah it was—"_

"_So can't you just update me and give me the short version then when you're back?"_

"_You don't want to come and make sure everything's ok?" I asked her, genuinely convinced that she just didn't understand the fact Jamie had an appointment and it was just miscommunication. _

"_But you don't want to come hear it yourself?"_

"_Whether I'm there or not the result isn't going to change," she pointed out, "I don't get why you're making a whole big deal out of this."_

_Despite being technically true, her argument sounded plain ridiculous to me. I didn't understand how she didn't care about being at the meeting herself. It was our chance to hear what the doctors had to say and ask any questions we had. Yes the check ups were routine and would be there for a long time but that didn't change anything._

"_I'm making a big deal out of it because it is a big deal," I reminded her._

"_Yeah and Nathan in case you haven't realised it will be a big deal for the rest of our lives now," she snapped._

"_What is that supposed to mean?" I asked her. _

"_Never mind," she said, "I'm not going to go down that road."_

"_Haley, Jamie is sick and he's our son. It's not ideal but resenting the fact that he has an illness—"_

"_Woah! I did not say I resented it!" she said, standing up, "I'm just pointing out that this is here forever now and we can't make everything about this."_

"_That's not what I'm doing," I told her, "I'm trying to stay on top of it!"_

"_Oh please, you went to a charity thing for kids with a heart condition," she said._

"_So?" I asked, not following._

"_You're basically just drawing attention to Jamie and everything that's going on," she said._

"_Haley they're sick kids, and it's good to support a charity," I said._

"_If you want to help kids then there's a million other charities out there! I don't get why you seem to want to make this who we are now!"_

"_I have no clue where this is coming from! Haley everyone on the team has to support a charity and I chose that one because I felt like I had a connection to it," I said._

"_Then why were you on the front page of three newspapers the next day when none of your team mates were?" she asked._

"_What? I don't know," I said._

"_It's because you told them about Jamie in your speech that's why!"_

"_So what?" I shouted._

"_Ok don't yell, you're going to wake him up," she shouted back just as loudly._

_I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes._

_What were we doing right now?_

_I felt like I was struggling against a strong wave for a long time now and no matter how much I tried to give it my all since we were in this place now I couldn't move from where I was being held back._

"_Are you really that ashamed or embarrassed that Jamie has a heart condition?" I asked her in a calmer voice, "that everyone is going to view us differently?"_

_Haley sat back down on the stool and exhaled loudly._

"_You just don't get it," she said._

"_Then talk to me," I tried._

"_I'm trying to start a brand here ok, and an image—"_

"_Oh my god you have got to be kidding, that's what this is about?!"_

"_See I knew you wouldn't get it," she said._

"_The hell I don't get it! It's ridiculous," I pointed out._

"_Nathan you're here right now in New York doing something amazing and your mind is still in Tree Hill! You need to realise who you are in this life now and make it work!"_

"_Haley even though we're here now we're still the same people, we can't just build ourselves up from nothing!"_

"_That's the whole point! We have a chance to be better!"_

"_I—I just cant have this conversation with you right now," I said more to myself than to her. _

_I walked out the kitchen and took my keys and wallet out the bowl, looking for where I'd left my jacket._

_Haley just rolled her eyes at me, and turned on the television onto some gossip channel relaying celebrity news._

_I had no idea who this person in front of me was anymore._

_I stormed out, and walked into the street, getting into my car. As soon as the engine was on, my feet were moving quickly as I steered, clearly knowing where I was going before my mind had caught up. _

_My heart was racing, and I could almost hear my brain ticking as I tried to get my thoughts in control. I couldn't believe I had actually just had that conversation with Haley. It just continued to show me that I was completely out of my depth here._

_All I knew was right now I had to calm down._

_A tiny voice in the back of my head was asking what I was doing and measuring up the consequences but I just kept replaying my last ten minutes with Haley and the voice got quieter and quieter_.

_Xxxxxxxxx_

_A/N: Don't freak out, the next chapter is kinda a continuation of this one. just together it was more than 13,000 words when each chapter usually is about 6,000. I have it done though and will post it once I read through it! _


	15. Chapter 14

As promised!

For: BD07

Chapter 14

Xxxxxx

**Present Day **

**From:nscott01**

**To:BrookePDavisx**

**Subject: Email 38**

**Dear Brooke**

**I don't even know if you're reading this email or the last million I've written. I could be wasting my time sitting here but even on the off chance you're checking your email I know I have to take that chance. **

**I know I've been emailing you but this me telling you that this will be the last one, at least for now.**

**Haley's still pregnant. **

**I know how bad that sounds. I can't explain it but something's off. I don't know how this happened but I need you to believe me when I say I'm yours and have been. I have no recollection of it even being possible but Haley insists it happened. I'm going to figure it out though.**

**I'm sorry.**

**You deserve more, you really do, and it's not fair of me to be selfish and keep you by my side whilst I try to give you what I wanted to from the beginning. **

**Sometimes doing the right thing is the worst choice you can make. **

**It kills me that you're not here but I know you wanted space and I'm going to give it to you whilst I figure this all out. I want you to know I'm working on it. I don't know if anything's changed for you, but I need you to know that nothing's changed for me—you're still my end game and in every version of my future I see.**

**I'm sure you know but the press saw me with Rachel when I was looking for you and assumed there was more to it. The fear I felt in that moment when I thought they knew about us, just showed me that I need to do this the right way and protect you. As well as fear, I have to admit and small part of me was relieved that it was forced out for us. I realise now though that that would have been the worst thing that could have happened because it wouldn't have been on our terms. I want the world to know about you Brooke Davis, but the right way, and I'm going to make that happen. **

**I love you and I hope you're safe. **

**N**

xxxxxxxx

_Brooke POV Flashback_

_I snuggled further into bed and yawned, swiping through the photos on my phone that we'd taken today. _

_I paused on a selfie of all of us we'd taken at the pizza joint, taking a second to send it on to everyone else in our group chat. _

_Somehow I felt elevated, like I'd had the first good day in a long time that truly was full of peaks and no falls. _

_I wasn't an idiot, I knew a bit part of that was being able to see Nathan. This was the first time I'd seen him since we'd decided to be friends. We'd spoken on the phone or texted and it had been fine, but this was the first time I would see him in person. I didn't know now though why I had spent the flight over stressing about if it would be awkward at all. I knew the second I saw him in Peyton's apartment that I was stupid to even think it would be anything other than ok. _

_The morning at Peyton's had somehow created a dynamic—a different one than we had before but still one that worked. Haley had been in her own world and then went to do her own thing, and I was slightly glad. I initially wanted to force her to come out with us just so I made myself get used to having her in the picture, but in the end I allowed myself to be a tiny bit selfish and just enjoy how far I'd come with all of this. _

_Just that second my phone buzzed and a message from Peyton came through to the group sending a photo of me and Jamie. _

_I smiled, looking at the photo, thinking back to how much I enjoyed spending time with Jamie today. It was so weird that he was Nathan's son. It was surreal. When Haley was pregnant I had no clue how it would be having their baby around but the second I laid eyes on him I loved him just because he was a part of Nathan. _

_Nathan always had some of his focus on Jamie all day no matter who he was with. It was adorable to see him in parent mode. I guess they were right, it did happen to everyone. I knew Nathan would be a good Dad but I didn't realise just how well he'd take to the role. You could see the love in his eyes and protective watch he always had out. Jamie was one lucky kid. He had more of a functional parent set up than any of us had growing up. _

_I sat up slightly, and flipped the switch above my head so the main light was turned off and the room was bathed in a warm glow. My suitcase was sitting on the side of the wall mocking me as it reminded me that I had to go home tomorrow. I hated how I couldn't stay here with everyone but I knew that today was so special just because it was given to me as it was. Moving here would take a lot more adjustment that I didn't know that I was ready for. _

_It was going well but I needed to work on getting over this more if I could ever live close by. I'd done the interview today and if I got that I'd have to move here but thinking about it realistically after today I knew it wasn't as simple as that. _

_Seeing Nathan and Haley on a daily basis would be painful not to mention confusing. _

_Like I said, seeing Nathan as a friend was amazing. The part I didn't mention though was how the feelings came flooding back as soon as I saw him. _

_It was ok, I was working through it, but if anything today told me that it wasn't as easy as deciding to be friends and just being friends. I wasn't that lucky._

_Nathan seemed fine. A part of me almost felt like I had imagined the fact it was ever 'complicated' between us, and we had only ever just been friends. He seemed completely relaxed and at ease. If anything it was a wake up call of how I needed to be on the same wave length as him._

_This visit was incredible and hit home at the same time. _

_Oh god, what was I doing? _

_I dropped my phone down on my covers, and groaned softly, covering my eyes with my hands. The television was running in the background and I used the remote to turn up the volume just to be able to focus on something else._

_I blew out, and felt bits of my hair blow upwards. I pulled it up and tied it into a messy pony tail, using the band on my wrist. _

_I channel hopped, and eventually settled on a lifetime movie that already seemed well into the plot. I picked up my phone and was scrolling through instagram until my eyes were starting to feel heavy. I put my phone on the nightstand, plugging it in to charge, resolving to myself to falling asleep._

_I fluffed up the pillow just as I heard a sharp knock on the door. _

_I paused as if they could see me, but got out of bed when they knocked again. _

_I realised it must be someone dropping by check out forms for tomorrow, and picked up my glasses from the counter and pushed them on as I went over to the door._

"_Nathan? Hi," I said confused, opening the door._

_He smiled, amused, looking me up and down, and I shifted under his gaze, wondering why I would ever think it was a good idea to answer the door like this. _

"_Are you ok? Did you forget something?" I asked him. He had only just dropped me off to the hotel about two hours ago on their way back._

"_Yeah, I did," he replied._

"_What?" I asked, intrigued. _

_Nathan was standing there staring blankly as if he were either in a trance or thinking extremely hard._

"_Nathan?" I prompted, trying to remind him I was still standing here._

_He looked different to before. The relaxed self-assured Nathan I'd seen earlier was gone, and instead he was here, unsure and confused._

_He took a small step toward me, closing the gap between us and before I could think he kissed me hard. I gasped into his mouth, not expecting that at all. _

_All day I hadn't gotten any vibes other than friendship, nor did I think I would ever get to kiss Nathan ever again. The second his lips touched mine, instinct kicked in, and feelings hit me sharp in the chest, but along with this came frustration as I felt myself regress in any progress I had made recently. What was more frustrating than that was the fact that I didn't care._

"_What are you doing to me?" I mumbled into his mouth, speaking out loud more for my benefit than for his. Nathan froze as soon as I spoke and we stood there still, lips touching but not moving. I could tell Nathan was starting to worry as he realised what we had just done and how I just reacted. _

_Nathan moved back slightly so our lips separated. _

_Old wounds were tearing open but I didn't care. I'd been given a tiny bit and I couldn't help but give in. It was like I was in the dessert, stranded and there was a cold bottle of water, and I'd only been allowed to take one sip. _

_I pushed forward slightly and pulled him into my room, pushing him into the wall, bringing our lips together again, running my hands through his hair. He would have stumbled if it weren't for the wall steadying him, and he slowly regained his surety as I felt any hesitance he had wash away when he realised I was just as into it._

_I fell into the kiss, and pressed my weight into Nathan, taking the lead on where the kiss was heading. I was content for a few seconds before I heard someone speaking in the distance, reminding me that this situation wasn't as private as we thought it was. I reached out, but my hand kept hitting air. Nathan leaned to the side and I realised he knew what I was after when he kicked the door shut._

_The second the door slammed I became more aware of the buzzing of the tv, but it soon melted into the background along with everything else._

_I kissed Nathan deeper, holding his face gently, and I felt him submit for a second before he pushed himself off the wall and took control of the kiss, pushing me backwards. I resisted the urge to laugh out loud at his obvious need to lead but settled for smiling instead as his hands gripped my waist. _

_I let him guide me backwards, without seeing where I was headed, not that it took much imagination to work it out. We moved across the room without breaking apart, and I slipped my fingers out of his hair and into the front of his t-shirt, my fingers cool on his skin. My fingers traced his abs lightly and I got butterflies inside at the touch—so sue me, I was only human. I pushed gently on the edge of his t-shirt, gently enough to tell him what I wanted but not forceful enough to do it myself. Nathan laughed softly, and I pouted as I felt the vibrations move through him. I was about to tell him not to make fun of me when he started moving away from me. I whimpered softly as the loss of contact, but smiled when I realised he was only giving in, as his shirt hit the floor._

_I internally cringed at my reaction a few seconds ago at the idea of the distance growing between us—I mean who was I turning into? When I was around Nathan I just felt like I was this lone magnet, finally in close range with my polar opposite, and I could feel the force holding the invisible thread between us. I had never felt like this with any guy ever. _

_Being with Nathan felt familiar and comforting, like coming home. It was like we'd been together so many times before that we were in sync, even though this was just the third time we'd even kissed._

_Before I could think about it any longer, the back of my legs hit the edge of the bed. I took the opportunity to sit on it, scooting backwards. Nathan was moving onto the bed, and I took a second to pull the band out my hair, letting it fall loose around my shoulders, suddenly aware of how much of a mess I looked. Obviously I had no way of knowing Nathan was coming over tonight, but trust that it would be me who would open the door in the most unattractive pyjamas in the world—cartoon cupcakes includes, no make up, and hair a mess. _

_I reached out and Nathan took my hand, letting me pull him onto the bed._

_He shifted position so he was leaning over me, and I pulled my t-shirt off in record time before he got there, leaving me in my purple lace bra. If I couldn't get anything else right, at least the underwear wasn't so bad. _

_I leaned back, my head stopping a few inches below the pillows, so I was lying flat, and took a second to really notice Nathan above me. He wasn't making a move to do anything and I bit my lip sensing his hesitation. As soon as I took him in, and my thoughts caught up, it hit me that we were really doing this. The first time it had been quick and dark, but this time we were both aware of what we were doing, and the lights were dim, but bright enough to see…well…everything._

_I reached up self-consciously to try and arrange my arms, subtly over my chest so I was covering myself. It went through my head that I never cared before, and I was usually extremely confident, especially in situations like I was in now, but then again I didn't care as much was the guy thought before either._

_Nathan caught my hands before they could go very far and kissed me deeply, and I could feel his reassurance flowing through the kiss like he could read my mind and knew what I was thinking. At some point I became aware of his fingers lightly running up my side from my waist; a touch. Another. _

_I squirmed underneath him, purely from the feather like sensation alone, either needing him to stop, or be firmer—I was hoping the second option was on the table. It was as though his touch was a preview of what was to come, and my body was quivering from the anticipation._

_He let our lips come apart as we both caught our breath, putting space between our mouths as we both panted, chests rising against one another. The smallest amount of friction between us making it feel like my skin was exploding with intensity. I cannot believe I was feeling like this just from 'kissing a boy'…I don't think I had ever felt more fifteen even back when I was fifteen. _

_Nathan kissed me gently on the cheek, and then suddenly licked the space under my ear lightly, making me shiver at a combination of the cold air hitting the wet skin and his warm tongue against me. He continued down my neck, and I leant into him, wanting more. Nathan reached down without stopping what he was doing and pulled on the drawstring of my pyjama pants until it came undone. I lifted my hips for him, without letting our top halves drift, and he guided the flannel pants over the curve of my ass and down my legs slowly, as though he didn't want to distract me from what he was doing with his mouth. I internally rolled my eyes as the waistband hit my knees and used my feet to get them off quickly myself. Doing it slowly was more distracting than subtle._

_I looked up at him shyly, and his eyes trailed down my body, and I tried to resist the urge to cover myself. Suddenly Nathan burst out laughing. _

"_What?" I asked, panicking slightly._

"_Nothing," he said, amused, moving to come back over me, but I put my hand on his chest stopping him._

_I looked down and groaned when I saw what he had focused on. All the credit I'd managed to get back with my bra (that I'd previously lost with the cupcake pyjamas), I'd managed to lose again, and then some with the dinosaur panties I forgot I was wearing._

"_Oh my god," I said, covering my face with my hands._

"_Don't," he said, uncovering my eyes, "I love it."_

_I gave in and looked at him, knowing there was a slight blush on my cheeks from the embarrassment and also the warmth we were both giving off. Nathan was watching me with the same passion I was feeling and I gazed at him, feeling better. I knew he could still see the nervousness in my eyes though._

_I reached out, needing something to do, feeling like I was exposed for analysis under his stare, and pulled at his belt buckle, but he stopped me, pushing my hand off, and guiding it up again. He held onto my hand and pushed t upward to rest against the pillow above me, at the same time as he moved downwards, using his knees for leverage while he continued his trail down my neck and made his way down my throat. Nathan found my pulse, and I felt it pulsing stronger. He bit down softly against it, not hard enough to leave a mark or even hurt but enough so I felt a pressure against it. I bit my lip to stop myself groaning out loud, and to appear more in control that I was, but gave in to a repressed moan instead._

_Nathan's tongue made contact with the top of the lace, and I felt the material go damp as it soaked up his saliva. He moved away from the spot and blew gently, making me shiver as the air made contact with the wet material, turning cold as it touched my skin._

_How was he doing this to me?_

_I closed my eyes to try and focus on my breathing, trying to keep my breaths even. I already felt like I was so close and we'd barely even done anything. As soon as my breaths fell into a pattern, I relaxed a bit but jumped when I felt his mouth grip onto my nipple through the thin material of the bra. My breath hitched, which only pushed myself further into his mouth._

_Oh my god, how was I going to survive this?_

"_Nathan?" I groaned, trying to alert my desperation to him, not knowing how much longer I'd last. He ignored me though and kept sucking on the same spot, just moving his tongue faster, indicating that he had definitely heard me, and opted to the opposite._

_I gripped the arm that was trapped underneath his weight against the sheets, bunching it up in my hands, needing something to hold on to, and shifted under him._

_The heat was radiating off me as I got more and more worked up, clenching tightly, just to try and stay in control._

_Just when I thought there wasn't possibly any more I could take, Nathan shifted his attention to the other side, but moved his whole body over so he could rub the spot where he had just been at the same time. _

_Cool breeze hit my burning skin on the side that was now exposed, and the contrast in sensation made me quiver as I adjusted._

_I moaned softly, and I know he could tell that I was trying to keep quiet. My hips involuntarily lifted, trying to make contact with something; anything. He gave in slightly, feeling sorry for me, and moved his leg in between both of mine, shifting his weight to be focused there and pushing up to give me pressure. I gasped. I had to hand it to Nathan he knew what he was doing. _

_For a second my mind wondered to where he had learnt what he knew, but any thought of anyone else left my mind as he carried his weight in that spot so it gave me the force I wanted but made sure I couldn't move an inch too, making my chest move quicker as my breathing picked up, as I felt stuck, unable to move no matter what Nathan did, the thought exciting me._

"_Nathan, now…" I said, gripping his hair to send the message. I was two second away from hitting him. He knew exactly what he was doing to me and chose to play innocent and let me suffer._

_He went faster, ignoring me once more, but stopped suddenly when he felt my body tense like I was about to come apart. I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing myself for the sudden rush that was about to come but all I felt was loss of contact as he pulled away suddenly. I opened my eyes and saw him sitting up, no longer touching me, and I frowned at the loss of contact. He had to be kidding me._

_This time I was the opposite of embarrassed, I way past that now as I lay in front of him flushed and aroused, the evidence of Nathan left on my skin and the darker colour on the material of my bra where he had been. The idea that he was the one who had done this to me, and now I was lying here for him, only made it worse. He looked down at me, his eyes on me like he was committing the image to memory._

_Nathan lay down beside me, and I took him by surprise as I held onto his shoulder and rolled over onto him so I was sitting on his waist. From the look on his face I could tell my positioning was almost painful, but I didn't care—he'd made me wait this long. _

_I took a deep breath, and ran my fingers through my now tousled hair, trying to take a second to gather myself. I gathered my hair up and pushed it over my shoulder. Nathan lifted his knees, and I leaned back against them comfortably using them as a backrest, stretching my back in an arch._

"_You have no idea what you're doing to me," he whispered._

_I'm sure that was my line._

_I leaned forward and put my knees firmly on the mattress either side of him, and pushed myself onto them so I was hovering over him so there was a gap between us. I reached down and undid his belt, making clear the reason behind my change in position. Nathan reached under me and helped me when he saw my fingers tremble against the metal. _

_Whilst he took over an made work of pushing his jeans down his waist, I reached behind me and undid my bra. It went slack against my body but I made no more to pull it off, it's light brush every so often with my nipples driving me crazy. _

_Nathan waited for me to take it off and when I didn't reached to do it himself but I stopped him. I noticed he'd managed to get his jeans and boxers off somehow, and sat back down, feeling him pushing against me, and butterflies filled my stomach. He reached over and held my waist still for a second, and I realised my squirming wasn't helping him much. _

_Seeing the desire in his eyes, and struggle to keep it under control, and knowing I was me who was the reason for that, reminded me of what I was feeling a minute ago. I leaned across him and kissed him forcefully, threading my fingers through both his hands as he held onto my grip tightly. _

_I moved gently but I could tell it was near torture for both of us. I felt like there was a pressure mounting within me and I needed it to reach its peak_

"_Brooke…" he stumbled._

"_Mmmm?" was all I could respond, as I couldn't help myself and moved against him, enjoying the friction. Anything he might have been saying started to disappear as my breath hitched, and I gasped, squeezing my eyes shut. The pressure was getting stronger and stronger. _

"_Are yo… covered…?" he asked me, realising what was happening. I could tell he wanted to be inside me right then, and I could also hear the desperation in his voice in his question, hoping I would tell him it was ok, so we didn't need to stop to find a condom._

_I squeezed his hand with my left hand for a second before I let go, reaching down under me, as we came apart from each other. I was just as desperate as him, and didn't want to lose time. I saw him look down to what I was doing, and see me push the bottom of my underwear to the side, realising it was easier than getting off him and trying to take them off._

"_Fuck. Me," he said under his breath._

"_That was kinda the idea," I said._

"_Brooke…" he promoted, and I realised I hadn't answered his question from before._

"_It's fine," I breathed, seconds before I saw stars._

_Xxxx_

Present Day

Nathan POV

"Right, that's your baby right there," he said, zooming in on the screen.

Right there in front of me, I couldn't deny it.

The fact I was at Haley's doctors appointment told me despite whether I wanted to believe it or not, she was probably pregnant. If she were lying about all of this, having me at the hospital was probably the last thing she'd want, let alone ask me go to with her. Seeing it though on the screen was another story.

My mind was buzzing at the thought that there was a very real baby involved here.

"Congratulations," he said smiling, "I'll make sure they give you a print out of that at the front desk."

"Thank you," Haley said smiling.

"Ok, you can sit up," he said.

Haley took the tissue from him and wiped her stomach before lowering her shirt and sitting up.

"I just have a few questions for the records so we have all the information and then I think we'll set you up with some vitamins and you're good to go," the doctor said, finding a pen on the counter, and picking up his clipboard.

"Any nausea?" he asked.

"A little bit but not as much as my first pregnancy," she said.

"And any other discomfort?" he asked.

"Not really," he said.

"Any family health problems we should keep an eye out for?"

"Nope," she said.

"What?" I interrupted.

"Oh right," Haley said, as if it had slipped her mind, "our son has HCM."

"Ah right, ok I'm glad you mentioned that," he said, reaching for Haley's medical file from her pregnancy with Jamie, "I'll look into that and give you a call in the week. We should probably do a few extra tests."

"Ok," she said.

"Let me just get through these last few questions," he said.

"Ok," Haley replied, putting her sweater on.

"Last period?" he asked.

"5th March," she said.

"Ok great I'll get your due date calculated for you but I'd say for about eight weeks the baby's a good size," he said.

The doctor continued asking his questions, and I sat back in my chair.

I felt so in over my head here.

I'd spent the whole morning trying to compose a message to Brooke. After the slight scare I'd had when the press had seen me with Rachel I knew I couldn't take that chance with Brooke. I couldn't let that happen to her. I had to figure this out. I finally managed to come up with something that I hope conveyed how much I loved her and how I was making this right. I truly believed that I could work this out.

Yes I know, the elephant in the room was the fact Haley was pregnant, I mean how was I meant to fix that? I had pushed it to the back of my mind though. It just didn't feel real. It wasn't be in denial or being irresponsible. I felt off about the whole thing. Like I just couldn't comprehend that it was real.

Any second I half expected her to admit she was faking it because she wanted to be pregnant.

Sitting here in the room though now seeing a very real scan of a very real baby on the screen told me I was one thing. Fucked.

What the hell was I going to do?

Brooke was right to be angry. She probably thought all this time I was having my cake and eating it too, and I didn't blame her.

No wonder she'd lost faith in me.

I could not believe that I was stupid enough to get drunk and stupid enough to sleep with Haley.

In any variation of the future, even if I want with Haley how was I going to get Brooke to trust me? I hated myself right now.

I felt like the second I'd seen the baby on the screen, an invisible anchor had caught onto me, dragging me slowly down and no attempt I made to swim upwards would help me.

I wasn't sitting here resenting the baby. It wasn't their fault. I knew I'd fall in love with that kid no matter what happened with me and Haley, but any view into the future without Brooke was impossible to imagine.

The anchor was bringing me down and I knew it was inevitable now. There was no reason to drag Brooke down with me. It wasn't fair to her in any way. She deserved to have a normal happy life with no complications. I couldn't give her that right now and it wasn't fair to make her wait for it either. I need to be at the right place for me before I could be there for her, and I owed it to her not to bring her into this mess.

It hit me like a wall right now as I sat here dazed, with no ability to see past 2 minutes of my future. I think we were done.

Xxxxxx

_Flashback_

_Nathan POV_

_The sun's warmth through the window was heating up my skin, but I didn't mind, enjoying the heat. I squeezed my eyes shut as if it would protect me from the brightness, and rolled over slowly, so the sun hit my back instead._

_I lay there for a few minutes, listening to the sound of the city outside, the soundtrack that never went away no matter the time. _

_It took me precisely two minutes before last night came rushing back. Part of me thought it was a dream, too good to be true, but I opened my eyes slowly and was more aware that I wasn't in my own bed. _

_I could hear a clatter in the distance, and noticed Brooke standing by the dresser, pulling her jacket on, fully dressed, suitcase by her side. I watched her for a second and I could tell she was making an effort to try and stay quiet._

"_Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?" I asked her._

_Brooke turned around, and smiled at me, pushing her suitcase out the way and coming toward me._

"_Hey," she said warmly, "I didn't want to wake you, you looked peaceful."_

"_Where are you going?" I asked her._

"_I have to go catch my flight," she said, sitting on the edge of the bed._

_I looked at the digital alarm clock by the bed and realised we'd slept through until ten. I hadn't slept in that long for ages._

_Brooke was acting calm, like last night was normal. She made no indication that last night had even happened. I wish I could read her mind right now. I sat up slowly, leaning on my elbow behind me._

"_Bro—" I began, going to bring it up for her, "Last night—"_

"_Last night was incredible, and special," she said, but the tone made it sound like what she was saying was final, or like it was finished and over._

_I didn't understand._

_I needed her._

_Last night I felt like we'd crossed a line. _

_The idea that she was about to get her stuff, and leave, as if it never happened was absurd to be._

"_Thank you for last night," she said._

"_Brooke last night I wasn't just using you, I care about you," I tried to explain, but even as I said it, I heard how ridiculous my attempt to explain to her everything I was feeling was. _

_She was this incredible person sitting in front of me, and she was unaware of her effect on not only me, but everyone._

"_I know you do," she said, "Nathan I'm so proud of you. You're amazing and you're living your dream. Seeing you here and the court, and everything you've made for yourself here—I'm so glad I saw it. I needed to. And Jamie is incredible! Watching you with him was beautiful."_

_I felt my stomach sink. _

"_You're really going?" I asked her._

"_I have to," she replied, "you have your life to live, and you're doing so well."_

"_Why can't I have you here with me?" I said, "Me and Haley aren't—"_

"_Don't," she said stopping me, putting her hand over my mouth. _

"_I won't be able to walk out of here if you say these things to me," she said, " and I have to."_

"_Then don't."_

"_Nathan you're still settling in here. What you think you feel about us, it could be homesickness? It could be familiarity? It could be missing our friendship?"_

"_Are you kidding?" I asked her straight. After last night she was really going to claim I wasn't really into her._

_She sighed._

"_Look just give this your best shot ok. I don't want to forever be the reason Naley didn't work out."_

"_You're not go—"_

_Brooke took over again. _

"_Look I just need some space ok? I just need you to try for me, and let me just try too," she said, and only then did I realise she needed this for her. _

"_Can I text you?" I asked her._

"_I don't think that's a good idea," she said, "at least for a while. We both just need to go at this with a fresh mind."_

"_Ok," I reluctantly agreed. _

_She gave me a weak smile, and picked up my hand, kissing the back of it._

"_I'll see you soon boy wonder," she winked, before she got up, picked up her things and walked out that door, leaving me to wonder about next time I would see her and how different things might be._

_I let myself lie there for a while after Brooke left, before forcing myself back into the real world that I belonged in. I showered and got dressed, heading back over to the house, hoping Haley wasn't home. I couldn't deal with continuation of last night right now._

_I just wanted to go, see Jamie who would be with the babysitter, and then go to work._

_I drove home on autopilot, completely lost. After Brooke's enthusiasm last night, I knew she felt what I did. I knew why she was pulling away though and although I didn't want it, I could respect her reasons behind it._

_Whatever we did would be a big thing. For us, but also for everyone else involved. I could say forget everyone else but this was real life and it didn't work like that._

_I got out the car, and headed inside, sighing when I saw Haley's bag by the door, telling me she was home._

_I could smell her perfume too, making me think she was just about to leave. If only I had waited ten more minutes._

_I could hear noise from the direction of the bedrooms but went into the kitchen to get some coffee._

_Obviously Haley hadn't had any this morning because I had to turn it on. I leaned against the counter, checking my emails on my phone while I waited for it to filter through. _

"_Oh my god, thank god," Haley said bursting into the kitchen._

_She leapt onto me, gripping me tight._

"_I'm sorry," she said._

_She pulled away and looked at me upset._

"_Are you ok?" I asked her._

"_Yeah I just—Nathan I didn't mean to be how I was last night. It's just all of this is hard for me you know?" she said, "the moving, the work, Jamie as a baby is new enough as it is but then the HCM on top of that—"_

_I sighed, and rubbed my eyes._

"_Did you think it isn't hard for me too?" I asked her, "I've been doing the same as you this whole time."_

"_I know, I just want this all to be ok so bad," she said._

"_It will be," I told her._

_Haley was looking at me differently, like she was the Haley I used to know, telling me she was still in there somewhere._

"_Can we just…make sure it does?" she asked me._

"_We can try," I told her._

_She went to hug me, and I thought of everything that had happened this morning. I still wanted Brooke but she was right. At the end of the day these were lives we were talking about._

_xxxxx_

A/N:I know you've had to wait a while for the last one but please do take a second to review so I know what you're thinking about everything that's happening!


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Don't die in shock at how quickly I managed to get this out :P Just enjoy it instead :D**

**Chapter 15**

**Flashback- ONE YEAR LATER- NATHAN POV**

"_Ok that's great, so if we try again this week to spend a little bit of time at the end of each day just to talk about your days and make some plans for the week for just your family, it will let you help your lives intertwine as one," she said twisting the pen in her hand. The sun was coming through the window, hitting the gold of her pen, and bouncing off, making me squint slightly at the glare. I wondered for a second if her pen was made of real gold. I wouldn't be surprised if it were, just from what we were paying her alone—the things we now had to do for discretion._

"_Sure, that sounds great," Haley said, scooting forward on her arm chair, to start gathering her stuff, "it went really well this week."_

_I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Eating take out in front of the TV was not the family dinner she'd spent a good five minutes describing to Michelle at the start of our session._

_Wasn't the whole point of going to a therapist to be honest? Trying to sugar coat our situation to her was defeating the whole purpose of coming here._

"_Great I'll see you next week," Michelle said standing up, and showing us out._

"_Thanks," I said walking out, with Haley behind me. _

_I nodded in thanks to the receptionist as we went passed and headed for the elevator, which was there on standby already._

_Haley adjusted her hair in the mirrored panels as the door shut._

"_That was good today," Haley said._

"_Was it?" I asked her, as the elevator began moving downwards from the top floor of the sky rise we were in._

"_She seemed happy," Haley said._

"_Well the aim of these sessions isn't really to please her, it's not school," I told Haley._

"_Oh stop taking everything I say literally," she said._

"_Haley if we really are going to make a go of this we need to actually try, not just play the game," I said softly, as though the elevator had ears._

_Haley sighed._

"_But Nathan do you realise how ridiculous this is? We don't need marriage counselling. This is us," she said slowly like I was a little kid._

"_Things aren't good with us, you can't pretend they are," I said._

"_Nathan we moved to New York and were settling in, dealing with a new baby, dealing with a new job! It doesn't mean there's something wrong with us and we need help!"_

"_If you think it's so stupid then why did you agree to go?" I asked her._

"_Because you went on about it for ages," she admitted, "that and you said you weren't going to come to appearances with me."_

_Her motives made me mad but she wasn't wrong. Therapy was ridiculous and any version of me would agree with that. One year ago though I was at a loss of what to do, and this was the only thing I could think of to save the sinking ship if the wreckage really could be put back together again._

_Brooke had walked away and as much as I hated that I had to understand her reasons. I had to respect her decision and do what we agreed and try. I felt like I was failing her somehow if I didn't give it a fair go, and that's how the idea of marriage counselling was born. _

_My soul was rolling its eyes every time I made our a cheque to these people but it was the only sure time I had to speak to Haley about real things in the week. _

"_We've been in this for a year," I told her, "I think it's pointless if we're just doing it to get through it."_

_The doors opened with the accompanied ding, and we both stepped out._

"_So we can actually be done with this?" she asked me._

"_Yeah," I told her, feeling relieved slightly. It was a farce to go, and I wasn't stupid enough to think it was helping. I just had to feel like I was doing something, and wasn't as helpless as I knew I was. I had no clue what the next step was but I felt like I had been trying all year and each week I told myself this week things would be different but they never were._

_We left the building and both slipped on sunglasses as if it were a synchronised move, walking down the sidewalk._

_We literally had to walk two minutes before we stopped in front of a swanky new café on the corner._

"_About time," Peyton said, as we took seats in front of her._

"_Thanks for watching him," I said, taking Jamie out of Peyton's arms._

"_Sorry traffic was a bitch," Haley said._

"_That's ok, I had nothing to do so babysitting while you both had a meeting turned out to be the perfect morning," she said, "how was work?"_

"_Fine," both Haley and I said at once. I felt guilt at lying to our friends but this was something between Haley and myself, and we didn't need to bring them into it. Haley was eager not to let Lucas and Peyton find out because of the embarrassment. _

_The waitress came over just as we got settled and we both ordered a different coffee from the five-page menu dedicated to the stuff._

"_How was your trip?" Haley asked._

"_It was really good! It was great seeing my Dad. I'm glad he's not working out on the water anymore," Peyton said._

"_That's great," Haley said._

"_Do you think he'd move here?" I asked her, as the waitress placed our drinks and a pot of sugar cubes in front of us. _

_Peyton sighed, "I don't know."_

"_We're trying to get him to make the move, I mean nothing's really holding him in Tree Hill now that Peyt's here," Luke said._

"_I think he likes the small community feeling though, especially after being away most the year. He'd find it too much up here," she said sounding disappointed, "it was weird being back in Tree Hill though now that we live here."_

"_I hardly doubt it's changed in just over a year," Lucas said, taking a cookie off the plate in front of him._

"_It's just weird, almost eerie, like we'd never been there," she tried to explain._

"_New York can do that to you," Haley said, "you realise there's a world out there and once you're in it, it's hard to go back to the way things were."_

"_Sure. Sometimes it's nice to get a blast from the past though," I said._

"_Talking of blast from the past—well recent past, guess who I spoke to yesterday," Peyton said._

"_No idea," Haley said._

"_Brooke called," Peyton said, and I paused with the mug at my lips._

"_What? You didn't mention that," Luke said._

"_Yeah I haven't spoken to her for about a month properly. I've messaged her on and off but it's been harder to get her on the phone," Peyton said._

"_I spoke to her a few weeks ago, she was working for her Dad," Luke said._

"_What? Why? She didn't want to do that," I asked as though it was a life or death situation._

_Haley looked at me, and rolled her eyes._

"_Maybe she just figured out what the smart decision was," Haley said._

"_I don't know she said something about taking maybe doing what everyone expected her to do might not be so bad," Luke said._

" '_everybody' is just her parents," I said._

"_Peyt, you said she's still working there right? It's been nearly eleven months, so it can't be that bad," Luke said._

_I wanted to ask a million more questions and grill the two of them as though they were responsible for everything that Brooke was doing. I was so out the loop it was almost frustrating. _

_We hadn't spoken for about a year now. I didn't think we'd manage but we did. Nobody had really realised we weren't in contact anymore since we didn't live in the same place. _

_From the sounds of it she'd significantly reduced her contact with everyone else too. Any information I got was rare and when I did it was fleeting bits of this and that, either things that didn't matter all that much but I wanted to hear over and over, or big things like now where I wished I could get more involved._

"_There's nothing wrong with it, she's got a job, it's part of real life. Not everyone can be the a small town's exception, and claim to fame," Haley said shrugging._

_Luke looked up and looked slightly confused, like he was thinking._

"_I mean you're not wrong," Peyton said in reply, "but I don't know that just doesn't sit well with me."_

_It didn't sit well with me either. Once again technically Haley was right. Chances were not everybody could go out and achieve their dream and 'make it'. The four of us who sat at the table now were exactly where we wanted to be, and that was unlikely as it was. What made the four of us so special though that we were 'chosen' whilst everyone else had to settle with their mediocre hand they were dealt with? Nothing- that was the answer. _

"_Nobody's special if everyone is. That's life," Haley said shrugging, and then checking the time on her phone, "I gotta head to work."_

"_Me too," I said. I had practice in a few hours so I'd drop off Jamie to the nanny and then head to the gym early and try get a workout in. _

"_Thanks again for keeping an eye on Jamie," Haley said, "I completely forgot the nanny said she had an appointment this morning."_

"_No problem," Peyton said, "gives me practice."_

"_You heading out too?" I asked, putting some money down on the table._

"_In a bit, baby wants another cupcake," Peyton said, winking at Luke, prompting him to alert the waitress._

"_We'll catch you later," I said, heading out with Haley. I could see before we'd even left that there was a crowd of paparazzi outside. Someone must have noticed us here and made it public. It still astounded me how quickly they worked._

_I put my glasses on, not that it would really hide anything, and carried Jamie the other way so his back would be to them when we left. _

_I pushed open the glass door, and held it open for Haley, who ducked under my arm and leaned into my chest, holding my hand, as it was pulled around her._

"_Hey guys," she said to the press, and then began walking so I had no choice but to walk with her. Haley smiled, and leant up, kissing me on the cheek as though there wasn't an audience. If she put in a tiny bit of effort we could work toward making it a private reality too but it just wasn't looking like a possible challenge. _

_It happened too fast for me to react, so I could only take it but as soon as we walked down the street the annoyance of the play acting hit me. How was that necessary in any way. I think part of the reason I felt like I hadn't tried hard enough was because I felt like I'd been 'trying to try' but I hadn't been given a fair shot to do so._

_We headed back to where we parked the cars before the appointment and once we were in the private car park she dropped my hand and headed over to her car._

"_Bye," she called without turning around. _

_I sighed, and walked to my car, opening the back door so I could strap Jamie in._

_I couldn't wait to get to the gym. If everything else seemed to be going downhill at least I still had that one thing in my life that I was using to hang on to, to get through everything else. Basketball had been my saviour through my childhood and school, and here it was playing the hero in the red cape once more, keeping me afloat._

xxxxxx

Brooke POV – Present Day

**You have one new instant message**

**MillieHux:** Hey! I miss you tons! Hope you're doing great at your new job! Call me when you get a second.

**Millie Hux:** I was going through Owens' memory card and found this picture. I thought you might like it. Who knows you may have a career as a photographer on the way!

I opened the attachments on the bottom of the screen and saw that Millie had sent me an image file. I opened it up, and bit my lip taking in what appeared.

I knew exactly what moment this was.

It was a close up of Nathan as he smiled right at me. It was when he was with a group of people, and chose to focus on me instead the night of Haley's launch.

Back then the photograph had put a smile on my face and right now it just reminded me of how happy I was when I took it and how much it contrasted how I felt now. Despite this I couldn't help but stare at it though without looking away. It was almost as though he was here with me now looking right at me. that night I felt like every feeling he had for me was written in his eyes and nw that I looked at it, I could see it once more and wondered if it were as obvious as I saw it there or if I was only seeing what I wanted to see.

My heart sped up, and I felt ridiculous for reacting this way to a photograph. I closed the file when I heard someone come in through the back room and let my mouse drag the icon over to the trash. Before I let go though, I changed my mind and left floating there on my desktop. I didn't have it in me to destroy it right now.

"Hey," Chase said coming in.

"Hi," I said, looking up from my laptop.

"You ok?" he asked, putting a plastic bag on the counter with extra receipt rolls he'd just bought for the register.

"Yeah why wouldn't I be?" I asked him.

"No, I was just checking," he said unzipping his jacket.

I turned back to my laptop and stared at my email inbox, not taking a move to open any of the messages, wondering if I would be able to if I did. The only email I did have was from my Mom's assistant asking me why I hadn't sent back my RSVP card for Thanksgiving since they had people on the waiting list. Thanksgiving was months away—not that that was the important thing to take away from the ridiculous message- and I decided that could wait a little while to deal with that.

"You know you're different," chase said.

"Huh?" I said, realising he was speaking to me.

"No I just said you're different," he repeated, "you know compared to how you were before."

"I mean I'm not a kid anymore, you're different too," I said, "years have gone by, nobody is how they used to be in high school."

"Yeah but I mean you're actually different," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"You're like you but a less shiny version," he said.

"Excuse me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, wondering if I should be very offended right about now.

"No, I don't mean it in a bad way, I just mean like you're still Brooke Davis, you just have your spark hiding under the surface," he said coming toward me.

I wasn't really sure what he was getting at.

"Look I don't know what you've been up to in these few years I haven't seen you, or what you've been through and I know you've been through something but—"

"Chase," I tried to interrupt.

"No let me," he said, "I want to see you find that light again and put it back together again and I want to help you do that."

"Chase, these last few years…" trying to figure out what I should say to him. Part of me was surprised he even noticed any difference in me.

"It's ok you don't have to tell me," he said.

I smiled at him softly. I wasn't offended by anything he'd said because he wasn't being an asshole he was right. It was actually kind of sweet.

"You're a good guy Chase," I said.

"Some of the best memories I had in high school were with you in my life as an inspiration and I want to help you however I can."

Chase reached out and held onto my hand.

My mind went into alert as our hands touched. Thankfully, the door burst open loudly so I didn't have time to think about the feeling that laced his tone that was only hitting me now. Chase looked up behind me and suddenly took his hand back as he saw Quinn.

She gave us a second, looking between us before she spoke.

"Emergency! Need help!"

"What's wrong?" Chase asked her.

"It's a complete nightmare," Quinn said, struggling to get her jacket off.

"What?" I asked her.

"I was on my way to a meeting about acquiring some new art and this happened," she said just as she threw the jacket down on the stool to reveal her top which was ripped down the front. The tear went diagonally, and was barely holding it together.

"Oh my god," Chase said, covering his eyes, "you left the house like that practically in your bra."

"Oh don't be such a baby," she said, "it covers more than a bikini would."

"Why didn't you wear something else?" he asked.

"How did that even happen?" I asked her, hopping off the stool to get a closer look.

"It happened on the way, it got caught on a gate," she said instantly, "I don't know what to do this is such a problem."

"Really?" Chase asked.

"I don't have time to go home and risk being late! Please can you help me Brooke!" she said, opening her handbag, and taking out a travel sized sewing kit.

"I thought you said you just tore it on the way?" I asked her.

"I did," she insisted.

"Quinn do you always carry a box of sewing supplies in your bag?" I asked her, highly suspicious.

"It took you that long to catch on? She failed high school drama for a reason," Chase said, and Quinn rolled her eyes.

"Quinn did you tear this yourself!?" I asked, noticing that the rip was extremely clean cut with no frays as though she'd literally snipped away with the scissors.

She hesitated for a second.

"Well…?" I prompted.

"I may have tripped with scissors in my hand," she said innocently.

"Are you insane? This is good material, it probably cost a lot," I told her, not believing the lengths she actually went to.

"Yes it was, but I was willing to take the investment," she said.

"What does that mean?"

"It means I trust you to make it better than it was," she said.

"Wait, you did all this just so I would fix it?" I asked her.

"Maybe…"

"Err…Why?!" I asked her.

"I just wanted to prove to you how amazing you are!" she whined, "and that you should start your website again!"

I groaned, sitting back down, running my hands through my hair. Not this again.

"Quinn you have no idea what I'm capable of and what I'm not!"

"I saw you in action!"

"You saw me make some straps and connect them to a top! That's it! They probably teach you that in Home Ec, it literally required zero brainwork!" I tried to explain to her, "it's not grounds to stop searching for a job and start my own business!"

"Why don't you have faith in yourself?" she asked me.

"Can you please just put something on?" Chase asked her.

She didn't give him any attention, but pulled the top off, and put the jacket on.

"I do have faith in myself but I'm cant bank everything on a small scale website that is extremely unlikely to make me any real money."

"You don't lose anything if it doesn't work though," she told me.

"Quinn its an investment, supplies and materials—they all cost money! Money I need to stay afloat in life right now," I explained to her.

"So that's all that's holding you back?" she asked me.

"What?"

"The money in starting up?" she asked me.

"Well that and the low chances of—"

"Ok forget that it's a low chance, it's still a chance right?"

"Quinn, I can't!" I told her more forcefully.

"You can still work here so you're earning too, and do this on the side when the bar is closed during the day. You're not going to lose out! You don't have another job anyway yet!"

"Quinn…"

"I want to give you the money," she stated crossing her arms.

"You want to what?" I asked, thinking I'd misheard.

"I'm giving you the money," she said.

"You're not giving me money," I said.

"I'm not giving it to you, I'm investing in a new start up that I think has potential. It's my right as an investor," she said confidently.

"I'm not going to let you put money toward this," I said.

"Why not? The gallery has been doing really well recently, and I want to," she said, "Brooke I have so much faith in you."

"It would be me doing exactly what I did in high school," I said, trying to give her another reason.

"So? It doesn't mean it's a step backward. You're older and you have more experience now. It's an improvement!"

"You're not going to let this go are you?" I asked her.

"Nope," she said looking pleased with herself.

I sighed, and leaned back into the stool, against the counter thinking.

I knew the chances of this being a disaster were high, and I did not want to let Quinn feel the repercussions of that. She was right though that it's not like I had another job right now anyway.

"Brooke this could be the start of something great," she said.

"Do you know how many people think they can do—"

"Ok fine you're right," she said.

"I am?" I asked, wondering if she had given in as easily as that.

"But someone has to succeed, why shouldn't it be you?" she asserted.

"You know she's going to be a pain in the ass until you agree right?" Chase said to me.

I had to be certifiably insane to think this could be real. The appeal of making what I wanted did seem good though, and as much as the risks were blaring in my mind, so were images of this working out. I knew I was getting ahead of myself but I couldn't help it.

"Oh my god I must be insane," I said.

"Is that a yes?" she asked me.

"Yes…" I said.

Quinn let out a squeal so loud that I nearly covered my ears.

"I'm so happy!" she said hugging me, "we can brainstorm tonight! We're having dinner!"

"She's scheduled to work tonight," Chase said.

"No she's not she's having dinner with me," Quinn told Chase boldly.

"I'm the boss here," he reminded her.

"Don't be a bad friend," she said, "Give her the night off."

"This is going to drive me crazy I can tell already," he said.

"We're taking that as a yes," she said.

"Quinn—"

"Ok I really do have a meeting that wasn't a lie," she said.

"Ok I'll see you later," I said.

"Can you fix my shirt?" she asked me.

"You're kidding, you didn't bring another one?" I asked her.

"Well I counted on you fixing it before you figured out what I was up to," she said.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Gimme," I said reaching for the shirt.

"Thank you!" she said, handing it to me along with the sewing kit.

"I'll go get some scissors," I said.

I carried the things around the bar and into the back office, leaving the door ajar and putting the stuff down.

"Ow!" I heard Chase yell suddenly, "What the hell?"

"That was for you being an idiot!" Quinn said.

"What did I do now?" I heard him snap.

"Don't think I didn't see what I did when I walked in," she said, "You were holding Brooke's hand Chase!"

Their voices went quieter, as they lowered their volume, and the intrigue led me to going toward the door as I heard my name.

I couldn't clearly hear their full exchange but only was able to catch the odd thing.

"I know it's been on your mind since you saw her—"

"You don't know everything"

"She's clearly not in the right place right now"

"I can help"

"I don't know the full story but even I can tell she's dealing with something"

"Why do you have to interfere in everything? Nothing happened!"

"I don't want to lose a good friend when the shit hits the fan!"

"Don't tell me you treat her like the other employees! You let her get away with anything!"

I stepped away from the door having heard enough. I could put the pieces together myself to know the gist of the arguments they were both pushing.

Oh god, Quinn was right. I was in no way about to jump into something with Chase. I was still hung up on Nathan, trying hard to get over him. I hadn't seen Chase as anything more than a friend and didn't realise he wanted otherwise until now. I know we had a past—but that's all it was for me...the past.

Every interaction I'd had with Chase whilst I'd been back ran through my head as I analysed it worrying if I had unintentionally lead him on.

I heard the back door slam, after hearing keys and I put it together Chase had left since I knew his car was parked that side.

I took everything out into the main bar, and saw Quinn sitting on the stool playing on her phone.

"Oh hey," she said, "Chase just popped out to get some milk. We realised we didn't have any and he wanted coffee."

Chase was right she was a bad actress.

"Oh, ok great. Coffee sounds good," I played along, sitting down to fix her shirt.

Xxxxxxx

_Flashback Nathan POV_

_I knew. _

_Don't ask me how but I did._

_I didn't need anyone qualified to tell me to validate it. I already knew._

_Like a million times before I stood there, my attention only on the orange ball darting across the court, skimming hands as it went. The roar of the crowd was so loud that it became a dull tone around me. Nothing could ever compare to the scale of the crowd at a NBA game._

_My heart was working just as hard as it was during my high school championships, and I wanted it just as bad. _

_Chants of 'boy wonder' were distinguishable out of the soundtrack and it became a rhythm that my body became accustomed to. _

_The game was in our favour and there was no doubt about which way it would go. It was no reason to be lazy about it now though, and I was still working as hard as I was at the start. _

_I was on an adrenaline high. A high on where I was. A high on what I had managed to achieve. A high on the final realisation that I had actually made it here._

_The ball came flying toward me, and it moved through the air in slow motion as I reached out to catch it._

_You know the feeling where you're standing safely, and then you let your body fall before you catch it? You know you're going to stop yourself from doing anything dangerous but the slight risk that it could go either way leaves you with a tingly feeling in your toes, and your stomach dropping in anticipation. No matter how illogical it was, you couldn't help but do it again, getting some sort of sick twisted thrill out of it._

_I felt like that as the ball was securely in my hands and it didn't make any sense. I felt like something momentous was about to happen._

_What happened next went from slow motion to super speed as I moved across the court and came into contact with the opposing team trying to steal the ball for themselves. _

_If you asked me now, to this day I still couldn't recall how it went down. When I think back I just remember the feeling of fear hit me again only this time I was unable to bring myself back to the surface. _

_The crowd went from roaring 'boy wonder' to absolute pin drop silence before I had even hit the ground. And suddenly everything was still. If I thought it was amazing how loud a crowd of that size and energy could be, what was more shocking was how silent they could be. In a way their silence was more deafening than their noise._

_My heart was thumping as my warm skin adjusted to the cold floor. Everyone waited for me to get back up but I didn't. _

_I could feel a searing pain in my left knee, and from the angle I'd fallen down on my side I could see that it was twisted unnaturally. _

_My vision went foggy and it felt like I was alone in the room._

_I'd had many injuries in my life that began in a game of basketball—it was an inevitable consequence of the job. This time though as I lay there, my vision slowly getting darker and darker as I lost consciousness I knew._

_Don't ask me how but I did._

_I didn't need anyone qualified to tell me to validate it. I already knew._

_The last thought that went through my mind before I blacked out was 'I'll never play again'_.

xxxxxxx

Present Nathan POV

"I raise," Daniel said pushing some more chips into the middle.

"You're practically sweating, you ain't got shit," Jason said laughing, and matching his raise.

"Fuck off," Daniel said, but he couldn't resist wiping his head anyway.

"Nathan your bet," Adam prompted.

I looked over my cards. I didn't have anything there and I didn't have the concentration to push forward. I threw my cards back down on the table and they carried on without me.

I'd been lost ever since—well who was I kidding? I had been lost for a while but since the appointment today I had been totally out of it. I would have skipped this game too if I hadn't offered to have it at my house. By the time I remembered the plan, a few of my friends from work were already at my door clutching beer.

"HA!" Jason shrieked collecting his winnings, "I told you were bluffing!"

"You're an asshole," Daniel said, reaching for another beer, "you threw me off."

"Whatever, you're yet to walk out of here without making a loss," Jason reminded him.

"Yeah he's not wrong about that," Adam agreed.

"And while we're on that, by the end of the night you'll owe me five hundred dollars," Jason sang.

"What? Bullshit, for what?" Daniel said.

"You made a bet that you'd clean me out in the next game," Jason told him.

"No I didn't," Daniel scoffed.

"Yeah you did," Jason insisted.

"You actually did," Adam pointed out, and Daniel looked at him in shock. Adam normally tended to stay out of their usual back and forth.

"I did not do this," Daniel pushed, "if I did why don't I remember?"

"Well you were pretty wasted," Adam said.

"Any bet made under the influence of a large amount of alcohol doesn't count," Daniel said.

"Bullshit, it counts," Jason said, "Don't be a pussy just because you lost."

"I'm not paying you," Daniel said, "I was drunk and it was ages ago just drop it."

"Yeah you are. I don't care if we made the best yesterday, five years ago, or four months ago like we actually did. A bet's a bet!"

"Yeah well the game isn't over yet," Daniel said, and Jason laughed.

Five hundred dollars was nothing to either of them, but pride was making them both more determined to win.

"We really should do this more often," Adam said sarcastically.

"If it makes me richer then bring it on," Jason said, reaching for the cards to deal them out.

It wasn't until I lay in bed later that night, a few hours later, staring at the ceiling, my thoughts blank that it hit me. I thought back to the whole bet debacle and tried to re-run it as accurately as I could.

I sat up suddenly and switched on the lamp, making the whole room brighter. I searched for my phone in the nightstand and tried to find the calendar app, it was way to late to do math but I calculated, and stared at the screen as though my life depended on it.

Sure enough Jason was being an asshole as usual, but he was being a truthful asshole.

Daniel made the bet with him the last time we all played poker four months ago. It was the same night we'd ended up going out after to some bar that was open until sunrise, getting wasted beyond belief. The same night Haley said I came home and insisted we have sex.

I checked it for the third time, and then the fact that urged me out of bed came out my mouth to myself.

"Haley's nine weeks pregnant."

I walked out my room and down the hall to the guest bedroom, opening it without knocking.

"Haley?" I said, walking toward the bed, when she didn't stir.

"What?" she said without opening her eyes.

"My last poker game was four months ago and you're nine weeks pregnant," I blurted out just like that.

She opened her eyes slowly.

"And?"

"And, how is that possible?"

She sat up slowly, reaching across and turning on the light.

"I don't know, I probably calculated my last period wrong or something." she said casually.

"How can you calculate it wrong?" I pushed.

I don't know what I was after but I felt like there was a lifeline somewhere and I just had to find it.

"Nathan keeping track of periods is harder than you think, I'm not a machine," she snapped.

"Think about it now," I said, "work it out."

"What are you suggesting?" she said crossing her arms, "the only scenario out of this is that I calculated wrong."

I stared at her in silence.

"There is no other way or answer that is going to be the solution. Do you understand me?" she said firmly.

"Haley it does not make sense," I said just as strongly back.

"Yeah well it's the only possible answer," she said.

"Really?" I asked her.

"Are you insinuating that this isn't your baby?" she asked me, her eyes narrowing.

I didn't reply.

"Wow, that's nice Nathan," she replied, getting out of bed, "I love you and I'm your wife. Just because we didn't plan to get pregnant doesn't mean I'm not. So how about you grow up."

She stormed past me, and downstairs, slamming as she went along.

I walked back to my room slowly. It was only as I was back behind my door that I realised when I had questioned the paternity of the baby I only felt relief at the idea that Haley had slept with someone else, not shock or hurt or anything else.

Relief.

I knew in the bottom of my stomach that the equation didn't add up.

Don't ask me how but I just knew.

xxxxxx

_Flashback Nathan POV_

"_Mr Scott," I heard again, and realised the nurse was speaking to me._

_I shifted slightly, finding it difficult to move, and looked at her, not saying anything. _

"_I have your wife on the phone," she said, handing out a cordless phone to me._

_She put it in my hand when I didn't move to take it._

"_Hello?" I managed to say, my voice raspy, after not having spoken since I was conscious again._

"_Hey! I got the message from the hospital," Haley said, and I could hear street noise behind her, "I only managed to get proper signal now."_

_I couldn't make myself form any words._

"_I'm sorry Nathan. I spoke to Craig, and he told me it's not good," she said when I didn't reply._

"_Yeah," I said._

"_Look I have to go but I'll be back next week ok," she said, "I'll speak to you later."_

"_Ok," I said, "bye."_

_I dropped the phone by my side, and at some point I was aware of the nurse taking it back._

_Blurs. That's all I saw. It was all I wanted to see. _

_I couldn't deal with facing another doctor coming in to confirm what the first one had already told me, or another person I vaguely knew from the team or management coming to tell me how sorry they were._

_I didn't want their pity. The disappointment was clear in all of their eyes. The boys from the team were glad it wasn't them and upset that I wouldn't be able to help win the season. Management saw prestige and money trickling away slowly._

_I couldn't deal with it right now, and I was near catatonic, looking right through anyone who walked in here, trapped in my own thoughts. _

_I was disappointed for my team, my coach, my fans, my friends, my family…but selfishly I was more disappointed for myself._

_I'd spent years trying to make a pipe dream a reality. It was the only possible outcome for my life that I knew. I couldn't decide whether it was better to never achieve your dream, and leave it as what it was—just a dream, or if it were crueller to be allowed to make it, and then have it cruelly ripped away after being offered a taste, before I had even had a chance to allow myself to take a proper sip._

_I felt cold, but didn't make a move to pull the blanket up. Despite the people in and out of the room I felt isolated, trapped inside a claustrophobic room that I had no desire to get out of. _

_Right now I couldn't see past today. What was I without this? I felt part of me unravelling and breaking into pieces floating away out my reach._

_Noise from outside got louder, as the door to my room opened. I could only imagine the mass of people waiting to hear any news. I wondered if the official statement had been given yet with the verdict of my future as a player. Whether or not it was didn't matter, it didn't make it any less true._

_Nathan Scott, boy wonder, was gone._

Xxxxxxxxxx

_Brooke POV Flashback_

_My breaths got quicker in anticipation as I rushed down the hallway, like I knew I was getting closer. _

_I knew I was in the right place from the groups of important looking people dotted around and level of security at the doors to the wing fending people off. _

_I walked right past everyone and to the front desk._

"_Nathan Scott," I just said, "where is he?" _

_The nurse at the counter looked up just as a guy in a security jacket walked over._

"_Excuse me Ma'am, this is a private area—" he began. The nurse didn't even bother to speak, leaving him to deal with it._

"_This is ridiculous," I snapped, "I need to see Nathan right now, I don't have time for this."_

_All my mind was repeating over and over was that I needed to get to him right now. I hadn't given it a second thought when I'd walked out a meeting and gotten straight on a plane. A co-worker had mentioned the game when we'd taken a break and I'd searched up on my laptop, not quite sure what was going on. It was too early for any explanation but the video of Nathan collapsing had gone viral. No statement had come out yet, which told me it wasn't good. Usually when there was an injury or incident before you could blink they had reassured the nation that everything was ok._

_I walked right out the meeting, ignoring the calls behind me, grabbed my handbag and rushed on autopilot to the airport, not even stopping to go home and get some stuff. _

_By the time I got to the airport I had seen the statement._

_I hadn't spoken to Nathan in about a year but right then I knew the only place I had to be in New York._

"_Are you a family member?" he asked me._

"_No—"_

"_Well then you need to leave immediately," he said automatically._

_I was going to see Nathan and nothing was going to get in my way._

_Call me presumptuous, maybe he didn't even need me or want me around, but any alternative to dropping everything I was doing and travelling across the country was out of the question._

"_That is my best friend in there and I am not leaving until I see him," I said._

"_Look, we get this all the time—I cannot let you in there Ma'am," he replied._

_Another security guard heard the increasing volume of my voice and came over._

"_Is there a problem here?" I asked._

"_Yes there is, I understand it's your job to keep random people out but I am not random and I need to be in there," I said._

"_Ok look why don't we discuss this outside," the second security guard said._

"_I cannot deal right now," I said, rummaging through my bag and getting my phone, trying to think of some sort of remote proof that I knew Nathan._

_I scrolled back in my photos knowing a lot of time had passed, but also knowing I hadn't copied any images over in a very long time like I had been meaning to. I stopped on one of the early images in the library, one that I had stopped myself looking at on many occasions. _

"_Here!" I said thrusting the phone in front of his face. He leaned back slightly to be able to focus on it. I moved the phone in front of the original guard._

"_That's Nathan and his son. Would I really be in a photograph with them if he had no clue who I was?" I asked them._

_They looked at the selfie we'd taken back when I had last been in New York and exchanged glances with each other._

"_Okay," the original guard said._

"_Thank god for that," I said, putting my bag over my shoulder in preparation to go, "is Haley here?"_

"_He's alone," he replied, "we'll need to get confirmation from his wife first."_

"_Well you just said she's not here didn't you?" I said irritated. I cannot believe I was on the verge of needing permission from Haley to be able to see Nathan. I was actually surprised she wasn't here. Maybe she'd just popped out and I'd come at a good time, "Do you really want him to find out you delayed letting me in?" _

_He hesitated. _

"_Fine," he finally said but I could tell he was internally wondering if he would get fired if this went wrong._

"_He hasn't really been responsive," the nurse who came with us said, "just warning you now. I don't think he's fully understands what's gone on."_

_She stopped outside a door and nodded at me._

"_I'll be fine, thanks," I told them, feeling my voice wobble._

_They left me to it and I took a deep breath. I had to hold it together for Nathan._

_I couldn't believe that after this yearlong separation we were about to be reunited in a terrible way._

_I had read many books and seen many films where the characters claim their heart broke. Up until now I had called it a mass exaggeration and internally rolled my eyes. Now though I realised they knew what they were talking about._

_The first sight of Nathan I got broke me. He was staring blankly, completely still, with tears slowly rolling down his cheeks._

_I couldn't hold it together. How could I see that and not be ok? There was one of the strongest people I knew breaking into bits before me. In the past when he was dealing with emotional crossroads he turned into stone and put up a barrier but he was fine. This was different. _

_My chest tightened and my eyes watered for an instant before the tears made tracks across my face. I let them fall not bothering about the streaks of make up that were about to appear._

_Nathan looked toward me because of the noise, but straight through me with no recognition in his eyes._

_I was stuck in my tracks, just letting myself cry. Not subtle pretty crying but full on sobs. _

_I swear I saw his eyes clear as he realised who I was._

_He snapped out of his stillness and lifted the edge of his blanket just as I went to move it myself, lifting myself onto the single bed with him holding onto him close. _

"_They said I can't play anymore Brooke," he said into my neck as he held onto my like his life depended on it. Even though I knew it already hearing it from his mouth crushed me._

_Any possibility that was left of keeping it together for him flew out the window._

"_I know baby," I said into his hair, "it's not fair."_

_I held him close to me, with my arms around him, and just let the both of us cry. I didn't bother to try and control it. He needed me to go through this with him, and I felt like I was._

"_If I could fix it for you I would," I whispered._

_We lay there for hours, not moving, through the early hours of the morning. I was half aware of medical staff coming in and out but even that lost meaning after a while. _

_I hadn't slept; I don't think I could have even if I wanted to. My brain was buzzing. _

_Nathan's breathing had evened out and I was sure he was asleep._

_I didn't stop stroking the back of his neck though, hoping it was providing some sort of comfort to him. A small part of me was sure it was more soothing to me than it was to him._

_Our breathing was in sync and I thought about how I was really here with Nathan. It was surreal. This past year had been terrible trying to get over him. It didn't take long for me to wonder if I'd made a stupid mistake in leaving but I didn't let myself contact him, knowing that I had made that decision back then for a reason. I might have been struggling but I had no clue what Nathan was doing or how he was doing. I wasn't about to be selfish enough to ruin something for him that he'd managed to create. _

_It killed me that I could never fully escape him. The small glimpses of him that were inescapable in the news, on TV, or in magazines became a relief and torture and relief all in one. Just this morning I had seen a cover with him leaving a café with Jamie, who was so big now, and Haley, and he had his arm around her whilst she stared lovingly up at him. They were the image of the perfect family. Who was I to come in between that? I told Nathan we had to give it a fair chance, I just never considered one of us would be able to be successful and the other wouldn't._

_Right now though, the way Nathan was holding me, all of that didn't matter. I didn't need words to know Nathan was on the same level as me. _

"_Don't go," he said softly into my skin, I almost thought I imagined it. _

"_I'm not going anywhere," I told him, realising he was awake. _

"_I need you," he said._

"_I'm right here," I said._

_He pulled away slightly and look up at me for the first time since I had come in here. His eyes were the open vault into everything that was Nathan._

_Nathan once told me he was nothing without basketball. I told him he was wrong, and I fully believed in my statement. I just hoped that he'd never have to find out._

_Xxxxx_

_**A/N: All my chapters seem to be getting longer and longer. I was so sure that they weren't that I even checked that word was working right three times! Hope you liked this one. It's going to move a bit faster now, and next chapter will be the last one with flashbacks (I think!)**_

_**Let me know what you thought!**_


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Ok here we go!**

**For: BDO7 and Secondstarontheright**

Chapter 16

Nathan POV

"Well can you see if its anywhere, like in the diary, or on the online calendar thing that syncs through our computers and on my phone?" I asked, shouting slightly so my voice carried over to the desk where my phone was on speakerphone.

I sat down heavily onto the chair so that it bounced slightly under my weight and opened my top drawer, for once pleased that I was completely disorganised when I pulled out a handful of old receipts.

"I'm really sorry sir, but I cant seem to find anything," Julia wavered through the phone.

"Nothing?" I asked, my disappointed seeping through my tone, trying to make out the faded dates on some of the scraps of paper at the same time.

I frowned, picking one up, wondering how the hell I managed to spend thirty dollars at Burger King.

"I don't think so…but I'm still not sure what I am looking for entirely," Julia admitted.

I sighed, and picked up the phone, returning it to normal mode and holding it up to my ear.

"We're looking for something, anything that pin points when it was that I spent that weekend playing videogames," I said like it made perfect sense.

Julia paused.

"Sir, I apologise if I'm out of line here but I don't think that's something you'd go ahead and put on the schedule."

"Which is why we're looking for clues on what I did every weekend because if I went out, had work, or had plans it wasn't that weekend," I rationalised.

"But you need to know which weekend this was?" she asked me again, as though she hadn't heard me the first few times during this phone call that she'd double checked the task I had given her.

"Exactly."

I lay awake last night unable to sleep, feeling like I was trapped in a maze with no route out when it hit me—a random memory of playing video games all weekend when Brooke was out of town. Haley was being a total bitch about the noise, saying that she was PMS-ing and I was only adding to her headache.

"To know when you played video games," she repeated, and it finally registered how insane I seemed to her.

She was probably right. It sounded crazy just from what she knew, and now that I thought of the part of the plan she didn't know I realised how much crazier it actually was.

What was I planning to do? Locate that weekend then work my way forward trying to track down exactly when Haley's period would be and try and find an error somewhere in the situation? I caught my reflection in the computer monitor and saw how drained I looked. I suddenly felt like I had been grasping at straws for the past two hours, and my once brilliant idea seemed absurd now.

I didn't really know what would come from finding out Haley's cycle dates, I hadn't thought that ahead, I just knew that would put me one step ahead.

"You know what Julie, it's ok," I told her, my voice sounding less erratic than it did seconds ago.

"I'm really sorry I couldn't help," she said.

"No, it's fine, it wasn't really a fair request," I said, feeling bad that I had dragged her into this.

"Is there anything else I could help you with?"

"No I think that's ok. I'll come into the office later before the game and we can go through some things that need to be done this week before we go down," I told her.

"Ok. Before I forget, a Clay Evans called for you," she said.

"Oh right yeah," I said distractedly tearing an old gas receipt up into little bits, "call him back and schedule a conference call with him sometime this week, and whilst you have him find out if his players have any games coming up we can get observation on. Or actually if you just want to do the background work for me and find his number I can make the call when I come in."

"Ok, I'll update you when you come in," she said.

"Ok that's great, thanks," I said, dropping the bits of paper in my hand unceremoniously on the table.

I hung up the phone and leaned back in the chair, taking a second to collect my thoughts. I had to figure this out.

"Nate?" I heard Luke call through the apartment.

"Yeah in the office," I yelled back, and a few seconds later he walked into the room, raising his eyebrow at me.

"Just decided showering and wearing clothes that don't count as pyjamas were overrated?" he asked.

"I've had a busy morning," I justified, wondering why I gave him a key. I had unofficially been avoiding him recently, not wanting to bring up the gigantic herd of elephants in the room.

"Right," he said, sitting on the couch.

"How did you know I was here anyway?" I asked.

"I called your office and Julie told me," he said. Of course she did. I mentally made a note to remind her later not to give my whereabouts to anyone who called.

Technically it's not like she was wrong to think my brother didn't count as a threat, but she also didn't know that he was the only person who knew and disapproved about my extramarital affair that was the sole reason for ridiculous scavenger hunt I'd sent her on this morning.

"I know you're avoiding me," he said, reading my mind.

"I'm not, I just have a lot going on. It's drafting season soon," I said.

"Tell it to me straight, at least give me that," he sad.

"I'm working on it," I told him.

"How?" he asked without hesitating.

Oh what the hell, he couldn't possibly be madder at me.

"She won't take anything I say seriously, and she doesn't even seem like she cares. But I am trying to find something to prove—I just need to find my out."

"Why are you sounding like Haley is this impossible force? This isn't a game, or like a challenge Nathan, you need to just be real with her," he said.

I didn't even bother to disagree. I don't think I could explain the dynamic between me and Haley nowadays, and if I did try there was no way he would take me seriously.

"I know you think Haley isn't the same person," he said, "you're right she isn't."

"Are you agreeing with me?" I asked, wondering if he was hinting that he also picked up on how our ideals just don't match anymore.

"None of us are the same though. She's doing so well for herself and she should be proud of that," Luke said.

Before I could reply, I heard voices in the hall, and the nanny's raised one.

"One second," I said to Lucas, getting up, and walking toward the door.

"Nathan."

Owen stood firmly, and Rebecca came running behind him.

"I opened the door and he just pushed his way in—" she began.

"It's ok, don't worry," I told her, thoughts too busy wondering why Owen was in my house, and going in high alert that something had happened to Brooke.

"Where is she?" he snapped.

"What?" I asked.

"What's going on?" Luke said, coming out the office, "who's that?"

"Where the hell is she?" Owen said, annoyance dripping off his words.

"I think out of the two of us you were the one who knew where she was, you made that quite clear," I said. Just a few weeks ago he blew me off when I asked him about Brooke's whereabouts and now he was acting like I had kidnapped her.

"Yeah and I did, except it turns out she never turned up," he said.

"What do you mean she never turned up," I said raising my voice. I had no clue where she was mean to be but the idea that for some reason she wasn't there was raising alarm bells in my mind. I didn't care if I was speaking loudly.

"What is going on?" Luke asked me but I ignored him. Right now I had no idea what was happening but I needed to know Brooke was ok.

"Br—" Owen began and I stopped him.

"Luke I'll call you later?" I said, realising fast how wrong this could go with Luke listening. From his words I realised he had never met Owen so didn't know he was Brooke's friend but now was not the time for him to find out.

"Are you actually being serious?" Luke asked, "Wait! Is she married too?"

He looked at Owen, trying to assess the situation.

"No, just Luke please, I'll call you later," I pushed.

"Yeah you better," Luke snapped, walking toward the door.

I walked into my office, and Owen followed, before I closed the door behind us, knowing Haley was upstairs.

"Ok start from the beginning," I said.

Owen sighed, and I could tell he was realising holding information back wouldn't be helpful.

"She got a job in LA," he said.

"What? She did?" I asked, "she's in LA?"

All this time Brooke was across the country. Despite what was happening the thought she got a job in LA filled me with happiness for her, knowing that she'd been waiting for something to help her with her career.

"No. Well every time I've spoken to her she said she was, she even told me about her job," he said, "but when she didn't call me back after a week I got worried and called her office and they said she never turned up ever. She didn't work there."

"So she lied?"

"Yeah," he said.

"She gave up a job she really wanted?" I asked confused, "why?"

Owen just looked at me.

"You're asking why?" he asked me, "oh I don't know, I'm thinking she might have had some other things on her mind!"

"Oh god," I said, sitting down. I can't believe because of everything I'd put her through she'd dropped the job.

"I'm worried about her and I need to find her," Owen said.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"I don't know, I was counting on you knowing or at least being able to figure it out," he said.

"I…. I have no idea," I said.

"Well other than New York… any ideas?" he tried to prompt but it wasn't helpful.

"She could be anywhere," I said.

"Her parents?" he asked.

"Definitely not," I said immediately.

"Are you sure? Do you want to check?" he asked me.

"She won't be with them, they don't have the best relationship."

"Does she have friends anywhere else?" he asked.

"No, they're all here, and they… kind of drifted over the years," I said.

"Well then that still places us in square one," Owen said.

"Fuck,' I said.

"She's out there alone, upset, hurting—"

"Yes ok, you don't have to tell me that," I said. He wasn't helping the immense guilt I was already feeling. This was all my fault, I wasn't deluded enough to think it wasn't.

Suddenly I felt a wall shatter in my mind.

Enough was enough.

There was no way I was going to let her be in this position on one side, whilst I was trying to weave my way through this over here. She deserved way more than me but right now saving Brooke was it for me. I didn't care if I threw myself in the crossfire, or if it was the most tactical way—I was done. I had been done for a long time but the prospect and image of Brooke out there however she was feeling because of me killed me. Even if she never spoke to me again I owed it us to do this.

"What?" Owen asked, "did you think of something?"

"I need to speak to Haley," I said.

"Are you kidding?"

"I'll call you," I said, walking past him.

"Nathan!" he called after me.

"Seriously, I'm with you, and I've got this," I told him.

I could see him thinking about it but he eventually decided it was the only option he had.

"Ok fine, but call me!" he said, heading out.

I went up the few steps to the bedrooms and walked into the guest room, opening the blinds.

"Haley get up," I said.

She groaned as the light hit her face.

"Nathan you know I was working last night and I have my photo-shoot later, I cant let it seem obvious I've been awake all night. I need to sleep."

"Get up, we need to talk," I snapped.

"Nathan—"

"Seriously, I'm not messing about," I said, "get up."

Haley leaned up slowly, frowning. I crossed my arms.

She rolled her eyes and sat up yawning, and reaching over to the nightstand to check her phone.

I walked over and took the phone out her hands.

"Hey!"

"Just stop and focus," I said.

"Ok what is it?" she asked.

"I'm done," I said.

"What?"

"This needs to stop. Stop bullshitting me. I don't know what your angle is but we both know you're not interested in this relationship," I said, "and neither am I. I'm out I'm done."

"Hold on, hold on," she said, suddenly wide awake, "I can't believe you could say something so hurtful—"

"No seriously Haley like stop. What are you doing?" I asked her, "Put your cards on the table."

"I don't know what's gotten into you. I'm here carrying your baby—" she said, her voice sounding emotional.

"I cannot believe you," I said, laughing with frustration.

"You're going to abandon your child and you find that funny?" she asked me, "what kind of life will that child have?"

"A normal one!" I yelled, "Haley millions of kids are products of divorce and have and they gave a great life! This kid's going to be loved regardless and let's face it, its not like they're not coming into a broken home even if were are together."

"Nathan—"

I lifted my hands, showing her I was legitimately done. I had never been so done in my entire life. Everything from these years suddenly burst through the dam. A good person did things for other people but there was a time when they just had to be selfish. Ultimately giving into Haley, who was I even doing that for.

"Haley. Stop. I'm done," I said.

"I cannot go through a public divorce right now," she said, "and frankly neither can you, divorcing your pregnant wife. I'm sure public opinion on that would be pretty strong."

"The fact you just used the public who we don't even know as a reason not to do this says it all really."

"Don't make me out to be a bitch because I said the responsible thing," she said.

"Haley I'm done. I'm going to my game, I have to work but I'm not playing with you."

I turned my back on her and walked out the room.

Xxxxxxx

_Flashback_

_Nathan POV_

"_Good morning sunshine!" I heard breaking through my unconscious state and I burrowed deeper in the covers._

"_Way too early for this," I said._

"_I beg to differ. Get up, you're wasting daylight," Brooke said way too brightly._

"_Mmmm…"_

"_Nathan!" she yelled suddenly making me jump._

_I rolled over, taking the covers with me and took in Brooke standing in my bedroom. Part of me wanted to blink to make sure she was actually there but I had become used to the sight lately, and having her around._

_She was standing there, waiting for me respond, getting frustrated. For my own entertainment I waited a few more seconds just to see her get mad, enjoying seeing her stand there, sunglasses on her head, as she didn't get her way._

"_Is that for me?" I asked, smiling at the fresh pretzels and coffee in her arms._

"_I'm sorry this is for grown ups who wake up at a decent hour," she said._

"_Seriously?" I asked her, "you're going to talk to me like I talk to Jamie?"_

_Brooke took a sip out of the Starbucks cup, twisting it very unsubtly to reveal 'Nathan' written in black marker on the side._

"_Yum," she said exaggeratedly, "Americano's for people named Nathan sure do taste good." _

"_Ok don't be a bitch about it," I said sitting up and reaching for the cup, and she handed it to me laughing._

"_Well it worked didn't it?" she said picking up her own cup, which I hadn't noticed was on the dresser, and climbed onto the bed, sitting beside me._

_I took a satisfied sip, and sank into my pillows._

_My phone rang on the table beside me, and I glanced over to see who it was. The caller ID showed me it was head office at the Knicks, and I turned it over and switched it to silent._

_I had been ignoring their calls for the past three days. I wasn't in the mood to hear their sympathy. It was over. It was done. They really had no need to 'keep an eye on me' even if they did feel like it was their responsibility to do so._

"_Don't you want to get that?" Brooke asked, in an extremely peppy voice._

"_Don't you have anything better to do right now?" I asked her, taking the pretzel from her. I put the coffee on the nightstand and tore off some of the bread and put it in my mouth._

"_Well let me see. I just moved to a new city, and I have no responsibilities," she said._

"_So naturally the best way to make the most of your free time is to annoy me first thing in the morning?" I said, even though her presence was the opposite of annoying._

"_Nathan it's eleven thirty," she pointed out._

"_And your point is?" I asked her._

"_My point is what is your point?" she turned it around._

"_It's not like I have anything to wake up for," I said._

"_Seriously?" she said, taking the pretzel out my hands and biting into it before passing it back._

"_Not like that, I just mean, its not like I have a full schedule today, so if I want to spend a few hours in bed its not going to alter the grand scheme of things," I explained._

"_So what's your plan? To spend the next eighty years in bed then?" she asked._

"_Ok don't exaggerate. Don't act like you walked in now to find me in bed sunk in a deep depression when in reality I was just taking a nap," I said. _

"_Well what you're actually doing is much worse. This whole 'not caring' attitude you have going on it more worrying," she said._

"_So you're saying you'd rather I be depressed?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow._

"_I would rather you actually move on for real or at least attempt to rather than play the 'I'm fine' game," she said._

"_Brooke, I am actually fine."_

"_Being matter of fact about what happened is not the same thing as being fine," she said, "it's unhealthy."_

"_Oh my god, I'm normal!" I said, "I just have nothing to do today so I'm chilling."_

"_You have physiotherapy," she said, "I came to take you, we have to leave soon."_

"_Oh I'm not going to that," I dismissed._

"_What? Why not?" _

"_I don't need to, I can walk fine now," I said._

"_You still need to go," she said, "you're still recovering."_

"_What's the point, I just need to be able to walk. It's not like I need to go play basketball."_

"_See! That's what I'm talking about! You do that!" she said._

"_It's true!" I told her laughing darkly, "what do you want me to say? I don't want to have a heart to heart about it. I think you forget sometimes I'm a guy"_

"_I'm not asking you to sit here and cry to me about it. Its fucked up that this happened to you but it did and you have to live your life, not like mark the moves," she said._

_I was about to make fun of her, but when I turned to look at her I noticed that she was flushed, clearly feeling for passionate about this conversation than I realised._

"_Brooke—"_

"_Go take a shower and get dressed! Serious, you have an appointment!" she said._

_I thought about refusing but seeing the look on her face I knew even if it was the last place I wanted to be, she needed me to go and I had to comply for her._

xxxxxxx

Brooke POV

"Seriously so on both of your days off, this is where we end up?" Clay asked, taking a few fries out of the basket and putting them in his mouth.

"You wanted to watch the game and go to a bar. Objectively can you think of a better bar in Tree Hill?" Chase challenged him, spinning his beer bottle on the table.

"It does kinda defeat the purpose of like you know, having a life outside of this place," Clay said, "it's bad enough you're obsessed but now you're spreading your bad habits onto Brooke."

"Hey, I'm on the other side of the bar. I'm not complaining," I said, stealing some nachos off Quinn's plate.

"And I'm not obsessed!" Chase said.

"Oh whatever. We all know we love it here," Quinn said, "why would we force ourselves to go somewhere else."

"You only love it because you don't pay for your drinks," I pointed out.

"So not true!" Quinn defended, "ok partially true."

"When I agreed to give you a family discount I didn't think you'd practically move in here," Chase said.

"Anytime you want art, I'm your gal," Quinn winked.

Chase leaned back in his chair and gestured to Leanne. She started walking toward our table, but Chase motioned toward a table that sat with empty glasses.

"See! You can't switch off!" Clay said, and Chase frowned, realising he indirectly contradicted himself.

"Oh at least I have a successful job," Chase sang, but I knew he was only kidding.

"Oh I'm plenty successful," Clay laughed.

"Are we really going to start playing the my dick is better than yours game?" Quinn said, getting up and walking toward the bar, reaching over the top and helping herself to a bottle of Budweiser.

"Quinn!" Chase yelled.

"What?" she said in an innocent voice, "family discount remember."

"Ok check this out," Clay said grinning finding what he was looking for on his phone.

"Oh here we go," Chase said laughing. Both boys were in a playful mood, in fact we all were after having had a couple of drinks already.

"If I wasn't successful would I have Nathan Scott, boy fucking wonder at that leaving me a voicemail?"

"You so do not!" Chase said, "like he'd call you directly, he has a ton of staff in the hierarchy before he'd even have any contact with you."

"He's made me hear the message four times already," Quinn said.

"Fine, listen," Clay said. Before I knew it he was pressing buttons on his phone, and increasing the volume.

I gripped my bottle hearing Nathan's voice come out Clay's phone. I couldn't make out exactly what he was saying because of the noise in here but it was unmistakably him. I knew that voice anywhere.

I heard a few technical basketball terms being thrown about, but I felt like he was having a direct conversation with me instead. Like the other week I felt my mood deflate just like a balloon that has been pierced with a pin, spiralling through the air slowly until it fell to the floor.

"You ok baby?" Quinn asked me as the boys began their own conversation about basketball.

"Yeah," I said, forcing a smile.

The laughter dropped from Quinn's eyes and she looked at me concerned.

"I'm totally cool," I reassured her.

"So you ready to launch the website tomorrow Brooke?" Chase asked me.

"Umm sure," I said, "we're still meeting in the morning right."

"Of course," he said.

"Breakfast launch party," Quinn clay sang.

"Ok let's not make a big deal out of it," I said, "this is a very—"

"Ok only positivity from now," Quinn said.

"Ok fine," I agreed. She was right. We'd put a lot into this. I'd literally spent every waking moment the past few weeks coming up with a small line of clothes. I'd made a couple of each option, and figured I'd make more as and when orders came. I didn't have the man power, and I didn't even know if I had the demand to make more. I was trying to not let myself feel excitement because I didn't want to get my hopes up.

"Of course I'm right," Quinn said, "we need good vibes to wish us luck and negativity isn't going to help that."

Everyone began talking about something, but my concentration was slipping. I was too busy thinking about the realisation that I had washed over me. I couldn't run. It didn't matter where I was, I couldn't just ignore Nathan's presence in my mind. Even if I tried, like I did tonight when I sat with my back against the screen showing the game, there was still no escaping.

I made myself believe that I felt better but I hadn't dealt with it, I was just ignoring it.

"Guys I have a big day tomorrow. I think I'm going to head home," I said.

"What! No! It's still early," Chase said.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Chase asked.

"No, I'll be ok. Thanks though," I said, slipping my arms through my jacket.

"Goodnight!" Clay called.

I gave them all a wave and headed out, beginning the walk home.

I was actually looking forward to the ten-minute walk back to my apartment, needing the fresh air.

What the hell was I doing with my life? How long was I going to live like this?

Everywhere I went Nathan was there. The strongest shadow though wasn't on television, magazines, or even the emails or photographs. It was the presence he held within me. That, I couldn't force away.

I couldn't help the small tears that began falling, and didn't bother wiping them away, knowing the streets were empty. The allowance to let myself cry, only made my body take advantage of that, as I cried harder.

I walked up the boardwalk slowly, and made it to my place. I took the key out my pocket but chose to just sit on the wooden balcony at the top of the stairs, outside my apartment instead.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and squeezed my eyes shut.

I opened them slowly. When the blurs cleared, the image of Quinn became clearer in front of me.

She climbed the last few steps and sat down next to me silently, putting her arm around me.

I hiccupped, trying to calm down my crying, only making it worse.

"Come here," she said pulling me toward her.

Xxxxx

_Flashback _

_Nathan POV_

"_How was it?" Brooke asked, handing me an ice cream cone as I got into the car._

"_You know now that I'm not having to work out all day I can't just eat all the shit you keep handing me," I told her as she pulled out into the street. _

"_Oh please," she said, "like you have to worry about being obese just yet. And also you can work out. You just can't jump about over and over putting pressure on your knee."_

'_Wonderful."_

"_Did it go ok?" she asked, ignoring me._

"_He said…he said…he told me…," I said, letting my expression fall._

"_What?" she asked looking concerned._

"_That I couldn't play basketball anymore," I finished._

_She glared at me._

_Ok so I was an asshole but she was just way too easy._

"_Ok calm down, have a sense of humour. Yes it went fine. Some guy felt me up for fifty minutes—happy now?" I said, responding to her actual question._

"_Extremely," she said._

"_Great. That's my good deed for the day done," I said._

"_So how much is it killing you that I'm driving your car right now?" she asked._

"_You know I knew there was no scratch or mark on it when I handed you the keys right?"_

"_Oh please I'm a good driver," she said, "how long did he say until you could drive."_

"_I asked him again today. Another four weeks give or take," I said, "which is ridiculous because I'm fine!"_

_The car slowed down as Brooke pulled into a parking lot._

"_This isn't home," I told her._

"_I know," she said._

"_Brooke—"_

"_What? What could you possibly have to do at home? Couch getting lonely?" she said, stopping the engine._

"_I don't want to wonder around in public," I said._

"_Why not?"_

"_I'm not in the mood," I said._

"_Nathan."_

"_I don't need anyone's pity," I pointed out._

"_Yeah well then don't coop yourself up in your house and give them something to pity," she said getting out the car._

"_Brooke," I called after her._

"_I'm going to go see a movie," she said._

"_Jamie—"_

"_Is not going to be home for another three hours," she pointed out. _

"_Fine," I said getting out the car, pausing to get my cap from the backseat and pulling it down low hoping I could put off getting recognised. _

"_Right, because wearing a knicks hat is going to draw peoples attention away from the fact you're Nathan Scott," she snorted._

"_Do you want to see this movie or not?" I asked her._

_Xxxxxxxx_

Present Day

Nathan POV

I got out the car slowly, not sure what I was going to face when I walked through the door.

We'd won the game and everything had gone without a hitch. I'd ended up staying there much later than I thought I would, press and interviews and congratulations taking longer than we anticipated.

I hadn't thought about having to deal with Haley when I got back until now.

I let myself in through the front door. The lights were all on , including the hallway by the kitchen which only led to Haley's studio, telling me she was in there.

I checked on Jamie, who was fast asleep. He looked as though he has no worries at all, which was exactly what it should have been but the innocence on his face was a reminder of how quickly everything could turn to shit.

I pulled his blanket up over him, and closed his door gently, going back to the kitchen.

I took a bottle of water out the fridge, and grabbed an apple, about to go up to my room when I heard yelling following the noise of the heavy studio door opening.

"I don't give a fuck!" I heard Chris's voice, as they carried on their conversation outside of the sound proof room.

"The fact you of all people don't get it is ridiculous," Haley snapped.

"Some things get prioritised higher I think," he replied.

"Oh please," she said, and I could imagine the expression on her face.

Their voices got louder as they rounded the corner.

"And leaving is going to let you get your way?" Haley remarked.

The two of them walked past the kitchen and noticed me standing against the counter.

"Oh hey," Chris said.

"How's it going?" I said nodding.

"We were just working on some stuff," Haley said.

"Cool," I said.

I walked out the kitchen and Chris walked past me, getting his jacket, which I hadn't noticed before, that was on the back of one of the couches.

He walked out the door without saying bye and Haley rolled her eyes.

"What was that about?" I asked, biting into the apple.

"Creative differences," she said.

"That sounded intense for a dispute about chords," I said.

"Yeah well we're passionate about what we do," she said irritably.

She walked into the living room and I stood there a second before it hit me.

"Holy shit," I said in realisation.

"Nathan," she said. She was smart enough to know what was going through my mind.

"Just tell me yes or no," I said.

"It's—"

"Seriously not now. Yes or no."

"Ok, yes," she said.

"What the fuck Haley!" slipped out, "That's what the fight was about, it's his baby!"

I couldn't even be angry that she got pregnant by someone else because truthfully it was an accident that could have also happened to Brooke, since we were all dipping in the same pool.

"I don't even know why he cares! He didn't even want kids!" she said as though we were having the most normal conversation.

"What were you going to do, just let me think it was mine?" I said.

"Well we're married it couldn't not be yours! Do you have any idea how fragile a reputation is at this stage in a career?"

Haley didn't apologise for sleeping with someone else. And I didn't care she had. I was angry about how much time that had been lost unnecessarily.

"All this time you realise you made me feel crazy for saying we were over, but you just manipulated the whole situation when you were having an affair yourself?"

"Oh please don't glamorise it. We're just busy all the time and we spend a lot of time together when we're touring. It only happened a few times. It didn't mean anything to either of us. Don't act like you're the king of fidelity."

"What? You knew?" I asked her, feeling the shock hit me. All this time, Haley knew about me and Brooke?

"Well I figured yeah," she said, "it's not like you were pushing me for sex."

"And you never said anything?" I asked, sitting down.

"I mean we both did what we needed to do when we were outside the house, it's not like it got in the way."

"Haley you realise we're standing here talking about sleeping with other people like it's the most casual thing," I said in realisation.

Haley just told me she slept with Chris. Obviously I didn't have a leg to stand on, but I at least thought I would feel something. Nothing.

She didn't seem phased I had either.

"What happened to us?" she asked frowning, realising the same thing I was.

Haley came and sat down on the couch next to me.

"Things just aren't how they were," I said, "and they haven't been since…"

I didn't want to be insensitive and say it but she said it for me.

"Since we got back together," she said.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"I didn't mean for it to be that way you know," she said, "I was out here on tour when we were kids and I was handed my dream on a silver platter. It was right there for me to take and suddenly I realised I was pregnant and I didn't know what to do so I panicked and came back. I figured if I couldn't have the career I wanted to have the family we planned for."

"You realise you couldn't just leave and come back though right like nothing had changed?"

I think this was the first real conversation I'd had with Haley in over five years.

"I loved you Nathan," she said.

"Yeah I loved you too but things changed and what we had, had to change with it and it lost its chance," I said, "you realise you could have asked me to come with you right?"

"Would you have?" she asked me.

"It doesn't really matter does it?" I said.

"My career…. It means a lot to me," she tried to explain.

'Yeah and I'm happy that your dreams came true," I said, "I just needed more than being someone's public ken doll."

Haley sucked on her bottom lip.

"I know it's messed up but I do care about you," she said.

"Yeah I care about you too but I don't think I love you anymore," I told her, "And I'm mad. You made this a game and I was just your piece in it. For so long we've been playing this out for what? Was it really worth it?"

"I'm sorry," she said.

If I thought she was being difficult because she wanted to be with me, that would be a different story. But even now she was admitting to only doing it because she wanted to hold on to us for her image. Even though I didn't love Haley in that way anymore that still hurt.

I pretty much felt it already but to hear her say it hurt. I still cared about her and despite what happened, she has been a big part of my life since I was a teenager.

"So what do we do now?" she asked me.

"The right thing." I said.

She took a deep breath.

"Look I get we have to do this but can we just keep it under wraps until it's figured out," she said, "I don't need the press on my back right now."

And there it was… I was happy to comply though because it would be a mess for me too.

I nodded, and Haley patted my knee before standing up and heading to the guest room.

It took me a few moments for it to actually hit me. I was free.

My fingers itched to reach for my phone and dial Brooke's number. Even if I did know where she was and the new number she had I knew I couldn't do it yet. This was a huge step in the right direction but I didn't want to hand her the dish half eaten. I needed to finish this. She deserved the world and if I couldn't give it to her I wasn't going to offer up a lesser version.

xxxxxxx

**A/N: Don't panic, I had to split it because it was way too long! So this is only a first half to this 'chapter'. I have no idea I would write so much before even getting stuck into the chapter! **

**Tell me your thoughts as always! Xxxxxx**

**Ps. If you leave reviews with questions in them please log in so I can reply! **


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: Right I sincerely apologize for the long wait. I had exams, then went on vacation, then ended up in hospital and then moved back home to my parents place so needless to say it's been a rocky month! I promise you though I'm ready for this now so look out for updates! **

**Thank you to everyone who messaged to make sure I was ok! I assure you I am, and on the road to getting everything sorted out! **

_**Story note: A lot of you showed concern after the last chapter that the mistaken Brathan made was being written off because Haley had an affair too but I promise you it is not! In my book what Brathan did was way worse and will definitely be addressed! **_

Chapter 17

_Flashback_

_Nathan POV _

"_See I thought this whole day was a ploy to make me feel better, meaning we'd go see a movie I'd enjoy, and therefore end up being inspired about life and 'getting back out there'" I said closing the car door._

"_It was," Brooke said._

"_Then why did I just have to sit through a two hour long Nicholas sparks movie that made me wish that I was back home in bed?" I asked, fiddling with the radio._

"_Oh please, don't be such a guy. You liked it I know you did," she said._

"_Where did you get that from?" I laughed._

"_I saw your face when they got back together! " she said._

"_Yeah because it meant the movie was over," I said._

"_I saw your tear up when the old guy died," Brooke smirked._

"_Ok that I will not let you claim," I said._

"_Don't worry I'll keep it to myself, your reputation_ _is safe," she said, flipping down the mirror so she could reapply her lip gloss. _

"_Thank you though," I said._

"_For making you see the movie? Sure, I can take you to more of them and you can just claim you were forced to go."_

"_Hilarious. You know what I mean," I said, "I needed to go."_

"_I know you did," Brooke said seriously._

"_I know that you knew and I'm thankful for that," I told her, "I maybe might have maybe spent the day watching TV in bed at home."_

"_Might?" she snorted, driving out the car park._

"_It's the most you're getting," I said._

"_Ok," she laughed, "I'm glad you had fun."_

_The car stopped at traffic lights and she began playing with her fingers on the steering wheel, tapping them in turn._

"_Look Nathan, I need you to do these things on your own ok one step at a time, it's for your own good," she said._

"_Brooke, I told you this morning I'm not depressed!" I said._

"_I know you're not. But I also know you're not happy," she said._

"_Well duh, given what happened I don't think it's strange I'm not bouncing off the walls," I said._

"_That's not what I'm saying, I'm just saying you have to find it within you to do these things without be forcing you," she said, "I might not be around all day to do it."_

"_What's going on?" I asked her, knowing her too well _

"_I got a job," she said._

"_What! That's amazing!" I said._

"_Ok don't get too excited, it's a total starter position," she said._

"_Everything has to start somewhere," I told her, "this is great!" _

_Brooke gave me a small smile._

"_You know what this means right?" she said._

_The cogs were already turning in my head and I couldn't help but smile. _

"_I'll be the first one there to help you unpack," I smiled. _

_I was so happy for Brooke. I knew getting a job like this herself even though it wasn't where she eventually wanted to reach was worth more to her than any high level job that was handed to her. _

_Selfishly I also knew what it meant for me. She's been here a while sort of on an extended trip primarily to try find a job like she claimed, although I knew she really just wanted to keep an eye on me. I got now got to see her everyday._

_I didn't know what that meant really but I suddenly felt lighter knowing she wasn't going to up and go any second._

"_I'm so proud of you, you know," I told her._

"_That's not what my parents said!" she sang, as though it was a joke but I knew it hurt her more than she let on._

"_Who cares, it's your life and if you aren't satisfied by it what's the point," I said._

"_Next time I'll just let you answer their emails," she said._

"_It's the beginning you know," I said, knocking my elbow into hers gently._

"_Yeah for both of us right?" she asked._

_I knew it meant a lot to Brooke to know that I was invested in fixing everything now. I knew I'd get there in the end, but if reassuring her I was on the pathway would make her feel better then I'd tell her that._

"_Brooke you know I'm going to be ok right? I just need to do this for a while before I can get there. I don't want you worrying about me."_

"_It's not something I can help," she drove, purposely not looking my way._

"_Well then I promise I've got this."_

"_Pinky promise?" she asked._

"_What are we, twelve?" I asked her._

_She turned my way and pouted._

_I couldn't have resisted if I tried._

"_Fine pinky promise," I said, holding out my hand._

"_I'll have you know this a legally binding agreement," she said, reaching over and linking fingers with mine._

xxxxxxxx

Brooke POV

"We tried. We gave it a shot. It's done," I said, adjusting my hands so I could grip the painting a better way.

"Don't be such a drama queen. It's been a few weeks," Quinn said.

"Yeah a few weeks and one order," I reminded her.

"That doesn't mean it's a failure," Quinn said.

"Actually I think it does. One order isn't really an income," I said.

Quinn stopped by a bench, and rested the painting she was holding on it whilst she tied up her hair.

"Ok so advertising maybe?" Quinn suggested.

"I don't know. Obviously I knew it's a slow process and orders weren't just going to sky rocket—"

"You're doing it again," Quinn interrupted, picking up the painting and continuing to walk on down the boardwalk.

"Doing what?"

"Trying to find a reason to give up so you don't have to fail," she said over her shoulder.

"Thanks for being my therapist but I'm trying to be responsible and not waste time and money—your money I should add."

Quinn stopped outside a hotel and walked into the lobby. I followed her, as she held the glass doors open for me with her foot.

"This isn't over," she told me, as we walked over to the desk.

"I think it is," I mumbled.

"Hi, Quinn Fletcher for Jenna Graham," she said to the receptionist. She pointed down the hall to an open door just on the corner and we went through.

"Hi sweetie," Quinn's client said, "Give me two minutes."

The woman who I assumed was Jenna was flipping through some planning books with an older lady whilst a younger blonde was frowning at a wedding dress on a mannequin. She was on the phone apparently listening to someone trying to reason with her.

I put the painting down against the wall, and Quinn put hers beside mine.

"I don't care! This is not what I wanted and my wedding is in two days!" the blonde shrieked so loud Quinn jumped beside me.

"Oh dear," Quinn said, "bridezilla alert."

Jenna looked at us apologetically and Quinn waved her off with a smile.

"What's wrong? What's right with it? The bodice is all wrong, what the hell are these sleeves, and the back work! There is no back work!"

"Marisol, sweetheart just calm down," the older woman tried to intervene.

"Think she'll get a new one?" Quinn murmured quietly to me.

"Nah, the base is there, you just need to move some things around and add beading in the back. You can probably use extra material from inside rather than buy more material."

"What was that?" the woman suddenly said snapping her head toward me.

"I'm sorry," I faltered, no idea that she'd even be able to hear me.

"Say it," she said.

"No, I just, I don't know what I'm talking about I was just rambling," I said.

"Mari, this dress cost thirty thousand dollars, and it's beautiful," the older woman said.

"It's not what I wanted and it's my wedding and I'm not going to walk down the aisle because I'm stuck wearing this Mamma, I won't do it," she said turning to her.

"But think how much a whole new dress would cost!" her mother tried to reason.

Jenna stood awkwardly in between, putting the books in her hands down realizing they had more to worry about than Centre pieces.

"Well we don't need to get a whole new one, she just said that," Marisol said pointing at me without even turning to look at me.

"With all the changes you want, altering that would cost as much as buying a new one!"

"She said it's easy!" Marisol said and my eyes widened.

"Umm I actually didn't say that," I interjected.

"Well you made it sound like it was," she said.

"I'm sorry who are you?" her mother asked.

"Oh, no I'm nobody we're just here to make a delivery," I said.

"So you're not a wedding dress designer?" the mother snapped.

"No," I replied, trying not to shirk under her glare.

"Well then I don't really think her opinion counts," she said dismissing me and turning to her daughter, "Marisol be reasonable here."

"I'm reasonably saying I'm not wearing that dress! I'd rather not get married!" she said.

"Oh god," her mother rolled her eyes and sat down in the chair, "Any of your various plans will not have you with a dress that fits you within two days. It's impossible. I don't care what the delivery girl says."

I fought the urge to tell them I didn't mention anything about timing or the possibility of it working out.

"She's actually a fashion designer, she has her own line," Quinn said.

"What are you doing," I tried to say calmly whereas on the inside I was yelling at Quinn that this was not the time.

"Great then she'll do it," Marisol said crossing her arms.

"What?" her mother balked.

"Yeah what?" I said.

"You're willing to hand your only dress over to this stranger to butcher?" she said.

"Well I'm not walking down in that. I'm calling Daddy and I'm buying a new dress. Let her at it, I don't lose out do I? It's going in the trash anyway."

"This is too much," her mother said and I couldn't agree more.

"Look I'm sorry, we're just here to drop off some artwork, we didn't mean to get involved," I said.

"Yes I'm sorry here," Jenna said, handing Quinn a cheque from her folder, "thanks very much."

Quinn took it from her and I awkwardly began backing away toward the door.

"Sorry about this, good luck for your wedding," I said.

"You said its doable right? I don't need a new one?" Marisol said, "I'll put an order in for a new dress but if you can have this fixed by noon tomorrow I'll cancel that order."

"I don't know, I couldn't," I said.

This was ridiculous, I had never had my hands on a wedding dress in my entire life, ironically apart from Haley's back in high school and that marriage had gone so well. That was just playing, here the margin for error was thirty thousand dollars.

"Marisol!"

"Mama you said yourself altering this would cost as much as a new dress, then fine if she can do it by tomorrow I'll give her what, ten thousand, is that enough? I take it this isn't your usual line of work."

My blood froze in my veins.

"Mari!"

"It's the cheapest option and if it doesn't work I'm getting a new dress, I swear I'll fly to New York tonight if I have to!"

"Ok, fine!" her mother said and looked at me, "can you do it?"

I was so out of my league here and this was ridiculous. First of all the task was huge, and second of all to do it all within a twenty four hours was laughable.

"She'll do it," Quinn said.

"Quinn!" I yelled, not holding back.

"Great, it's win win. You do it you get paid and I save money. I'll call and get one on standby just in case."

Marisol walked over to a chair which had a garment bag draped over it, and put the stunning dress inside with a look of disgust on her face.

"Here you go, the sheet of my measurements is still inside," she said holding it out to me. When I didn't take it, Quinn took it instead. Marisol handed Quinn her card.

"We'll meet back here tomorrow or would you rather I come to your studio for a fitting?" she asked.

"Here is fine," Quinn said, considering the only studio I had was in my dreams.

"Fabulous," Marisol said.

"We're gonna get started on this," Quinn said, "Thanks Jenna!"

Quinn had to physically drag me out the room, I had no control over my body.

We left the hotel, back into the sun, and I all but collapsed on the wall, sitting down heavily.

"Quinn that was not ok!" I said, "that wasn't a joke."

"Are you kidding! Brooke were we just in the same room!?"

"Quinn you just signed me up for a job that I am not qualified for at all! Someone is counting on me and I cannot fuck this up!"

"Then don't?" she said like it was easy.

"This isn't like an easy afternoon activity! Professionals would take weeks to get it done! And you just told them I'd happily do it in a day!"

"Really it would take that long?" she asked crinkling up her nose in thought.

"Oh my god! Yes Quinn!" I yelled, my voice going extremely high pitched, "I know you believe in me and I love you for that beyond words you have no idea, but this is not one of those little fun twists like making me fix your shirt!"

"Oh shit," Quinn said, realizing what we'd actually just signed up for.

"Yeah shit," I said.

"Well we can't go back now it's done!"

"Which is what I've been trying to tell you!" I said.

Quinn paced back and forth and then sat on the wall next to me.

"Ok look they said if it doesn't work they'll get a new dress. So we have nothing to lose and neither do they?"

"Quinn, we cannot show up with a disaster, making them throw out thirty thousand dollars!" I said, "if I don't ruin it they can try sell it on and get some money back."

"Brooke they offered you ten thousand dollars," she said.

"Quinn they offered me that provided I complete the task," I said.

"Ok look why don't you just try, I'll help you," she suggested.

"You are clinically insane," I concluded.

"We'll stay up, I'll do whatever you say, let's just try," she said.

"Have you not just heard our entire conversation?"

"Look all we can do now is either try or go back in there and give it back. I feel like if you don't even try you'll regret it and wonder what if—and ten thousand dollars Brooke!"

My palms were sweaty and I wiped them on my jeans. This was the craziest thing I had ever heard.

"I don't even have supplies," I said.

"Oh my god, you're considering this!" she said, panic written all over her face.

"You just told me it would be ok!"

"Yeah but now you're actually going to do this!"

"Quinn!"

"Ok sorry, ok let's go drop the dress, grab my car and go get the stuff you need then I'll close the gallery and we can do it in there," she said, already walking down the road.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure!"

"Holy shit we have lost all common sense," I said taking out my cell phone and dialing.

"I'll say," Quinn said.

"Chase? It's me. I kinda can't come into work today."

Xxxxxxxx

_Flashback _

_Nathan POV_

"_Are you sure?" I double checked._

"_Yes, stop asking, I said I'd do it!" Brooke said._

_I shut the car door, and crossed the street, walking through the revolving doors, nodding at the doorman._

"_Ok it shouldn't be long, I just figured its easier to get the speech over and done with rather than avoid them for the rest of my life," I said._

"_I'll pick Jamie up and meet you at your office," she said._

"_Thanks, I'm going in I'll speak to you later," I said._

"_Good luck," she told me._

_I slipped the phone into my back pocket as I headed up to the head desk._

"_Mr Scott, this way please," Mr Leibinz's secretary said before I could even speak._

_She led me down the hall into the large office and knocked on the door before opening it._

"_Nathan! Great come in," he said, in a friendly tone. I could practically hear the sympathies already._

_I went forward and shook his hand before sitting down._

"_You seem to be getting along well with recovery," he said sitting down opposite me._

"_Well as good as it can be," I said._

"_I'm truly sorry that this happened to you Nathan. You were an asset to the Knicks family."_

_Why did I suddenly feel like I was at my own funeral?_

"_Thank you sir," I said not sure what else I was really meant to say._

"_Look Nathan the real reason I wanted to speak to you today was to discuss some plans about the future with you," he said._

_He wanted to discuss my future with the team? I think that was pretty self explanatory—I was done. If he even began to suggest working promoting the team I'd walk out on the spot. I suddenly got images of me in a mascot outfit in my mind._

"_I'm retiring Nathan," he stated._

"_I'm sorry?" I asked, surprised and half confused as to why this was relative._

"_This is going to be my last season," he said._

"_I didn't know that," I said._

"_Not many people do. Just the few of us up here and now you," Mr Leibinz said, "I had a good career here though with the time but it's time to retire with my family."_

"_I'm really glad I got to work with you," I said truthfully. I was one of the few players that was scouted out and vouched for by our manager themselves, and I hadn't forgotten it._

"_Look Nathan there is a reason I'm telling you all of this," he said, "As acting manager I do have heavy say with the board on who my replacement is. You're not a wasted talent Scott, you're still the talent."_

"_You want me to help you decide who the next manager should be?" I asked._

_Mr Leibinz suddenly laughed deeply, "No Nathan, I want you to be the next manager."_

"_I'm sorry what?" I said, convinced I had misheard._

"_You heard me," he said._

_Now it was my turn to burst out laughing. _

"_Me? Be manager? How is that even possible? I have no experience, I barely even played."_

"_Experience is important in this business," he said, "but a bigger part of it is gut feeling which I believe you have."_

"_I don't think I'm the most equipped person for this job," I said._

"_I'm not going to bullshit you Nathan, that's exactly what many on the board plus nearly everyone out there is going to think," he said pointing out the big glass window behind him, "but I spent nearly a week in negotiation trying to convince the board that this is a good idea. Clearly what I've done for the team the past ten years has counted for something because they agreed to give you a shot."_

_I just stared at him blankly._

"_To manage a sports team?" _

"_Yes Nathan," he said._

"_I don't think I can do that," I said._

"_Why? D'you have big plans or something?" he asked, "your knee is shot to hell, you're never going to play professionally again."_

"_Thanks," I said sarcastically._

"_I'm not going to sugar coat it, it's true. It doesn't mean it's all over though and you'd be an idiot not to take this chance," he said._

"_If it doesn't go well—"_

"_You'd go down in history for failing rather than everything you did well whilst on the team," he said nodding, "but if it went well__…__."_

_He let me fill in the blank myself._

"_Why are you fighting so hard for me?" I asked him._

"_Nathan look I had a feeling about you when I saw your own tape and picked you out the pile, and I had a feeling about you before I put you on the team. Both of those feelings panned out, so whose to say this one I have about you now won't too?" he said, " I wouldn't throw you in the tank unless I thought you could swim."_

_I leaned back in my chair and took a deep breath._

_Here was this legend putting his reputation out there to vouch for me. He didn't have to give a shit who took over from him so the fact he was going out of his way to make sure it was me was baffling._

_Managing a team had never crossed my mind, I hadn't even though it a possibility, but thinking about it now I would be lying if I said it didn't appeal. This didn't matter though because the question was would I be able to do it? _

_Managing wasn't a game, and this wasn't some small town team, it was a huge NBA one, with all pressure, demands and eyes on me. There was no space for mistakes._

"_Look I can see this is a big decision," Mr Leibinz said, "and no matter what I want, you need to do this because you want to. So look take a day and think about it. I need to know by this week though."_

"_Ok," I said, running thoughts through my head._

"_You're too talented to let it all go to waste," he said, as we both stood up._

"_Thank you," I said, and not just for his comment. _

_He gave me a small smile and nod._

_I left his office, and wondered if I were in a dream. The elevator journey felt like it took forever almost as though it was waiting for me to make a decision before it hit the ground floor._

_I walked out the revolving doors and crossed the road to my car._

"_Hey," Brooke said getting up off the wall she was sitting on with Jamie on her lap. She took one look at my expression and said, "Are you ok?"_

"_I think so," I said._

"_Did they torture you in there or something?" she asked, as Jamie leaned forward on his own and licked the ice cream cone in Brooke's hand she had forgotten to feed him once her attention was on me._

"_Actually they offered me a job," I told her._

"_A job? Doing what? You can't play," she said._

_I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes._

"_I think they want me to be the next manager," I said._

_Brooke's mouth fell open._

"_Can they even do that?" she asked._

"_Apparently," I said._

"_Wow," she said sitting back on the wall._

_I went over and sat beside her._

"_They gave me a day to decide," I told her._

"_What are you going to say?" she asked._

"_I really don't know," I said truthfully._

"_Well I don't even know if I can do it even if I wanted to," I said._

"_Well I don't think the Knicks would just hand the job to you on a whim if they didn't believe you could."_

"_It's managing a team Brooke," I said, "it's unlike anything I've ever done before."_

"_Maybe this is the time for new beginnings," she said, "it could be a good thing."_

_I looked down at her and she was watching me intently. I could tell she was thinking hard herself. I knew she wouldn't give me advice unless she deeply believed it. _

"_The pressure of that job__…__" I voiced._

"_Yeah no shit," she said._

"_You're telling me to take it but reinforcing the bad stuff too," I pointed out._

_Brooke looked pensive for a moment._

"_I don't think anything can exist without 'bad stuff'__…__" she said._

"_Brooke you're not helping," I said._

"_Look, my stance is still the same as what it's always been," she said._

"_Which is?" I asked Brooke._

"_Despite recent events__…__ you're still Nathan Scott."_

xxxxxx

Nathan POV

"This is so good. If I eat another bite this baby is just going to burst out of me to make room for the cake," Peyton said.

"That's a great image," Rachel said.

"It was so good seeing you guys, everyone's been so busy lately," Luke said.

"Yeah I know, we have to make a conscious effort to meet up more," Rachel replied.

I exchanged glances with Haley, because we both knew how everything was about to change yet everyone else sat here blissfully unaware that we have a motive to planning this dinner.

Oh hell it was a good a time as any. Our official announcement would be out tomorrow so before it hit the internet and magazines we had to personally tell everyone today. Whether it was now or in five minutes wouldn't change the reaction.

"So there's actually some we wanted to talk to you about," I said.

"Oh my god, it's twins!" Peyton all but screamed.

Oh god.

"No not quite," Haley said.

"Is everything ok?" Rachel asked.

"Umm…well, the thing is," Haley said.

"Guys what's going on?" Peyton asked, putting down her bowl.

"We're getting divorced," I said, getting it out there. Drawing it out wouldn't help.

"What the fuck?" Peyton blurted out.

"Peyton," Luke said.

"Sorry, but that's not funny in any way," she said.

"We aren't trying to be funny. We are," Haley said.

"What are you talking about? That's ridiculous, you can't get a divorce," she said, "there's nothing wrong with your marriage," Peyton replied.

"Are you actually being serious?" Rachel asked.

"We aren't taking this lightly," I told them all, "we realized we'd be happier apart."

"You're pregnant," Peyton pointed out, "you can't get divorced."

"Doing it now or after the baby's born—it's better this way," Haley said.

We'd decided not to spring it on them that the baby wasn't mine right now. We'd cross that bridge after we got over this huge hurdle.

"I'm sorry," Peyton said, standing up, "Why are you just giving up and not fighting? You're just going to throw away your marriage like that?"

She was glaring at us right now, and although I understood her shock, part of me was getting agitated that she was yelling at us right now like we had no clue what we were doing and no reason to be apart.

"Peyton it's just complicated," Haley said.

"But you're 'Nathan and Haley'!" she insisted, then turned to the others, "why aren't both of you saying anything?"

She looked around to Rachel, and Luke who silent. Rachel was sitting there processing, and Luke already knew more than they did.

"Clearly you both have thought about this," Rachel said, "and it's a huge thing and you know that."

"What?" Peyton snapped, "you're just going to let them go get divorced?"

"It's not really your decision," Rachel replied.

"Okay, everyone just calm down," I interrupted before Peyton could reply, "look Haley and I are grownups and this is our marriage and we don't have to involve everyone in that all the time. We've not been happy and this is the solution we've decided to come to."

"We love you all though," Haley said, "and nothings going to change."

"Nothing's going to change?" Peyton asked her sarcastically.

"Peyt," Luke said, putting his hand on her back.

Peyton looked him right in the eye.

"Why are you so calm?" she asked, "you know something."

"I don't want this to happen any more than you but we love them and we'll support them," he said.

I owed him one.

Peyton sank back down, and wiped her eyes.

"It's coming out tomorrow, we just wanted you all to hear it from us," I said.

Peyton leaned back into the couch and everyone seemed to be thinking it through and letting it sink in.

I got up to go to the kitchen and get some water, and took the opportunity to catch my breath.

It felt so surreal that we'd just had this conversation. It wasn't the fact we'd drafted an official announcement but it felt real when we told our friends. This was happening.

"Are you ok?"

I turned around and saw Rachel leaning against the counter. I hadn't even noticed her come in.

"Yeah," I said.

"Really?" she asked.

"No," I replied, "but I feel better than I have in ages."

Xxxxxx

_Flashback_

_Nathan POV_

_The flashing dots eventually disappeared from my vision making it clear again. After the small amount of time I'd spent in the limelight nothing could compare to what I had experienced._

_I was on the edge of my seat the whole game, and I didn't think I had been so nervous in my whole life, not even when I was playing my first NBA game. _

_Everything was riding on this._

_Numerous times during the game I'd decided that I had made the stupidest choice by taking Mr Leibinz up on his offer. Since my announcement two months ago the public had gone wild. It was a huge story either way—'injured player tries to be manager and fails' or 'Injured player comes back as successful manager'. It was just a ticking bomb until we knew which ones hit the paper._

_Being surrounded by thousands of fans, coaches, the team—I had never felt so alone in that court. _

_With every successful moment though I was more fearful it would all fall to pieces and when the final buzzer went with the Knicks leaps ahead it was like a dream._

_The next hour went by like a blur—I was thrust into interview after interview, passing through crowds of management congratulating me._

_It was nearing one am when I made the slow walk to my car, trying to get feeling back into my body._

_Had I actually just pulled this off. It was by no means an easy ride from here; it was only the beginning. _

_I let out a scream in happiness, allowing myself this moment._

_I laughed to myself, unlocking the car door and sitting down behind the wheel, just sitting, without putting the engine on._

_I worked damn hard and it was like it was a science, but as scientific as it was it was equally just as much a gamble and that made it dangerous. It was a gamble I'd won this time though._

"_Hey there boy wonder," I heard in a soothing voice and jumped in surprise. _

_I recognized the source though and didn't panic. I met her eyes in the rearview mirror and smirked._

"_You know I heard a rumour that when you find a Brooke Davis in your car she's meant to be naked," I joked._

"_Ha. Ha," she said, leaning forward, "you were good tonight but not thaaaat good."_

"_You saw the game? I thought you said you had to work?" I asked her._

"_I did but I may have faked food poisoning to get out here," I said._

"_Brooke!"_

"_Don't Brooke me! You thought I was going to do filing rather than be there for your game?"_

"_You were actually there?" I asked, "why didn't you come see me after?"_

"_I figured I'd let you do your thing, and meet you here," she said._

"_I'm glad you came," I told her, twisting around so could see her._

"_You didn't even know I was there!" she laughed._

"_Yeah but I feel like your presence sent good vibes toward the game," I said._

"_Ok cheeseball," she said, "I also didn't want to like cross any lines by hounding you down there."_

_She spoke in a tone that said she didn't care, but the effort she went to, to appear casual implied the opposite._

"_Haley wasn't there, if that's what you mean," I said._

"_She wasn't?" she asked me._

"_No she had something on," I said, "but you wouldn't be doing anything wrong. We're friends."_

"_I know that," she said, not meeting my eyes._

_Something had shifted after Brooke came to me when I had my accident. We hadn't spoken in ages, as per our agreement, but when she was there with me in hospital something shifted between us. It was almost like we had a shared experience that you couldn't understand or put into words. It became clear that night that we needed each other, and not just because of my accident. Holding out and staying away from each other wasn't easier or helpful. We gave it a shot, it didn't work._

_Since then though we hadn't discussed it—hell we hadn't even acknowledged what had happened. We both knew it though, and because of that, it was hanging in the air over both our heads whilst we just enjoyed spending time together during my recovery and in the period after. _

_It was like we put all the complicated stuff on pause and just enjoyed being there at a base level with each other hanging out._

_This was the closest we'd gotten to mentioning anything other than our platonic relationship._

"_You know I couldn't have done any of this today without you," I said after a few moments of silence. _

"_What did I do? You did all the hard work," she said._

"_I wouldn't have taken this job if it weren't for you, and I wouldn't have been able to work through if it wasn't for knowing you believed I could. It made me feel like I could."_

"_Nathan you know I don't believe in you because you're my best friend and I should. I do it because I actually __**do**__ believe in you," she said. She said it slowly like she was trying to make me understand. _

_I regretted many things in my life but Brooke wasn't one of them. I felt like every aspect of my life had either started out contaminated or gotten polluted along the way, but Brooke was pure. _

_It was as if a bell had rung inside of me. _

_We already had our groundbreaking, epic moment, we didn't need another one. we'd just been biding our time._

"_You know you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling something. You're not the only one," I said._

_She looked up at me with a surprised look on her face._

"_You feel it too?" she asked._

"_How could you think I didn't?" I asked her in shock._

"_I know we agreed to try and you seemed like you're doing well—"_

"_Brooke you really underestimate everything. You know you're the first thing I think about in the morning and the last think I think about before I sleep. I used to feel guilty for that but now I'm thankful that I have that to keep me going."_

_She blushed, tinting her pale skin and she looked like she was trying to understand what I was saying._

"_In the hospital__…__" I began but drifted off, "Something__…__"_

"_It's ok," she said quietly, "I felt it. But I've been feeling like I was selfish for being here for you and enjoying it."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because even though I did it for you__…__ I was doing it just as much for me."_

_What was I doing? Right now this was my life and this was the energy fuelling me forward. I tried doing the right thing but I was realizing now that sometimes the right thing isn't necessarily the right thing for me._

_We'd crossed the line already but I knew it would be different now. More real. _

_I wasn't going to settle for anything. I wanted her—all of her. And I wanted her to have me. _

"_I love you."_

_Her head snapped up quickly._

"_What?"_

_I could see the disbelief on her face. _

"_I love you."_

_I wasn't even scared to say it._

_Her eyes filled with tears, and a wave of insecurity washed over me wanting to know what she was thinking._

"_This time it's different isn't it?" she asked me._

"_I think I've loved you for a long time. It's only different now because I don't want to try to suppress it and we shouldn't have to."_

"_Nathan—"_

"_I know it's wrong, and we tried to do the right thing but I can't pretend anymore," I said._

"_Nathan—"_

"_Look I tried what you said but you're the one I need to be with and –"_

"_Nathan!" she yelled._

"_What?"_

"_I love you too," she said smiling softly._

_As her words sank in my chest tightened in happiness. I didn't think hearing someone say they loved me would make me feel this way. _

_I reached out and brushed her tear tracks away, letting my hand slip from her face into her hair. I pulled her toward me as I adjusted myself over the middle of the car to get closer._

_I tasted the saltiness of her tears on her lips, only serving as a reminder of how deep the meaning behind our kiss was._

Xxxxx

Brooke POV

"It's not going to go away," I heard Quinn say from behind me.

"Mmmnnn," I mumbled in reply, staring at the stack of crisp notes in front of me.

"I cannot believe she gave it to you in cash," Quinn said, "Did she just have that much money lying about?"

"How the hell did we pull that off?" I asked her; pretty sure I'd imagined the past twenty-four hours.

"We? It was all you," Quinn said, "All I did was freak out every time I looked at the clock and pace."

"I can't believe she liked it."

"It was beautiful! Of course she liked it! Somehow you made it a complete new dress!" Quinn said, sitting next to me on the couch, "I witnessed you do magic last night, I'm not even sure you knew I was in the room, you were in your own little world."

"She gave me ten thousand dollars!"

"Yes she did," Quinn said.

"Here," I said, reaching forward and picking up a bundle and putting it in her lap.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"It's your investment," I said.

"My investment was not this much," she said.

"The aim of an investment is to get interest back," I said.

"Brooke—" she tried to protest.

"Quinn you are the whole reason I did this in the first place, just please take it," I said, "and you kept me motivated all night."

Quinn looked down at the money I'd given her and said, "Only if you're sure."

"I'm sure," I insisted.

"I think we make a good team. I yell and you do," she said.

"Yeah I think we have the coffee you drank to thank for that," I said.

"It got the job done," she winked.

"Thank you though," I told her. I didn't have to tell her for what. She believed in my talent so much and it was only because I had her behind me, practically forcing my hand that I'd put more faith in it too.

"That's what friends are for," she said, twisting up her hair.

It felt good to have a friend that was my own.

"Ok I need to go sleep for a few hours before I open the gallery," she said.

"I think I'll head to the bar soon," I said.

"You're working now?" she asked me, "are you kidding? You pulled an all-nighter, I'm ready to drop."

"I'm too wired to sleep," I said.

I felt like I was on cloud nine, and I couldn't stop smiling, like nothing could shake me today.

"I'll say," she laughed, "I'll see you later."

Quinn waved over her shoulder and shut the door behind her.

I flipped the TV on, and walked over to the wardrobe to take out some fresh clothes. I stripped off my clothes, leaving them on the floor, and walked over to the fridge in my underwear to get some water.

Ten grand.

I felt relief that I at least had savings now that would cover me for a while. I could use it to invest toward the business but I wasn't so sure yet if that was going to work out.

Right now though I was happy to just revel in this for a second a breather. It was the most random opportunity ever but it worked out and for now I was going to let myself enjoy that.

I turned around went back toward the wardrobe, picking up a pair of jeans that were strung over the back of the chair on the way.

I paused though before I got there, when out of the corner of my eye I saw Nathan on the TV screen, bright flashing lights in his face, as he avoided the paparazzi to get to his car.

The red banner at the bottom was flashing with capitals telling me that this wasn't just an ordinary puff piece, making me actually pay attention. I'd become accustomed to seeing reminders of Nathan, I couldn't exactly avoid it unless I renounced the Internet and media but I'd made an active attempt to breeze past when I did see it. This time though I had a feeling in the bottom on my stomach that I should take notice.

Nathan got into work and the press was forced to end the piece, so the video switched over to Haley, who was in oversized sunglasses, carrying Jamie as she got into her car.

My eyes drew back to the banner.

BREAKING NEWS: DIVORCE FOR BOY WONDER AND AMERICAS SWEETHEART

I dropped the bottle in my hand as I gasped, completely unaware of the cold icy water now dripping down my thigh.

Yeah I think you could say I was fazed.

xxxx

**Please let me know what you think! **

**We're getting somewhere now! **

**They will be reunited soon don't worry—I don't promise it will be smooth sailing but they will be reunited! **


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

**A/N: Like I said I'm trying to keep to my promise of faster updates! **

Brooke POV

I hit the refresh button in what now felt like a natural motion, the sound of the tapping of the keyboard beginning to sound like a steady rhythm.

My inbox still appeared empty, and I felt the surprise, which was ridiculous because it was the same screen I had been checking on almost impulsively for two weeks straight.

I was actually regretting changing my number, because it made it all the most difficult for Nathan to get ahold of me. As soon as I had the thought, I rolled my eyes, pushing the laptop back slightly and carrying on with the inventory I was meant to be doing. Nathan had my email, he'd sent me enough messages whilst I'd been here. Of course he didn't know I was reading them or if they were even reaching me…maybe I should have answered him—

Wait…did he even want to call me? Maybe me running away was a huge copout and he no longer want—

"Brooke!"

"Oh, hey," I said, seeing Quinn standing there, hand on hip.

"Didn't you hear me come in?" she asked, "I even called you like twice."

"Sorry I was just thinking about something," I said, "you ok?"

"Yeah I was just on the way to work and saw you through the window and came to see if you wanted to grab dinner tonight. Clay's got this work thing," she said.

Dinner with Quinn, filled with endless entertaining girly chat. Just the distraction I needed.

"You know that actually sounds perfect," I said.

"Awesome," Quinn sang, "I'll come up to yours after I close the gallery."

"Ok," I said, my eye catching on the cover of the magazine Quinn had in her hands.

"Are you sure you're ok? You're a bit hazy…are you high? You can tell me, I won't tell Chase I swear," she said.

"Quinn! Of course I'm not high!" I said.

"Then what's with you, you've been weird for ages," she said.

"No I haven't!" I said.

"Yeah you have, you're like stuck in your head all the time," she said.

"I've just been distracted," I said.

"Is this about the mystery guy?" she said, hopping onto a bar stool.

"I thought you said you were on the way to work," I said.

"Brooke you know I'm here for you. You don't have to go through this alone," she said.

She was right. I couldn't really pretend I was fine when she caught me hysterically crying in my doorway.

"So is it him?" she asked eagerly.

"Yes," I admitted.

Quinn talked like she was so invested but in reality he barely new half the story. I'd tried to explain myself without giving away any key details but then realized everything was a key detail.

"What is it? Did he call you?" she asked me.

"Not exactly," I said.

"Then?" she prompted.

I hesitated for a second.

"I heard through the grapevine that he's technically available now but I haven't heard from him," I said.

I had avoided the whole question of why we couldn't be together, I just said that we couldn't and left it at that. I could have given her more but I wasn't in a rush to tell her Nathan was married. I was aware about how bad it made me look—hell it was bad, but I wasn't ready for Quinn to think badly of me.

"Were you Facebook stalking him?" she asked.

"Not intentionally," I said bending the truth a little, "let's just say that I wasn't looking for the information and I came across it."

"Brooke! You're killing me here! That's all I'm getting? I'm not going to judge you, why can't you be together?"

"Qui—"

"Is he a felon running from the law?" she asked, leaning forward onto the counter.

"No—"

"Is he married," she asked wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

I was about to answer when she winked.

"Brooke you bad girl!"

There was no point denying it now. Quinn was too intuitive and I was too bad of an actress.

"It's not like that," I defended.

"So he didn't promise you love, a future, all to take place when he ditched his terrible wife?"

"Ok can we not talk about this please," I snapped, unable to help it.

Quinn wasn't wrong and that was what bugged me more. Hearing her say the truth in a different way to me cheapened the whole situation and I didn't like this new angle. It reminded me that this was the angle that everyone else would surely see.

"Ok, I'm sorry," she said, "don't be mad. I don't know enough to throw my two cents in."

"No, it's not your fault," I said, "it's just this huge thing for me—"

"Seriously no need to explain," she said, holding out her hand, "so he ditched his wife then?"

"I guess," I said.

"And he hasn't contacted you?" she asked.

"No," I said.

"Then he's an asshole," Quinn said.

"Quinn…."

"Look I know he did what he told you he'd do but any guy that would leave your hot ass waiting isn't worth waiting for," she said and I laughed.

"See a smile!" she said.

"Thanks Quinn," I said.

"Now come on, get through this day and come meet me for cocktails, first round's on me," she said.

"I thought you said dinner," I said.

"Who said dinner has to be solid food?" she winked.

xxxxx

_Flashback _

_Brooke POV _

"_You want these here?" Lucas asked, putting a box of books and DVD's on the ledge._

"_Yeah, thanks," I said, "just on that shelf."_

_Lucas opened the brown box and began transferring everything onto the red shelves on the back wall._

"_This is the best day ever! I can't believe you're moving here!" Peyton said, "We're all back together again! It's great!"_

"_Yeah it really is," I said, unable to keep the smile off my face. As I looked up though from the box I was going through my eyes met Nathan's instead of Peyton's. He was looking back at me with a smile equally as big._

"_You're not even far from where we are, it's just a few stops over," Luke said._

"_We can see each other all the time!" Peyton said._

"_Yeah, it's going to be great," Nathan said sounding casual but the glint in his eye said a thousand words._

_He picked up the wrapped photo frame and carried it into the next room, winking as he went past._

"_It's so lucky you managed to find a place so soon," Peyton said, "You only heard about work, what? Last week?" _

"_Yeah, I said, Nathan helped though," I said._

"_Yeah I think he just didn't want you to change your mind," Luke laughed._

"_I have jewelry," Peyton said._

"_Here, don't lift that, I'll got it," I said, going up to where she was and picking up the box to take into the bedroom. It was heavier than I realized, and I made a mental note to never buy any more jewelry for as long as I live._

_Peyton and Luke's voices got quieter as I rounded the corridor into the bedroom and put the box on the bed to deal with later. I took off my hoodie whilst i was here, getting warm with all the unpacking. I left it on the bed with the box and headed back out to help._

"_Brooke what do you want for lunch?" Peyton called._

"_I could go for pizza," Luke said._

"_I'm sick of pizza," Peyton said._

"_Bit late to be sick of pizza, we live in New York," Luke told her laughing._

"_I want Chinese, Brooke? Tie break?" she asked._

"_I—" I began, but stopped when I felt a grip of my arm and I was pulled into the kitchen._

_Nathan grabbed me before I could fall and held me tight against, pressing me up against the fridge._

"_What are you doing?" I laughed quietly._

_He kissed me deeply, and I felt the fridge rock behind me._

"_They're in the next room," I giggled, as his hands slipped around my wait. As much as I was protesting we both knew I didn't want to leave. I felt lighter than air right now, and the happiest I had been in a long time. Right now everything seemed easy and possible. _

"_I couldn't help myself," he breathed into my neck. Nathan too sounded more playful than he'd ever sounded, like he'd hit my cloud of happiness. We both knew this was only the start but this was it now. We were doing this and we were happy._

"_Well then try a little harder," I said moving toward the door with him still holding onto me, trying to get me to stay. _

"_But you're right there looking all flustered and –" he said in between kisses._

"_Yeah that's called being sweaty not sexy," I said giving in and kissing him back._

"_I beg to differ," Nathan said against my lips._

"_Brooke? Pizza or Chinese?" Peyton yelled, thinking I was still in my room, so her voice was louder, shocking me as I realized she was right on the other side of the wall._

"_I have to go," I whispered, pushing on Nathan's chest._

_He grabbed me tightly, and kissed me hard, taking all the breath out of my lungs. With Nathan holding me up, my body didn't feel the need to try and take another, knowing he'd keep me safe._

_At the last second he pulled away sharply._

"_What are you doing?" I asked, him, feeling the air hit my skin as I lost contact._

"_You're right, we should go," he said so casually I could have sworn he was just doing something menial like making a sandwich._

"_I vote pizza," Nathan said coolly, leaving the kitchen and a flustered me alone in there._

_I took a deep breath, and fixed my clothes. I grabbed a bottle of water and took it with me into the living room, sipping as I went in._

"_I'm with Peyt," I said._

"_I'm starting to think having you around just messes everything up," Nathan said, "it messes up the whole voting system."_

_I shrugged innocently, "I can't help it if I have a craving for sweet and sour chicken now can I?"_

_Nathan immediately met my eyes and smirked._

"_I don't think we're going to get that pizza or Chinese," Peyton said._

"_Why not?" I asked, "You want something else?"_

"_Yeah__…__a hospital."_

_All three of us looked up as she said that._

"_I think I just went into labour."_

Xxxxxxx

Present day

Nathan POV

"Well I'd say shit's truly hit the fan," Haley said, her hands on her hips.

"Yeah but we knew it would," I said, glancing at the assortment of various magazines she's laid out on the living room floor, "I don't even know why you bought all of these."

"To see what they're saying!" Haley said, turning around to pull a face at me.

"We know what they're saying…that we're getting a divorce," I pointed out obviously.

"Yeah that's for that Nathan, very helpful," she said, taking a huge step over the mess to get to the kitchen.

"I'm just saying we knew the press would have a field day! It's their job! They search for scandals and we pretty much handed them one on a platter," I said.

"It doesn't mean that it's easy," she said putting some juice in a plastic cup, and putting it in front of Jamie, who was happily watching TV, oblivious to his mothers highly stressed out state.

"Yeah I know, I'm not trying to take away from that," I said, "they hound me every time I walk out that door too."

"Then why are you so cool about all of it? You're not even fazed!" Haley asked.

"Because I know as sucky as it is, we did the right thing," I replied.

Haley sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"We need to forget about them and get on with what we have to do," I said, "we should meet the lawyer again."

"Yeah ok, I'll get someone to check my schedule," she said.

"Ok," I said, "let me know."

"I've got a headache, I'm gonna go lie down," she said, "you ok watching Jamie?"

Haley began gathering up the magazines.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna do a bit more," I said nodding to my laptop, "and then I'll put him to bed."

"Ok," she said disappearing.

Jamie was walking around the coffee table, stepping over my legs as though I wasn't there, his eyes on the television. Haley had left one magazine behind and I reached over to pick it up before he slipped.

I turned it over and put it on the table beside me, so the shiny faces of Haley and I were on the front cover with a cartoon rip separating our images. It still shocked me how invested people were in lives that felt like ours. I was prepared for the backlash but I didn't expect it to be this high profile and far reaching. The fact Haley was pregnant made this all the more interesting. The stories varied as different people took different angles but the message was clear.

There was no question of whether Brooke had heard or seen. Unless she's gone to outer space there was no way she'd been able to avoid the news—hell I had even heard they had internet in space now. Part of me was glad the media circus constantly posted wherever I went because I knew the news would get to Brooke. I hadn't messaged her again, knowing she didn't deserve for me to throw this at her half composed. I'd been giving her little bits for a long time and it was time she got the whole thing handed to her with the key. We were on the road to fixing this and I felt like I was better within myself but I wasn't whole enough to be good enough for her yet.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't slightly disappointed she hasn't contacted me either hearing the news. I liked to think she got my emails but truthfully I had no way to know she was even reading them. I continued writing them because in a way it made me feel better to believe and hope I was expressing my thoughts to her in some way.

I tried to ignore the voice inside my head that told me that she hadn't contacted me because she didn't want to be with me. It was too late. I knew Brooke hadn't left to blackmail me into taking the step of officially divorcing Haley, she would never do anything like that. Not once in this whole situation had Brooke ever told me to directly do anything. I had done what I had to now though but maybe she had had enough of the years of promises it would work out and didn't even want to try anymore.

Even if this was the case, I wouldn't change anything. Haley and I weren't meant to be together despite whether Brooke was in the equation or not. This was something that was the right move for everyone.

I just had to hope that I still had Brooke in my corner.

"Nathan!"

I turned around so I could see the staircase where I heard Haley's voice yell from.

"What?" I asked.

"We gotta go! Peyton's in labour!"

xxxxx

Brooke POV

"Hello?" I asked, holding a glass of ice to my forehead.

Quinn had taken this whole girls night out thing to a new level. Never again will I believe her when she claims we're just going for a quick drink. I had barely made it into work today, and my shift started at 3pm at that.

"Hi, could I speak to Brooke Davis please?" a smooth voice said.

"Speaking," I replied, and instantly regretted. I wasn't in the mood for a sales call.

"Hi, my names Georgia Phillips," she said.

"Ok," I said, throwing a towel at Chase who was laughing at my suffering.

Quinn rolled her eyes at chase, and took a big bite of her burger. She herself had just decided to take the whole day off work.

"I'm a friend of Marisol," she continued, "she gave me your number, I hope that's ok?"

"Marisol?"

"You redesigned her wedding dress," she said and suddenly my brain started working.

"Oh right sorry, yes," I said.

"I was at her wedding and I saw it first hand and it was beautiful!" she said.

"Oh, thank you," I said, surprised that she'd gone to the trouble of calling me to tell me that.

"I know you're probably really busy, I mean people do this well in advance," she rambled, "but I was wondering if I could book a consultation with you?"

"A consultation?"

"I'm getting married in six months and am struggling to find a dress I like. I was wondering if you could design a dress for me," she said, "if there was any way you could squeeze me into your schedule it would make my day!"

I was speechless, and Quinn stopped eating long enough to mouth 'what?'.

"Umm…"

"Please… I would love to have my own Brooke Davis wedding dress," she said, "I would fly you out to New York to meet me and everything."

"Is it ok if I call you back?" I asked her.

"Of course!" she said.

She read out her number to me and I noted it down on a napkin before hanging up.

"Who was that?" Quinn asked.

"A friend of the girl whose wedding dress I did. She wanted to book a consultation to do hers," I said.

"Oh my god! That's amazing!" Quinn said.

"She thinks I'm some great designer! This isn't even my job, I give people their drinks in a bar," I pointed out.

"Brooke you did great at the dress you did a few days ago, why shouldn't you say yes, the capability is evidently there," she said.

"It's not what I planned," I said, "the website is failing drastically—"

"Sometimes plans don't always work out," Chase said, "this place was meant to be a restaurant you know."

"But guys, this is like a huge thing. I would feel like I'm cheating her. She's expecting an experienced great designer and there's me."

"Honey please, she saw her friends dress and decided you're who she wants. She knows who she's getting," Quinn said.

"She said she'd fly me out to New York to meet her," I said.

"Wow, she clearly wants this," Quinn said.

"I don't know, I mean it's far," I said.

Chase snorted, "Brooke it's not the olden days, you don't have to take a boat and travel for months, you'll be there in less than two hours!"

"Mmmm," I said as Chase rounded the corner to get something from his office.

"You lived there it's not like a foreign place," Quinn pointed out.

Quinn saw the look on my face.

"Oh. That's precisely why you don't want to go," she said, "It's 'him' isn't it…"

"I don't know," I said.

"You know New York's a big place. You're not going to run into him. And plus you can't spend your life avoiding the city. That's ridiculous."

It did sound ridiculous.

"And here you have a great opportunity and you're not going to take it because of that?"

"Ok stop making me sound irrational," I said.

"Then be rational," Quinn said, "Brooke if you don't go I will literally knock you on the head."

"Ok ok, I'll call her back," I said.

"You're going then?", Chase asked, coming back.

"I think so…I guess I'm going to New York," I said, trying to convince myself.

I wasn't so much worried that I would run into Nathan, I just doubted my own ability to keep hold of the progress I thought I'd made being away. I knew being that close I'd just want to go find him, and I shouldn't. His lack of contact had shown that.

I swallowed hard as I dialed the number I'd copied down. I just had to believe in myself and go take this job. I had this. In essence this was a good thing going for me and I couldn't turn it down.

"Hi Georgia? It's Brooke Davis," I said, "I can make it to New York."

xxxx

Nathan POV

"Wow, she's tiny," I said, looking down at baby Scarlett in my arms.

It was so strange to think Jamie used to be this little too.

"You're going to have another one this size on your hands soon," Peyton said sleepily.

"Mmmm," I tried to avoid this conversation.

"Sure you don't want to hold out and see how it goes?" She asked, "There's no expiration date on a divorce."

"Peyton," I warned.

"Ok, ok, but you know what I'm rooting for," she said.

"I can't believe you have two kids," I said, "Is Sawyer on her way?"

"Yeah Karen's bringing her over now," Peyton said, "I called Brooke too to let her know but her number's still out of service."

Peyton sounded sad at the thought that she couldn't share this with Brooke and I felt the guilt sink through me. This was massively my fault and I wanted to tell her that but I couldn't.

"I guess she just didn't want to be around us," Peyton said.

She didn't sound like she was being resentful, and more like she believed Brooke had something going on but I knew it was only a matter of time before she saw Brooke leaving as selfish and I didn't want that to happen.

"I emailed her, and get this I even called her parents too," Peyton said.

"You did?"

"Yeah they didn't even know she wasn't here, they said they hadn't spoken to her in a long time," she said, "What kind of parents do that? No wonder Brooke has major issues when it comes to commitment."

Once again the conversation topic hit home but I was again rendered unable to say anything.

"Maybe she had other things going on," I said.

"Yeah but a single Brooke who isolates herself—even you have to admit that's not her MO," Peyton said, "although she's been like this for a few years…who's to say this is her now."

I gently rocked Scarlett as she dozed in my arms, and I thought about how right now she was a blank canvas with no baggage. It was amazing how we all started out like that and somehow ended up cluttering up our lives making them more complicated. I wonder if it was ever possible to go back to the way we were.

"Nate, can I ask you something?" Peyton asked me.

"Sure," I said.

"You and Brooke are friends, should we be worried? Should we have figured that something was wrong? I know Haley said it's just Brooke being Brooke but I just can't believe she'd up and go without a word," Peyton said, " I can't help but feel I should have been a better friend and reached out to her more."

I bit my lip softly, and gently placed Scarlett back in the glass cot.

"I think Brooke loves us," I said, " and she knows that we love her."

"You really haven't heard from her? I know we've drifted a bit but if anyone was going to hear from her it would be you I think."

I shook my head, "first sign that I get that she's ok I'll let you know. But I wouldn't worry, Brooke's strong, she always has been."

"I know, thanks," she said.

Just then the door opened and Luke and Haley came back with coffee and snacks.

"Ahh she's asleep? I was hoping to get my cuddle in," Haley said.

"Yeah she fell asleep in Nathan's arms, he's so good at that. I remember how Jamie used to fall asleep instantly too," she said.

"Is Jamie coming?" Luke asked.

"Yeah he's with Karen too. God knows how she's managing to keep all three of them," Haley said then turned to me, "Actually we're probably have to go help them get up here, the press know we're in here so will be waiting for Jamie to arrive."

"Yeah," I said sighing.

I knew they wouldn't get bored any time soon but at private moments like this it was frustrating.

Just then my phone started buzzing in my pocket.

"It's probably work I should take this," I said, "I'll call Karen when I'm out there and check where they are."

"Ok," the others called after me.

I left the hospital room and walked down the corridor before answering to the office.

"Julia, hi," I said.

"Morning sir," she said, "I know you said you're out the office this morning but I just spoke to Mr Evans who said it's time sensitive."

"Yeah that's ok, connect him," I said.

"Ok sorry again," she said before the connection went through.

"Clay?"

"Mr Scott!" he said, and I could hear the excitement in his voice.

"Nathan, please," I said like I had many times before.

"I just wanted to let you know that Quentin Fields, the player I wanted you to meet? He's got a game this weekend if someone wanted to catch it, or I can send a tape, or—"

I could hear the eagerness, but I liked it. In a way he had the passion that a young player needed to help get him where he needed to be. The fact Clay pushed so hard on behalf of someone else, I admired that.

"Ok, yeah we can definitely work that," I said.

"Really?" Clay said, "that's great!"

"Actually, hold on a second, " I said thinking of what I had planned the next few days. I didn't usually do the initial visit myself but space from the craziness of New York might actually be what I needed. Between work, the press, work and the press—I was going insane.

"Let me speak to my secretary and move a few things around but I reckon I can make it. When's the game again?"

"Wait you yourself would come?" he asked sounding shocked.

"Would you prefer I didn't?" I joked.

"No!" he suddenly yelled, making me realize he thought I was serious, "It would be incredible for you to come. We can work through everything, I can even show you some more of my boys, we can—"

"Clay, take a deep breath," I said, "one thing at a time."

"Right ok," he said, and I actually heard him take a long breath.

"Ok so let me speak to my secretary and you send her the details," I said, "We're d'you say you were based again?"

"It's North Carolina but it's this tiny town, I'll send all the information to your assistant. It's called Tree Hill."

**A/N: Okkkk tell me all your thoughts****…****. I guess not much happened in this chapter but then again a lot did at the same time. **

**Key Note: the Flashbacks are done now****…****everything will not be present day! So that also means the story will get faster now and pick up. We're getting there guys! **


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